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WHEN MY WIFE AND I got married, she had a credit card with an outstanding balance. Back then, you could write off the interest on your tax return. Still, I hate debt and I paid off her balance. Ever since, she’s continued to maintain a separate credit card because I wanted her to have a credit history, so she could take out a loan on her own if I died. We’ve always paid off her monthly balance in full.
I’m responsible for paying our bills. In the beginning, when I reviewed my wife’s credit card statement, if I saw a large amount, I’d ask her what she’d bought and why she bought it. That didn’t go over so well. My wife has a different financial philosophy from me. She’s not foolish, just more easy going.
I decided I’d trust her judgment, even if I wouldn’t have bought the same item, and just verify that the amount she spent was registered correctly on the statement. I would then pay off the balance. That system has worked for us, for the most part.
The only glitch occurs when she doesn’t have a receipt. I have to rely on her memory to trust the amount billed is correct. When she doesn’t have a receipt, she says, “Don’t worry about it,” which is the direct opposite of what I do. I take a deep breath, write the check and hope we aren’t getting screwed.
Who do you trust? That was the name of a quiz show that was hosted by Johnny Carson of Tonight Show fame. When should you trust others?
Billy Joel has a song called, “A Matter of Trust,” which apparently is about his former brother-in-law, whom Joel sued, claiming he ripped him off for millions of dollars. I guess Billy shouldn’t have trusted him as much as he did.
Who is handling your money? Is it your spouse? Your financial advisor? Your brother-in-law? Can you trust them? What safeguards do you have in place to make sure you don’t lose it all? Remember Bernie Madoff? Everyone trusted him. Look what happened to their money.
Checks and balances are a common practice in business to prevent one person from stealing money from the firm. Usually, there’s a requirement for two signatures on checks, or something similar.
What checks and balances do you have in place to protect your money? It’s lazy to just sit back and hope the person handling your finances is honest and trustworthy. Some folks are trustworthy, some aren’t. What about the person managing your money? Are you sure? Better to be safe than sorry.
I got a big kick out of your comment about your wife’s credit card and asking her what it was and why she bought it. Early in our marriage it didn’t go over so well either….but after 33+ years it’s all worked out. I only ask her to look at items I don’t recognize or look funny to make sure they are legit. She has a separate checking account and puts half her monthly pension into it. I don’t know and don’t want to know what she does with it. The other half and her SS goes into a joint savings account, but she doesn’t look at it. I still work, pay all the bills and keep tabs on our investment accounts, but she doesn’t pay much attention to that either. However, I give her frequent updates and she “reluctantly” sits down with me once a year to review our personal financial statement (PFS). In the event something happens to me, she has the PFS, letters of instructions, passwords and a listing of our bills and investment accounts and would be capable of taking care of things. I’ve never given her a reason not to trust me but it’s all there if she ever wanted to be more involved.
All I know is “A Matter of Trust” is one of Billy Joel’s underrated songs – and is his only hit, I think, that heavily features guitar. Anyway, my spouse and I never combined our checking accounts or credit cards, and I love it. I don’t want her in my business, nor do I want to be questioning her spending. (We’re both reasonably frugal.) Now that she’s not working and I am, I give her an automatic transfer each month, and more when needed, but I really don’t want to know where every penny goes.
Early in our 37 year marriage, I paid all the bills, except my wife’s credit cards since she worked. Then one night she tearfully admitted she had a huge balance that wasn’t getting any smaller. I was livid. My solution however was to insist she start paying all the bills so she could see how much money we had and how much the essentials cost. The effect was not immediate, but slowly she has become more of a money hawk then I am.
My spouse has a Masters Degree in Finance (NOT an MBA).
She keeps track of, and pays, all our bills.
All I do is enter each day’s receipts into Quicken.
We are financially similar. If something is a small amount we just buy it. LARGE purchases are discussed and scheduled.
It works for us because we trust each other.
My wife and I have had an unwritten rule of not paying more than $100 without discussing. Has worked for 42 years and counting!
My first wife was into the martial arts; she had a black belt in shopping. Most of the spending was not necessary and was unsustainable for our income. I found grilling her over purchases to be demeaning, so I finally just asked her how much money was reasonable each month for credit card purchases. To my surprise her amount was $300, a fraction of her normal spending but reasonable for actual needs. We reduced the credit limit to $1000 and set up an automatic $300 payment thinking that some months she may need a little extra, while other months she may need less. After that she quickly maxed out the card, the $300 payment happened every month, we paid a little bit of interest, and I never looked at her credit card statement again. I am not proud of this solution, I doubt it was the best thing for my wife, I just didn’t know what else to do.
I just make sure I’m the person managing my money.
Every time one of our credit or debit cards is used, I get a text alert. A couple over the years were fraud, but quickly resolved. I haven’t the slightest concern for any spending my wife may do.
Her only question may be which card do you want me to use – to get miles or cash value points. Right now we are building miles.
Amen to the first sentence. I am fairly well educated in investing and invest only in indexed mutual funds and ETFs. A really adept financial advisor may obtain a higher return, but after his fee… maybe not.
Good advice, David. I got a chuckle out of your wife’s easy going attitude. Why should both of you worry when one can do all of it? 😉 I try to hedge my bets, and find the space between paranoia and naïveté, by having two of everything (credit cards, bank accounts) and two different people (adult children) as the “co-“ on the bank accounts. I’ve observed, sadly, with two of my three children, that partners/spouses can be the worst traitors, hence my effort to spread my risks, while still showing some trust.