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THERE ARE TWO TYPES of mistake I make: those that are unintentional and those where I should have known what would happen.
After an unintentional mistake, I’m perplexed by what went wrong. I might say to myself “I’ll never do that again” or perhaps “what the heck just happened?” These are genuine mistakes, and I try to learn from them.
By contrast, stupid mistakes are those that I should have known would occur. No matter how many college degrees we have or how many years on the job, we all make stupid mistakes. What counts as a stupid mistake? We know we’re doing something wrong, and yet we still go ahead. A stupid mistake happens when we don’t pay enough attention to what we’re doing.
When I take a cookie sheet out of a hot oven without bothering to put on oven mitts, that’s a stupid mistake. I might grab the tray one-handed using a dish towel. Too often the result is singed fingers on my ungloved hand.
Another example of a stupid mistake—which fortunately hasn’t happened to me—is glancing down at a text on your cellphone while driving. The scenery changes pretty fast at 60 mph. In an instant, you can be in trouble.
An error that I make regularly is forgetting to save all documents before shutting down my computer. I should know better by now. Forgetting my wedding anniversary is another stupid mistake. After all, it falls on the same date every year.
To be sure, intentionally doing something that results in a less-than-satisfactory outcome isn’t always a stupid mistake. For instance, making an investment decision that doesn’t work out can be classified as risk-taking, not stupidity. We knew it might not work in our favor, but we decided to “take a chance” in the hope of a gain. Those are deliberate decisions with unfavorable outcomes, not stupid mistakes.
For me, it’s the stupid mistakes that prompt the most self-criticism. Like assembling Ikea furniture without reading the directions, and then realizing I’ve installed the wrong length screws at step No. 2.
If you’re distracted and not “in the moment,” it’s easy to make a careless error. That’s why Thomas J. Watson, the man behind IBM, hung signs that proclaimed “THINK” throughout the workplace. In a talk to employees, Watson said, “The trouble with every one of us is that we don’t think enough,” according to an IBM history. Watson also said, “‘I didn’t think’ has cost the world millions of dollars.” It’s in those moments when the “think” light goes off that the the stupid mistakes get made.
We bring these moments on ourselves. We’re rushing through a project or we start thinking about something else. To repeat a phrase I heard many times during my education, “Give me your undivided attention.” If we do that, the results are likely to be far better.
I’M A FIRM BELIEVER in counting my blessings. I didn’t always feel this way. When I was younger, I was hung up on what I didn’t have. It wasn’t money that I lacked, but all the important things of youth that help boost self-esteem.
Once I began to count my blessings, I felt more successful. I was still aware of my failures, but I also saw my wins more clearly.
I describe this approach to life as an “attitude of gratitude.” The more time I spend thinking about what’s going well, the less my failures bother me. It gives me the strength to overcome my problems.
If I do focus on my problems, I try to remember how I’ve successfully faced similar obstacles in the past. That makes me feel certain I can overcome my current woes.
When I was a Dale Carnegie instructor, each member of my class would give a two-minute talk. At the end, instructors were required to make a positive comment. If we couldn’t, we were told that was the instructor’s fault, not a student’s shortcoming.
I developed a trick to find positive things to say. As I started the class’s applause and began to walk to the front of the room, I’d ask myself, “Why did I like what I just heard?” That set my mind toward praise. It always worked. I was never at a loss for words.
I do the same thing now over my morning coffee. What did I like about the previous day? Sometimes the blessings I recall are major. More often, they’re minor. That’s okay. The longer my list of blessings, the happier I feel.
We all experience hardship. We all have failures. Try not to dwell on them. Pain lies in that direction. If I stumble, I try to remember how I’ve overcome similar obstacles before and the many successes I’ve enjoyed.
Anyone can count their blessings. The trick is to remember all the good things in our life. The more blessings we can count, the happier we become.
David Gartland was born and raised on Long Island, New York, and has lived in central New Jersey since 1987. He earned a bachelor’s degree in math from the State University of New York at Cortland and holds various professional insurance designations. Dave’s property and casualty insurance career with different companies lasted 42 years. He’s been married 36 years, and has a son with special needs. Dave has identified three areas of interest that he focuses on to enjoy retirement: exploring, learning and accomplishing. Pursuing any one of these leads to contentment. Check out Dave’s earlier articles.
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I once heard a wise man say, “The answers are easy, the questions are hard.” What he meant was that we need to ask the right questions up front. Usually when I have a bad outcome in business or personal life, it is because I did not ask the right questions up front. If we are diligent in asking the right questions, we can avoid a lot of bad outcomes.
Nice reflection and good reminders, David. I would add, “Think before you speak,” and “Don’t be in too big of a hurry to answer a question, especially when you’re not sure.” I’ve noticed that some people judiciously ignore certain questions, thus avoiding the possibility of being misquoted or misunderstood. As board chair of a small nonprofit, I’m frequently asked questions that could impact the organization. Since I’m still learning on the job, I often say “Let me think about that for a while.” I’m sure it’s frustrating for the questioner, but I’d rather make them wait while I consider all sides of the question. And, of course, I still make mistakes.
Great article to remind ourselves that our attitude is so important to our feelings of happiness! My wife and I have a few friends who we always comment to each other are so Negative about almost everything that it makes them appear toxic most of the time. We don’t always understand why they are that way and no matter what happy events take place in their life, they cannot have more gratitude for the positive things. It’s hard to watch and they are still our friends, but we wish they could have a better attitude!
I know how you feel. When face to face with the negative commenters, I try not to respond at all or to say, “hmmm …,” acknowledging that I heard it but don’t necessarily agree. I think that some people are just naturally, temperamentally “cup half empty,” but can be encouraged to find more joy and gratitude. At least, that’s my hope.
Your Negative Friends sound like emotional vampires.