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MY MOTHER AND MY future mother-in-law met at a funeral 37 years ago. They started discussing their respective families. It was during that conversation that they realized they each had an unmarried child, and they decided it would be nice if their two children got together. Thus, on that fatal day, my life was changed forever.
One of the stories I heard early on about my mother-in-law was how she lost a house to foreclosure. My father-in-law diligently handed over his paycheck to my mother-in-law every payday. My mother-in-law was the one responsible for paying the bills.
One day, when my future wife was six years old, she walked home from school to find a “for sale” sign on the front lawn. The doors were locked and no one was home. My wife freaked. She thought her mother, father, older brother and younger sister had left, and forgotten to take her. She started crying and began walking to her uncle’s house down the street. At about this time, her father was driving up the block and stopped to find out why she was crying. When he got to their house and saw the sign, it was his turn to freak out.
My in-laws were both born on 116th Street in Manhattan, just south of Harlem, to immigrant parents. My father-in-law was Italian. My mother-in-law was Chilean. They lived in separate apartment buildings. As my mother-in-law described it, “In the neighborhood, everyone was poor, but we were all equally poor, so we didn’t consider ourselves poor. We were just like everyone else.”
After serving in World War II, my father-in-law—like many GIs—wanted a better life. He got a job working in the aircraft industry building airplanes. He met a girl from the neighborhood and got married. They started a family and wanted to move up in the world by buying their very own house in the suburbs of Long Island. Life was good—until it wasn’t.
My mother-in-law had a soft touch for people in need. Their next-door neighbor was struggling with financial problems, and my mother-in-law wanted to help out. Instead of paying the mortgage with the money her husband was giving her, she gave it to the neighbor. Apparently, this went on for a while until the mortgage company foreclosed.
My wife has often described her family life as exactly like the TV show All in the Family, with my father-in-law as Archie Bunker, and often yelling at my mother-in-law, who played Edith. Indeed, I often witnessed these Archie Bunker-like rants by my five-foot-tall father-in-law.
What I wanted to know: If my father-in-law would scream at his wife for every mistake she made, why didn’t he divorce her after she lost the house that he’d worked so hard to save up for?
His answer shocked me: “Oh, she was young and she just wanted to help the neighbor.” That’s it? I couldn’t believe Archie Bunker was saying this.
I immediately got nervous and wondered if this financial thinking was hereditary, and whether my wife had inherited this same defective gene. From that point on, I’ve handled our finances. I’m happy to report that we live debt-free.
But that isn’t the end of the story. My in-laws became ill in 2021 and were forced to sell their home in a 55-plus community in Sun City, South Carolina, and move into an assisted living apartment. My sister-in-law asked me to help her go through their financial papers to see if there were any problems.
Even after her early hiccup, my mother-in-law had continued to handle the family finances. In reviewing their credit card statements, I discovered that my mother-in-law had set up auto-pay, so the utilities and other bills were automatically charged to their credit cards. The credit cards, in turn, were automatically paid from their checking account, which was where my father-in-law’s monthly pension and their Social Security checks were deposited.
My mother-in-law was the last person I’d imagine teaching me a positive financial lesson, but she did. By reviewing what she’d done, it made me realize how simple your financial life becomes when you know your bills will be paid. It frees you up to focus on enjoying other aspects of life, which is what my in-laws had done. My mother-in-law’s rationale for this arrangement: When they were traveling, she wanted to be sure the bills were paid while they were gone.
My mother-in-law passed away in 2022. After her death, my father-in-law never got the hang of paying the bills. Instead, that responsibility has fallen to their other daughter—my sister-in-law.
David Gartland was born and raised on Long Island, New York, and has lived in central New Jersey since 1987. He earned a bachelor’s degree in math from the State University of New York at Cortland and holds various professional insurance designations. Dave’s property and casualty insurance career with different companies lasted 42 years. He’s been married 36 years, and has a son with special needs. Dave has identified three areas of interest that he focuses on to enjoy retirement: exploring, learning and accomplishing. Pursuing any one of these leads to contentment. Check out Dave’s earlier articles.
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Except for cable, I’ve never seen a utility that will accept credit cards without going through a third party with an added convenience fee.
I’ve used autopay for years without any problems. My bank will text me if a new or unusually high ACH transaction occurs. T-Mobile texts me with the bill amount and when they are going to submit it through ACH, again when they actually do submit it, and a third time when they receive the payment. With credit cards I use a virtual card if possible or Google Pay or PayPal.
I signed up a few months ago for community solar electric power, which is billed through my regular electric utility. The bill that I get is always much higher than the actual amount. By the time it’s autopaid, they’ve resolved it with the solar company and the amount charged is corrected.
Regarding autopay: My bank and credit card issuers give me a heads up by email before those charges hit my account. If anything looks amiss, I can look into it before the $$ is sucked out of my account. So far I have never had a problem with it.
For all the reasons stated, autopay is great. One of my utilities even deducts $5/month for using autopay and another $5 if I go paperless. Though I could get cash back by putting everything on credit cards like your mother in law, I’m leery of issues when the card is compromised (note that I say”when,” not “if”), so the utilities and mortgage are paid from checking, and using two different banks “just in case.”
Unless, of course, the electric company accidentally bills you for $1500 instead of $150, the bill is paid, and no one notices.
This is why I don’t use autopay – all bills are subject to review.
You can get paper statements, as I do for some of my autopay bills, or simply review the credit card or bank statements as soon as they are available. I’ve never had a problem in three years of auto pay.
When the movie come out? Thanks for all your posts!
Good article. I pay everything online, but I prefer to pull the trigger myself, as opposed to giving a vendor authorization to access my checking account. All my bills are arranged to come due at the same time, so I only have to pay them once a month.
David, don’t leave us hanging. What happened after they lost the house? That’s a pretty big crisis to recover from.
I pay virtually all my ongoing bills the same way except I now skip the credit card part and have the vendors take the payment directly from a designated bank account for the bills. I found the utilities wouldn’t or couldn’t go to credit cards so I wanted them all the same.
Amazing story. Your Mother Fathers generation gave thier money, blood and sweat to set up their children.
That is a great lesson. I can’t imagine not having bills on autopay.