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IT’S CLEAR LIFE experiences shape how we behave. But what role does temperament—the innate personality traits embedded in our DNA—play in how we navigate our personal and financial lives?
I began exploring my personality in my mid-40s. Amid a midlife crisis, I wanted to better understand why I act the way I do. I was recently divorced, living alone for the first time and determined to do some in-depth self-reflection.
I was aware my personality was the result of both inborn and environmental influences. Studies estimate 30% to 60% of human personality is heritable. I began to reflect back on my childhood to examine the behaviors I still have as an adult.
The most obvious lifelong trait I possess: my desire to spend time alone. In elementary school, I spent far more time reading than I did playing with other kids. I was happiest when I could sit in the corner of a room surrounded by a pile of books. When I wasn’t reading, I was writing. I frequently gifted handmade books filled with stories and poems I’d penned to my parents and teachers.
As a teenager, I was quiet and nerdy. Other girls my age enjoyed having sleepovers and reading Seventeen. I preferred to hang out with my farm animals and spend my allowance on issues of Dell Pencil Puzzles & Word Games.
In college, I spent my days in class and my nights studying. I was more interested in getting good grades than partying. I struggled to make small talk with my peers but enjoyed having in-depth conversations with my professors.
In my 30s and 40s, I frequently felt out of place. I wasn’t interested in climbing the corporate ladder, networking or socializing with coworkers. Working in laboratories meant I never earned a six-figure salary. But I did it so I could spend the better part of a 30-year career working in solitude.
In 2012, the book Quiet was published. Reading it, I began to understand how and why my introverted personality affected the way I viewed the world. It’s also helped me understand why I may feel so content in retirement.
HumbleDollar is filled with the life stories of retirees. It can feel overwhelming to read about the many issues they face. To move or stay put? To spend money on experiences or save for the future? To travel the world or stay closer to home?
Not even two years into my own retirement, I’m still a novice at navigating my post-work years. But the longer I spend in retirement, the less I seem to worry. I’ve come to realize that the lifestyle my husband and I have adopted plays a large role in keeping us stress-free.
We prefer quiet to chaos. To be sure, having four, large working-breed dogs sharing our home means some chaos is inevitable. But our ultra-simple way of living helps maximize the amount of peacefulness we have each day.
When we sold our house in Oregon and moved to Arizona, we left most of our furnishings behind. We have no dining room table. We have no sofas, coffee tables or curio cabinets filled with knickknacks. The floor space is mostly open, sans the eight or nine dog beds randomly distributed among the rooms. I appreciate the simplicity. It’s easy on the eyes and easy to keep clean.
Our days are filled with the activities we enjoy. For me, reading, writing and tackling small home improvement projects often keep me busy for a few hours each day. My husband spends time each morning meditating, studying history and working out.
Most days also include a bike ride or walk around our neighborhood. At least a couple of hours is spent training and playing with our dogs. A trip to one of the grocery stores in our community is sometimes the only time we get into a car. Dinner is followed by spending a couple of hours streaming the TV shows, movies or mixed martial arts fights we enjoy watching.
Our finances are equally simple. Our income is automatically deposited each month and our bills are automatically paid. Our retirement investments sit in just a handful of accounts. Our income is low enough we don’t feel compelled to find ways to minimize our tax burden.
Any large expenditures we make are based more on practical considerations than aesthetics. Our kitchen is straight out of the 1980s. But the cabinets are in great condition and the appliances all work. Rather than spending money to replace items that are still functional, we chose instead to have 4,000 square feet of artificial turf installed in our backyard. The joy we get watching our dogs romp and play in our personal dog park is far greater than the pleasure we’d get from admiring a new cooktop.
For me, retirement isn’t all that different from childhood. There have been very few other times when life felt relatively carefree. These days, I solve puzzles on my phone, rather than in a magazine, and I write my life stories using a Chromebook, not a notebook. The quiet life isn’t for everyone. But it suits me just fine.
Kristine Hayes Nibler retired in 2022, and she and her husband now live in Arizona. She enjoys spending her time reading, writing and training their four dogs. Check out Kristine’s earlier articles.
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Kristine,
Never in my lifetime have I ever been accused of being an introvert. As one of the folks responded to you, if there is a spectrum from introvert to extrovert, you and I are most likely on opposite sides of the spectrum. That being said, however, I have always enjoyed “alone time.”
Reading, whether online, on my iPad or Kindle, or with a “real” book, is very enjoyable for me. I especially enjoy it when home alone.
My wife and I celebrate our 50th anniversary this June, and we have often remarked, even though we are in opposite sides of the house, that is enough “togetherness” for us. We do not need to be side by side to feel loved. We like being alone, together. Ha!
One thing I am now questioning, after reading your article, is whether or not I really want more friends. I have been considering relocating to a 55+ community in order to be able to be more social and make new friends with whom to enjoy activities. Since 2015, and at other times in my career, I have worked from home, so socializing at work was never a thing for me. I would like to have some male friends however, to shoot with (I am a gun enthusiast) to ride my Harley with, and to spend time with just talking, since my bride has no interest in history, finance, military issues, etc. which are things I have an interest in. But after reading your article, it occurs to me that I don’t need those new friends to be happy.
Many others are welcoming you back to HD, but this is the first of your articles I have read. I can see why you were missed.
Kevin–thanks for the kind and thoughtful comment.
Congratulations on your upcoming 50 year anniversary! That’s quite a milestone.
Since you are new to my HD writings, you may not know that my husband and I live in a 55+ community. After living here full time for two years, I can tell you it’s a lovely place for BOTH extroverts and introverts.
The extroverts here have enough activities to keep them busy 24/7. There are clubs and concerts and sports groups. There are dances, concerts and movie nights. If one wanted to do a group activity every day and every night, you would have plenty of options.
One reader questioned why an introvert like me would want to live in such an environment. The beauty is that attending all those social activities is optional. Should I ever decide I wanted to participate, I certainly could. So far, the urge hasn’t hit me, but perhaps one day it will.
In the meantime, my husband and I love the quiet, small town feel of our community. We both appreciate that the loudest sound we hear most evenings is the hooting of an owl or the howling of a coyote.
It’s funny that your interests align closely with the things my husband and I enjoy. We spent many years doing competitive pistol shooting. My husband has always had an interest in history and the military (he’s a former Marine) and he’s helped me develop an interest in those subjects as well.
I have no doubt you would make a number of new friends should you choose to relocate to a community like ours!
Thanks again for your comment!
Best,
Kristine
I loved reading every word of this – thank you. We are so much alike. It’s nice to know there are others like me out there, as I’ve felt out of place and the odd duck most of my life.
I especially admire how you chose to simplify so much in retirement, from daily life to finances.
It does my heart good to know this article has resonated with at least a few HD readers!
I think, as an introvert, it’s easy to feel out of place. I also think (fear?) many introverts question their own happiness–I know I used to. In a world where extroverts are the ones everyone ‘sees’, it can feel like the only way to achieve happiness is to be socially active.
I remember watching Friends back in the 90’s. I wondered why I wasn’t like the characters portrayed in the show. They seemed so blissfully happy. I wondered why I preferred to spend my days reading and writing and taking long solitary walks with only my thoughts to keep me company. I felt happy, but from what I saw on the television, I couldn’t possibly be.
These days I no longer question my own happiness and level of contentment. I realize, instead, that a television show featuring someone who takes long solitary walks, reads and writes, wouldn’t have a very large audience.
Thanks for your comment–it made my day!
Not necessarily introvert related, but a brief tangent: have you ever noticed another unsubtle societal pressure? Despite many child-free (by choice) singles and couples, very few TV series ever allow any female characters to remain child-free. Most popular female characters, by a show finale, are married with kids or pregnant. The only exceptions I can think of: Lt. Houlihan MASH, Mary Tyler Moore Show and Seinfeld.
Even Big Bang – my favorite nerd show: 2 of the 3 females specifically stated they didn’t want kids – yet all three were happy moms or planning to be by the finale. Sigh.
That’s an interesting observation. My husband and I don’t watch many network tv shows so I haven’t noticed that trend with regards to recent shows.
What I have noticed–on a personal level–is how many women of my age (57) chose not to raise any children. And many of those who did, only raised one.
I do remember reading this study from a few years ago. My favorite quote from it: “Life without children is simply much more stable,” Glass says.
This is an article that makes one really think. Social network as a need for happy retirement is well documented. As always, there are exceptions. In my case, I was an introvert, but slowly transformed over the years to be comfortable in various settings. I am learning something new from others everyday in my retirement community. That is the biggest benefit I see.
Thanks for your comment. I do question why so much emphasis is put on having a substantial social network in retirement in order to achieve ‘happiness’. If one has been happy throughout their life–while maintaining a very small social network–why would this be different when they are older?
It sounds like you’ve made a nice transformation from introvert to ambivert. Learning from others is a wonderful skill!
I’m so glad you’re back on HD, Kristine! We introverts in what is so noticeably an extrovert world need to know we’re not defective. While I never felt that way, myself, I was pleased to find confirmation about introversion in Marti Olsen Laney’s 2002 book The Introvert Advantage. Then I shared with my colleagues extracts of the teaching-related portions, especially about how to help introverted students participate more effectively and comfortably in class. I was responding to a colleague’s mentioning that a parent had been upset when all the child’s teachers had (in what sounded like criticism, not encouragement) said the child needed to speak up more in class. My extroverted colleagues needed the wake-up call, and several of my introverted colleagues said they felt validated for the first time ever.
On another note, I thought I wanted to be married but soon realized marriage was not for me: I needed far more alone time. (We parted amicably.) Now that I’m at a CCRC, where group activities are constantly encouraged, I became a charter member of our introverts group. Initially we formed the group to provide visible support to residents who were feeling unwanted pressure to be more extroverted. We meet monthly for lunch in a separate dining room and monthly for a Zoom call, each of which is attendance-optional. We always get a chuckle when one of our group wears the “Introverts, Unite!” or similar T-shirt. Beyond that, my primary form of socializing has turned out to be helping a resident individual or couple solve their tech problems — one or two people at a time, perfect!
And finally, I’ve been curious for a while about whether introverts tend to prefer a lower stocks/bonds ratio in their portfolios. I retired with a 30/70 mix in 2021 and have been following Wayne Pfau’s recommended rising glide path. The portfolio is now nearing 40/60. After adding Social Security and a SPIA I have my fixed expenses almost covered, so my withdrawal rate is about 2% (I reinvest the leftover portion of my RMD), and in 2034 a QLAC will kick in.
Thanks again, Kristine. Please keep sending in those stories.
1PF: two of my family members (both introverts) had to go into assisted living. It was AWFUL how they were pressured and shamed into socializing – it made them miserable.
The facility believed that high levels of socialization were essential to good health and actually had firm rules that every resident MUST be out in the common areas all day, every day – and dine in the public dining room every day for breakfast and dinner. These were noisy tables for 8-10.
They were not allowed to dine in their room or anywhere else alone or with just one other person unless family was visiting or they were sick.
They would literally be kicked out if they didn’t follow these rules. I am not kidding. All the other facilities had similar rules. All because too many “experts” decided that socialization (fake or real) had to be forced upon people.
This was just a decade ago – we still have a long way to go as a society in understanding and accepting introversion – especially in senior populations at community facilities.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
I always hated having to answer questions aloud in class or, even worse, was having to read aloud. And group assignments? Please, no.
Your comment made me think about how frequently the ‘need’ for having an active social life comes up in regards to retirement. Why does one need any more active social life in retirement as compared to any other time in their life? I suspect the studies that are done to research that subject may include more extroverts than introverts.
You comment about introversion and portfolio structure is a great one. I have always tended to be very conservative when it comes to investing my money. I have a very low risk threshold. I will always lean towards taking a guaranteed return over a variable one.
Great article Kristine. I think of introversion-extroversion as a spectrum, rather than a dichotomy. I also think the extremes of both ends of the spectrum may be related to anxiety disorders for some, but certainly not all. Much food for thought. “Know thyself”– Socrates
Yes–I agree there is a spectrum of introverts-extroverts. I recently heard the term ‘ambivert’ to describe people with both introvert and extrovert tendencies. I am full-on introvert, for sure.
Thanks for your comment.
My heart almost skipped a beat seeing that Kristine Hayes had returned to the HD fold with this lovely article. Goodness, your thoughtful, humble insights were missed by this HD reader, my friend!
Judging by the sheer number of reader comments, you clearly struck a chord with with your “introvert” theme. Have others readers needed by necessity to don the mask of the extrovert professionally, only to find themselves counting down the days leading to retirement and a safe return to the refuge / comfort of their introverted youth? That introverted “inner child” never goes away for many. Rather, it’s lying in wait (patiently) for permission to resurface.
Side-note: I still find myself holding my breath a bit as I peruse HD reader comments on your articles. It evokes memories of witnessing my older brother and my own daughter having animated discussions during thanksgiving dinners of years past. They clearly both cared about each other, but radical differences between the two of them in personality, life outlook and communication style made for some rather interesting holiday dinners for the rest of us seated at the table.
Anyway, welcome back, Kristine – and please keep these HD articles coming!
Thanks for your kind words and insights. Being an introvert in an extroverted world can feel difficult at times. I know when I was younger, I didn’t understand why I wasn’t like most of the other people I knew.
As a child and teenager, there’s a lot of pressure to be ‘popular’. Peer pressure runs rampant. I never understood why I preferred solitude to the active social schedules my peers had. It made me feel out of place and odd.
College was a turning point for me. I could immerse myself in my studies and only rarely–when assignments had to be done in pairs or groups–did I find myself dreading the work.
By the time I was an adult, I’d accepted I just didn’t enjoy hanging out with most people. The ones I dreaded the most were the ones who spent hours droning on about people and subjects I had no interest in. To this day, I cannot understand people who can talk, non-stop, for hours on end. I probably speak fewer words out loud in a year than most people do in a month.
Thanks again for your comment.
Amen Kristine. I’m with you there. Enjoying the simple things in life, having a basic daily routine, and living the quite life makes for a very content retirement.
Thanks for your comment. I couldn’t agree more. My husband and I both thrive by having our daily routines and living simply and quietly.
Always enjoy your articles as there is something I can relate to.
I’m reminded of my high school album with a quote below my picture -“In quietness is his strength.” I do more listening and reading than talking.
Apparently my high school class knew me better than I did. Although I have read all the HD articles over the last 3-4 years, I don’t comment much as my quietness seems to be my strength.
Thanks for your comment. I too am a listener more than a talker. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I suspect I speak fewer words out loud in one year than many people do in one month. The only time I truly enjoy speaking is when I’m talking about one of my ‘passions’.
This is great stuff, Kristine- thank you SO MUCH for sharing! I now feel less strange for enjoying the quiet pleasure of my new retirement. I had a very stressful job and career for decades- I now love to work out, read, look after our finances, and watch quality shows. Nice to hear that there are others who like this life!
Thanks Dan. I’m happy my story has resonated with many HD readers.
Looks like all the HumbleDollar introverts have come out. I came to terms with my introversion in 2012 after reading Susan Cain’s “Quiet”. I also recommend “Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen Laney and “Introvert Power” by Laurie Helgoe.
Thanks for the suggestions on introvert reading material!
I love this article. Thank you, Kristine.
Though I love my alone time, I often read how being alone leads to depression, blah blah bad, it’s never-ending. Life is good, I’m not sure if most of the depression articles are well-meaning, or more so just further clickbait.
Thanks for your kind comments. I think there’s a fundamental difference between ‘being alone’ and being lonely. I sometimes think extroverts experience loneliness more than introverts. Someone who thrives (and needs) lots of human interactions would, indeed, probably feel lonely if they were unable to get those experiences. Someone who thrives (and needs) solitude is probably less likely to experience pangs of loneliness. At least that’s how I feel about it…
Totally agree with you. I think us introverts have developed a strong relationship with Me, Myself & I, while extroverts were too busy with trying to build relationships with others to get that true inner peace with oneself.
I’m in complete agreement. I’ve known extroverts who struggled with spending any time alone. Their schedules were booked 24/7. I cannot fathom that kind of life.
Congratulations on your retirement your way. Knowing oneself and being comfortable in your own skin are important and you have achieved that.
Thanks Jerry. I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier than I do now.
Kristine, your comment about being stress-free in retirement and spending time alone struck a chord with me.
During my adult working years, I could recall the feeling of being happy-go-lucky in my childhood. I never had to worry about paying bills, meeting deadlines, or social status. The kids in the neighborhood, being in close proximity, naturally became friends. We all played together, swapped baseball cards, built forts, and played stickball with an old broom handle and a Spalding rubber ball. On weekends, deciding how to spend my day was the biggest decision I had to make after waking up in the morning. Sure, I had chores to do but, after about an hour or so, it was off to the races.
Unfortunately, after I left elementary school and went on to junior high school, those happy-go-lucky days never returned. Suddenly, social status became a driving force. I was worried about how I was perceived by others, wearing the right clothes and feigning interest in popular things that really held no attraction for me. In short, I was forced to appear to be “cool” because that was what you were expected to do if you wanted to have friends.
Now in retirement, I hear about the need for an active social life to ward off loneliness and isolation. But, like you, I’m also an introvert who finds that being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. I also read a great deal and often joke that I have lots of friends, but not all of them are living. That is, by reading alone, I can share thoughts with some of the greatest minds in history rather than attend social functions and listen to endless gossip.
A stress- and worry-free retirement is the closest I can come to returning to those happy-go-lucky days of my youth. It is one of the highlights of my post-working life.
What a wonderful comment! I felt middle school and high school were the most difficult years of my life. I hated that I never really fit into any particular clique.
I love retirement simply because I can be who I am. I don’t have to feign interest in co-workers chit-chat just to be polite. I can stay at home, go out or just play with our dogs. It’s a lovely life.
Kristine, I always enjoy your articles and especially enjoyed this one. As a fellow introvert and lifetime dog lover, I can relate.
I look forward to your future articles on the simple and quiet life you’ve made for yourself. And don’t forget to include the dogs!
Thanks Andrew. The dogs are such a huge part of our lives, it’s almost impossible to write something that doesn’t include them :-).
Another very pleasant read; thanks for sharing! As a fellow introvert it’s good to hear how others also enjoy the simple pleasures of life.
I think introverts are particularly appreciative of finding another introvert. At the very least, they know they won’t be stuck in an hours-long conversation about something they don’t care about :-).
Kristin
Your story struck a nerve in me. I too grew up quiet to the world around me.
I had a very difficult early life at school and at home due to a physical and psychological handicap that I didn’t know how to handle. I missed out on a lot.. a lot in my early years trying to not be noticed. Very painful!
Once I became an adult leaving the home it was either “sink or swim”.
I chose to learn how to swim. I read self-help books and the best thing I ever did was to take the Dale Carnegie basic course on getting along with people and developing self-confidence. And man o man, did I ever take off! I became more of a fun extrovert and have been richly rewarded ever since!
Developing self confidence and a sense of good self esteem was the winning ticket for me!!
What a great success story!
I took a different path to developing self-confidence–I became physically and mentally strong by learning how to shoot guns, doing CrossFit and partaking in some Krav Maga training.
I don’t think I have much of a ‘fun extrovert’ inside of me. If I do, I haven’t found her yet.
Mixed martial arts movies! I laughed out loud, since you’ve described me to a T. Quiet, peace and alone to do what I want to accomplish is the same trait I found in myself. I often wonder why I love watching so-called ‘violent’ shows. I justify it as celebrating victory for the good guys. A pacifist who can defend him/herself but not an aggressive person looking for a fight. But you also have to keep in mind what such a person had to do in order to be able to accomplish that level of skill. Very much like the discipline in saving, investing and being reasonable in everyday living.
As for the financial end of life, I think we always have enough, even when we had so little compare to now in retirement. How much you need is determined by who you are.
I find MMA fighters (or any martial artist practitioner) to be among the most disciplined and strong (mentally and physically) people around.
It’s ok not to goosestep with the rest of the world. One’s individual uniqueness is the willingness to follow the inner voice and be the authentic you; not the carbon copy of the masses. I commend you for the courage to
follow that inner guide because it takes great bravery to create your own destiny while disregarding the noisy crowd. Kudos! Charles Brown.
Thanks for your kind words!
Articles like yours are why I love Humble Dollar…thought provoking and honest. Everything about your choices and preferences made total sense…except the MMA comment you slipped in. I wonder how watching two people brutally harm each other fit into your otherwise simple, peaceful life?
I don’t follow many human sports…really none other than the UFC (mixed martial arts). I have no interest in team sports. I’m not sure if that’s related to my introversion or not.
I enjoy MMA because of the physical and mental strength on display. Combat sports are, in my mind, the ultimate displays of human fortitude. Imagine willingly going into a ring where you know you may get knocked unconscious. What kind of self-esteem do you need in order to do that?
In the midst of my midlife crisis, I yearned to become both mentally and physically stronger. I started doing CrossFit workouts. I learned how to shoot guns (and competed in pistol shooting competitions). I did Krav Maga for several years. It was truly a transformative period in my life.
I don’t see MMA fights as ‘watching two people brutally harm each other’. Most fights are quite evenly matched between the two fighters. I see it as a genuine display of mental and physical prowess.
I will get back to you about the MMA. I can explain it, but it may take a bit to write my thoughts out coherently.
Sorry, re-reading my comment and I am sure it did not come across as intended…I am not being critical, I am genuinely curious. Sorry if it did not come out right (one of my serious flaws!).
Yes, I’m sure it seems out of place to enjoy such a sport, but I can definitely try to explain my fascination (and admiration) of it. I will respond later today.
Another introvert here – thanks for the article. I was fortunate to have an introvert-friendly job that also paid well. During Covid I was immuno-compromised and I spent two to three years quite happily home alone – really alone, no spouse or pet. The library came up with a safe system for borrowing books and I had my computers and TV, although I watch very little. Now I have moved to a CCRC I am sharing an apartment building and campus with a lot of other people, most of them couples in my building. I am being more social, but still prefer to spend time with one to maybe four people rather than a group, and am blocking Sunday as “introvert recharge day”. There are few enough people living alone in my building that we are organizing some events specifically for them (attendance optional!).
I love that you’ve set aside one day to recharge. I also love the idea of ‘attendance optional’ activities.
“(attendance optional!)” — I love that! Sometimes I shy away from getting involved in organized activities because there’s a certain implied commitment to attend that’s incompatible with my introverted personality.
I am the middle kid of 5. The older and younger two had their playmates together while I carved out my life mostly on my own. I am the black sheep and live far away from the rest of my birth family and have a quite different life because of that.
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-to-know-about-birth-order
Amen. My family is half way around the world. And that is far enough for me to live my live the way I want. The squabbles/jealousy and fights are annoying in family.
Welcome back! I love hearing stories about people living their dream. Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile that our own dreams aren’t for everyone else. I guess that’s what makes us humans so unique and interesting.
Spot on! What a boring world it would be if everyone valued the same things!
I too am happy to see you are still writing. As I recall, your articles have always drawn a large number of comments. Not bad for an introvert!
I recall you once hoped to get a fledgling dog training business off the ground. How did that work out?
Don’t stop at 100.
I love reading—and responding to—the comments. The online world is a blessing for introverts!
I taught some classes at a local dog training facility last year. I forgot how much I love teaching—it allows me to interact with people in a way I enjoy. Hopefully I will have similar opportunities in the future.
I will keep writing for as long as I have stories to tell.
Enjoyed the article. When I was 22, a terrible weekend was “nothing to do” and a quiet weekend of no parties. Now, a weekend with nothing on the calendar except reading, walking in the woods, listening to music and working out is a helluva weekend! Life changes throughout the years!!
Indeed! I find so much more value in time these days. It goes by so quickly.
Kristine,
What a wonderful article! Thank you so much for putting into words the way I feel.
You’re welcome! Introverts of the world, unite!
But you are married! I enjoy peace and quiet too, but it is nice to have a spouse around to share things with. I’m the youngest of three children. My brother and sister were both a decade older so it was a lot like being an “only” and that might be why I’m ok with more solitude.
As I understand it, Warren Buffett goes into his office and reads most of the day. Critical phone calls get through to him but mostly he spends the day by himself. My days emulate him that way, but I don’t have the net worth part down, yet.
I hope I didn’t imply I don’t spend time with my husband! We spend every day together, albeit some of the time is spent engaging in different activities.
James Taylor sang that the secret of life was enjoying the passage of time, it seems you have nailed it Kristine. Thanks for such a deeply personal article.
Thanks for your kind comments. I am definitely enjoying the passage of time these days.
Great article Kristine, and it’s nice to hear from you. I’m glad you are enjoying your retirement. My wife was worried when she stopped working, but after a few months she was quite pleased at the peace she felt. She still needs to stay busy and feel useful, but it’s on her terms. I had to chuckle at the thought of nine dog beds spread around the house. I can see where that would lead to occasional chaos.
Your wife sounds a lot like me. I also have the overwhelming urge to stay busy and productive, but, like your wife, it’s all on my terms these days. I can pick and choose the activities I do (or don’t) want to partake in. It’s a radically different life from work.
Kristine, It is great to see that you recognized your personality traits, embraced them, and have become comfortable with your inner soul. Thank you for sharing. I truly enjoy your articles. Please keep them coming!
Thanks for your kind comments. I will try to get back to doing more writing for HD. I find the older I get, the more comfortable I am with who I am.
Thank you, Kristine, for your ode to the simple, structured life. Like you, I retired two years ago and am so grateful for my uncomplicated life and for having the health and financial resources to support it. Learning, doing, exercising, and volunteering offer so much. Travel? The thought of being one among thousands in an airport or on a cruise ship is anathema to me.
We are in the same boat (pun intended) when it comes to travel. I apparently didn’t get the ‘travel bug’. The biggest adventures I’ve taken have been road trips to national parks (Zion, Yellowstone, Glacier) and I thoroughly enjoyed those. The idea of flying on a plane for hours to go somewhere I’m utterly unfamiliar with (and filled with people), just doesn’t hold any appeal to me.
A hint on National Parks in retirement. At 62 one can buy a Senior Lifetime Pass for $80, and only one of a couple needs it as it covers all in the vehicle. Truly a great value!
Yes! My husband has one of those passes. It’s a great value.
Kristine, nice to hear from you. Good for you for being comfortable with your choices and enjoying this time in your life.
Thanks Sonja. I’m glad to be back on the pages of HD.
I enjoy reading the stories of people who march to the best of their own drummer—especially when their drummer doesn’t prompt them to live a lifestyle that can harm others or degrade the planet!
I’ve always been pretty good at marching to my own drum. Peer pressure just isn’t a thing for me.
I thoroughly enjoy the occasional outing with friends. Then I feel an urgent need to revert to my more solitary ways until I “recover” from that sincerely enjoyed event. We all have to find our ratio of introversion vs extroversion.
Yes, I even need to recharge after a lengthy phone call. Social interactions definitely drain my battery pretty quickly.
Kristine, in contrast to Ken’s comment, I remember when you were a regular contributor here. I’ve missed you! In this piece, you left me wondering about those “heritable “ personality traits. Are you following someone who came before you?
I was shocked to find out this was my 95th HD article! I still remember how nervous I was sending Jonathan an email (in January of 2017) asking if he would consider letting me write an article for his website. His Money Guide book was one of my favorite reads when I was educating myself about financial matters.
My father was definitely an introvert–he loved to spend his days building things in his shop. My maternal grandmother was also pretty introverted. She also marched to her own drum like I do.
Just goes to prove that not all retirees need the social connections that are listed in most articles on the necessities for a happy retirement!
Yes! Living in a 55+ community, I’m well aware of the active social life many retirees desire. I also see plenty of introverts walking the streets alone, often deep in thought.
I think it’s as difficult for extroverts to understand the desire for solitude introverts have as it is for introverts to understand why extroverts want to be so social!
Kristine, since your last article was published almost a year ago (around the time I began reading HumbleDollar regularly), I didn’t realize you’ve written almost 100 articles. I plan to spend some quiet time reading some of those earlier articles today, as I really enjoy your writing.
Thanks Ken! Yes, this is number 95 for me! I can’t believe it’s been over seven years since I wrote my first HD article. You will see quite a journey if you go back through all those articles.
Kristine, Of course there is far more to your story than can be shared in a short and public essay. As for me, an only child of very troubled parents (and who was moved around the country often while growing up), books, my dog – and music – were my comforts, too. As an adult, my efforts at “glib and gregarious” have been awkward and have sometimes not ended well.
Still, I’ve become quite persuaded that the ONLY true and lasting form of wealth in a human life is one’s quantity and quality of mutually shared love.
You mention your husband and your dogs (my two dogs are largely the lights of my life these days). Are your spouse and your dogs entirely sufficient for you, do you think? And how do you think my thesis about mutually shared love applies to persons who lean toward introversion?
By the way, two books currently on my nightstand are applicable here – Determined by Robert Sapolsky and Fluke by Brian Klass. These books, I think, describe well how much of what and who we become is due, in short, to millions of random small events and effects of which we’ll never be aware and could never track and put together, anyway!
I can’t wait to look at those books. Sapolsky is well known in the dog training world for his work on dopamine.
I love the book Quiet! After reading it I really started to appreciate myself as an introvert rather than trying to be what the world thinks I should be. For the last 21 years, I have been in a position that is perfect for me and pays well. Many times, when working for previous banks, I felt pressured to be at and volunteer at a lot of community events so that the community would appreciate our brand. In my current position I do very little of that. My employer has a good assessment of me: I’m not a salesman. I’m not extroverted. But I’m very good at analysis and planning. So they let me do that and the board of directors always wants to hear my opinion. As a single person, I plan to travel A LOT in retirement (I already do while working). I love to explore, observe, learn and experience.
Looking back, I’m quite happy I could work at jobs that required minimal human interactions. None of them paid particularly well, but it was worth it to be able to work in solitude.
No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.
Virginia Wolf A Room of One’s Own
Love this!
As you may imagine Kristine, I can’t relate, but you seem to have found your place and your peace and that is what matters.
What I can’t understand is why you chose to live in a huge retirement community in the desert. Given how you describe yourself I would have thought some far less crowded more private community would be your choice.
Not sure why Robert is getting downvotes. He’s just trying to express his thoughts, I don’t think he is denigrating Kristine in any way.
My guess is that you are as extroverted as I am introverted.
I will let you in on a secret: introverts live everywhere. It’s just that you may not see us because we tend to be a pretty quiet group :-).
Actually, believe it or not that is not the case, Kristine. I have taken several personality tests and they all come back introvert – not as you describe yourself, but you would be hard pressed to find a relative or friend of mine who would not describe described me as an introvert. However, I must acknowledge that has eased as I have gotten older- my wife occasionally shudders fearing what I might say to a stranger.
I can’t stand crowds and don’t like large groups, I’ve never joined a club of any kind. I read and write a good part of the day, I draw and I watch documentaries on YouTube.
On the other hand, I like travel and driving long distances. But I have no trouble being alone for periods of time.
I am surprised to hear you are introverted. You frequently mention how you will walk up to strangers and initiate conversations. That is most definitely not something I would ever do.
Being introverted isn’t so much about being able to be alone as much as it is about needing alone time. Extroverts are certainly able to be alone to do tasks like reading and writing. But, unlike introverts, they don’t find themselves exhausted by social interactions.
There’s a lot to be said for a quiet and simple life and I find this more important as I get older. Instead of cluttering my mind, I have been trying to keep it less so. My daily schedule is enough to keep me occupied and in touch. This helps reduce my anxiety something that my family is prone to. Watching my mother as she navigates the later years of life and seeing how my father managed his when he was alive is also helping me prepare for what lies ahead. Thank you for sharing your story Kristine.
Thanks for your kind words Nicholas. I too find that leading a quiet and uncluttered life is more important the older I get.
Kristine your quiet life mimics mine perfectly. I was the same type of kid. I’d go to the library and check out five books, then be back practically the next day for more. I’ve been retired for about eight years. It’s been the happiest time of my life because I can indulge in my need for solitude. I love going for long solitary walks and get so much pleasure from our two dogs and three cats. I enjoy one-on-one interactions so much more than being in a group. I also read the book “Quiet”. It’s good to know that there are others out there just like us. Sometimes I worry about not being “social” enough but your article confirms that we are fine just the way we are, especially if we are happy with our lives.
Sharon–we sound like soul sisters!
Yes, it’s always nice to know there are other content introverts out there. I sometimes think of introverts and extroverts in the context of dogs. People go to dog parks and see dogs frolicking around and assume all dogs must love social interaction. But not all dogs do. There are lots of dogs who would much prefer a quiet walk with their owner to being mobbed by other dogs at the dog park. But it’s the dog park dogs that are easier to notice–they bark and they run and they play. It takes a keen eye to notice all the solitary dogs on their quiet, peaceful, unassuming walks.
So true! For many years we had a beloved Pointer rescue. I walked her daily and any time we came upon another dog walker, her tail would wag a mile a minute and she strained at the leash to go meet and greet the other dog.
So when I took her to a dog park for the first time, I thought she’d be in heaven. Instead, she cowered under the bench I was sitting on the whole time as she fearfully watched all the rambunctious dogs running around like crazy.
I guess she likewise simply preferred one-on-one interactions!