FREE NEWSLETTER
WE ALL HAVE NEEDS and wants. It’s easy to know our needs because we’re constantly dealing with them: buying groceries, paying rent, getting gas for the car. Our wants, by contrast, are only limited by our imagination.
Our wants are easier to satisfy if they’re close to our current needs. You drive an older Honda Accord. Want a new Honda Accord? Not too difficult. Want a red Ferrari? That’s a different story. Your usual car budget won’t pay for a Ferrari.
How do you get the Ferrari? You have to be willing to do something that you’ve rarely or never done. You might sell all your possessions. You could sell your house, stocks and certificates of deposit, and cash in your life insurance. You’d need to raise a ton of cash so you can own that dream car.
Would it be worth it? If owning that Ferrari has been your lifelong dream, and you’ll only feel your life is worth living if you can drive down the street in that red Ferrari, perhaps you should go for it.
On the other hand, if you own a red Ferrari but nothing else, how good would your life be? It depends on what you value. If ownership of that car is the only thing that matters to you, you’ve arrived. But if you reach that peak and discover it’s not what you wanted, you need to rethink your wants and needs.
I’d venture to guess that we’ve all stretched to satisfy one or more of our wants. If it turned out to be what you truly desired, congratulations. Your focus and effort were worth it. If not, you need to move on.
In all of my early jobs, I sat outside the private offices in what’s sometimes called the bullpen. It was okay, but I wanted my own office. It just seemed like it would be so cool. I could close the door if I was trying to work on an important project or have a private telephone conversation. The “cool kids” had offices, and I wanted one.
It would have been great if I’d got an office due to a promotion. If the powers that be saw what an outstanding job I was doing, and how indispensable I was, and they felt it was only right that I got my own office, it would be very rewarding. I could say all my hard work paid off and I got my prize.
But that didn’t happen. Instead, when I got my own office, it was because I took a new job in Upstate New York, miles from where my family lived. It felt good when they showed me where I’d be working. My office. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
The problem: What I expected to feel sitting in that office and what it actually felt like were different. It was a nice office with a window overlooking the entrance to the building. But I didn’t feel any different. I still felt like me. Which was okay, but it was not better.
According to a popular quote—which, incidentally, didn’t originate with Thomas Jefferson—”If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” Whoever said this first would be disappointed by what I had to do to acquire this new symbol of power and status. I just needed to apply for a job, something I’d done many times before.
Goal setting has always been my way of planning for the future. Remember the song by Peggy Lee, Is That All There Is? That sums up how I feel about some of my earlier wants. I’m grateful I got to experience them, but I now know that my life wasn’t better with them, just different.
Viewing our wants with clear eyes helps us to see the flaws in our dreams. If the flaws don’t deter us from pursuing our goals, then we should go for it. We don’t want to be on our deathbed thinking, “If only I had.” Better to say, “At least I tried.”
David Gartland was born and raised on Long Island, New York, and has lived in central New Jersey since 1987. He earned a bachelor’s degree in math from the State University of New York at Cortland and holds various professional insurance designations. Dave’s property and casualty insurance career with different companies lasted 42 years. He’s been married 36 years, and has a son with special needs. Dave has identified three areas of interest that he focuses on to enjoy retirement: exploring, learning and accomplishing. Pursuing any one of these leads to contentment. Check out Dave’s earlier articles.
Want to receive our weekly newsletter? Sign up now. How about our daily alert about the site's latest posts? Join the list.
A couple of guys I knew way back went together to purchase a De Tomaso Pantera. The slept on mattresses on the floor of their apartment, ate beans, and scrimped on many things but they had the car. To paraphrase Meatloaf, I’d do anything for a car (but I won’t do that)
On a very small scale: a couple years ago I “wanted” to be invited inside a large home owned by a wealthy couple in my new retirement town. Eventually, by offering my help on a fundraising project, I was invited not once, but several times, including for some fancy dinners. Guess what? I discovered that, while my hosts were generous and welcoming, I didn’t have much in common with the other guests. I was glad to have been invited but I was also a little uncomfortable – these weren’t really my people. With the help of an insightful friend, I’ve learned who are the people and projects in my new home that better reflect who I really am as well as my true values and interests. As you explain, David, getting what you think you want isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
I’m pretty sure Chris cringes every time I ask “want or need”, but the combination of having a goal and assessing a want vs. a need keeps us on task. We had a couple goals, one to become debt free, the other to achieve a certain net worth. We had the cash flow for a Lexus and a Tesla, but owning an Equinox and a Prius keeps us on goal. Without the goal we’d probably be making payments on the former, as well as being among those with insufficient retirement savings.