If it’s a loving family, Dick. I know of a family where the single mother, highly intelligent and educated in a demanding profession, is a very troubled person, not abusive to her child as far as I know, but troubled. She somehow managed to get her child, also very intelligent and hard working, into an exclusive boarding high school with a full scholarship. According to the grandmother, who I know, the grandmother, mother and child are all very happy with the arrangement. As the grandmother said “It’s better for both of them this way. I’m so proud of my grandchild.”
I started my comment to be about the emotional effect upon my grandson, but changed it to be about the effect upon his mother, who made the sending abroad decision. I don’t really know what the effects have been upon my grandson: he seems happy most of the time now, though that hasn’t always been the case. However, the effect upon his mother was clear for everyone to see and memorialized in the forced smile in our family photos. Proud of him but sad for herself.
Thanks, Andrew. Beautifully written and so thoughtful. Another perspective from my family is the effect of sending your child abroad upon my former daughter-in-law. Seven years ago, with my son’s agreement, she sent their 13-year-old son to live with me and my husband to attend middle and high school and eventually, college here, believing that there are better opportunities here. There were bumps in the road, but my grandson has done very well, now completing his first year of college. What his mother didn’t anticipate was that he would become so thoroughly enculturated that his return to live in his home country is now very unlikely. Attending his high school graduation last year, it hit her hard that their close bond is unalterably changed. She went home sooner than she had planned.
Thank you, Lucretia, for this good advice. Though I don’t have a revocable living trust like you suggest, I will consider it. When my husband died suddenly during Covid, leaving me with sole custody of a grandchild, I had concerns about what would happen in the event of my own sudden death. Custody of the now-adult grandchild would have gone to one of my two adult children. I trust both of them completely, and they trust each other. I immediately made one of them co-owner of a new checking account and the other, co-owner of a second checking account. Similarly, I made one the sole beneficiary of a paid-up life insurance policy that has adequate funds to cover the costs of maintaining my home until my estate can be settled. By passing these assets, plus my IRAs, of which all three of my children are equal beneficiaries, the majority of my assets should pass to them immediately and outside of my will, as I understand it.
Thanks so much for sharing your father’s story, as well as your grandfather’s. I’ve been thinking a lot about your entire family this week, including the Humble Dollar community as it’s now two years since Jonathan’s diagnosis. A time for reflection and gratitude for the examples of others and for our relationships, in-person and virtual.
Definitely food for thought. IRA withdrawal strategy seems complicated, especially for less knowledgeable retirees. I appreciate all I glean from those posting here, especially from different perspectives and experiences.
Jamie Ding on Jeopardy seemed
pretty calm, and very modest. I regret that I missed his final appearance. But I agree that producers probably want lots of emotion and excitement. They may even prep the players on “better” answers to the spending question, rather than more common sense responses.
It’s been ten years for me. I had one part time job after retiring, as a clinical nursing instructor for three semesters (I got to be called “Professor” by my students 😂), but other than that, no paid employment. For a while, I was licensed in three adjoining states and kept my malpractice insurance but one by one, I’ve failed to renew. This month is my last chance to renew my NYS license and I’ve decided to let it go. Regarding enjoying each moment as it comes, I’ve cut back on the number of pictures I take while traveling - just a few with my travel companions if I have any. and some selfies so I can revisit a special place now and then. Life is good and the best pleasures don’t have to cost much, if anything.
Comments
You’re so right, Andrew.
Post: The Boy Who Tried Hard: A Reflection
Link to comment from May 28, 2026
If it’s a loving family, Dick. I know of a family where the single mother, highly intelligent and educated in a demanding profession, is a very troubled person, not abusive to her child as far as I know, but troubled. She somehow managed to get her child, also very intelligent and hard working, into an exclusive boarding high school with a full scholarship. According to the grandmother, who I know, the grandmother, mother and child are all very happy with the arrangement. As the grandmother said “It’s better for both of them this way. I’m so proud of my grandchild.”
Post: The Boy Who Tried Hard: A Reflection
Link to comment from May 28, 2026
I started my comment to be about the emotional effect upon my grandson, but changed it to be about the effect upon his mother, who made the sending abroad decision. I don’t really know what the effects have been upon my grandson: he seems happy most of the time now, though that hasn’t always been the case. However, the effect upon his mother was clear for everyone to see and memorialized in the forced smile in our family photos. Proud of him but sad for herself.
Post: The Boy Who Tried Hard: A Reflection
Link to comment from May 28, 2026
Thanks, Andrew. Beautifully written and so thoughtful. Another perspective from my family is the effect of sending your child abroad upon my former daughter-in-law. Seven years ago, with my son’s agreement, she sent their 13-year-old son to live with me and my husband to attend middle and high school and eventually, college here, believing that there are better opportunities here. There were bumps in the road, but my grandson has done very well, now completing his first year of college. What his mother didn’t anticipate was that he would become so thoroughly enculturated that his return to live in his home country is now very unlikely. Attending his high school graduation last year, it hit her hard that their close bond is unalterably changed. She went home sooner than she had planned.
Post: The Boy Who Tried Hard: A Reflection
Link to comment from May 28, 2026
Thank you, Lucretia, for this good advice. Though I don’t have a revocable living trust like you suggest, I will consider it. When my husband died suddenly during Covid, leaving me with sole custody of a grandchild, I had concerns about what would happen in the event of my own sudden death. Custody of the now-adult grandchild would have gone to one of my two adult children. I trust both of them completely, and they trust each other. I immediately made one of them co-owner of a new checking account and the other, co-owner of a second checking account. Similarly, I made one the sole beneficiary of a paid-up life insurance policy that has adequate funds to cover the costs of maintaining my home until my estate can be settled. By passing these assets, plus my IRAs, of which all three of my children are equal beneficiaries, the majority of my assets should pass to them immediately and outside of my will, as I understand it.
Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented
Link to comment from May 24, 2026
Thanks so much for sharing your father’s story, as well as your grandfather’s. I’ve been thinking a lot about your entire family this week, including the Humble Dollar community as it’s now two years since Jonathan’s diagnosis. A time for reflection and gratitude for the examples of others and for our relationships, in-person and virtual.
Post: My Father: The Peace He Never Found
Link to comment from May 21, 2026
Definitely food for thought. IRA withdrawal strategy seems complicated, especially for less knowledgeable retirees. I appreciate all I glean from those posting here, especially from different perspectives and experiences.
Post: Should Retirees Get a Temporary Flat Tax Window on IRA and 401(k) Withdrawals?
Link to comment from May 19, 2026
Agreed.
Post: Gaming the system for fun and profit
Link to comment from May 15, 2026
Jamie Ding on Jeopardy seemed pretty calm, and very modest. I regret that I missed his final appearance. But I agree that producers probably want lots of emotion and excitement. They may even prep the players on “better” answers to the spending question, rather than more common sense responses.
Post: Gaming the system for fun and profit
Link to comment from May 15, 2026
It’s been ten years for me. I had one part time job after retiring, as a clinical nursing instructor for three semesters (I got to be called “Professor” by my students 😂), but other than that, no paid employment. For a while, I was licensed in three adjoining states and kept my malpractice insurance but one by one, I’ve failed to renew. This month is my last chance to renew my NYS license and I’ve decided to let it go. Regarding enjoying each moment as it comes, I’ve cut back on the number of pictures I take while traveling - just a few with my travel companions if I have any. and some selfies so I can revisit a special place now and then. Life is good and the best pleasures don’t have to cost much, if anything.
Post: The Mirrored Funnel
Link to comment from May 12, 2026