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HUMANS HAVE ALWAYS celebrated the good times in their lives. These can be massive occasions, such as New Year’s Eve in New York City’s Times Square, or small and personal, such as birthdays. Celebrating is good. But what happens when it’s not?
Adults tend to celebrate with alcohol. For people like me, who lean toward shyness, alcohol can allow us to let loose. It feels good. We smile. People smile back. All is good. Until the morning after.
I have had many of those “mornings after” in my adult life. I normally recovered nicely and moved on. Until my final morning after.
It was 1986. I had a date with my then-girlfriend, now my wife, when she was the hostess at her company’s office party. She suggested that I wait in a side room while the party was going on. To help me relax, she suggested I have some wine until the party was over. We would then go out afterward.
That was great until I got a buzz on. At this point, the office party was over and we were invited to continue the party at a bar at South Street Seaport in lower Manhattan. Following that, we ate out on the company’s dime at a steak restaurant, where the wine continued to flow.
The next morning, I woke up in my future wife’s Manhattan apartment with the worst hangover of my life. I had to drive to my job in New Jersey, where I endured eight hours of agony. To make matters worse, I was scheduled to teach my Dale Carnegie class that night, so I couldn’t head home to recover.
As apparent punishment for my night out, the subject of my class that night was enthusiasm. I didn’t feel qualified to teach the topic in my hungover state, but I did it anyway.
After my recovery, I assessed the situation and realized I was a binge drinker. I didn’t have a strong urge to drink. But once I got a buzz on, I just wanted to get drunk. This was not a good practice in New Jersey at the time, since it had newly enforced DUI laws.
I was driving to work back then. I made the decision that I needed to give up drinking—cold turkey. I haven’t had a drink since, not even at my wedding. The fun of celebrating isn’t worth the price if it can cost you your job, your driver’s license or your marriage.
I’m not against drinking. We have alcohol in my house because my wife and our friends drink. I simply abstain. As a binge drinker, I don’t have a strong urge to drink that first cocktail. I’m lucky that way.
Still, I’ve paid a price for not drinking. Companies expect you to drink at company functions. By not drinking, I was my usual shy, quiet self, surrounded by rowdy, loud, happy people. This put me in an even more isolated state. The more they drank, the louder they got, until the jokes they were telling were lost on me. At that point, I usually headed for the exit.
As with all things in life, balance is important. Knowing who you are and how to handle yourself in various situations will help you navigate your social and professional life. Being at the party is different from being the life of the party. Be sure you know the difference.
I really enjoyed reading the article! I often find myself getting carried away with drinks when I’m with friends and family. Despite my best efforts, I struggle to completely stop drinking. Recently, I purchased some nice bottles from Costco, and I’ve built up a collection that I don’t want to go to waste. This leaves me in a bit of a dilemma: whether to continue drinking and potentially face negative consequences or to stop and let my collection sit unused. Either way, it feels like I’m losing something.
Hello Dry January! My wife and I are doing the bourbon tour at the end of February so that will dissolve that. But we are only weekend warriors, zero drinking Sunday to Friday.
Thanks King David,
I’m friends with a lady who was a director for the state dept of revenue which encompasses all things income for the department. Including court proceedings.
She asked me if I really wanted to spend lots and lots of money and complicate my life beyond imagination by getting behind the wheel after having a little drinkepoo.
I did NOT need that!
Excellent post.
Today, 1/3/2025, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy called for updating the health-warning labels on beverages containing alcohol to increase awareness to help minimize alcohol-related cancer cases and deaths.
Such a timely article, especially this time of year when people can feel so much pressure to fit in. I was never a drinker per say. I enjoyed a beer from time to time and then transitioned to wine ( made me feel more sophisticated). I realized that having more than one glass of wine in the evening would absolutely ruin what little sleep I was getting, coupled with a diagnosis of non- alcoholic fatty liver made me question the wisdom of even one drink.
One day I realized it had been at least a year since had any alcohol so I said, well since I have gone this long, I might as well just consider myself as having giving up drinking.
For those who struggle with addictive behaviors, this is easier said than done, but I commend you and the many other readers for recognizing the danger and the damage that can happen with alcoholism; and for taking the necessary actions to keep everyone safe.
Thanks so much, David, for sharing this story that so many can relate to. Someone I was close to me was also a binge drinker until quitting cold turkey like you did. Being economical, he would buy the medium-sized bottle of his liquor of choice for the weekend (at home), planning for it to last for two weekends. Unfortunately, it never did …. More than ten years after quitting, those years of abuse came back to bite him with sudden and unremitting peripheral neuropathy in his feet. We didn’t know the cause because he was not yet diabetic. Eventually a skilled and knowledgeable podiatrist explained that the overload of sugar in the alcohol caused permanent nerve damage that only manifested years later, even after quitting. Binge drinking is also much more implicated in Fetal Alcohol Syndrome than the rare beer or glass of wine but current medical advice is to take a “no alcohol at all “ approach during pregnancy.
You were lucky to quit cold turkey. Many people realize they have a problem but can’t stop. That’s where rehab followed by AA meetings help.
I can relate drinking got to be to easy and decided like you to stop last drink was in 1976 and have not missed. My wife never drank and was not unhappy with my choice.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL
I have also chosen to forego alcohol because it does not add anything positive to my life. Even a glass or two of alcohol was enough to negatively affect me the following day. There are many good non alcoholic options these days also. I have many friends that overindulge and I think the health risks of that are not worth it for me either. To each his own.
I was a moderate drinker most of my adult life until I got a pre cancerous condition with GERD. It caused a shortness of breath. As someone with moderate asthma that is something I avoid like the plague. I do not declare myself a teetotaler, but I am.
I discovered that drinking for me was more of a habit. A beer after work, a drink with dinner at a nice restaurant, etc. It is a habit that I have broken and thankful that I have. However, I do not begrudge others from drinking in moderation.
Thank you for this. I could say so much, but you are absolutely correct.
I also had a problem with binge drinking. I had to take responsibility and face the consequences of behavior I engaged in while drunk and this led me to never want to be drunk again.
It’s been a year and a half since I’ve been drunk. I never drink alone anymore. I only drink on rare celebratory occasions like holidays or reunions alongside family or friends, and I never drink more than two drinks.
In advance of these occasions, I remind myself of my limit and take other “fun” beverages like seltzer, diet soda, etc. to mix in among my two alcoholic beverages. I also don’t put myself in situations with people where there is an expectation of everyone drinking for sport, like taking shots, drinking games, etc.
It requires a lot of forethought and as I age, I may eliminate drinking altogether.
Dave, thanks for being open about your struggle with alcohol. I know you helped someone today. Chris
The last time I got drunk was my senior year. That time I was kicked out of a bar, got to the base of the stairs to my third story room in our fraternity house. I resolved to never get drunk again. For the most part I don’t drink mixed drinks as some like Mai Tais, Pina Coladas, Long Island Ice Teas, as I’m afraid I’ll drink too much. Also I’m frugal and can’t afford the calories as well.
Since that time I have never been a heavy drinker. Maybe three to four beers from the Super Bowl pregame to the post game celebration after the Patriots won (probably about six hours). In the good ol’ days this was nearly an annual event, now….
I have found as I get older I have almost entirely lost my taste for alcohol.
Have others found the same?
I cannot speak to taste since I no longer drink, but I have lost any desire to drink. I used to look forward to a beer after work.
My wife seems to have developed an allergy to alcohol. Her face becomes flushed well before the drink is finished and her stomach gets upset later.
Having been in the beer business for 3 decades I have witnessed many ruined lives. I’ve had my share of the day after that you describe as well. Thankfully I never hurt anyone and those days are many years behind me now. I still enjoy a beer or two with friends or family.
On no longer drinking at gatherings, I recall an old customer telling me “if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a drunk when I’m sober”.