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If you could offer your fellow readers one piece of advice that you’re confident would improve their life, what would it be?
To get us rolling, here’s my suggestion: Be generous with others—but do it when they aren’t expecting it. For instance, folks expect to receive gifts on their birthday, so any gifts you give likely won’t seem all that special. What if, instead, you present them with a gift out of the blue? The element of surprise has the potential to make the gift especially meaningful.
Listen more, talk less
Never argue with ignorance, it is an absolute waste of time.
Such wise advice. Now is when we’re able to do it and it feels great, especially when the recipient is at a point in their lives where they are so appreciative.
When you are young, try all types of jobs, get a good education and determine what passion you have, because work lasts about 50 years or so, and you want to do something you really like, and if you can make work FUN, that is a wonderful thing.
I love this idea. In fact my wife and I did exactly that a few weeks ago. Our son in-law is from Myanmar (FNA/Burma). His father has lung cancer and so they decided to visit him in the event he doesn’t have long to live. They were already scheduled to visit Paris for a few days, and so they are planning to work their way from Texas, to France, Brussels Singapore, Thailand, and finally Myanmar. My wife suggested we give them 10K to assist with any travel needs they may have and perhaps help my son in-law with any unexpected medical expenses his dad may have to incur. We were happy to do it and my daughter and son in-law were so thankful for a gift they had not asked for nor expected. We were obviously blessed for having had the opportunity to be generous as Jonathan said when they least expected it.
Very generous of you! I hope your son-in-law’s family is safe in Myanmar after the earthquake.
Always be nice to people, we are on this Earth to help one another out. Esp. people that are mean or arrogant, because only they know why they are that way.
To all the great ideas already posted I would add: Envy and and comparing ourselves to other are losing games. Comparing one’s abilities, appearance, possessions and successes to others seems to be part of the human condition… but we only seem to compare ourselves to those we think are better off.(Psychologists call this upward comparisons..) Instead of envy, be joyful and take delight in the accomplishments of others and appreciate what you have and have done. that way you can’t lose.
Do not settle too early in life, especially with relationship. Late 20s or early 30s will be fine vs. early 20s. It takes time and experiences for us to become mature.
Save early, save often, buy low cost index funds, don’t speculate or day trade, and learn the basics of how to manage your own money. Don’t spend foolishly on things, but don’t skimp on vacations (experiences are forever and life in retirement can be shorter than you imagined).
People are like pins when they lose their heads they become useless.
Success is a matter of doing many small things correctly over many years, and avoiding major mistakes. We all make mistakes, but do your best to think through and avoid the big mistakes. One big mistake can undo years worth of doing small things right. But the most important is that many small correct steps really add up over time. Too many people hope and pray for one big win (like winning the lottery, etc) to undo and correct years worth of small mistakes, but these are very unlikely to occur. This principal applies to all areas of life, whether financial, health, relational, etc.
Practice the Double Win: If I help you win, I win (Dennis Waitley). That is why this is such a great website, it is full for double winners. 🙂
Be kind. To everyone. Regardless of how they might treat you. You will be the one who benefits in the long run.
Follow Jesus.
Follow Benjamin. Lots of Benjamins.🤣🤣🤣
Read a lot.
Per my Dad: be kind to people on the way up. You may be seeing them again on the way down.
Giving before getting.
If the claims of Jesus Christ are factual, your socialization would be entirely against Him (John 15:18-19). Our lives are short. Are you sure what you’ve been exposed to about Him is true? The best challenge to the status quo is this. Don’t miss it.
The foreward states:
The Christianity Lewis espouses is humane, but not easy: it
asks us to recognize that the great religious struggle is not
fought on a spectacular battleground, but within the ordinary
human heart, when every morning we awake and feel the
pressures of the day crowding in on us, and we must decide
what sort of immortals we wish to be. Perhaps it helps us, as
surely it helped the war-weary British people who first heard
these talks, to remember that God plays a great joke on those
who would seek after power at any cost.
As Lewis reminds us, with his customary humor and wit, “How monotonously
alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been: how glo-
riously different the saints.”6
Kathleen Norris
Everyone has their own journey – try not to make them take yours.
and
Personally, find the things that make you happy and recognise that they probably aren’t the ones that society typically highlights : money, status, goods.
Tie your shoelaces with a Berluti knot, a simple, easy, double knot that never comes untied.
Patti’s husband
Be kind and slow to judge.
If someone says or does something that I might feel angry about, I remind myself that if I’d lived every moment of that person’s life, I’d have said or done that same thing.
To add to that consider you or they misunderstood something
I thouught about it. i could not think of any suggestion.I am 85 years old. In spite of my age, I could not come up with any idea.
Run your own ship, it’s enough to have to make the best decisions possible for yourself, and your investment in yourself will pretty much ensure a jealousy-free life. Curiously, when this is done well, it often makes one care more generously and thoughtfully about family and community.
Winning arguments is usually low value. Figuring out what there is of value in an opposing point of view is usually high value.
Take a moment or two each week to wonder at the marvels of nature. Doing so puts life into perspective. It is so easy to get caught up in our daily routines. Realize that there is a larger world around us where we reside.
Great idea Jeff. I asked for a telescope for Christmas (a Costco sale item mind you), and I’ve been able to observe the four largest moons of Jupiter among other things. I also observed the recent total lunar eclipse of the blood moon. Indeed, it’s all about perspective.
What a great topic!
Perhaps not surprisingly, my advice would be to get a dog.
I’ve had dogs my whole life. All those dogs (past and present) have helped get me through the difficult times of my life. They have been my companions, my best friends and my confidantes.
Dogs provide a great model for ‘living in the moment’. They forgive and forget. They don’t hold a grudge. They don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future.
The only downside is they never live long enough. I have many holes in my heart from those dogs no longer with me.
Beautiful!! Dogs make the world a better place.
Life would not be the same without my Labradors
The best breed is a mix of Lahsa-Apso, pit bull, and Shih-Tzu aka Lahsa bull Shih. 🤣🤣🤣
Decades ago when my husband and I were first together we were walking in a park in London and saw two people probably in their 70s or so walking 2 golden retriever dogs, and they all four looked so happy that we kind of decided that was an ideal worth aiming for!
I’ve owned a dog nearly my entire adult life and lived with a family dog for much of my childhood. I agree they are great companions. I’ll also say that some dogs are better than others, but they always love you unconditionally – your description of living in the moment is very apt. My favorite was a huskey-malanois mix that accompanied me through a very difficult divorce, and quickly won the heart of one of my future stepdaughters.
A husky-malinois cross sounds awesome! Smart and super athletic!
Thanks. She was the best. She chewed everything reachable for about three years, and then seemingly overnight matured and that ended. Considering she lived on a half-acre property, she was a very good squirrel and rabbit hunter, often bringing her catches inside for me to inspect. No deer even thought about jumping our fence, as she would be on the other side, just waiting for the chance. We often hiked at a nearby State Park, and she memorized the route. If the paths weren’t crowded I could let her off leash and know that there would be no trouble, and she always returned if I called to her.
What wonderful memories you have of her! I had to laugh at your comment about her being three years old before she matured. Our youngest dog (a working-line German Shepherd) is approaching the age of three and we are very much looking forward to her increased level of maturity. Similarly, our Dutch Shepherd (basically a brindle-colored Malinois), was three before she finally grew a brain.
“. . . finally grew a brain . . .” Ha!
Floss…daily.
My bestest friend Dave didn’t like his job, and he didn’t like waking up to go there. I told him two things:
He took my advice on these things. He left his job as a lift truck mechanic, and became a self employed finish carpenter and cabinet maker, eventually becoming one of the finest tradesman in the area.
Once finding satisfying work, getting out of bed was no longer an issue.
As I’ve posted here before, carpe diem. Taking early retirement so I could travel was one of my best decisions. I was fortunate to be able to draw my pension early, and benefit from retiree medical coverage. My social security is lower than it would have been, but I’m happy with the trade off.
Practice gratitude, tell people you love them, and go easy on yourself.
I’ll give 2….one that requires work and one that doesn’t really.
1) Be grateful. At our dinner table we each say three things we are grateful for. Like clockwork, take my family of 4 about 3 minutes.
2) Buy one of those aftermarket bidets that attach to your toilet. No seriously. Takes 15 minutes to install and costs $20-30. Little funny feeling the first day or so, but after, it’s a godsend. Pays for itself in saved toilet paper in year 1, ensures you are cleaner down there, and reduces the likelihood of hemorrhoids significantly. I still make a pass with TP when all is said and done, but more so as a quality check and dry any remaining drips.
Plus baby wash cloths for the final cleanup! Gets the job done and saves on the environment!
I lost some of my “plumbing” to cancer, making daily cleanup a time-consuming procedure involving trees’ worth of TP. I never even thought of this idea. Thank you very much!
Practice kindness. Paradoxically, it will benefit you even more than the recipients of your kindness.
Jonathan, I would have to say, a spirit of creativity provides an essential ingredient to improving our lives. It provides a feeling of control, a sense of relief from anxiety and even physical pain.
The creative process strengthens mindfulness and compassion for ourselves and for others, so fundamental to self improvement. It also allows us to think outside the box, expanding our curiosity—allowing us to find new ways to increase the resources most important to improving our lives.
When health is gone, we lose practically everything but if your creative spirit is still alive, you can improve any situation.
You are responsible for your own personal happiness. No one can give it to you. Your own mental strength, attitude, toughness, resilience, and flexibility are key to navigating the obstacles in your lifetime highway.
If I could pass along any advice, it would be to take time out for oneself. Being a better me is good for everyone in my life and once I started taking some time for myself, it was just amazing how it opened my relationships with others around me and became so much more meaningful. Be it exercise, a hobby, reading, a sport – just doing it for myself helped my outlook.,
This is a good one! Thanks.
Contribute your time to help others without feeling superior and elevating them to a new level. If you can afford it, help others financially without being asked. Although not the purpose, the rewards are boundless.
Especially when communicating with your family remember that you need to give them 100% of your attention. This is a fundamental element of the idea that better focus will bring better relationships…..As my father used to say; “Do one thing at a time and be all there when you are doing it.”
stelea99,
I agree totally. Personally, I cannot multi-task.
I try my best to concentrate as hard as I can on one single thing at a time.
I’m not sure if keeping a score card at a baseball game is considered multi-tasking but I like to do that too.
Thanks Jonathan. Yours, and the other commenters suggestions are very good. I would add stay humble, especially in surety of our knowledge. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. It’s one of my favorite parts of HD – learning from so many smart and kind contributors.
I totally agree. Humility is so important in relating to others. I saw so many cocky and arrogant people in the work place. Their effectiveness was hampered by their attitude.
Learn meditation and practice. It will help immensely with all major and minor issues life throws at you continuously.
My Buddhist wife endorses this above all other things in life.
Be grateful. I find for myself that when I’m actively conscious of all the good things in my life and internally grateful, it’s easier to let go of the bad and focus on the good. I’m happier and much more content when I’m grateful.
Great point. Here is my take on being grateful:
My mother in law is in the hospital now for the last time. When I was riding my stationary bike to relieve some stress the other day (That’s when my mind wanders and I do my best critical thinking/reflecting) I had an epiphany.
I was thinking about what I would say at her memorial service and I came up with this: Why would a son in law put his retirement life on hold for a year to care for a 103 year old? Because she is always grateful. I realized that if you always show gratefulness, good things will come back to you. I didn’t realize until just the other day that that is the life lesson she gave to me knowing her for nearly 45 years.
Although there was never a grand plan or strategy, these three things just became part of me.
Be aware: try to know what is going on around you, be it financial, work, the world or relationships. Stay informed and alert.
Take a long term view: anticipate, consider what if’s and how to deal with them.
Never give up: don’t let others or circumstances cause you to lose focus on your goals or stop your progress. Don’t let setbacks become barriers.
Also, always appreciate your success and what you have. Take time to look around and see how fortunate you are no matter what. There is always someone who would like to change places.
That’s a great suggestion, Jonathan. I’ll add that the unexpected nature shifts the focus of value from the cost of the gift to the relationship with the giver.
Most of my suggestions tend toward a change of habit or a sacrifice, so maybe they aren’t so appealing, but here’s one: take a break from consumption of “news” media. Most of what’s offered is designed to hit our emotions in a way to keep us coming back for more. It’s easy to feel like keeping abreast of the latest political spat or how the market may move it important to our lives. But beyond voting, how much do most of us participate in politics? Are we really undecided about how we’ll cast our next vote?
Keeping our worry and anger stirred up over topics we can’t control is a sure way to kill our joy. I think it’s better to bring the focus closer to home. Today, I think I’ll ponder how to put your suggestion into practice.
Learn to cook. Chris
This is probably misplaced because the advice I proffer would have improved my life and countless others if taken decades ago and that is simply “Don’t settle”. By that I mean do not compromise on the choice of a life partner because you think it’s the right time to marry and they are who you are with. To my mind it is the single most important determinant of a happy and successful life. In 1973 my father offered me $20,000 to not marry the woman I was engaged to and he was not rich by any means. My parents saw something about her that they felt was off and when their advice fell on deaf ears they offered money to change my mind. I ignored them and it became the single worst decision of my life emotionally and financially. Twenty five years of misery until she finally ran off with a yoga instructor. The major bright spot of those years: two amazing children. Now I am experiencing the wonders of a happy, exciting, and fulfilling marriage to a wonderful woman. We can’t spend our lives thinking “if only” but rather try to learn from our mistakes and carry on.
And the advice/judgement of parents isn’t always correct: In 1973, my father offered to pay for me to live in Paris and study at the Sorbonne for a year (he had loaned me the money for my recently acquired BA in French) if I would do that instead of getting married. Even though my fiancé said “Go ahead,” I married him a couple weeks before my college graduation. Best decision I ever made and no regrets about not living in France for a year. PS. My dad came to know and love Doug and eventually returned my college loan that we had repaid.