David Gartland

ONE OF MY FIRST employers allowed me to buy savings bonds through withholding from my weekly salary. It seemed like magic. Ever since, automatic payroll deductions have been an important part of my financial life.
My payroll deductions expanded to include my health insurance and my 401(k) contributions. It just felt good to me, kind of like the practice of regularly giving 10% of your income to the church.
On the other hand, payroll deductions are also how we pay taxes,

IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, there are signs saying “we buy junk houses” and “we buy ugly houses.” These businesses target undesirable homes—those that have fallen on hard times and can’t be easily sold.
Maybe the homeowners couldn’t afford the upkeep or got tired of caring for the place. Whatever the reason, the result is houses that look sad and have lost market value. Contrarian buyers see the houses not for what they are, but for what they could be.

FORD MOTOR COMPANY introduced the world to the convertible hard top in 1957 with a car called the Skyliner. It was a marvel of engineering.
To retract, the Skyliner hard top first tilted up and away from the front windshield. Then the top folded in half overhead. The trunk lid opened wide. The folded hard top swung into the trunk, which then closed. All by flipping a single dashboard switch. You can see it in operation in this commercial featuring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz.

WHEN I WAS a teenager in the 1960s, the popular expression was, “Do your own thing.” We baby boomers were supposed to reject our parents’ ways of thinking and do what we thought better. These better things included growing our hair long, wearing blue jeans, having beards, not wearing bras and making love, not war.
I liked this “do your own thing” way of thinking. But I also discovered that doing your own thing,

WHEN I ATTENDED Sunday school as a child, I was taught that God is always watching over me. It was a frightening notion, but one I grew accustomed to. My mother would often remind me to “watch your Ps and Qs,” though I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. Nonetheless, I understood the importance of behaving properly.
Today, it seems we have a different form of surveillance. As George Orwell so aptly depicted in his book 1984,

THERE ARE TWO TYPES of mistake I make: those that are unintentional and those where I should have known what would happen.
After an unintentional mistake, I’m perplexed by what went wrong. I might say to myself “I’ll never do that again” or perhaps “what the heck just happened?” These are genuine mistakes, and I try to learn from them.
By contrast, stupid mistakes are those that I should have known would occur. No matter how many college degrees we have or how many years on the job,

HUMANS HAVE ALWAYS celebrated the good times in their lives. These can be massive occasions, such as New Year’s Eve in New York City’s Times Square, or small and personal, such as birthdays. Celebrating is good. But what happens when it’s not?
Adults tend to celebrate with alcohol. For people like me, who lean toward shyness, alcohol can allow us to let loose. It feels good. We smile. People smile back. All is good.

I SPENT MANY HOURS reading articles and books about retirement before I actually retired. I knew I’d retire eventually because of how often I found myself out of work. Studying retirement became one more thing I needed to do so I could be successful.
Under the category of retirement, grandparenting was a frequent subject. This is understandable since many retirees are or soon become grandparents.
My situation is different. My special-needs son will not get married or have kids.

WHEN I STARTED learning about investing, I stumbled upon a book at my library that immediately grabbed my attention: The Lazy Person’s Guide to Investing by Paul B. Farrell. A portfolio championed by the book consisted of just two mutual funds—one stock index fund and one bond index fund, with 50% of your portfolio invested in each.
With only two choices to make, decision-making becomes far more straightforward. Farrell’s suggested 50-50 split simplifies the process even further.

ONE DAY, AS I WAS walking through the mathematics building at the community college I attended, I saw a poster that screamed, “Math Majors?”
That got my attention. The poster introduced me to a career possibility: becoming an actuary. My job path was set. Or so I thought.
The actuarial career path consists of passing either five or 10 standardized tests. Complete five, and you become an associate. Complete 10, and you’re a fellow.

WE RECEIVED A PHOTO Christmas card from a guy I used to work with. The picture was taken at his daughter’s wedding, with my old colleague standing next to his wife, son and daughter-in-law. Picture perfect.
The only problem: His story isn’t picture perfect. When he and I first met, we worked in the same division at an insurance company. Right before the division was closed down, I transferred to a different department. Eventually,

IT’S THAT TIME OF year when people think about giving. For my wife, this is what she lives for. She loves buying presents. She’s a very giving person and puts a great deal of thought into the gifts she buys.
She’ll buy gifts all year round, even when the event—such as Christmas—is months away. Problem is, she frequently forgets where she’s stored the presents she’s bought. They’ll eventually be found, but in many cases long past the date when she wanted to give them.

MY LIFE’S GOAL WAS to make money. I make no apologies for this. I’m not particularly gifted in this pursuit, but I did persevere.
I take satisfaction that I stuck to my goal despite all obstacles. There were many trips, falls, mistakes and failures along the way. I had to work hard and seek a new job each time my old employment ended. I set out to do something—and I did it.
That all changed when I retired.

IN THE EARLY 1980s, I was a bachelor in Brooklyn. Unskilled at cooking, I didn’t eat at home unless my food came out of a cereal box or snack bag. For regular meals, I depended on a small neighborhood diner.
It was open for breakfast, lunch and dinner seven days a week. On weekends, it was my main source of food. Like so many diners I’ve visited since, it offered complete meals—soup, main course and dessert—for one price.

FATHERHOOD WASN’T one of my life goals. I didn’t feel like I had a wonderful childhood, so I didn’t think I had much to offer my offspring that would help them to lead a wonderful life. If children happened, okay, but it was never a goal.
My first marriage ended because I placed money over fatherhood. I thought not having kids would speed my path to wealth. My wife disagreed—and walked out.
When I met my current wife,

I RECENTLY MENTIONED to my wife’s cousin that I’m taking required minimum distributions from my IRA. He won’t have to—because he doesn’t have an IRA. Instead, he keeps his car trunk full of cash.
He’s in the car business. He buys and fixes cars, all out of his mother’s two-car garage. He keeps cash to buy used cars at rock-bottom prices. People are willing to sell a car cheaper if they can get the cash immediately.

A FEW YEARS AGO, I came across an announcement for a blueberry festival in Hammonton, New Jersey. My wife is always up for doing something different, so we made our way there one summer day.
It turned out to be a great way to spend the day and learn the history of New Jersey’s blueberry industry. The industry was founded by a woman looking to expand the crops on her family’s farm around the turn of the 20th century.

MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” His contention: We should carefully pick the folks who surround us because, over time, we’ll become more like them.
Recent research offers some support for this idea. For instance, if we have a close friend who becomes obese, one study found we’re 57% more likely to become obese as well. If that’s so, we might also want to cozy up to skinny friends who count exercise as fun recreation.

WHEN I WAS GROWING up, I’d receive Series E savings bonds as birthday gifts from my parents. It was the start of many to come. My parents had great respect for savings bonds and, as I got older, I came to hold them in high regard as well.
Savings bonds never offered the highest interest rate. At a defense plant where I worked, a guy in the accounting department questioned my bond buying. He noted that savings bonds paid less interest than the certificates of deposit then available.

YEARS AGO, I SAW a Looney Tunes cartoon starring Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd. As always, good old Elmer was trying to kill a duck for dinner, only to be outsmarted by the much cleverer Daffy.
In this particular episode, Daffy is playing a game of catch with his duck friends outside Elmer’s house. An overthrown ball crashes through a window. Elmer comes out and says, “Who broke that glass? Someone is going to pay for that.” The ducks all bump into each other in their efforts to run away.

BY THE 1990s, New York City had been in decline for decades. What brought about the city’s recovery? It was, in part, the broken windows theory.
Picture a vacant building with one window broken. Most people wouldn’t think much of it. But this one broken window sends a signal—and, soon enough, others get broken. How do you reverse this decline? It’s easy: You get rid of the broken windows, and make sure things stay that way.

I HAVE MY MOTHER to thank for my good savings habits. She opened a savings account in my name when I was a kid. She also made sure I had a Christmas Club savings account every year. I was required to make deposits regularly.
I didn’t mow my neighbor’s lawn, have a newspaper route or sell lemonade on my front lawn. Instead, the money I saved came from the allowance my mother paid me.

ON TELEVISION, I WATCH the Barrett-Jackson auctions of expensive cars. When two bidders want the same car, they drive up the price until one decides enough is enough and drops out.
Why is this car so important to the bidders? In many cases, it’s a well-known car that’s highly valued by car collectors, so it’s treated like an investment with lasting value. Other times, it could be a model that the bidders had admired as teenagers,

FORMER NEW YORK CITY Mayor Ed Koch used to frequently ask the city’s residents, “How am I doing?”
When I was younger, I’d ask myself that same question. I was always trying to keep up with others, whether it was socially, academically, athletically or financially. My big fear was that I wasn’t going to make it. I could never let down my guard, relax and take it easy. I was always having to compensate for whatever I was deficient in.

I WAS A VICTIM OF identity theft. It wasn’t anything I did. Rather, it was what my former employer did.
During the pandemic, many employees were working remotely, including a member of the human resources department. She received an email from the CEO requesting that she send him the W-2s for all employees. So she did. Unfortunately, the email wasn’t from the CEO. It was sent from a shopping mall in Saudi Arabia.
As soon as she hit send,

ANY BABY BOOMER WHO grew up around New York City is probably familiar with the name Robert Moses. He was the city planner who wielded enormous power over the development of New York from the 1920s to the 1960s.
Having grown up on Long Island, I saw his work firsthand in two main highways, the Long Island Expressway and the Northern State Parkway. They were designed to appear park-like, with arched bridges, wide grass run-offs and trees alongside the entire route.

DURING MY INSURANCE career, I worked for a company that focused solely on certain types of businesses, or what’s known as niche underwriting. One niche was called senior living, and it insured continuing care retirement communities, or CCRCs.
These communities typically consist of apartments where retirees live alongside an adjoining nursing home. One benefit: When residents need nursing home care, it’s right next door. If they’re married, the healthy spouse can just walk to the nursing home to visit his or her beloved.

IN THE BIBLE, YOU’LL find the parable of the talents. Talents were a form of money. The story goes that, before a master left on a trip, he entrusted money to three servants. Two of the three doubled his money, and are praised for the intelligent way they handled the master’s money. The third worker simply buried the money, so it wouldn’t lose value. The master criticizes the third worker for being lazy, and takes the money away from him.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE whether to go with good, better or best?
My next-door neighbor always goes for the best, regardless of what it is. He pays more for everything. He’s a senior vice president, and I guess he feels he needs or deserves the best. God bless him.
That’s not my approach. I recently replaced my gas furnace and central air conditioner. My furnace was 23 years old and my air conditioner 10.

I TOOK MY FIRST cross-country car trip in 1972. It was the summer of my junior year in college. I’d be graduating the following year and embarking on working life. This would be my last chance for a while to take a long trip. I was traveling by myself, so I had the freedom to decide exactly what I wanted to do.
That’s what brought me to Pikes Peak near Colorado Springs, Colorado. One of the greatest auto races in America is the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb.

I HATED SCHOOL. There, I said it. From reading the bios of other HumbleDollar contributors, it appears most, if not all, enjoyed their academic experience. Many have gone on to acquire advanced degrees. I, too, went on to acquire post-college education, but only when my employer paid.
But the best education I received wasn’t found in the classroom, but in day-to-day life. It came from observing what others did or didn’t do.

IN RICH DAD POOR DAD, author Robert Kiyosaki touts the virtues of owning real estate as a way to reach financial independence. He explains the difference between how his father handled money and invested in his education, versus his friend’s dad, who gained his wealth by investing in businesses.
There’s controversy over whether this is a true tale or just a literary device to explain how to invest in real estate.

MY FAVORITE ROCK group is the Beach Boys. I particularly like their song Wouldn’t It Be Nice. It’s about young love, and how life would be so wonderful if only they were married and lived together.
I believe that phrase “wouldn’t it be nice” has been voiced by most of us at one time or another. The notion: If things were different, all would be good.
Unfortunately, few people display the persistence needed to turn their dreams into reality.

IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, you aren’t eager to spend down your investments. What fun is that? Aren’t you curious to see how big your portfolio could grow? Of course, you are.
After my wife and I are gone, my son will have dibs on the money we’ve amassed. We’ve set up a special needs trust to provide him with income when we’re no longer around. My son has no siblings, so we needed the trust to make sure he’s taken care of.

THE OTHER DAY, WHEN my son and I were out on our daily trash pickup walk, I found a $5 bill. No one was around, so I didn’t know who dropped it. It was just lying there.
I picked it up and put it in my wallet with all my other “pocket money.” This is money I use whenever credit cards aren’t allowed. The $5 bill slipped in next to the other $5 bills.

WE ALL HAVE NEEDS and wants. It’s easy to know our needs because we’re constantly dealing with them: buying groceries, paying rent, getting gas for the car. Our wants, by contrast, are only limited by our imagination.
Our wants are easier to satisfy if they’re close to our current needs. You drive an older Honda Accord. Want a new Honda Accord? Not too difficult. Want a red Ferrari? That’s a different story. Your usual car budget won’t pay for a Ferrari.

BACK IN THE 1980s, I was working for an insurance company on Wall Street. This was when I was between marriages. There was a nearby bar and restaurant called Harry’s, located below street level. The bond market was going strong, so the bond salesmen with their fat paychecks were there, which meant the pretty young girls were also there.
The place reminded me of Cheers, one of my favorite TV shows.

SPENDING ISN’T something I like to do. It doesn’t bring me lasting joy. I prefer just to buy what I need.
For many folks, spending involves borrowing. If spending is your thing, incurring interest charges on credit card debt and car loans probably isn’t a big deal. But to me, borrowing to buy something means I’m overspending. If I can’t afford to pay cash, I shouldn’t buy it.
Borrowing has been the downfall of many.

THE ONLY DREAM I HAD for my son was that he’d get a job. To most parents, this probably seems like small thinking. Why wasn’t I dreaming of him walking across the stage after earning his medical degree, or walking down the aisle with his new bride, or the joy of him holding his first child? Because that would not be his reality.
It took me a while to accept this. Based on my life,

WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER, I didn’t have a girlfriend. Now that I’m older, I realize not everyone had a girlfriend during their junior high or high school years. But at the time, I felt like I was the only one.
By this time, my father had passed away, so I only had my mother and older brother to confide in. My brother thought I might have a problem that prevented me from seeking female companionship,

I PASSED ON MANY activities when I was younger because I didn’t think I could do them. I simply didn’t have a great deal of self-confidence. It was only after I had some accomplishments to my name that my attitude changed and I became bolder in my efforts.
Along the way, a saying I came across helped me overcome my lack of self-confidence. It’s attributed to Henry Ford, the father of the first broadly affordable mass-produced American automobile,

I’M A TERRIBLE READER. I have been my entire life. This was very upsetting to my mother, who felt reading was the key to success.
In fact, my entire family were great readers. Sunday’s New York Times was a fixture in my parents’ house. They’d spend hours reading every section. I hated it.
My father was born in the Hell’s Kitchen section of New York City. He attended Purdue University, studying chemical engineering,

THE FIRST ROCK concert I attended was The Byrds at Bowdoin College in Maine. We stayed nearby at a cabin in the woods. It was there that I had my first experience with marijuana. It was not a good experience—thank goodness. My drug days were short-lived.
One of the songs made famous by The Byrds is Turn! Turn! Turn! The song was written by Pete Seeger, who derived it from verses in the Bible.

FOR MY BIRTHDAY this year, my wife gave me a card that declares, “Not Dead Yet.” That might sound morbid, but I laughed. The reason: My wife had misinterpreted something I used to say to colleagues at my final job.
When they saw me at the coffee machine, they’d often ask, “How are you doing, Dave?”
Instead of saying “fine,” I used to say, “I’m still breathing. Count your blessings. Blessing No. 1: I’m still breathing.”
In many cases,

ONE OF THE POSITIVE outcomes of my unsuccessful life: I’ve had an incentive to study ways to be successful.
Among the self-improvement materials I’ve looked at, many have titles like “how to become…” or something similar. The good ones are easy to understand and make you feel it’s possible for you to achieve whatever they’re selling.
When the material is delivered in person, you get the advantage of a great presentation from a dynamic public speaker.

ONE OF MY MOST enjoyable jobs was in training and development. This involved creating lesson plans and conducting classes for the insurance company where I worked.
One mantra in the training department was “define done.” When we ran a training program for another part of the company, our department manager would stress that we needed to find out the internal client’s definition of “done.” In other words, what would the client require or expect our department to deliver so that the client would be satisfied with our service?

SOME PEOPLE CAN LOOK at a blank page and imagine a new creation—perhaps a new business or a new house. I can’t.
What I seem to be pretty good at is taking something that’s broken and coming up with creative solutions for fixing it. It’s like a game or a puzzle. The goal: Bring this broken object back to life as cheaply as possible.
When, say, a washing machine or a dishwasher breaks, the repair person will look up the manufacturer and order the necessary replacement part.

I WAS A PART-TIME instructor in public speaking for Dale Carnegie & Associates during the 1980s and early 1990s. I taught a course at the Downtown Athletic Club in lower Manhattan.
At the time, my wife and I were living in northwestern New Jersey, and we each took the bus into Manhattan to our respective jobs. The course was given after work, so I had to take a late bus home. This meant my wife needed to drive to the bus depot to pick me up.

I’M NOT A GENEROUS guy. Which brings me to tipping.
I see a price on the menu, and I’m willing to spend that amount on the food. Then I have to spend additional money, after having consumed that food, because someone served it to me. Why?
What about the kitchen staff who cooked my meal? Should I tip them also? After all, I can’t cook, so the kitchen staff is doing me a more important service than the person who carries my food to the table.

I’M NOT THE SMARTEST guy. That used to bother me when I was in school. The smart guys were making their teachers happy. They were named to the National Honor Society. They went to the best colleges. They seemed to have it all.
As I got older, and began to make more and more decisions on my own, I had to come up with a method that would allow me to make good decisions,

WHEN I WAS A KID, I would hear “old people” say, “If you have your health, you have just about everything.” I heard it. I understood it. But in truth, I didn’t really understand it—until I joined the “old people” category.
Looking back, I realize I’ve been blessed with good health. I’ve never broken any bones. I’ve never spent a night in the hospital. I’ve never had any long-lasting illnesses. I don’t regularly take medication,

MY WIFE AND I ARE different in many ways. This is good and bad. The good part: I get to see both sides of any issue we discuss. This includes our retirement.
Toward the end of 2020, we stopped working within three months of each other. We were both eligible for Social Security and Medicare, so those two key ingredients of a successful retirement were there for us. But we have different visions of retirement.

I GREW UP DURING the muscle car era. That was when Detroit automakers became aware of the baby boomers’ buying power.
The boomers, of whom I’m a proud member, didn’t live through the Great Depression. We had television, frozen foods, Mattel toys and a car in every driveway. Prosperity is what we were used to, and we loved it. It seemed everyone had jobs, so there was money to spend.
My friends and I felt that having a nice car was the key to getting that special girl.

WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER, my father and I went to the local mall. I don’t recall why we went shopping together, but I do remember going into a Tandy craft store and buying a customizing kit for leather belts. Tandy Corp. would later become well known as the owner of RadioShack.
On the way home, my father and I were talking about the kit, and I made the comment, “It’ll be a good way to kill time.” My father shot back,

I’M SITTING ON MY patio drinking coffee, as I do every morning before my wife and son wake up. I go to bed early and wake up before sunrise, so when I’m drinking my coffee, it’s still dark. This is a great time for me to think.
This morning, I’ve been thinking about Jordache jeans. For those of you too young to remember, Jordache jeans were the thing to own in the late 1970s and early 1980s if you were a teenager or in your 20s.

BOXING CHAMPION Mike Tyson famously said, “Everybody has plans until they get hit for the first time.”
I’ve only been punched in the face once in my life. It occurred in sixth grade. I was alone in the boys’ bathroom when a bully came in. He said something to me and didn’t like my response, so he attempted to kick me.
I saw this happening out of the corner of my eye and I lifted his leg up,

MY WIFE NEEDED KNEE replacement surgery a few years ago. Her health plan, which was provided through the school district where she worked, was a preferred provider organization with a large network of doctors. After some research, my wife decided she wanted her operation done at New York City’s Hospital for Special Surgery.
I love hearing about people’s lives. I’ve long read biographies to learn how others gained their fame or fortune, hoping for pointers that would help me with my own life.

IN MY ENGLISH CLASS in junior high school, we read a play called I Remember Mama. It was a story about a poor Norwegian immigrant family living in San Francisco in the early 1900s.
The mother ran the household while her husband went to work and the children went to school. The mother was in charge of the family’s finances. Any time a family member needed extra money, he or she would have to ask Mama for it.

PAUL NEWMAN WAS BEST known as an actor, but he was also passionate about auto racing. He took his hobby seriously, improved his driving skills and won many races, including on his “home track” at Lime Rock, Connecticut.
His wife, actress Joanne Woodward, supported her husband’s auto racing career, but also worried about him. She bought him a Rolex watch to wear when he raced. To personalize the gift, she had an inscription added to the back.

“I NEVER MEMORIZE anything I can look up.” Albert Einstein, it seems, said this or something similar. I first heard the quote in my freshman physics class. The teacher asked a student to recite a formula. The student’s response: “I never memorize anything I can look up.”
I’ve adopted the same philosophy. My wife loves to point out that I don’t remember the names of streets in our neighborhood. But I don’t need to know them.

MY SON AND I WALK the streets of our town, so my son can pick up trash and recyclables. He’s obsessive-compulsive about trash. He impulsively picks it up even if he isn’t wearing gloves or doesn’t have his grabber available. To reduce this behavior, he and I go out daily looking for trash, so he feels there’s less trash out there.
We do find trash, but we also find things that I wouldn’t classify as trash.