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I’M ALL IN FAVOR of striving. But I’ve also belatedly come to see the appeal of acceptance.
Should we strive for more, or should we accept what we currently have and what’s currently on offer? As I’ve noted in earlier articles, there’s great pleasure in striving. We love the feeling of making progress, even if our achievements don’t make us happy for long. It’s an instinct we no doubt inherited from our hunter-gatherer ancestors. Their striving is the reason they were able to survive and reproduce, and hence the reason we’re here today.
Despite my terminal cancer diagnosis, I continue to set goals and strive toward them. Each day, I put in hours keeping HumbleDollar chugging along, trying to stay in shape and working on various writing projects. Still, striving in some areas of our life doesn’t preclude acceptance in others.
We should accept the limits of our talents. We’re told that if we work hard, we can achieve anything we set our sights on. Really? We all know that’s not true of athletic and artistic endeavors. No matter how hard I worked, I simply never had the talent to be, say, a pro athlete or a concert pianist.
Sometimes, gauging our talent is trickier. It took a while, but eventually I discovered during my career that I wasn’t an especially good manager and that my efforts to write about topics other than personal finance never turned out quite as well as I’d hoped.
To be sure, some folks are more successful than their talents would suggest. Hard work may have played a role. But there was likely also an element of luck. That’s great—but it hardly seems like something we should bank on.
We should accept that we’ll never be fully satisfied. We imagine that our next accomplishment will leave us happy forever, but then we end up moving the goal posts and targeting some new achievement. That’s just the way we humans are: We love to strive.
But we should also accept that this striving will never leave us with that ultimate sense of accomplishment that we crave. That doesn’t mean we should stop striving. But we should accept that it’s the journey we enjoy, and the destination won’t leave us permanently happier.
We should accept that we’re unlikely to outpace the market averages. Want to outperform most other investors? The surest way is not to try—by simply buying index funds and collecting the performance of the market averages. Because of fund expenses and trading costs, index funds typically trail behind their benchmark index. But that’s better than most active investors, who lag by even more.
We should accept that there are things we can’t control. We might be able to control our own behavior, though even that can be a struggle. What if we try to control the behavior of others? Life can get awfully frustrating awfully fast.
This is crystal clear in the world of investing. We can control how much risk we take, the investment costs we incur, and our own buying and selling. But we can’t control the behavior of other investors, as reflected in ever-fluctuating stock and bond prices. Instead, we need an investment strategy that doesn’t depend on others behaving the way we want, at least in the short-term. Got just a few years to invest? Don’t count on other investors acting on your wishes and bidding up the price of the stocks you own.
We should accept our own mortality. We may continue to strive every day. But this can’t go on forever and, in my case, probably not for much longer. When do I stop striving and accept the inevitable?
I don’t have the answer, but I suspect the question will be answered for me. With each passing month, I move more slowly and I have less energy. I haven’t chosen to strive less, but it seems I am.
As I observe what’s happening to me, I imagine that I’m aging, like so many before me, but for me it’s happening over months, rather than decades. I’m not saying this slowing down is enjoyable. But it also isn’t so terrible—because I feel like it’s helping me to accept what’s to come.
Jonathan Clements is the founder and editor of HumbleDollar. Follow him on X @ClementsMoney and on Facebook, and check out his earlier posts.
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Coming to this late but I’ve always associated “striving” with another str word “stress”. This isn’t necessarily bad – all systems need a certain amount of stress to function efficiently but it does raise the question as to what you are striving for and for whose benefit?
Plenty of us will strive above and beyond in the workplace for a corporate employer that will happily cut us loose in times of trouble with nary a concern. We might strive for our kids to have as good an education as possible but if the experience makes them miserable is that a win? When we buy that much wanted new car is it really what we need or is it a signal of our status to those around us?
The more I think about the 3rd act of life, the more the words “enough” and “contentment” resonate with me. But we must remember that those are danger words to a capitalist consumer society. Perhaps we win by letting others do the stress of the striving while riding the general wave.
I find striving is still important in retirement, but it’s definitely a different kind, limited to things I care about rather than for salary or some other reward to be gained in the workplace. Lately I’m striving for multiple nice shrimp squats in a row on both sides.
Jonathan,
Praying for you to keep striving and surviving. Keep up the great work, and make peace with those you love and respect. Always found your writings and Humble Dollar to be great advice and about subjects to ponder.
Thank you. You continue to give the gift of your financial wisdom as well as the gift of allowing us insight into your journey.
Jonathan,
Ever since discovering Humble Dollar a few years ago, I have loved reading all of your insightful articles. Thank you as always for sharing your great wisdom!
Thank you so much for your insights, solid words of wisdom, and reflection. Truths to accept, and truths to live by!
Jonathan,
Wow..so well written. Thank you once again for your thoughts! Spot on about the index funds.
Great points. Also, many people focus on what they do not have instead of enjoying what they do have.
Thanks, Jonathan. Discontent is at the root of so much personal anguish.
I aim for contentment, and acceptance is a big part of that.
I am having to accept that I have less energy: no more six month trips, fewer events per day.
Thanks for continue sharing your wisdom, Jonathan. We appreciate you!
I think you’re onto something, my friend.
I read Jonathan as describing three fundamental levers in our brains: ambition, optimism, and realism. We can drive ourselves. We can hope for ourselves. But there’s a real benefit in evaluating where we stand from time to time. Pull the levers to speed up or slow down as appropriate. I have a good sense of where Jonathan is from his recent candid articles; that helps me think about my own situation. Thanks.
This reminds me a bit, of a Bruce Springsteen song, Badlands:
“Poor man wanna be rich
Rich man wanna be king
And a king ain’t satisfied
‘Til he rules everything”
There is a real tension in life between spending time enjoying what you already have, vs spending time striving for something new.
I don’t pretend to know where to draw that line. But you are providing a public service, Jonathan, to remind us to think about it. Because it matters.
Jonathan, so much in this article hits home with me. Over time I I’ve come to know my strengths and weaknesses, and though we enjoy an adequately bankrolled retirement, I still get the urge for a new venture. I’m also fully on board with index funds, but I just can’t resist keeping a small amount of money in a few favorite managed funds, you know, just to see if I can do better. Hey, it’s a better bet than video poker.
Please know Jonathan that your perspectives since your diagnosis are helping me to shape my outlook, in a positive way, on all things inevitable.
Thank you, Jonathan, for your wisdom and generosity
Your light keeps on burning and shining
“When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud
And goes down burning into the gulf below,
…
Now let the night be dark for all of me.
Let the night bee too dark for me to see
Into the future. Let what will be, be.”
Acceptance by Robert Frost
Just recently in NYC saw the rare influential early concept musical “Love Life” by Kurt Weill and Alan Jay Lerner at City Center Encores, which has among its songs one called “Economics” and another, more to the point here, called “Progress” about the striving people do, which turns out makes love look like a juvenile thing and “what is this X that’s bigger than Sex?”. The song refers to events like “it’s a panic, it’s a recession, it’s a Depression, it’s a crash! It’s progress — where every man can own the sky….” It’s basically saying the striving is the biggest motivator out there, as long as we are here, and it’s a very enjoyable number to listen to. Unfortunately the show had a good run on Broadway but due to a recording strike in late 1948 was never fully recorded.
Take a listen and enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rDc8XHXtwk&list=RD7rDc8XHXtwk&start_radio=1
I’m several years older than you are and thankfully pretty healthy. But I have definitely noticed that I’m slowing down as I age. Part of it’s physical—I can’t put in the long hours or take on grueling travel schedules I used to pull off10-20 years ago without thinking twice about it. I can still be productive, but I have to pace myself more. I also can’t work out as hard or as long as I would like to, despite five solid years of good exercise habits. If anything, I’m regressing a little bit. I’m trying to focus on quality over quantity in both workouts and work.
Part of it is also mental. The forced slowdown of the pandemic—which lasted a loooooong time in California—permanently reduced my tolerance for being frenetically busy and having a packed schedule. Though my work schedule didn’t lessen—if anything, it was harder teaching classes and running a department from home because every little detail seemed to take three times as long—we weren’t traveling or socializing or volunteering at church, and our schedules were a lot more peaceful and manageable. Once things opened up again, I had no desire to go back to the way things used to be. In an odd way, I think this five-year interlude will make transitioning to retirement much easier for me than it might have been otherwise.
Much of what you said resonates with me. One thing I’ve fought to overcome is my usual reticence. During the pandemic, much of my socializing with friends came to a halt and I’ve had to tell myself to get back out there and keep those friendships alive.
Astute observations in the effect of Covid on our life trajectories!
I was recommended a book titled “Overdosed”. This article pretty much sums up what I’ve read so far. One idea in the book is called “NNT”, number needed to treat to stop one bad outcome. Turns out, some of these meds we’re on have a NNT of 100 to stop 1 person having a bad outcome. But the research and statistics can be explained in a way that makes the outcome a lot more favorable than the reality. Hence the book “Overdosed”.
Jonathan, thanks for a great article, and for sharing your wisdom. There is one other aspect of life that I sometimes struggle with accepting. That aspect is accepting that 2 intelligent, educated, and sincere people can look at the same set of data and information, and reach very different conclusions. I’m sure we all experience this frequently and in a a wide variety of contexts. I’m humbled on a daily basis by the expanse of knowledge and experience this forum provides. I was also very lucky to work with very intelligent, educated, and decent people. Even where we didn’t agree, I learned something from all of them. An attorney once explained to me that to really support your side of an argument, you need to be able to understand and explain the other side. It was good counsel then, and now.
Rick, imagine the arguments that went on inside NASA with Boeing about whether it was safe to fly those two stranded astronauts back on the Boeing spacecraft.
Jonathan, your ongoing reflections on the approaching end of your time have more value than you will ever know.
My thought is that striving and acceptance are not opposing concepts — that striving for acceptance is perhaps the most worthy endeavor of all.
Jonathan, It’s not surprising that the reality of your sapping strength has begun to take hold.
I can relate so well. Physicality has always been a driving factor in my zest for life.
please keep striving. There is always something to strive for. Your brilliant and creative mind will take the lead.
when I get my cancer treatments, I bring my iPad with me and try to write during the long hours in the chemo chair—it helps so much.
Be patient with yourself. Best wishes always.
Yes as the Bible teaches whatever state we’re in to be content. But it is human nature not to mention bring constantly bombarded by advertising to want more, the latest phone etc
Thank you Jonathan for sharing your powerful words of wisdom !!!
Thanks Jonathan.
I’m partway through Strength After Strength by Albert Brooks that seems to have some good advice along the same lines. (I’m listening to the audio version which is read by the author and he does a good job.)
Thank you, Jonathan, for continuing to share your thoughts on life and end of life. They ring true and continue to influence my own.
Solid advice related most sincerely.
Thanks, Jonathan, for a profound reflection. I especially agree with the importance of accepting that there are things we can’t control and accepting our own mortality. I would add that it’s important to accept when we need help from others, especially as we age or become ill, or have a task beyond our skills. Those of us who are proud of being able to handle everything independently can find this especially difficult, but it’s a wonderful thing to be able to say “Thank you so much. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Nailed it. I believe “acceptance” is perhaps the most challenging aspect of retirement.
Sipping coffee and watching a bright sunrise, going for a pleasant walk with our spouse, having positive interactions on totally mundane subjects with our family and friends – we have to come to recognize the beauty that surrounds us in everyday life and realize the joy that it is “enough.”
Longfellow put it poetically in “A psalm of Life”
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44644/a-psalm-of-life
This is one of the few poems I’ve memorized (thanks to my grandmother). There is a deep well of wisdom in poetry such as this.
Thanks. Reminds me of the last line of Milton writing of his blindness.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44750/sonnet-19-when-i-consider-how-my-light-is-spent