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DURING MY INSURANCE career, I worked for a company that focused solely on certain types of businesses, or what’s known as niche underwriting. One niche was called senior living, and it insured continuing care retirement communities, or CCRCs.
These communities typically consist of apartments where retirees live alongside an adjoining nursing home. One benefit: When residents need nursing home care, it’s right next door. If they’re married, the healthy spouse can just walk to the nursing home to visit his or her beloved. This is an expensive lifestyle, however. You typically pay a steep admission fee and high monthly rents for the guarantee of nursing care whenever it’s needed.
What if you can’t afford a CCRC? During my research into the industry, I studied the life stages that retirees frequently follow, and saw that many folks took one of two paths.
Some active retirees move from where they raised their family to warmer locations, like Florida or Arizona. Once there, they often live in a community designed for people age 55 and older. Think of it as summer camp for retirees.
I found these folks tend to live in these communities until the first major illness occurs. At that point, they often move back to where they came from, so they can be closer to family. This is what my in-laws did. They lived in Sun City, South Carolina, for 20 years until my mother-in-law got sick. Then they moved back to be near one of their daughters on Long Island, New York.
A second popular option for retirees is to stay where they raised their family and live in that same house until they die. This is aging in place, and it’s what my mother did. She and my father bought their house in 1946 and she stayed there until she passed away in 2007. My mother often considered moving to be closer to a friend, but then that friend would fall ill and die.
What about my wife and me? It seems we’ll also be aging in place.
I grew up on Long Island. My mother was raised in West Virginia. Every summer, we’d take the long drive to her family’s summer cabin in the northern part of the state. No friends. No TV. No indoor plumbing. I trekked across the yard to an outhouse. We pumped water from a well by hand. Those West Virginia vacations were pure misery.
One thing I remember from those trips was driving down the New Jersey Turnpike and seeing the smelly, dirty oil refineries of Elizabeth, New Jersey, and feeling sorry for the poor people who had to live in this filthy state. “Thank God I don’t live there,” I thought.
Then, in 1987, I moved to New Jersey for a job relocation. I’ve been planning my escape ever since. After retiring, I wanted to move to Florida, with its warmth and no state income taxes. But this plan was mine and not my wife’s.
When I raised the topic, she informed me she didn’t want to move. This came as a shock, but maybe it shouldn’t have. Our lives together have always revolved around New York and New Jersey.
Staying put has been a blessing and a curse. The blessing is our house is paid for. It’s big enough but not too big, so we can stay here and age in place. The curse, at least to me, is that the house is in New Jersey.
Maybe I should look on the bright side of living in the Garden State. I saw my in-laws move to a location that required them to evacuate at least once a year because of hurricane warnings. Unsettled weather seems to be everywhere. Florida is hurricane-prone. Arizona is drought-prone. Hawaii has volcanoes and wildfires. California has “shake, bake and slide”—earthquakes, wildfires and mudslides.
With these sorts of Old Testament threats so prevalent, if we were to move, where would we go? Many old friends have chosen to shelter in place with people their own age, moving to 55-plus communities. We can’t join them. You must be at least 55 to live in these communities. My son lives with us, and he’s under 55.
Is there an ideal location where we can live out our final years in peace and harmony? I don’t think so. My wife would like to be closer to her sister and nieces on Long Island. The taxes on Long Island and New Jersey are about the same, and so is the weather, so I see no advantage to moving there.
It looks like my retirement location is going to be my working years’ location, except without the job. Aging in place is our default. It looks like we’re here to stay.
David Gartland was born and raised on Long Island, New York, and has lived in central New Jersey since 1987. He earned a bachelor’s degree in math from the State University of New York at Cortland and holds various professional insurance designations. Dave’s property and casualty insurance career with different companies lasted 42 years. He’s been married 36 years, and has a son with special needs. Dave has identified three areas of interest that he focuses on to enjoy retirement: exploring, learning and accomplishing. Pursuing any one of these leads to contentment. Check out Dave’s earlier articles.
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I have lived in 19 states and 6 countries over the last 70 years. There are pros and cons to moving. Some places I have loved and some I have hated. I currently live in the arm pit of the nation and because the kid I adopted at 10 can’t keep a job I stay to keep 5 kids out of foster care (and I don’t want the 6 of them living with me). I’d rather live where is better health care so I don’t have to travel so far (450 miles and 945 miles depending on what the issue is; the later is where I have family and grew up) but I need to put the lives of the grandkids first. that means living in the deep south (moved here for a job and had I known what it was like living here I never would have taken that job) where I disagree with the politics, hate the weather and hate the health care but like the lower cost of living. Given a choice I’d move back where I grew up and have lots of family there (although I’d miss my friends here).
I currently live in senior hud due to losing my job over cancers 2 and 3 in one year and living where there was no medicaid expansion. Living here is like living in a college dorm and I hate it. I prefer my privacy – but I’d suspect living here is like living in 55+ communities without the larger apartments and amenities. Because people hang around (and here they gossip a lot) common areas certainly you meet more people more quickly (that being said there are very few I’d actually choose as friends and I am more of an introvert who is happy to do things alone).
I do think that if you are uprooting yourself and moving to somewhere where you have never lived before it is easier to make friends in 55+ communities. When younger I’d meet parents of kids my kid was friends with, had friendships through my job, etc. It is harder to meet people without much effort when you are retired without those “excuses” that are part of day to day life. You have to make an effort to cross paths with others in a context where people might be interested in developing a friendship.
The country is filled with “the grass in greener” folks who finally moved to those greener pastures and discovered the truth.
We lived in Central Jersey, (Edison-Princeton corridor) for 45 years. We saw our annual property taxes shoot up from $ 3000 to
$ 17000. We had to move. We did. But the clincher always:” Where are our grandkids? How often can we see them”? That is the state of choice.
I lived in Florida for 20 years and recently moved out after retirement. Florida has areas that are just as dumpy as NJ. Every state does. Florida has sooo many problems. Many residents are trying to move out but they cannot sell their condos. Condo prices have plummeted because of the new expenses required to bring them up to code after that huge condo collapsed. Insurance companies are fleeing the state. Homeowners and auto insurance are higher there than in my home state, Massachusetts. Even if you live inland, you share the insurance expense for coast dwellers because of hurricanes. The heat and humidity for 6 months is as bad as winter months are up north. Not to mention the fire ants and cockroaches as big as sparrows. Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?
Not all 55-plus communities require everyone to be 55. At my community, only one spouse must be 55, and 10% of the residents can be 45 or older. I believe we also have exceptions for kids with disabilities
Why the hate on NJ? Yes, there are undesirable areas in NJ (like there are in all states), but also incredibly beautiful, desirable areas as well. Nice historic small towns and such. Easy access to NYC and all it has to offer.
Hi Dave – where in Jersey do you live? I lived a short 3 years in Flemington NJ and it was by far my favorite of all the places I have lived in my life. I grew up in Westchester County NY, and I currently live in Northern Virginia.
One suggestion to couples about retirement planning: It really helps to discuss, VERY specifically, each person’s vision for retirement. I was always amazed when I would hear guys I worked with describe their retirement plans (using the equity from sale of the family home, for example, to finance retirement ) when I knew their wives had expressed totally different opinions on where & how they expected to live. Financial planning should take into account both spouses’ dreams to be effective.
I’m here to defend New Jersey, where I was born, raised, went to college at Rutgers, and still live. A filthy state? Sure, the industrial area off the New Jersey Turnpike is downright ugly and I hate that travelers to Newark Airport see that part of the state as soon as they exit the airport and head to their destinations. Have you ever been to the Jersey Shore, hiked the Pine Barrens, climbed the Ramapo Mountains, driven through the rolling farmlands of southern New Jersey, gone apple-picking or blueberry picking? If you haven’t, you’re missing out. I just spent a week in Maine. New Jersey is just as beautiful.
True. But how are the property taxes?
Dave you should stop thinking so much about Jersey, it sounds fine, your wife likes it and NY. Like all places it I am sure has some good and some bad.
I can guarantee it doesn’t think about you at all.
It is my understanding that 55+ communities have to allow 10% of their residences to people under age 55. This could vary from state to state.
If I was indifferent to living in NJ or NY but my wife wanted to be closer to her relatives, I think I would accede to her wishes.
I will offer one piece of (unasked for) advice from my personal experience to anyone planning on relocating instead of ‘aging in place’.
Start getting rid of your ‘stuff’ NOW!
In our case the kids only wanted a very small percentage of our possessions.
And having to both purge and move at the same time has been a nightmare.
It would be a kindness to your executor to get rid of “stuff” even if you don’t move.
David, This article is a great summary of options for senior living. “I found these folks tend to live in these 55+ communities until the first major illness occurs.” I live in one, and see this very often. That is the reality. Enjoy life as long as you can!
My family has lived in New Jersey since around 1840. It doesn’t sound like your time here included exploring the state much. As I’m sure you know, there are many wonderful places far away from the turnpike refineries.
Travel west, north or far south and you will think you’re in another state, another part of the country. Despite being the most congested state population wise, I can show you places in the middle of nowhere.
After we retired, we relocated – 7/10 of a mile away to a 55+ community. By the way, disabled / special needs children under 55 are allowed in such communities. We have a couple. Actually, I think it is the law, at least in NJ.
You could do a lot worse than staying. Do as we do, get out of NJ for a few weeks in the dead of winter.
This is great advice, and agree that New Jersey has some beautiful areas!
Dick, I have no desire to live in New Jersey, but even based on a few days experience I know you’re right. Earlier this year we spent a few days in Cape May on the way to NH. One local who had moved from more urban/industrial NJ to Cape May called it “the only garden part of the Garden State.” Though I’ll also say when we headed south again on the way to PA we passed through green forested area I’d have never associated with NJ.
David, I know a couple in a CCRC in SC who also have a special needs child with them who would normally be too young to live there. And I’ve seen many 55+ communities where only one person need meet the age requirement. I’d do more checking before ruling it out.
It’s possible to wait to late to move easily and it’s pretty much decided by inertia. I hope you feel less stuck as time goes on. If you can’t move, I hope you can get out every year.