Reverse Hospitality
Edmund Marsh | Oct 12, 2022
IN THE SOUTH, it’s common for a restaurant server or store clerk to refer to me as “sweetie” or “honey.” I’ll often respond by asking, “How did you know my name is Sweetie?” This will usually bring a smile to the face of even a harried worker. Our friendly banter is the worker practicing some of the charm and hospitality that the South is famous for, and me returning the courtesy with “reverse hospitality.” A commercial transaction doesn’t involve just money. Two people are face to face, one looking to serve and the other to be served. There are exceptions, sometimes notable, but most of the time the servers are polite and friendly. They do their best to provide what I want to buy and give me a smile while doing it. I think I have a responsibility to return the favor. Telephone transactions are a little more challenging, but I still try to make it personal with a friendly comment or question like “how’s the weather where you are?” or “do I hear chickens in the backyard?” Am I always patient and diplomatic? No. Sometimes, I’m preoccupied with my own thoughts and needs. I view the person in front of me or on the phone as an obstacle between me and what I want, and I can be brusque. My wife can attest to that. I know, however, that I should give the other person the same courtesy and respect that I want to receive. What does reverse hospitality get me? I can’t say for certain that it puts more money in my pocket. But I also can’t claim that I’m being purely altruistic. If I do plan to ask for a better deal or special service, I’d rather ask it of a new friend. Maybe I can charm…
Read more » Social Security Alert?
Edmund Marsh | Jul 12, 2024
My mother received an email today from "Social Security Administration" warning of "Important Changes to Access Your Social Security Account!" It states that "soon you will no longer be able to sign into your online Social Security account using your username and password." It goes on to say in the future, only a Login.gov or ID.me.account, and ends with a big button that says "Sign In to Your Account." I suspect this is bogus. Has anyone else received a similar email?
Read more » Avoiding Unhappiness
Edmund Marsh | Jan 20, 2023
"DOES MONEY BUY happiness?" That’s one of the questions in HumbleDollar’s Forum section. I hesitate to say that happiness is a commodity we can buy. But studies—and many people’s personal experiences—suggest a lack of money can bring on unhappiness. A recent paper, “Financial Stress and Depression in Adults” by researchers at the University of Birmingham in England, supports this conclusion. The researchers reviewed 40 studies examining the relationship between depression and financial stress, 32 of which were conducted in high-income countries like the U.S., Japan and the U.K. Perhaps it should come as no surprise that research has found that financial hardship—defined as difficulty affording the basic requirements of daily life—can lead to depression. A lack of money to buy food, make rent or pay for medical services could challenge anyone’s happiness. Such a dire situation can force folks to sell assets or ask for assistance so they can purchase necessities. Lest we think this phenomenon is confined to “the other half,” remember the increasing number of adult children in the U.S. who live with their parents because they can’t afford to live independently. The study also found that absolute income didn’t reliably predict the risk of depression. Rather, it was relative income that was a stronger indicator. Our feelings about our finances are tied to how we measure up against our neighbors, according to the research. We are happier hanging out with people who have the same amount of stuff or the same buying power that we have. Debt is a similarly nuanced measure of the risk of depression. Two of the studies examined indicated that debt can lead to better mental well-being if it eases financial stress or assists us in attaining a coveted status. When we borrow to buy a home or business—and pass a background check…
Read more » Holiday Habits
Edmund Marsh | Nov 24, 2024
What creates a family tradition? Why is a certain vacation spot more special than another with the same basic attributes? Why must the family Christmas celebration repeat the annual ritual to seem authentic? Chances are, these events evoke memories of happy times, perhaps shared with loved ones who are long-gone. Traditions often become fixed in our minds as children, when we’re still learning how things ought to be done. We’re entering the season of traditions. In the physical therapy clinic during this time, I routinely ask patients about their own cherished customs. Food is a favorite topic, particularly foods that must make it to the table at the family feast. I especially appreciate responses from patients I know are just a generation or two removed from an immigrant ancestor. I’ll often find someone in the family still preparing grandmother’s signature dish–or wishing they had the recipe. It’s a tangible memory that fills their heart, as well as their stomach. This week, many of us are anticipating some special food as we gather for Thanksgiving dinner. Will we be disappointed? It may depend on who does the cooking. My wife seemed satisfied with her forage among the food offered at her first Thanksgiving with my family–until she had a chance to speak to me alone. “Where are the mashed potatoes?” It seems for her, the meal is incomplete without them. But mashed potatoes were not part of our tradition. Not that we truly had a rigid tradition regarding food. Then, as now, I’ll tuck into whatever is served. I welcome new foods. But given my druthers, a short list of simple fare must also be present. The first is an oven-baked turkey. I won’t turn down your fried or smoked fowl, and I’ll even eat your ham without complaint, but I…
Read more » Priceless Pets
Edmund Marsh | Nov 13, 2023
MY FIRST PET WAS a timid pup called Precious, a moniker inspired by the cartoon character of the same name. My four-year-old self felt an affinity for the runt of the litter, so I quickly picked him out. That sweet, little dog had a nature true to his name. I don’t remember his fate but, in those days, pets ranged free in our little town, and I fear he may have met with some mishap. My second pooch arrived when I was age six, while sitting in my barber’s chair submitting to a haircut. A family friend home from college popped her head through the doorway and asked if I wanted a free puppy. Of course, I did. My mother acquiesced, and we brought him home that day. I christened him Butch, because I thought it sounded tough. Maybe I should have tried something gentler. A few months later, Butch nipped a little girl’s heel and was promptly returned to the original owner. In the years since, other dogs have wobbled or walked into my life, dogs whose only price was the promise of a good home. A few were big dogs with big hearts. A couple were little dogs with even bigger hearts. Each asked for scant more than a kind word and occasional scratch behind the ears, but returned all the love they could lavish. None of these dogs claimed any particular ancestry, and none was especially good looking. Even our present family pet, a Labrador retriever named Lottie, would never win “best of show.” All shared one attractive quality, however: They were free. Apparently, free puppies aren’t as popular as they once were, at least not in some circles. One breeder here in Georgia advertises registered Rhodesian ridgeback puppies for $2,500. Another offers Shetland sheepdogs for the…
Read more » Planning My Time
Edmund Marsh | Mar 29, 2023
GETTING TO RETIREMENT is lazy work for an indexing aficionado. What could be easier than stuffing money every paycheck into an all-in-one target-date index fund? Even building a two- or three-index-fund portfolio takes minimal effort. Actually retiring, on the other hand, feels like a fulltime job. Who knew that spending money takes more thought than earning, saving and investing it? At age 61, I’m faced with important decisions that I want to get right, including which withdrawal strategy to use, whether to buy an annuity, converting to a Roth or not, and what age to claim Social Security. Just when I thought I had this personal-finance thing figured out, I’m discovering that I’ve only just begun to work on the problem. Then there’s the question of what to do with my time. On that score, at least, I think I may be a step ahead of the game. I discovered at an early age that I’m happiest when I’m busy. In my 20s, work devoured every extra hour I was willing to give. I had no need for other pursuits to quench my thirst for industry. Later, as I moved into my present career, and then on to marriage and a family, I learned to keep my work hours within reasonable bounds. I’m still happiest, however, when the hours not consumed by my job are dedicated to endeavors I consider productive and useful. I derive even more joy when others benefit from my efforts. To that end, I’ve found no shortage of people with needs that I can fill. I expect I’ll find the same is true once I’m retired. For example, as a deacon, I help manage the secular needs of my church. Along with the weekly duties that keep Sunday services running smoothly, I share responsibility for budgeting, planning…
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