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IN 1980, MY FIRST WIFE and I spent the Labor Day weekend with friends on Cape Cod, Massachusetts. We went out for breakfast and I drank a lot of coffee. Our friends were planning a day at the beach. This is not a good idea for me because—being of Irish descent—I come in two colors, red and white. Either I look pale and sickly or I’m red as a beet. To avoid this latter state, I suggested they go ahead and I’d walk back to the house where we were staying.
During this walk back, I came across a 1960s Porsche sitting in a repair shop’s parking lot. I stopped to admire it. I continued on my walk back to the house and began fantasizing about how cool it would be to own a Porsche.
At this point in our marriage, I’d begun my insurance career, while my wife was progressing in her career as a teacher for those with special needs. We were both finally making okay money. The caffeine was kicking in and my brain was racing. I began to think about how I could buy a Porsche. My thoughts led me to decide that, if we never had kids, our financial position would improve even faster, and that would lead to the car I now desperately wanted.
I kept the idea to myself on our ride back home to Brooklyn, as well as the next morning when we went to work. But on that Tuesday night, I decided to broach the subject with my wife to see her reaction. She went ballistic. The evening culminated with her walking out and never coming back.
My first wife was also my first girlfriend. We met in college when she was a freshman and I was a senior. We dated for the four years she was in school, and got married the September after she graduated. I was ready for “and they lived happily ever after.” But it was not to be.
At the time of our breakup, New York didn’t have a category of divorce which applied to us. My wife decided annulment was the way to go. I always thought if a marriage had been consummated, it couldn’t be annulled. She argued there was a defect in our relationship since I hadn’t told her before our marriage that I didn’t want kids. The truth is, I never thought about kids. I just wanted to be married to her.
She hired an attorney and filed the papers. It was an uncontested annulment since we had no children and few assets. Her lawyer asked if she wanted to sue me for legal and court fees. She said “no.” She was the one who wanted out, so she felt she should pay all the costs.
My wife also did this because she knew how important money was to me. My goal in life had been to get rich ever since my father died when I was age 15. I’d assumed that, because of his death, my mother and I were now poor. We weren’t, but the empty feeling stayed with me for years. Money was the answer.
My first wife was raised Catholic. She went to a Catholic grammar school and high school. I was raised Protestant, so a Catholic annulment meant nothing to me. But it was important to my wife, who I was still in love with. I didn’t want to prevent her from getting married in the Catholic church at some point in the future, so I cooperated with the priests and nuns who interviewed me prior to the annulment.
After the tape recorder was turned off, the priest asked me if I had any thoughts. To ensure my wife got the annulment she wanted, I proceeded to tell him my views on the Catholic church, which were not complimentary. I’m sure the papers were airmailed to the Vatican that day for approval. Mission accomplished.
My first wife went on to marry a Protestant (go figure) widow who already had kids, so she knew he’d be willing to have more kids. She eventually became principal of a public middle school in Massachusetts. She always demonstrated that a successful career was in her future, and I’m happy she got what she wanted.
I believe it’s important to pick and choose our fights. Financially, I made out better by not fighting my wife’s decision to divorce. Emotionally, it was a huge hit since it wasn’t what I wanted. But as the expression goes, “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” and it did. I’ve heard many stories from others about how expensive their divorce was and how ugly it got. Because ours was an uncontested annulment, it didn’t cost me anything and it didn’t cost my first wife much.
I never did get that Porsche. Still, as a reward for the divorce ordeal, I attended the Skip Barber Racing School in Lime Rock, Connecticut. Some kids dream of being a baseball or football player. I wanted to be the next Mario Andretti.
After completing the program, I realized that a racing career wasn’t in the cards. One of my fellow racers owned a Porsche. He was impressed at how I “took this one corner” and thought I was pretty good. He’d never let anyone drive his Porsche, but he said he’d let me drive it around the Lime Rock race course. I finally got my Porsche experience—and it didn’t cost me a dime.
David Gartland was born and raised on Long Island, New York, and has lived in central New Jersey since 1987. He earned a bachelor’s degree in math from the State University of New York at Cortland and holds various professional insurance designations. Dave’s property and casualty insurance career with different companies lasted 42 years. He’s been married 36 years, and has a son with special needs. Dave has identified three areas of interest that he focuses on to enjoy retirement: exploring, learning and accomplishing. Pursuing any one of these leads to contentment. Check out Dave’s earlier articles.
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I’ve had dreams of high end vehicles but never pulled the trigger as I’m too practical to buy one. I occasionally get one as a rental vehicle and get my fix that way.
Your ex-wife isn’t here to defend herself, but I think you’re better-off without a spouse who won’t even tolerate a discussion about what you might wish to purchase. (I suspect that there were pre-existing issues.)
I had a different experience. I purchased a Porsche (for cash) while my wife of thirty years was staying with her parents. (She was helping her father recover from surgery.) I texted her and said, “I went shopping today” and she replied, “Oh good, to the supermarket?”. I said, “Uh, no, to the Porsche dealer.” She replied, “Great, I’m glad for you.”
It might interest readers to know that, apparently, 97% of Porsches built in the last 25 years are still running today. Another rumor, also unverified, is that 60% of all Porsches ever made are still operational.
We keep ours at our winter home in Arizona, where it spends half the year in storage. We put about 10 000 miles a year on it and have it serviced frequently. Our local mechanic says “it’ll run forever” if the oil and key components are changed when necessary.
The way I read it the issue was kids not cars. And if she willingly paid the costs of the divorce it doesn’t sound like money was the problem.
Good point. He doesn’t actually clarify if he said “I don’t want kids” or “I don’t want kids, I want a Porsche instead”.
An uncontested, non-hostile divorce is the greatest gift two people can give each other when they go their separate ways, but it happens all too seldom.
I was blindsided when she walked out six days after getting her US citizenship — she believed she would get half of everything. She was blindsided when her lawyer told her that in California she was entitled to her car, her own earnings and half the furniture, and that was about it. The dog chose me.
But we kept it non-confrontational — I even helped her move — and when we signed the final papers I gifted her $20K to make sure she was stable. (Her lawyer thought I was nuts.) The whole thing was a kick in the stomach, but a week after the divorce was final I had my first kiss with The Right One, whom I would never have met if the first one hadn’t done what she did exactly when she did it.
17 years later I’m still savoring the divorce as a gift.
I can relate and not relate to this story. Our marriage survived all my crazy dreams and hers as well.
I am Presbyterian, she is Catholic raised in an all Catholic education. I married my first girlfriend – ten months after our first date and during eight of those months I was in the army in another state.
In three weeks that will be 55 years ago and she knew of my Mercedes dream since our first date 😎
I too dreamed about the last car (who knows when we’ll go?) being a Mercedes. Our 10 year old 120 K mile Subaru’s dashboard recently lit up like a Christmas tree, and the estimated repair costs exceed 2K. Read Consumer Reports review of new Mercedes and was very disappointed in their assessment. Assessing a Toyota Crown. Not as luxurious, but reliable.
I recently had the CVT transmission replaced for $7,657 in my 2012 Nissan Murano AWD with 128K miles. It was a tough decision; but the car has no rust because it was garaged in Florida by my parents, and no other major issues. While making my decision I shopped for used cars—this is a bad time for purchasing a used car. Even similar used cars about the same age/mileage were more than the repair cost. I figured the depreciation on a much newer car would be on par with the tranny repair cost IF the car lasts another 3 or 4 years. My insurance agent was actually pretty surprised and affirming in this calculation; she said most people don’t consider depreciation expense, but should, when weighing the decision. The final argument for me was that I simply love driving the Murano. They are ugly to look at, but very quiet, smooth ride. If I didn’t enjoy driving the Murano it would not have been such a difficult decision.
Earlier in my life I owned a first generation Miata. Absolutely fell in love with that car, so I understand the fever some people get to own certain automobiles. I owned that Miata for about 8 years, so I think I got it out of my system. Now, I am most concerned about a comfortable, reliable car for my annual winter travel to the Gulf Coast.
Hey Art,
The thing I’m really having trouble with is my last Tacoma, a 2002, I had for 17 years (replaced with another new one), then sold to my brother. He’s still driving it, so now I think every vehicle should last 20 years! I’m at a point in my life where I want new with all the safety features as I’m 66, and hoping they will last 20 years, and by then there’s a good chance my driving days may be over (or who knows maybe a self driving car?). Also at this point I don’t really care about depreciation.
David, I don’t blame you for wanting safer and more reliable at this stage. One of the other reasons I decided to fix rather than replace is I have next 4 years of expenses in fixed income in CDs, Treasury Notes, MM. With stocks still down from 2021 highs If I had raided my MM fund to purchase a much newer vehicle it would have left me little emergency fund; I don’t want to sell stocks, yet. So, this was another good reason to pay for a $7657 repair vs a ~$30K newer replacement. But I think in 3 or 4 years I will be replacing it with that newer vehicle. But that gives me time to plan and set aside funds for the larger purchase.