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We always told our four children they could attend college anywhere they were accepted. My pathetic college experience drove me to want much better for our children. Was it a prudent money decision, probably not. These days I am skeptical that college is even a good value.
At the time our ten years of college spending started, there was no plan, no dedicated funds, no large pool of any assets, except our house. It was an interesting ten years with monthly college payment books for two or three at a time.
Somehow we got through it with very minimal student loans which were paid off quickly-not counting our remortgaged house.
Fast forward twenty years and its grandchildren in college. Two are now in the same school at about $80,000 a year each. One received aid, the other not. Our 529 plans have helped, but barely when stretched over four years.
The next grandchild will start college next fall. He was into baseball from age five, really dedicated, took batting and pitching training, played on different teams, received a partial scholarship to a private high school because of it. He was focused on the pros. Suddenly, early last year it changed and he became totally focused on academics. He zeroed in on top colleges, his grades, always good, were even better. He just received early acceptance at his top choice, the 36th ranked college in the country with a price tag of $92,000 a year.
Naturally my son applied for aid. They offered $2,500 per semester. Not because my son if well off – plus his other son is one of the two in college now – but because he was told “you have assets and can take loans.” They counted the value of the pickup truck he uses for his part-time business. The college has a $4 billion endowment.
My grandson learned of the aid offer and knew what it meant. He was prepared to turn down the acceptance.
My son asked me if I still believed in children going to the best school that would accept them. I said I did – despite my reservation about the cost benefit in some cases. We agreed we can’t let this opportunity go by.
Now, how do we make it happen? Our 529 will help a little-very little in the scheme of things. We will help in yet to be determined other ways, but our dilemma is the other ten grandchildren. We need to be fair to all.
I suppose we could take the “not my problem” approach-nobody helped us with college costs, but I can’t do that. This is especially frustrating because the boy’s mother, who retired at age 47 with a pension says she has no money to contribute despite a requirement to do so.
We talk on HD about having enough, but these are the events in life that make “enough” a moving target. My son is investigating several options including remortgaging. I am thinking about what we can do to help make sure this happens.
One thing Connie and I have agreed on is that any significant help we provide will be offset to our sons inheritance so we are fair to our other children.
This could all easily be resolved inheritance-wise…but I’d rather delay that option several more years🥵
Tony Isola’s column is a must read for me every day. He posted an article last month that relates to this current thread.
https://tonyisola.com/2025/11/prestige-sells/
Something to consider before or after finishing college:
JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon says AI will kill jobs but maybe not yours if you’re good at thinking and talking. His advice: Learn critical thinking, emotional intelligence, writing and how to function in meetings. In a world racing to automate everything, being thoughtful, adaptable and decent with humans is real job security.
There are several issues here that my experience might clarify.
I went to public U in the 1970s but with great grades got into Ivy League medical school, which made my career. My education was better and the credentials still prompt comments, 50 years later. If I had stayed in Texas for medical school would it have mattered? I don’t know but I probably would still be there.
My two kids different as night and day have a different example. .
My son loved academics, English and poetry. His sixth grade public school teacher begged us to send him to a very expensive private high school, predicting he would be bored to tears in a public high school.
She was right. Back then the high school started at $22,000 ( but was more expensive than Yale) but he thrived, was valedictorian and was accepted to 10/12 Ivy League schools he applied to.
He was offered a 50% tuition scholarship to Rice but we figured the costs of flights back and forth from the NE and our expenses to visit would have eaten up most of the difference with a local Ivy.
He did very well in the Ivy League nearby , graduating cum laude, but, of course, majored in English and creative writing.He would have made a terrible lawyer or businessman. His only career path was teaching, but was not tough enough to teach in public schools, and needed experience to be hired in private schools.
The only reason he was interviewed for his first job at a private school was his Ivy League diploma, and even then he only got one job offer at the very last minute. In the job he excelled and with that experience he has his choice now of better more interesting private high school jobs.
His friends from childhood who went to state schools and majored in English, or Sports marketing or whatever, never got interviewed and are selling beer or real estate.
My daughter did fine but had no interest in academics and is much more of a people person. She did great in a vocationally oriented public school (Mostly agriculture and horses) and got spectacular hands on training in the FFA in public speaking, economics etc. She got into Cornell and did fine, but struggled to find a decent job, which she finally has after three years, now working in development.
My son would have been miserable in a less competitive environment, but if he wanted a career in STEM or business, I agree the Ivies would have made less of a difference.
So bottom line
1) It depends on the kid and what they want to do. I doubt in RQ’s case Babson is much better than the University of Massachusetts for “business”. They have spun themselves into this “entrepreneurship school but what employers look for are good grades, teamwork and enthusiasm.
With majors in a strong job market the school is less critical, but things change quickly. Just ask all the Computer Science majors out there now.
2) Your kid has to be happy where they are. My son hated the thought of going to the U of Texas although it has a great English department, and would have been someway cheaper.
3) If your kid gets seriously sick, it is very very worthwhile having them a day’s drive away or closer. ( the student health centers at most schools are awful)
4) Talk to people who might be hiring your kid in four years with a degree in Y from X. Look at where the graduates of the schools concerned go after graduation
5) the school should have enough variety in departments and faculty so if junior HATES business he can find a good poetry or at least English department
6) I have always thought you learn more from your fellow students than he professors anyway, so I would pick the school with the smartest, happiest students. I also think it is really important to pick a school where you will meet people different than you and from different backgrounds, if you will have to work for a living.
7) Where ever junior goes, he/she should get a broad based education, including economics, science and heavy dose of writing etc. My son’s best friend just finished a debt free PhD in Latin at the world’s best University, but can’t find a job. What will he fall back on?
So, I see a couple of problems here. There are only 8 ivy league schools, and Cornell is one of them. So, your underachieving daughter got into and Ivy and did ok – which is pretty good.
RDQ, I might have missed it, but what field does your grandchild want to study and have a career in?
I think you touched on three positive points to a college education when you commented to another “…the college experience, the learning experience, the personal development experience can be better at a small private school as opposed to a large school.” (I underlined for emphasis)
You know your grandchild better than any reader on HD and are able to determine if $92K per year is money well invested. Your past leadership and wisdom will help in deciding how to assist.
There are many stories of people who changed their careers after spending large amounts for a college education. Circumstances change and no well planned path is guaranteed.
Lastly, Happy Anniversary to you and Connie!
You raise a very good point. This grandson wants business. He was very interested in Babson college because they are strong in entrepreneurial education, but not the right vibe.
Our oldest son has degrees in architecture and civil engineering and is a licensed engineer. He did that about five years. Now he works entirely from home designing some type of software systems for banks.
Our second is a realtor. He didn’t like office work. Our daughter has a masters in education. She taught for several years and was really made for the job. She stopped work with her first child. Now, simply because she likes teaching children she works part-time at a pre-school.
Our youngest has a masters in business, and worked for a company in finance, but again can’t stand office work so now he is a project manager for a company manages buildings where he designs offices and manages construction projects. He does so well they started sending him up and down the east coast to solve other regions problems. But he is so into building he started his own side home improvement company which he enjoys.
So, given that all but the engineer went the same school, was it all worth it money wise? For the teacher definitely, but like so many graduates not sticking in the field where their education was focused ???? For sure it got them the first job, it turned out not the job or career for them.
However, I think they are all better off with the degrees they have, just not necessarily economically. Our son in law went to the same school, headed for Wall Street and is doing very well.
I don’t know what the answer really is. Sometimes the college matters, maybe sometimes not so much.
Thanks for the statement: “However, I think they are all better off with the degrees they have, just not necessarily economically”.
While I favor emphasizing value over “prestige” when choosing a college, there are other important benefits from education besides a potential boost in lifetime earnings.
My daughter picked Indiana Univ. over Babson 4 years ago. We paid half of what we would have paid at Babson, and she now works at one of the Big Four as a tech consultant. She has about 20K of college loans. Going with IU was a great decision
Sounds like he is still looking for other colleges if Babson isn’t the right vibe. Hope he finds a suitable college that won’t create a financial concern in his family’s support.
No the search is over
Curious, if the search was over before you posted this article, what is it you wanted to know, or gain, from the readers?
Seeking information is just one of the reasons for starting forum threads. Other reasons include stimulating discussions of financial issues and sharing financial information/knowledge.
Exactly👍🏼 And there was a lot of stimulating discussion on this one. I learn from reading other perspectives.
Peer relationships are incredibly important. It is probably easier for the young adult to get involved with a high achieving group at more selective school. Avoiding the slacker group that is there for the social life only.
I think that is important.
My earlier post was cut short. Quinn NOBODY cares what school you attend. They simply want to know if you can do the job. State schools are just as good (and in many cases better), than well known schools. They are greedy SOB’s if they’re not willing to spend some of their own money (serious money) on their students. You would have been much better off sending the grandkids to a state school and giving them the rest to begin their lives. At the end of the day NOBODY cares what name is on the certificate. I thought you were smarter than that. Guess I was wrong. As a government employee I worked with kids who went to “ivory league” i.e. expensive schools and they ended up working for me. We’ve been duped as a society. It’s time to wake up.
As I said before, after getting your first job, nobody does care, it’s all up to you and your performance on the job which includes working with others. Are the high prices worth it?
Probably not, but I still feel the college experience, the learning experience, the personal development experience can be better at a small private school as opposed to a large school. And as we have also said, it is important for the student to feel at home, fit in, feel comfortable where they go to school otherwise it may all be a waste.
I also look at 4 a 6 year graduation rates. If a large public school takes six years to graduate it seems some of the advantage is lost
a bit harsh for this group, Regan. I come here for new facts and ideas and financial education, and rational debate if it happens.
Many colleges will provide discounts that are not need based especially if the child has scores that are higher than their average admittee. You often have to ask for it.
This is true in my experience. The unnamed school with the huge endowment that suggests the family take out loans betrays a cavalier attitude – seems like they are more interested in making money than in educating bright, hardworking students. That’s a shame.
When you get up to $90K per year might it be more helpful for the student to go to a $20K per year school and later give them the balance? Buy them a house at graduation. Any institution that charges $90K/year likely also has a huge endowment. It’s just gross to give an intuition this sum of money, knowing that is only charging this much because they can. At some point, the ROI is such that there is better use of the money. Some of this depends on the major choice as well. There are some specific degrees that lead to career fields where an IVY degree pays off, e.g. top level attorney. Engineer – many excellent lower cost options. But to become a elementary school teacher???
Very proud that my daughter attended a state university with a full tuition scholarship where she got a degree in early childhood education. Her school wasn’t extremely competitive for admission so they wanted someone with her high scores. She’s since acquired two Master’s degrees while working full time in the largest educational system in the country. One thing that helped all three of my children receive tuition scholarships was us spending a lot of money on an excellent private high school. Another factor was geographic diversity. We moved out of NYC to a much smaller city. Schools don’t like their students to all come from a few large cities, imho.
This is such a difficult and emotionally fraught issue. We’re going through the college process now with our own kids (20, 18, and 15), and it’s clear to me that they and their friends, even though very bright, don’t have the life experience and maturity necessary to make sound decisions on such a huge financial issue.
Despite providing them with guidebooks and resources galore, our kids and their friends focus almost exclusively on the US News rankings and on the college’s acceptance rate (the lower the acceptance rate the better, even though many colleges artificially deflate them by encouraging students to apply that don’t have the credentials to get in).
I went to a small liberal arts college that was not highly ranked but gave me nearly a full ride scholarship (my parents didn’t go to college and did not have the money to save for higher education). I then was able to go to a highly ranked law school, even though I had to incur a lot of debt to do so, because I wasn’t already saddled with student loans. I got an outstanding education at college and felt every bit as prepared to succeed in law school as my classmates, many of whom went to Ivy League schools. But I was a driven student who was going to make the best of my education no matter where I went. It sounds like your grandson might be in that same boat.
We have been fortunate to be able to save enough money over the last 20 years in our kids’ 529 accounts that we can afford the college of their choice. And my wife–whose family, although extremely frugal (think no cable TV or microwave, for example), allowed her and her siblings to pick their own college back when it was more affordable–feels strongly that we should do the same now.
Our son’s decision boiled down to a “top 50” large, in-state university and a similarly ranked (but, frankly, more impressive) mid-sized private school that cost roughly three times as much. He chose the private school. Is he getting a better education there and making better contacts? It’s hard to know for sure, but I think the answer is yes. A tougher question is whether he could have gotten a similar education at a less expensive and selective school of the same size that would have given him scholarships. (Probably yes.)
An even tougher question is whether it’s ever worth paying an extra 260K over four years to send your kid to the school they like best, even when it’s got a nicer campus, smaller class sizes, and better professors. Had we invested that 260K in a total market fund and let it earn a 10% interest rate over 40 years, he’d have more than $11 million when he retired. Or he’d have money for a down payment on a home, etc. But high school seniors don’t have the ability to think that far ahead. Instead, they want to go to the “best” school they get into and show their friends and family that they are successful people. To be honest, it’s easy for parents to fall into that trap as well.
If you’re lucky enough to have been able to save the money to afford an expensive college, then I guess you can afford the perhaps ill-advised decision to send your kids to their dream school, regardless of how much it costs. But if your kids or grandkids are having to take out significant loans for an undergraduate education, even with additional support from you, I would advise against it. Perhaps you make an exception for a very select few schools that can open doors everywhere, but most schools, including a lot of great schools in the US News top 40, aren’t in that league.
I think this is especially true if your kid is likely going to graduate school. Grad schools don’t care that much about where you went to undergrad, and frankly it can be beneficial to be a big fish in a smaller pond at undergrad when it comes to applying to graduate schools (think better grades, better relationships with professors, better letters of recommendation). But the ranking of your graduate school definitely DOES matter and can have a significant effect on the quality of the job you get out of school, which can set you up for significantly more financial and professional rewards over the long run.
Sorry for the long post, but this question hit home given my life situation at the moment.
I really enjoy conversations around costs of College/Universities. I come at this question from the perspective of a tenured faculty member at a small Liberal Arts University (my spouse if also a tenured faculty member). Additionally our oldest is a senior in HS and doing the rounds of applications.
A few observations from my 18 years as a faculty member, attending a small liberal arts undergrad and then a top R1 grad school in my field:
I can say from many years in HR that seeing a resume with a big name school on it gets your attention and I can also say that the big name school is a poor predictor of job performance or career progression.
Sometimes the individuals attitude just did them in. Sometimes they seemed to assume the rest of us would just accept what they said as truth, no questions asked. Occasionally they came across as entitled or so smart, but minimal common sense.
I remember one time meeting in a senators office with a new staffer about health care reform. The staffer looked about 18 but was a little older with a Master degree from a big name school. I know because he made a point to tell me and then basically informed me they knew how to solve the healthcare care issue and corrected me every time I tried to point out concerns about his strategy. We are still waiting for that solution.
I know for sure one thing his big degree didn’t teach- how to deal with people. He so impressed me I haven’t forgotten the encounter after thirty years.
I think it depends on the field of study. How many STEM grads from elite schools did you work with who you felt were arrogant and unqualified?
Arrogant, a few, but unqualified? Technically I don’t know, but some couldn’t deal with people very well. Most of the people I knew were engineers which I guess based on training and education have a unique way of looking at things- even retirement planning, right guys?
I remember years ago one guy trying to explain his health care costs using a slide rule.
Exactly
Thanks for sharing. That’s a great story and an important lesson as well.
$80K per year tax fee is a whopping sum of money. They would likely be better off taking that cash and buying business. Happier and likely wealthier in the long run….
Two things. First, Richard, does your grandson have an ROTC option at the college he hopes to attend? That’s a great way to pay for college, still have the college experience, serve for a while as an officer (guaranteed salary and benefits for a period of time), then transition to civilian life if he prefers. The other point would be to have a discussion in the family about careers vis a vis artificial intelligence (AI) and its effect on future careers. The world may be completely different in 10 years and if I was 18 today, I’d be thinking long and hard about a career which AI can’t render irrelevant. Wishing your grandson best of luck. Something tells me regardless of where he attends college he will land on his feet.
Re: AI –very good point.
My thought is you have to live within your family means. My goal as a parent was to assure each of three children would earn a college degree. Their choice was to choose any college, we could afford. It is my firm belief the college you attend is not the most important factor, the person is. Somehow it was also my goal for each child to have Zero debt after college. I had an average salary of an Electronic Engineer in the 1980’s. My thought is what we accomplished as a family then, just may not be possible today with the increase in college costs. However, I am happy to say all 6 grands are attending college with no debt, 4 graduated and 2 to go. We as grandparents did not contribute, each family had to figure it out and they did. Balance what you can do and I believe as many others, children need to learn that idea of balance your funds to live life fully. You have to help make it happen not only for college but beyond.
This week I completed the transfer for the 3rd of 8 UGMA accounts at Schwab. When the kids were born we started with $100 and regular contributions each month. So far, one has gone to college. The others have not and the funds are turned over at age 21. So success is a relative thing.
There are so many ways to go with this decision. Let me offer a completely different take. I think it is far more important where my children went to high school. HS lays the foundation for success in college. Writing, math, the sciences. My girls were lucky to be able to go to the one of the best public high schools in our state and got a great foundation for college. Both had over 30 hours of college credit though AP classes and dual enrollment. Both went to great colleges, did well and are professionals now.
I had a terrible HS and struggled big time in college. I managed though hard work and sympathetic professions and grad students. It was a good college but I had no chance at any great name college.
I hope you all realize that this problem, as with medical debt, is an American peculiarity. In many European countries, and a handful of others, your grandchildren’s university education would be free or nearly free. Even in England, which started charging fees a few year’s back, you would pay the same at Oxford or Cambridge as at any other university. If you lived in Scotland and went to a Scottish university you wouldn’t pay fees.
You’re close on this. College costs, housing costs, and healthcare costs are related in that government subsidies and/or restrictions on supply in some form or other drive inflation for these goods.
I’m not sure that as many people have an expectation of going to college in Europe… certainly not ones needing remedial reading and math classes.
In my view people in need of remedial classes don’t belong at university. It is called tertiary education for a reason.
OK, if you disagree with that post, why do you disagree?
I wasn’t one of the downvotes, but I have thoughts about this. Several years ago, I co-chaired a task force for the UC system on the Entry Level Writing Requirement (which deals with “preparatory” [remedial] coursework in writing for incoming students—back in the day it was rudely called “Bonehead English.”) One of the points we made in our report was that the UC is a large, comprehensive university system that draws from all over California, which is a very diverse state. Some students are multilingual. Some are from economically disadvantaged school systems. They qualify for UC admission and may have some major strengths (e.g., in STEM, or in “soft skills” like grit and resilience and work ethic)—but may need some extra support at the beginning of their college careers to be ready for the range of academic reading and writing tasks that will be required of them.
We’re talking one extra course during the first year, maybe one or two more if they’re ESL students. If these programs are well designed and executed, and that was what our task force was asked to evaluate, they give the students tools for success that for reasons usually not their fault they didn’t get in high school. High school English in the U.S. is problematic because teachers have huge class/student loads and many are trained to teach literature, not writing. I used to teach a course for future secondary teachers called “Writing and the Young Writer,” but I don’t know how many teachers get to (or want to) take a course like that.
Anyway, what we argued was that having entry level writing courses was not a sign of failure but rather a tool for equity and leveling the playing field so that more UC students could be successful.
I’ll climb off my soapbox now!
The situation may be different now, but in my day you didn’t get into a British university if you needed remedial anything – although they did take older (“mature”) students who had followed a non-traditional path. And isn’t remedial education what community colleges should be doing?
I respectfully disagree (although I wasn’t one of the down arrows). The reason is here in the U.S. I’ve personally seen too many cases where adults got their act together and went back and got an education. Often some remedial education was necessary, and I see no reason that shouldn’t be accommodated as part of the state university system, especially since public taxes are a significant source of public university support. Providing that opportunity is, in my personal opinion, one of the best and most noble aspects of the U.S. university system. Plus it’s consistent with the spirit with which our democracy was founded, which when viewed from a certain perspective included a lot of folks seeking a second chance.
I believe in second, third and even more chances. Life doesn’t offer everyone an even playing field. Some students must deal with serious issues that impede their academic performance; others may suffer from poor educational options.
I do have reservations about schools here charging $90,000 tuitions. But paying that amount is a choice families can make— or not. By contrast, in places like the UK, people who do not attend prestigious universities subsidize student lifestyles of those who do. I find that unreasonable.
I taught for a time in Denmark. When I noted that some students seemed pretty old to be undergrads, I was told that their education was free, and the students lacked an incentive to graduate!
Multiple chances are fine, but if you need remedial education you shouldn’t be getting it at a university. As I posted, UK students now pay fees. If you are talking about countries where tertiary education is free, all students are subsidized, whether or not their institution is “prestigious”. The expectation is that the graduates will be a value-add for the society.
In my experience 2nd chance graduates often result in a significant value-add for society.
You have been in the USA long enough to know Americans don’t want to pay for anything that is free. We would rather complain about taxes and the government and the cost of healthcare and tuition instead of collectively solving problems.
Depends on the kid. If they are highly motivated to be successful a good state school is more than adequate. My kids were accepted to prestigious schools but we chose state schools for both where they had academic full rides. Both are now extremely successful in their chosen fields. My best friend from college got his degrees from state schools and is now an extremely successful doctor and business man. His son went to private schools and a prestigious college and is still adrift in life several years after graduating college. Every situation is different but my grandkids will be going to state schools (if they go to college at all) rather than wasting money on a prestigious name school.
Very interesting conversation! Where one comes down on this issue depends upon the granparent’s personal college experience, attitude towards college (public vs. private), current financial situation, and (importantly) how many grandchildren.
I personally had a unique college experience, coming from a very moderate income family and being the very first person in my family to go to college. I knew that I personally would be responsible for covering almost all of my college costs, so I let the government educate me, bachelors at a service academy, masters at a large state university, and doctorate at an Ivy League university. Of course, that “cost” me many years of military service, for which I have absolutely no regrets.
I personally feel that the value added by receiving an undergraduate degree from a prestigious private college versus a public college is not worth the (significant) extra expense. Perhaps there is some additional value at the graduate school level in some fields.
Having a “not my problem” attitude, for a grandparent that can easily afford to help with the grandchildren’s education, seems a bit coldhearted.
We are now financially secure and have eight grandchildren. Our children are certainly not wealthy, and fully paying for their children’s college (anywhere) would be financially stressful to them. Our solution (both currently and in our estate plan) is to pay an amount sufficient for the granchild’s undergraduate tuition, room, and board at a state college in the grandchild’s state of residency for four years, provided that the grandchild maintain a passing (C) GPA. If the child (or parent) feels that a private school education would be preferable, then they can fund the amount required above our promised support.
However, as this discussion thread illustrates, there are many different solutions to this issue, and all of them seem to be appropriate for that particular family.
I let the VA and my employer pay for my college too or nearly all of it. And since I went at night and Saturday I had little choice of where I went, they had to be close to home and work.
I think your first mis-step is in your first sentence. Your setting a terrible (sorry) first step financial example. I suggest “you can go to any college you want after finishing your first two years at a community college with guaranteed transferable credits”. Many can start doing this while in High School thru dual enrollment classes. What your doing, is now setting a great example on managing expenses. No difference in that University of Michigan diploma by doing the community college route. Big difference in the wallet. Better chance of getting the first college years behind you while still living at home where you can sort out what direction you want to go with your career. How many get an education not in tune with the work they end up with? Always remember the story where the retired attorney writes the big check for plumbing work and says “when I worked as an attorney I didn’t make this kind of money” to which the plumber responds “when I was an attorney I didn’t make that kind of money either”. I have a friend with two boys, one a senior investigator for the Department of Treasury in D.C. and the other has a plumbing business. You can guess who makes better money.
Dave Ramsey cites statistics that must CEOs come from state funded universities.
In the business world, several public schools–Michigan, Indiana, UNC-Chapel Hill, Virginia, Cal-Berkeley, Washington and Wisconsin are highly regarded (I’m sure I missed a few).
Interesting, but the vast majority of graduates are not going to become CEOs. In fact, some of the most famous dropped out of university.
Unless it’s a professional or highly technical field, it’s as much about the individual as the education.
Top U.S. Schools Producing the Most Fortune 500 CEOs (Undergraduate)
I would like to add another aspect to this discussion. Should we pay for our grandkids to go to the best school (not just college, but from elementary to high school), there is another answer, we have to remember that our parent is not rich and could not afford the best school for us, but our grandkids parent and grandparent are much richer. I also believe for certain careers, going to best school would certainly give you a best jump start to move to the next level. Surrounding yourself with the best classmates, sometime give your more chance to success. Many of the best company still only recruit from a selected number of best schools. Best professors would most likely accept the position of the best schools.
If I had enough money I would pay for all our grandchildren for college. When our children were off to college I didn’t want them worrying about loans.
Never having had the real college experience I rely on what I’m told and saw with our children and that is the entire experience matters and has a lasting impact meaning the environment at the school, the people, even the physical structures, the size, the diversity or lack thereof, relationships with instructors, the opportunities for positive experiences at school, etc.
I can image that varies greatly, especially by the size of the school. None of our children and so far grandchildren wanted to consider a large college, but like I said, I never had that issue to consider.
My wife has 1 grandniece and decided to fund her education from pre-K through high school at a highly rated private school. I actually thought it was unnecessary, but seeing the breath and quality of the educational experience being provided, I have to admit that so far it’s clearly superior to what I experienced in public school. I don’t know but suspect the early exposure to such a high quality learning environment will be very beneficial to her.
We told our daughters we’d cover private junior school fees (age 5 to 11) for the grandchildren, but with one condition: only if they didn’t get into a specific state school that performed just as well academically as the private alternatives nearby. As it turned out, both kids were accepted, so we didn’t need to pay after all.
We’re planning for grandchildren, so this issue is relevant to me. I agree with many of the commenters here that ‘elite’ schools generally shouldn’t — and usually don’t — determine long-term success.
That said, if a family does want to fully self-fund attendance at one of these schools, the numbers are sobering. Fully funding two children using 529 plans would require contributing roughly $14,000 per year per child from birth through college. If those contributions represent 10% of after-tax income, the household income required is on the order of $420,000 per year.
For families below that level, it’s worth seriously considering more affordable — and often equally effective — college options.
Here is a link to the NYT op ed from a few days ago.
Edhttps://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/10/opinion/college-admission-early-decision-application.html?unlocked_article_code=1.8E8.48cO.Svah2Q4xNh2I&smid=nytcore-ios-share
Yup, in our case there was an out though, but it is a racket as they explained.
From a lot of discussion over the years with people who grew up in the Northeast of the US, I feel that there is a different philosophical feeling about the value of particular private schools vs. those of us who grew up in the West. We don’t perceive a difference in the value of an undergraduate degree from “best schools” compared to state universities like the University of California, or the University of Washington.
Indeed, a person who graduates with a degree in Elementary Education from Stanford University, or USC, will not fare better in the job market than a person with a similar degree from Cal State Hayward, or WSU in Eastern WA. They, however will have spent $248,000 on tuition for four years vs. a quarter of that for a state school in CA or WA.
And, both UW and UC Berkeley are top ten rated schools in fields like Computer Science, and other areas. The proof is in the pudding. My grandson who graduated from the University of Missouri, in Columbia, MO used that degree to win admission to medical school. How would a degree from some more prestigious school have helped……?
So, my approach with both my children and grandchildren is/was to have sufficient funding set aside to cover the costs for a four year degree from a state school. If a child decided that they wanted some additional panache from XYZ school, they could borrow or otherwise cover that cost for themselves.
Furthermore, with the cost of education today, even at a state school, costing 72X what I had to pay in 1967, parents and students considering higher education, need to consider whether the income in a particular field of work will, even over a career, be economically viable.
Does it only come down to the job market?
Could they be a better teacher, better equipped to motivate children?
I don’t know the answer, but I see the value of education beyond future income potential, beyond economics which I view as up to the individual and their career regardless of education.
In helping family over the long term, less spent for undergraduate education opens the way to potential help with home purchasing, weddings, or many other aspects of life that cost so much more today than they used to. The kids and grand kids will ultimately get all that remains when we pass. We didn’t accumulate what we have by making unwise decisions during our lives. Nothing teaches like the example we have already set.
I know that some of the prestigious private schools in NYC pay higher salaries and give preference to grads from Columbia’s Teachers College.
Sort of like “Needs versus Wants”. Funding for four years at state college versus a pricier “prestigious” school. I think this is sound advice for parents and grandparents who are financially able to contribute.
And just how much prestige are we talking about? It looks like the school in question is Tufts. I have heard of Tufts, I think, but barely.
We told our kids as they approached college age that our career choices (we were both state workers) meant that we could afford a state school and that if they wanted something beyond that, better work hard and earn scholarships and/or be willing to take out loans. One went to UC Berkeley (which actually was not especially cheap, even back in 2006 when she started, but it’s a high cost of living area), and the other went to Sonoma State after transferring from a community college.
I’m not big on the idea that parents or grandparents should sacrifice heavily for the “dream school.” When I was in high school, some of my classmates were applying to Stanford (I lived in the Bay Area, so that was the local fancy school), and my father made it clear that I shouldn’t bother. I went to a UC, and it all worked out fine, including that I met my husband there.
I urge all involved in this college decision to check out the government’s college scorecard. Not only will the site provide information about the average cost of attendance (and therefore, perhaps, some leverage with the admission and financial aid offices) but also data regarding returns on investment for specific majors and degrees and graduation rates.
I had the privilege of attending a top-ranked private college in the 70s when costs were low. Full-freight, including room and board, was $26K in inflation-adjusted dollars. Every bit of the college experience was exciting and it opened doors to graduate school. As a career academic, I found, however, that my initial college choice made little difference in return on investment. Honestly, passion and dedication to subject matter seem to matter most. Were I starting out today, I would likely attend community college first and transfer to a state university.
I also was a career academic. I went to what was then an inexpensive UC campus ($192/quarter tuition in 1978, and I lived on a $200/month allowance for rent and food) for undergrad and then an even less expensive CSU campus for my MA. Then I changed fields from literature to linguistics and somehow (good grades, good test scores) got a full ride to do my PhD at USC. I could not possibly have afforded to go there for grad school, so I was fortunate and am still grateful.
I will say that my degree from USC was helpful on the initial job market, but that was because the program I graduated from was well regarded and my adviser was a big name in the field. But it didn’t matter at all, not even a little bit, where I went for my BA or MA (except for getting into USC), and after the first time on the market, the rest of the career was about my own accomplishments, specifically my publications—and you don’t need an expensive pedigree for that.
I wish that the aspiring academics in this year’s freshman class across the country could read your comment.
It is amazing how much college costs have risen, isn’t it? I can’t really relate to your dilemma since we never made $92k a year in wages until 2010. I think if you have the money and want to help, it is certainly up to you and Connie. Our kids went to our state’s flagship university and have done fine. Our thoughts were that good students were needed in every field, in every state. I know you are considering carefully what to do and that is good. I also think it is good if you can help your children now vs after you are gone. We are hoping to be in the same situation one day. I will be interested to know what you and Connie decide. Chris
I received my associates degree and bachelor degree from a combination of two community colleges and a state college in NJ by transferring credits from one to the other. In terms of a learning experience, the entire process was useless. The instructors mediocre and below. In short, there was no value other than someone else’s knowing I had a degree. Granted these were all evening and weekend classes, but many of the same instructors as full time.
In any case, that experience tainted my feelings about college- there had to be something better.
However, I am a great believer in the declining value of any college experience over the years – but employers and society may not agree.
Simply put, once the first job is obtained, thereafter it’s up to the individual to prove themselves, to add value for their employer to manage their own career. Hopefully, their college experience will help them do that, but no guarantees.
I recall when working, among our department I had the very least prestigious education. Several people had those big name degrees. One woman had a PhD from Stanford. Frankly I was embarrassed when the topic of college came up.
In the end, career and income- wise I surpassed them all. I wasn’t smarter than the others, but I did know how to make things happen, how to read people, how to to see the practical side of things and I knew not to make promises or commitments unless I was sure I could keep them.
In other words, the advantage of street smarts over book smarts. The downside is that road to success may take longer as it did in my case.
My experience has been quite different than yours. Over the years I’ve sat in a lot of classes between 1 community college, 2 universities, the military, and various training classes during my corporate and government careers. I’ve found at least 80% of the time instructors were knowledgeable and interested in teaching the material. Occasionally I’d have a poor instructor, but usually if I didn’t learn something in a class it was because I didn’t want to be there and the fault was mine.
I had a writing class in college. The instructor entered the classroom and said the entire grade would be based on a paper on any subject to be turned in at the end of the semester.
He then proceeded to spend the entire class writing examples of “any topic” on the board. His examples continued the next class. I never went to class after that.
I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t happen at Notre Dame.
That certainly didn’t happen to me at the (extremely affordable) state university I went to. At least 80% (maybe more) of my instructors were at least satisfactory.
My final job was in a writing program at a UC. I’m happy to report that writing instruction has evolved quite a bit since you were in college. I think it’s more when you went to college and less so about where—back in the 60s, people wrote one-shot “themes”—no instruction, no feedback, no revision—which were returned with red pen corrections and a grade and perhaps a scathing remark. Thankfully, times have changed.
I’m talking 70s but perhaps much the same.
When I was young, I followed Duke University athletics. I apparently talked a lot about Duke, to the point that my parents became concerned. This was in the mid 1960’s and even then Duke had a reputation for being very expensive. My folks were solid middle class, but even if I was able to eventually gain acceptance into Duke, attendance would be a non-starter for them. I think I was still in junior high school when my parents sat me down and told me that I needed to understand that they would not pay to send me to Duke and that I needed to find another option.
As it was, 25 miles from the Duke campus was NC State University. My BS and MS in mechanical engineering were every bit as good as the equivalent degrees at Duke. During my engineering career I worked with some wonderfully talented, bright, and productive engineers. Most of them attended state schools as opposed to the prestigious or elite private schools. Not only that, but some state schools are among the most prestigious schools overall. It would be hard to convince me that a degree from Duke, MIT, Stanford, Notre Dame, etc. is worth the extra expense.
Dick – more power to you and Connie as you thread this needle. I hope you, your son, and grandson can find a solution that paves the way for your remaining 10 grandchildren.
Logically I agree with you, but something in the back of my mind tells me there must be a difference among the schools you mention.
Are tens of thousands of families simply duped by the prestigious names? I visited Notre Dame a few years ago. It is certainly impressive, but does that turn into a better eduction? I don’t know.
I know for sure the sweatshirts in its bookstore were overpriced to the point I refused to buy one even though I wanted it.
My brother went to Notre Dame. All of his children had the grades to go there. None did!
I assume there were different reasons for each one’s decision.
i think there was no real encouragement from my brother. The issue wasn’t money— all went to pricey private colleges.
Sweatshirts are overpriced at all schools. The bookstore is a cash cow for the school. Both students and visitors alike pay a premium for school monogrammed clothing.
They are for sure, but these were $20 or more above what I had seen at other schools.
If one assumes four years (not, apparently, a given these days), and adds living expenses, we’re looking at over $400,000 for a degree from a 36th ranked university. Just how is that better than two years of community college and two years – or even four years – at a highly ranked state university? The University of North Carolina is ranked 26th in the country, in state tuition and fees $9,096 (according to US News and World Report).
If we were talking top of the Ivy League and someone planning a career on Wall Street or in politics maybe the connections would be worth it, always assuming one would make the connections if they hadn’t attended the right prep schools. But otherwise?
Actually when many schools report graduation rates they use six years which seems ridiculous. I bet a good education could be obtained in three years.
Out of state runs nearly $60,000 all in costs.
If we are talking New Jersey, Rutgers is rated #42 and in-state total cost is just under $40,000. Are six places on a ranking (and who says the rankings are that meaningful in the first place?) really worth $52,000 a year?
Agree, who says the rankings are that meaningful. Two of our children received partial scholarships to any NJ state school, but they would not have provided the same experience so three went to Franklin and Marshall and one to Carnegie Mellon.
Totally agree.
I would look at it as a financial decision, for me it would be how much the 4 years would cost as a percentage of my net worth. I would contribute if it is less than 5-6%. Also if you have enough money to live comfortably and your savings now is just keep increasing very year, why not. That is what the money for. (for what it worth, we both went to a small no name university, both my kids graduated from best public university in the state). There is no grandkid so far, but I would pay for any of them to go to best university they can get into, but that would be another 20-25 years. Hard to predict.
My niece in California attended community college for two years, did well then graduated from UC Berkeley with zero debt. A couple of years of community college saves big money and the final diploma from the four-year university is identical.
My older daughter went off to Berkeley at 17. My younger daughter wasn’t as strong of a student and went to community college before transferring to a Cal State campus. When I paid the bill for her first semester of community college—15 units of transferable coursework for $600, and she could live at home—I asked myself why everyone doesn’t do it that way. And in her case, she had better teachers and classroom experiences in the community college. There are some excellent teachers there, and they don’t have to worry about publishing, so they can focus all their energy on teaching.
I think conversations about “Is college really worth it?” get extremely skewed by these crazy numbers like $92000/year. Top tier public universities in each region generally cost 13-18k/year for tuition, which I consider very good value, assuming a motivated student who has equipped to learn by their previous education and background. As for living expenses, everyone needs clothes, a roof, food, etc, but they need that whether they go to college or not, and there’s no reason to go overboard. It would be very generous and reasonable to offer help attending a public university with residency status. If they for some reason want to go somewhere fancier, I’d encourage them to reflect on the reasons and value, and if they still think it’s worthwhile, to cover the difference.
My wife and I desired to help our grandkids college funding when they were born. We are fortunate to have had the cash to do so. The oldest is now 10, so she is more than halfway to being a college student. Her parents both attended a large state university. I attended a small, state university and my wife attended a large, state university. When we set up her 529, within a few months of birth, our theory was that we would invest in a 529 4 years of room and board at the large, state university where her parents attended. We continued that funding with the other 3 granddaughters shortly after their birth. Investment growth has approximated tuition inflation, so we are still tracking to our goal. Will the grandkids go to somewhere more expensive or less? Will we assist? We don’t know, but our kids know that we have backstopped a huge cost and they may be able to do other things with their money…home purchase/remodel, retirement, etc.
Dick, I recall from yours and others’ previous writings on this site that while the particular college one graduated from may carry some weight when interviewing for their first position, after five years its the person’s track record which is important, not their wallpaper.
Today everything, it seems has a rating. The “best” athlete, sports team, singer, college, doctor, hospital, fishing spot, restaurant, you name it. Personally, I think much of our rating and ranking is…overrated. Einstein reputedly said something like “Not all which is easily measured is important, and not all which is important is easily measured.”
I am a fan of education, including trade schools, apprenticeships, college, professional schools and graduate studies. And, it should be a lifelong process. More a journey than a destination, if you will. While I have heard many discuss the importance of a high GPA, I hear much less discussion about how much their kid has actually learned. Have any of you ever had this experience: I picked up an old volume, read a chapter which seemed very interesting, and then realized that I had not only read it before, but had even underlined or highlighted passages? Much of my GPA was a measure of my short term recall skills.
So I’m with you on assisting my grandkids, 6 and counting, with expenses to attend college or trade school, but some of the cost will be borne by them. As for the “best” I prefer they find one which is a good fit, not only for their skill set and IQ, but their personalities and preferences.
I agree, they share the cost and the best fit is most important especially for the things you mentioned and that is what all three have done. They made their decision not only on the quality of the school reputation and ratings, but how it fit them based on visits and even overnight stays in the dorm before making a selection.
If they are not a good fit I doubt anything will work regardless of the school. My granddaughter rejected Vassar because she didn’t feel comfortable there.
I would let father and son figure out how to finance college. I believe they both have to have a little skin in the game. You can always have student loans paid off later if he does well and finishes.
That will likely be the case as well. They will have the major stake in this for sure.
If you look at this from a post graduate employ status, I think many comments are right, including that ten years after retirement nobody cares where you graduated, you either prove yourself in the workforce or you don’t.
It may be different for some professional degrees.
I do think there is a difference in the whole college experience though. The size of classes, the students, the way professors interact with students. I know that was important to my children.
My grandson was attracted to his school in part because it emphasizes community service programs.
That sounds like where a reality check is in order. Paying $92k pa to volunteer time for community service programmes sounds pretty perverse.
I’m such there are differences in both teaching and pastoral where a small private liberal arts school confers advantages to the students (perhaps they are shy or socially awkward or lack confidence….) that may be lacking in a large state school. But those advantages may be very difficult to quantify objectively. For the right student it might be the difference between graduating with honours or drifting and dropping out, but for others results may be similar.
From 1000 miles away it sounds like the grandson in your case study is sufficiently driven he could succeed anywhere. Difficult conundrum however to balance against another grandkid where the exact fit of school might be the difference between making it or not. Does equality of opportunity mean evening up their chances of graduating with a meaningful degree or strict financial equality? No right answers.
The volunteering is extra activities organized by the school. I think it will be a good learning experience.
I’m sure it will but equally there will no doubt be great volunteering opportunties at state schools with nothing like the price of admission. Or indeed to any citizen with the motivation to seek them out themselves.
I guess what I’m saying is if it’s the community programmes that have him sold then caveat emptor that that is not just a particularly cynical form of marketing by the college.
Tough situation. Generally speaking, I think the chosen major is many times more important than the chosen school. For disciplines in high demand and which require state licensure, any accredited school and associated state license will open many doors. For disciplines requiring a graduate degree, the undergraduate school on a resume will be a footnote. Only in very select circumstances will the undergraduate college name matter. Post graduation, the individuals job performance, coupled with a willingness to relocate to “go where the work is” (especially when combined with a plan to explicitly “move up the ladder”) will be more important to one’s ability to advance in a chosen profession.
I agree selection of major and career path should be priority #1. This lets you know if undergrad is only step 1 of a longer education career or the major chosen simply will not provide a return on investment (roi) versus attending a quality in state school, or the career path and prestigious school are simply not a fit. I think understanding long term plan on location is also important. For example, a degree at prestigious NYC college may not have same value if the grandchild’s plan is to move to Oregon. But if the plan is to work on Wall St, the prestige and built in network could have tremendous value. Extreme example but it gets the message across.
I understand that there are likely more unknowns than knowns at this point when dealing with an 18 year old but the $92k a year price tag I think reasonably demands those questions be asked. Choose a more cost effective and quality in state university and I think this offers more flexibility to choose major, or wait to choose major, or choose a major that on face value may not be glamorous or provide an roi, but may be the calling of the grandchild.
From my personal experience, my daughter went to an out of state prestigious university which was $80k a year in 2013 dollars. (Note that there were many expenses that the $80k did not cover, so budget accordingly). She was studying financial economics and after year one announced she was changing major to fine art (announcement came while I was dropping her off at airport to return to school after Thanksgiving Holiday! perfect timing). I asked that she evaluate the roi of studying art in-state versus out-of-state and we could discuss again a Christmas. She ended up choosing to double major. 8 years after graduating she still works/lives in the city where she studied and having a degree from the university has helped her career path. She doesn’t use the fine art in her day to day career but I am pleased she got to do this as part of her education and fulfill a passion for her.
Before committing to the university I also offered to pay for post grad at a prestigious college if she went in-state for undergrad, which she declined. Several years after graduating she considered post grad but this would be her’s to fund. She chose not to go back to school and her career is advancing nicely.
Was it all worth it? I think on balance yes. She worked extremely hard to achieve the academics required to be accepted at the university and as a parent you want to encourage/support excellence, especially when you see friends struggle to get their kids to do homework or simply study for a test. Those four years were tough financially for mum and dad as the 529 plan we had carefully funded over the years only covered a fraction of the costs and our daughter was required to take out some federal loans so she had skin in the game and to get the numbers to work. Funding this commitment created significant financial stress for us and should also be considered as part of the evaluation for mum and dad and not be underestimated. Also worth noting our daughter is an only child, if we had multiple children it is unlikely we could have made the $ numbers work.
This might be a topic for another place but I have always wondered about the “we have to be fair to all the children” stuff. I have a cousin who was very wealthy (like fly your own jet wealthy). One of his siblings was a plumber. When my uncle passed I often wondered if he really thought it was necessary to give equal shares of his estate to them. As of now both of my kids are solidly middle class and have comparable incomes. But if the day ever comes when I see a huge disparity in their incomes like my cousins I wouldn’t have a problem sitting down with the very wealthy one and explaining myself.
I see your point. We face that now, a significant difference in family income, but I’m not sure I could still treat them differently in any significant way. If the wealthy child said I don’t need anything share it all with the others, that’s fine, but the parent independently making that decision, I’m not so sure, especially if the wealth was achieved by an in-law spouse.
I think people place too high a value on “prestige” colleges generally. Education is a product like any other and consumers have a right to be sceptical about the bang for the buck, particularly re undergrad courses. In the real grubby world of employment the school doesn’t really matter past the first hiring.
I can’t believe for most students that they can’t get an equally good education at in-state schools, acknowledging that there may be some prodigies for whom the extra value of a carefully targeted programme is justified.
As for the “enough” question I think it is stretching the meaning of “enough” impossibly wide if it is to encompass all educational needs for all descendants unless you have real dynastic wealth.
I agree too high a value is often placed on a “prestige” college. My son and daughter’s chosen professions (Marriage & Family Therapist and Family Nurse Practitioner) both required graduate degrees from accredited programs for state licenses. Both (fully accredited) graduate programs were at state universities; one local and one out-of-state web based programs. Neither required out-of-state living costs to attend. The most recent (2020) cost about $12K per year for tuition and books ($36K total costs for a 3 year part-time graduate program). The other degree was a similar relative cost about 10 years earlier. The reasonable cost made them feasible and allowed them to graduate debt free. Because of the high demand in those 2 professions and the state licensing requirements (which tends to prevent over-supply), finding good jobs has been very easy for them. Today both are very happy with both the education they received and the resulting employment opportunities.
You really want to delay your final option for as long as you can, it’s better to be over the hill than under it. And I’d miss your posts.😁
I was thinking that it is better to give with a warm hand than a cold one, still, college tuition for 11 grands could put too large of a hole even in a larger than normal portfolio.
Perhaps you should revisit you decision to go to “the best school that would accept them,” whatever that means. There is nothing wrong with balancing the desire for prestige you might acquire from the school you go to and your financial reality.
What really matters when going to college is that you actually get your degree and that this degree provides you with a marketable set of skills. Ten years after you graduate the school name on your diploma really won’t matter.
Reflecting on your children’s college experience, do you believe their specific college choice meaningfully shaped their career and life trajectory compared to what a more affordable alternative might have offered?
Career, probably not, but life trajectory I think it made a difference, but not equally among them. Three of the four have Masters which basically are not used as far as career goes. We didn’t pay for those BTW.