After Loss, Love Again
Kathleen Rehl | Jul 5, 2025
I belong to a club I never wanted to join: women who have outlived their husbands. Like me, millions of baby boomer women, and now Gen Xers too, will face life without their long-term partner. Thankfully, today’s widows have more choices than our great-grandmothers did. Some of us embrace living solo. Others are surprised to find companionship again, sometimes even love. That next chapter can be sweet, but it's also financially complex. I know this firsthand. Eleven years after my husband died, I remarried at age 71. But before saying “I do” again, my new husband and I worked through a host of financial and emotional questions—just like the ones I now offer below. Money matters more than you might think. A LearnVest survey found that financial issues are more than twice as likely as sex to cause tension in a relationship. Talking honestly about money isn’t just smart—it’s essential. In a study I co-led of over 4,000 widows from around the world, nearly one-quarter had re-partnered—through marriage or long-term relationships. What was their most significant piece of advice? Take your time, talk honestly, and don’t overlook the money questions. Here are 10 to get you started: Have you and your new partner had a discussion about financial matters yet? It’s tempting to avoid tough topics early on, but clarity builds trust. Who pays for what? Will you split expenses according to an agreed-upon method? Use a joint account? Keep finances separate? Where will you live, and whose name is on the deed or lease? Moving in together is exciting, but it's worth considering the legal and financial implications. Will you sell your home or keep it? If you sell, who gets the proceeds? Will you buy something together? What are your partner’s retirement plans? Do you both want to…
Read more » Giving Twice
Kathleen M. Rehl | Sep 22, 2021
MY ANDROID RANG on a sunny Saturday afternoon. The screen said it was from a police station. Hesitating, I took the call. My biracial son came on. “I’m going to jail, Mom. But I didn’t do it.” Instant memories, almost 50 years old, of police guns pointing at my African husband’s head and mine. Wrong profile of an interracial couple. It wasn’t us. Checking IDs, they realized we weren’t the suspects sought. With my son’s phone call, I jumped into mama bear mode, hiring expensive and effective legal counsel to fight the charges against my son. Bottom line: Case dismissed. That incident jolted me into modifying my estate plan. I’m sharing my personal story for readers who also may want to protect and stretch an IRA inheritance for their beneficiaries. Years ago, I named my adult son as the outright beneficiary of my traditional IRA. It seemed like a good idea. But I’ve changed my mind. Here’s why. Over many years and careers, I funded several tax-deferred retirement accounts—a traditional IRA, plus various employer plans. I lived frugally and kept adding money to these accounts until I retired at age 72. That’s when I merged them all (except a Roth IRA and an inherited IRA) into my traditional IRA. Most of my living expenses are covered by Social Security, a small pension and other investments. In retirement, I withdraw only the minimum required annually by law. I don’t ever expect to deplete my now $1.7 million traditional IRA. Indeed, it’s the largest asset I own. As it continues to grow tax-deferred, it’s becoming a taxable ticking time bomb for my son as beneficiary. In addition, if my son suddenly inherits this large IRA, it might be like winning the lottery. He could find it hard to resist sharply increasing his…
Read more » Merging Money
Kathleen M. Rehl | Nov 5, 2018
I TIED THE KNOT again—at age 71. Four years into widowhood, I met Charlie online. Also widowed, he and I began dating cautiously, each respectful of our late spouses and those marriages, as well as our adult children and grandchildren. We also focused on financial and legal issues. We knew from experience, and from research we had read, that financial disagreements can derail love. In an international survey of widows and money, women shared advice about re-partnering: Talking about money matters was essential before remarriage, so as not to be blindsided later. Here are 10 vital questions that Charlie and I used to delve into financial issues before our marriage last August. If you’re contemplating a new relationship, possibly including remarriage, these money talks may also benefit you: How will we make decisions about money, such as spending, saving, handling debt and budgeting? Who pays for what? Will we use, say, a joint credit card or checking account for shared expenses? Will we live together fulltime or keep separate homes? If we live together fulltime, whose place will we choose? Or should we move into a new home? What are our plans for retirement? If already retired, what retirement lifestyle does each of us desire? Will we merge our investments or hold them separately? How will we handle it if one of us earns substantially less than the other or has fewer financial assets? What about health issues and potential costs down the road? How will we navigate those? What financial responsibilities are we willing to take on for our children or aging parents? How do each of us feel about a prenuptial agreement? Communicating honestly about money with your partner can deepen your relationship as a couple. I know it worked for Charlie and me. Observe how your partner deals…
Read more » Not Wired to Retire
Kathleen M. Rehl | Mar 26, 2024
MY HUSBAND SAYS I'LL never retire. He’s right. Now in my 78th year, I have no intention of stopping work altogether to devote myself to round-the-clock leisure. That sounds unappealing, especially since I plan to live well into my 90s, just like my great-grandmother. Most of my friends opted to retire in their 60s. That includes my husband, Charlie. He retired at age 61 after 38 years as a nuclear engineer, all that time with the same company. Following the death of his first wife, Charlie continued to work at his challenging job for several more years, and then decided he was ready to go. Doing the math, he was confident that his pension and substantial savings would be more than enough to sustain his retirement. That was the right decision for Charlie. What about me? I continued my financial planning practice until age 67. But after selling that business, I wasn’t ready to retire. Rather, I shifted to an encore career that involved writing, speaking and doing research on widows, including the financial issues they face and what advisors can do to help them. That soon became a full-time commitment, including giving almost 300 presentations nationwide. I wrote for or was featured in more than 150 related publications. During this six-year phase, I maxed out my retirement savings. I also increased my charitable contributions to my “Moving Forward on Your Own” personal-giving fund, which is managed by the Community Foundation Tampa Bay. I was having too much fun to consider traditional retirement. But as the seasons changed, so did my priorities. It was time for another shift. My stamina decreased, and the allure of constant travel and hotel living waned. I wanted to spend more time with my new husband and the activities I enjoyed in our community. So,…
Read more » Better Than Cake
Kathleen M. Rehl | Feb 22, 2023
ON DEC. 23, 2022, while Santa and his elves were busy loading his red sleigh with gifts, the 117th Congress was putting together some goodies of its own, formally known as the Consolidated Appropriations Act, 2023. Before we rang in the new year, President Biden signed the bill into law. Included in that 1,600-page, $1.7 trillion appropriations measure was a special present for folks like me—the so-called Legacy IRA. This allows me to increase the sum I give to charity and the money I earn on my fixed-income investments, while lowering the income tax I pay. Kind of like having my cake and eating it, too. You might also benefit from this new provision. If you’re age 70½ or older, you can make a once-in-a-lifetime tax-free rollover of up to $50,000 from your traditional IRA to fund a charitable gift annuity (CGA). That $50,000 rollover doesn’t count as taxable income—but it will count toward your required minimum distribution, a must-do for those age 73 and older. You’ll receive fixed monthly, quarterly or annual payments for life based on your age. In most cases, the payout is set by the American Council on Gift Annuities. Income can be payable for life to just you or just your spouse, or to both of you. Over many years and careers, I funded several tax-deferred retirement accounts—a traditional IRA, plus various employer plans. I lived frugally and kept adding money to these accounts until I retired at age 72. That’s when I merged them all, except a Roth IRA and an inherited IRA, into my traditional IRA. Today, most of my living expenses are covered by Social Security, a small pension and other investments. I withdraw only the required minimum distribution each year from my IRA, which—for 2023—will be almost $63,000. Ordinary income tax…
Read more » 10 Ways to Give—Without Writing a Check
Kathleen Rehl | Nov 5, 2025
Editor’s note: Jonathan Clements (1963–2025), HumbleDollar’s founder and a former Wall Street Journal personal-finance columnist, died on Sept. 21, 2025. This piece honors his plain-English approach to money and giving. Jonathan Clements taught us that money is a means to a life that’s human, hopeful, and helpful. One of the best ways to live it out is to give with intention and make an impact. In that spirit—and in this season of thanks—here are 10 ways to support the charitable causes you love without writing a check. 1) Appreciated investments Donate long-term stock, ETFs, or mutual funds. The charity receives the full market value, and you typically avoid capital gains tax (deduction available if you itemize). Ask your custodian for DTC (Depository Trust Company) instructions and the nonprofit’s account name now—mid-December cutoffs are common. 2) Qualified Charitable Distributions (QCDs) from an IRA (age 70½+) Have your IRA custodian send funds directly to a qualified public charity so the gift bypasses your taxable income and can satisfy RMDs. For 2025, the QCD limit is $108,000 per person. Each spouse with their own IRA can make up to that amount. QCDs cannot be transferred to donor-advised funds or private foundations. Complete the DTC/transfer by Dec. 31 and keep the acknowledgment. 3) Fund a donor-advised fund (DAF) with appreciated assets “Bunch” several years of giving into one contribution (often with appreciated shares), then recommend grants over time. Handy in a high-income year (sale, bonus, Roth conversion) when you want the deduction now and grants later. (Reminder: QCDs can’t go to DAFs—see #2.) 4) Beneficiary designations on accounts Name a nonprofit as a beneficiary of IRAs, brokerage, or bank accounts—often a one-page form. Use a percentage, not a dollar amount, so the gift scales with your estate. Verify the charity’s legal name and Employer…
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