I’m guessing that your situation caused by what sounds like your stepmother’s insecurities was a painful time for you and which probably only worsened with your father’s decisions around his will/estate plan. I’m sorry you experienced that, Dana.
Oh — I just re-read my reply and fear it came across a bit maudlin. I do appreciate your kind words, Dana. It was all so long ago and I gained so much from that experience. I developed resilience, independence, a deep curiosity about and desire to understand human behavior and an unwavering commitment to break the cycle of poverty. There is some truth to the adage that what doesn’t kill you, makes you strong. And my past has lost most of its sting and feels much like a story to me that I’ve shared with my children to help them understand that we can’t assume what other people’s stories are by appearances. I always enjoy your writings and look forward to reading more of them.
Randy, your posting could have been written by me as we match up on every one of your reasons for using a financial advisor! The only point of difference is that I used Yahoo Finance to set up a hypothetical portfolio using 3 index funds. And my experience also mirrors yours in that our actual portfolio value after fees is still tracking higher than my hypothetical one. The relative peace of mind from this is worth every penny!
Dana, Your posting on estrangements in families stirred up a lot of emotions for me. My mother was estranged from her family and my father, whom she never married, was not in my life. She avoided answering any questions about her family my whole life, but some things she said led me to believe that her biological family was fairly “well off.” I never knew what caused the break with her family and I never met a single relative of either parent. It almost felt like I was adopted but without the benefit of extended family usually gained through an adoption. I’m reminded of this every time I fill out medical forms that ask about family history. I assume that my mother was written out of any will or estate plan of her parents as our impoverished living situation never seemed to improve until I began working during my school years. Of course moving over 20 times in 7 years to new towns (and subsequent new schools) due to one of her husband’s inability to hold a job probably didn’t help if anyone had had any interest in locating her. One of the things I am most grateful for in my current (and mostly happy life) is the abundant love that my daughters have experienced from their extended family on their Dad’s side. And my grandchildren even have great aunts who they are able to visit a few times a year.
Adam, Thank you for your summary. This is very helpful! I was aware of most of those changes that impact us, but I couldn’t find the detail of when the standard deduction charitable giving law went into effect. My goal this year is to simplify and de-clutter and the garage is getting full of items to donate.
As I only discovered HD in the last year or so, I struggled with whether I had any business commenting on your deeply personal update. But I found myself reflecting on how your openness and vulnerability in sharing your wisdom and journey with your HD readers has created a community that goes far beyond the financial realm. It’s clear to me that thanks to you, HumbleDollar is a space that in spite of differing opinions, support for one another thrives, friendships have developed and people feel able to share their own vulnerabilities. And that feels like a miracle to me in these divisive times. I add my gratitude and well wishes to all of your other supporters who have expressed those sentiments so much more eloquently than I ever could.
I don’t really know how much of my personal finance andvice over the years has “stuck” with my now adult children. But recently when discussing the financial anxiety she feels, my youngest daughter said to me “Mom, I remember you always saying that it is far better to actually HAVE money than to look like you have money.” I’m still waiting to hear from my other daughter….
kt, I do hope that I didn’t sound like I think you should or would need to supplement your retirement income via a new job. I am only sharing what type of thinking works for me when I find my anxiety ratcheting up when I start focusing on all of the “what ifs” of an unknown future. As Rick shows in his reply, this HD community is very supportive and helpful. I look forward to your updates as you decide when the “right” time for you to transition to retirement. And I wonder if reducing your hours at your current job would be possible to help you with that transition?
Comments
I’m guessing that your situation caused by what sounds like your stepmother’s insecurities was a painful time for you and which probably only worsened with your father’s decisions around his will/estate plan. I’m sorry you experienced that, Dana.
Post: Estrangement & Estates
Link to comment from July 14, 2025
Oops — My apologies, Doug, for calling you Randy. I’d correct it if I could but I don’t know how to edit my comments on here.
Post: Beyond fees, is using a financial advisor, advisable? If you do or don’t why?
Link to comment from July 13, 2025
Oh — I just re-read my reply and fear it came across a bit maudlin. I do appreciate your kind words, Dana. It was all so long ago and I gained so much from that experience. I developed resilience, independence, a deep curiosity about and desire to understand human behavior and an unwavering commitment to break the cycle of poverty. There is some truth to the adage that what doesn’t kill you, makes you strong. And my past has lost most of its sting and feels much like a story to me that I’ve shared with my children to help them understand that we can’t assume what other people’s stories are by appearances. I always enjoy your writings and look forward to reading more of them.
Post: Estrangement & Estates
Link to comment from July 12, 2025
Randy, your posting could have been written by me as we match up on every one of your reasons for using a financial advisor! The only point of difference is that I used Yahoo Finance to set up a hypothetical portfolio using 3 index funds. And my experience also mirrors yours in that our actual portfolio value after fees is still tracking higher than my hypothetical one. The relative peace of mind from this is worth every penny!
Post: Beyond fees, is using a financial advisor, advisable? If you do or don’t why?
Link to comment from July 12, 2025
Dana, Your posting on estrangements in families stirred up a lot of emotions for me. My mother was estranged from her family and my father, whom she never married, was not in my life. She avoided answering any questions about her family my whole life, but some things she said led me to believe that her biological family was fairly “well off.” I never knew what caused the break with her family and I never met a single relative of either parent. It almost felt like I was adopted but without the benefit of extended family usually gained through an adoption. I’m reminded of this every time I fill out medical forms that ask about family history. I assume that my mother was written out of any will or estate plan of her parents as our impoverished living situation never seemed to improve until I began working during my school years. Of course moving over 20 times in 7 years to new towns (and subsequent new schools) due to one of her husband’s inability to hold a job probably didn’t help if anyone had had any interest in locating her. One of the things I am most grateful for in my current (and mostly happy life) is the abundant love that my daughters have experienced from their extended family on their Dad’s side. And my grandchildren even have great aunts who they are able to visit a few times a year.
Post: Estrangement & Estates
Link to comment from July 12, 2025
Adam, Thank you for your summary. This is very helpful! I was aware of most of those changes that impact us, but I couldn’t find the detail of when the standard deduction charitable giving law went into effect. My goal this year is to simplify and de-clutter and the garage is getting full of items to donate.
Post: What to Know About The One Big Beautiful Bill
Link to comment from July 11, 2025
As I only discovered HD in the last year or so, I struggled with whether I had any business commenting on your deeply personal update. But I found myself reflecting on how your openness and vulnerability in sharing your wisdom and journey with your HD readers has created a community that goes far beyond the financial realm. It’s clear to me that thanks to you, HumbleDollar is a space that in spite of differing opinions, support for one another thrives, friendships have developed and people feel able to share their own vulnerabilities. And that feels like a miracle to me in these divisive times. I add my gratitude and well wishes to all of your other supporters who have expressed those sentiments so much more eloquently than I ever could.
Post: Extra Innings by Jonathan Clements
Link to comment from July 11, 2025
I don’t really know how much of my personal finance andvice over the years has “stuck” with my now adult children. But recently when discussing the financial anxiety she feels, my youngest daughter said to me “Mom, I remember you always saying that it is far better to actually HAVE money than to look like you have money.” I’m still waiting to hear from my other daughter….
Post: The Illusion of Wealth
Link to comment from July 6, 2025
Mark, thank you for my first out loud chuckle of the day! I’m really enjoying your articles and writing style!
Post: Pension Funds are Sus: A Strange Little Post From A Grandparent
Link to comment from June 25, 2025
kt, I do hope that I didn’t sound like I think you should or would need to supplement your retirement income via a new job. I am only sharing what type of thinking works for me when I find my anxiety ratcheting up when I start focusing on all of the “what ifs” of an unknown future. As Rick shows in his reply, this HD community is very supportive and helpful. I look forward to your updates as you decide when the “right” time for you to transition to retirement. And I wonder if reducing your hours at your current job would be possible to help you with that transition?
Post: The Fear of Letting Go
Link to comment from June 25, 2025