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EVER SINCE I RETIRED, mornings are the best part of my day. I always go for a long, quiet walk before sunrise. The only person I usually see is Mark, walking his dog. It’s a great way to start my day. By the time I get home, my wife is up and we have breakfast together.
Last week, I had coffee with Eric, Rob and Craig. We met at a Starbucks in the neighborhood where I used to live. Our conversation was just small talk, but it was a morning full of fun and laughter.
I’ve found that these small, unremarkable moments are retirement’s best kept secret. As I age, I appreciate the little things more. They tend to give me true joy and satisfaction. Maybe it’s because my life is slower, and I now have time to appreciate life more fully.
Meanwhile, my wife is currently out of town, taking care of her mother, so I had lunch with a friend. We went to a small Italian restaurant where the tables are close together. You can almost bump arms with the person at the next table when you’re eating.
Rick and I sat side by side, so we could both look out the window at the people walking past. Sitting at an adjacent table was a young lady who was finishing her meal. She was eating the same pasta dish that we’d ordered.
When her bill came, she gave the waiter her credit card. When he returned, I couldn’t help but hear him say that the card was denied. She promptly made a couple of phone calls, then told the waiter she could pay using Apple Pay, which was then also denied.
As she sat there, with her head down looking at her phone, I discreetly told Rick, “I’m going to find our waiter, and pay our bill and hers, too.”
He said, “Don’t pay her bill.” Rick wouldn’t give me a reason. I suspect he thought she was financially irresponsible, didn’t deserve to be bailed out and should suffer the consequences of her situation.
Still, I paid the young woman’s bill—because all I could think about was what would happen if my wife were sitting at that table. I would hope someone would help her if she was in trouble. It also reminded me of my Aunt Louise, my mother’s sister. I usually think of my aunt when I see someone needing money.
When I was a child, my mother took my sister and me to visit my aunt in Blairsville, Georgia. It’s a small town where the main employer back then was a shoe factory that my aunt worked at.
At that time, my aunt was separated from her husband. She was left to raise two children, Linda and Brenda, on her own. She was struggling to make ends meet.
One night, we kids wanted to go to the movies. My mother tried to pay for all the children, but my aunt wouldn’t stand for it. She had too much pride and was stubborn. She was determined to pay for her own children.
I can still remember the movie we saw: A Night to Remember. I don’t believe it cost much to see the movie. But for my aunt, it took a herculean effort.
She rummaged through her purse to try to come up with enough change to pay for Linda and Brenda. She had no bills. The more I watched her try to scrape up enough loose coins from the bottom of her purse, the less I wanted to see the movie.
I watched my mother try to hand her sister money, but every time she tried, my aunt pushed her hand away. I’ll never forget the sad look on my mother’s face as she watched her sister count the pennies, nickels and dimes she retrieved from her purse.
When we got home from our vacation, my mother called her sister and told her where she hid some money in her house. It was the only way my mother could get her sister to accept financial help.
My wife sometimes reminds me of my aunt. She, too, can be fiercely independent. I often wonder if she’d seek help when needed, should something happen to me. That’s why I’ve tried to make life easier for her if she has to go it alone.
We’ve simplified our finances, hired a financial advisor, assigned beneficiaries to our retirement accounts, kept our trust updated, and created powers of attorney for health care and financial affairs.
I’ve also written down detailed information about our finances, including a list of all our bills and how they’re paid, as well as all the passwords for our online accounts. If she needs an electrician, plumber, handyman or even a pest control technician, I have a list of people she can call for help.
Most important, I told my wife the four-digit passcode to my cellphone, where she can find a treasure trove of information. I said to her, “Whatever you do, don’t cancel my cellphone right away when I die. It’ll be very helpful to you in the initial stages of navigating life without me.”
On my phone, I receive notifications by email and text message when our bills are due and when they’re paid. I’ve also set up reminders for when our major bills are coming due, such as all our insurance policies and property taxes. This way, she can plan ahead for large expenditures.
She can also use my phone to monitor our investment portfolio. I receive an email notification for every transaction made by our financial advisor.
Without my phone, my wife wouldn’t be able to access some of our online accounts that require two-factor authentication. That’s when, as part of the login process, a code is sent to your phone to verify your identity.
I know it’s impossible to provide answers to every question that my wife might have in my absence, but I can at least answer her two biggest ones: Where is all the money? And what bills need to be paid?
Dennis Friedman retired from Boeing Satellite Systems after a 30-year career in manufacturing. Born in Ohio, Dennis is a California transplant with a bachelor’s degree in history and an MBA. A self-described “humble investor,” he likes reading historical novels and about personal finance. Check out his earlier articles and follow him on X @DMFrie.
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Jerry,
Our public library has asked if I will put on a free class on End of Life preparations. I would definitely like to see any information you feel okay sharing concerning your class. I’m thinking of titling the class “If I’m Not Here”. What do you think?
Rick V
When I read about writing down a detailed listing of ones finances, my first reaction was, “But what if someone steals the listing?” I would highly suggest that one secures that list whether it is physically or digitally.