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A Pew Research Center study (here) found that 23% of 50-year-olds in the United States have never had children.
As a 57-year-old who chose not to raise a child, I wonder how others feel about how this lifestyle choice has, or hasn’t, changed their retirement plans.
For myself, choosing to remain childless allowed me to save more of my salary than would have been possible if I had chosen to raise a family. I’ve seen online articles that suggest it costs nearly $250K to raise a child from infancy to adulthood.
I suspect many childless adults wonder who will care for them as they age. Living in a 55+ community makes me realize how common it is for adult children to care for their aging parents. Within a block of where we live, there are at least three households where adult children are currently living with an adult parent.
Not having children means not needing to worry about leaving a ‘legacy’ behind when I die. I can feel free to leave any money I might have to a charity of my choice or perhaps to any dogs I might own at the time of my passing.
Do people rely too heavily on their children to care for them as they age?
This is an interesting thread, and it raises a couple of thoughts about my own family.
We have two adult daughters in their 30s, no grandchildren and none imminent. For different reasons, it seems unlikely to us that either would be a good option to care for us in our more advanced years, but in any case, we’ve planned financially such that we won’t need to rely on our daughters for money and can pay for care if/when we need it (LTC insurance, retirement savings, pensions that will pay our bills). In other words, despite having kids, we are planning for old(er) age as if we didn’t.
In contrast, my mother, who’s 83, called a meeting a few months ago where she informed me and my siblings that she’d chosen not to purchase LTC (even though she had access to a good group plan through my former employer), has only modest savings, and expects us to kick in for her care should the need arise. We are still processing this information and how to respond to it. Neither of my siblings has children, and we’re all heading into our own retirement years soon. Having to pay for her would put my siblings’ financial security at risk. My husband and I could handle some of the cost if we had to, but that would be at the expense of providing a legacy for our own kids after we’re gone.
Dana, In responding to your mother’s “meeting”I think there could be some missing human element that hasn’t been addressed. An initial response might be to tell her there must be something going on with her that is causing so much distress.
You are kind and understanding—you might gently and honestly tell your mom you’ll comply with her request, to the extent you are able, should the need arise. You might offer other forms of support as well. There’s a lot of help out there for people of limited means.
Added: I’m sorry someone took issue with my response to Dana. I’m very sensitive to family and have a soft spot in my heart for all mothers and for the blessings of being a mother. When my mother died she left some poems about being a mother. The last lines of one were— Thank you for the blessings of Marjorie Anne and Thomas Peter (my brother).
My suggestions to Dana were only suggestions—not advice. I was touched that she was so open about such an intimate problem: but not knowing all the dynamics involved, perhaps I should have remained silent.
I only offer goodwill.
Thanks, Marjorie. I remember you writing about how you cared for your dear mother until the end and found it a privilege. It was very touching.
My husband and I are committed to doing what we can for my mother if and when the time comes. Even if she has made some financial choices that have put her in this precarious position, she is still my mother. However, we will have to balance that against our concerns for our own children and for my sibli