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WHEN I REACHED AGE 70, I felt a sense of accomplishment, a bit of weird pride. At 75, I had a similar feeling. But when I turned 80 last year, things felt different. It was like I was an overachiever. Suddenly, the future wasn’t as long.
For many years, I’d searched for a high school friend who’d been my navigator at sports car rallies, but with no luck. Then, recently, I stumbled across his obituary. He died 20 years ago, at age 60.
Three of my four Army buddies are gone, as is my lifelong friend from age four, who succumbed to the effects of Agent Orange after three tours in Vietnam. I appreciate being 80.
Some people act their age. I try not to. Nobody I ask thinks I’m 80—at least that’s what they claim. I’m not sure how they expect an 80-year-old to act. I don’t like being perceived as old. More than once, while on a call with a customer service representative, I’ve been told I don’t sound my age.
While in Florida this winter, I tripped getting out of a car. My iPhone went flying and I landed flat on my face. I cracked a couple of ribs and smashed a knee. A young man rushed up to see if I needed help getting up. I didn’t. I thanked him, but I was embarrassed. Was this the beginning of the end?
Looking around, there are many 80-somethings who look and act 80-something. I can’t help the way I look, but I sure try to not act my age. I don’t drive in the left lane at 40 mph and I remember to turn off the directional signal—and the oven as well.
We all age differently, so I’m not mocking my peers who struggle. Still, it seems some behavior at 80 is an extension of lifelong attitudes and habits. Too many people go through life oblivious to important things around them. They fail to plan and consequently suffer. Inflation matters to retirement finances. Having sufficient money is vital or debt can overwhelm you. This can lead to financial struggles and playing catch-up in old age.
I asked an artificial intelligence program how to know if I’m old. I checked all the boxes. Yes, I’m 80, I have gray hair of minimal quantity, I have some wrinkles and I need more sleep.
The other factor it listed was activities. Eighty-somethings prefer staying in over going out late, and prioritize comfort over fashion. Heck, that described me at age 30.
My theory is you know you’re old when your children start giving you advice, rather than asking for it. What? Does my experience count for less as I age? I take comfort in knowing lots of stuff, even if that stuff happened 60 years ago.
There are limits, though. Once a three-year-old grandson asked me if I ever had a pet dinosaur. No, but I do have the latest iPhone.
Eighty is a pretty good number if you play golf. I haven’t made that score yet, but my age and my score are getting closer, and not because I’m a better golfer.
Stairs are not a problem for me yet, but a major one for my wife Connie. My pace on the stairs and walks needs to match hers. My appetite has declined. I just fill up faster and the doggy bag is now a way of life.
I find the simple things more appealing, like getting up each morning, making a cup of coffee, and checking on both HumbleDollar and my own blog. I also look forward to days when there’s nothing planned and nothing in particular to think or worry about. In reality, those days are a bit rare.
Nowhere in my research did I find that aging affects the curmudgeon factor. That said, Connie is more frequent with her “you’re acting like an old man” comments.
I was in a coffee shop recently and began talking to a toddler who smiled at me. After a minute, the mother gently pulled the child toward her, as if protecting him from a dirty old man. That hurt. I like being around children.
I also get along well with dogs. They like to have their back rubbed. Me, too.
We have long-term-care insurance but with limited coverage. Our chances of using it may increase with age. On the other hand, the duration of its possible use declines. There’s also a declining likelihood of our running out of money. Connie and I have lived in nine decades, and we’re hoping to hit 10.
Getting older creates new challenges. My Connie, age 85, is once again facing a serious health issue. Dealing with it is our challenge now, but we intend to press on with life and get even older. And we’re still grateful.
Richard Quinn blogs at QuinnsCommentary.net. Before retiring, Dick was a compensation and benefits executive. Follow him on Twitter @QuinnsComments and check out his earlier articles.
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My weird mortality moment came recently when, on a whim, I googled my ex-wife. It had been a while so was checking in. Turns out she died about two years ago. For some unknown reason it had never occurred to me that she could die before me. The feeling was neither good nor bad. Jut the ticking of unstoppables time. Max RN
I’m a tweener. My birthday is next week, and I’ll be 64. I have always looked younger than my actual age—my mom is the same way—and I color my hair. People who don’t know me would probably peg me at 10 years younger.
But I look in the mirror and don’t look young anymore. Being a professor since the age of 30 (and looking 22) has given me the barometer. As I’ve always said, the freshmen are 18 every year, but I keep getting older. I’ve gone from actually being younger than some of my students to the same age as their parents to now older than their parents(!). And I’ve had a few “my mom was in your class” moments, too, which will really make you think.
I’ve always tried to stay relevant to my students by keeping up with technology and popular culture. But there’s only so far you can go. They smile politely when I use Bruce Springsteen lyrics for sentence examples in my grammar class. Back in the 90s, I turned several generations of students into “Seinfeld’ watchers. But my time is passing or will soon.
At 76, and aware of how my son treats me today, I am reminded of how I treated my parents as they aged. I remember clearly when I realized that my parents were, in fact, old and how our respective responsibilities to one another had reversed: it had become my responsibility to care for them and not they for me.
Its an odd epiphany when we reach this milestone: On the upside, we’ve lived long to achieve this status (and are still living!), but the inevitable downside is, of course, for how much longer?
We have aches and pains, dread having to kneel down to pick up anything, and sleeping through the entire night is a luxury. Our friends are dropping like flies, and any fear we previously had about outliving our money is rapidly receding.
Make no mistake, I am happy to be healthy and alive, but continue to be confused by the juxtaposition between my inner me, who still thinks I’m a lot younger, and the external me that regularly reminds me (and others) that I am old.
Thank you as always for reminding us that we are not alone in this journey.
As I read this, it came to me. I don’t know that our children realize or at least accept how old we are. This requires more contemplation.
I really enjoyed your article. Probably because I could relate to everything you said. Thanks for makong the effort to write the article!
Great article Dick.
At age 79, soon to be 80 I am with you. I often have people tell me that I look younger. I wonder what they want from me, and take it with a grain of salt.
However, I am very thankful to be active and enjoy good health… for a 79 year old person.
Best to you and Connie. I hope she bounces back from her issues.
John
Just turned 66 and like you, also try to not act my age.
Suddenly, the future wasn’t as long.
For me this truth arrived through the combination of turning age 70 and a prostate cancer diagnosis. I just got back from a visit with my urologist and a year past my prostatectomy my PSA is not detectable. So I’m feeling good about that. Now if there were just such a thing as a ageologist.
There is not a day that passes when we are not grateful for having a good life.
I will reach 74 in October, the good Lord willing.
For the first 35-40 years of my life I was always the youngest X, or the youngest Y, depending on what it was. Until I reached age 48, I never applied for a job for which I was not successful in receiving an offer of employment.
When I was younger man, I believed I would live to “old age.”
WHY? Because I believed GOD had given me too many gifts not to be given time to use them all. “Old age” however, has changed somewhat for me. I expect to live to at least 84, and I am hoping for 94…and I pray for good health until then.
I retired in January of this year. I just decided that I could no longer endure the overwhelming culture of DEI and racism prevalent in academia today. I walked away from a contract that didn’t expire until June 30, 2025…because I planned and saved and had “FU Money” put aside.
Like you Rich, I felt a bit of pride in reaching 70 and I am sure I will feel even more pride reaching 80.
Thanks for a great article.
Good post Dick. I’m 70 and also felt that “bit of weird pride” as you so aptly put it. So I’m guessing I’ll probably feel something similar when/if I reach 80. Thanks for the look ahead.
If you fall and people laugh, you are young. If you fall and people ask if you are OK and help you, you are old. No one laughed the last time I fell.
I turn 77 next week, but since I’m female I was already past my prime at 30 and invisible at 50. I have less energy than I did, I’m more careful about not falling, and my enthusiasm for travel has diminished, but otherwise I feel fine. I also appreciate that I’m very lucky: I’m living in a very comfortable and friendly community, I have a PCP who specializes in geriatric medicine (a true rarity) and I’m not worrying about money. A year from now things may look very different, but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.
Sorry about Connie – good luck.
Maybe I spoke too soon. I was a heavy smoker for about twenty years, so after Jonathan’s diagnosis I thought I should get my lungs checked. Just got the CT scan report – my borderline emphysema is now classed as “serious”. Perhaps the lung doctor who told me four years ago something else would kill me first was overly optimistic.
Sorry to read this news, Kathy. My brother in law, age 80 and residing in Charlotte, has been staving off use of continuous oxygen for his advanced COPD for 10+ years. He initially managed to enroll himself in a series of research studies for experimental meds, some of which I believe helped. Now, he maintains his medication regimen as well as his determination not to carry an oxygen tank, though I believe he uses oxygen while sleeping. Due to two recent incidences of pulmonary infections acquired while traveling internationally, he and his wife won’t be booking any more cruises, but still hope to travel domestically, probably driving. Good luck with your situation.
Maybe that mother was just concerned that the child might be “bothering” you.
RE getting advice from your kids … my son is a bright mechanical engineer and any time I’m “projecting” around the house his counsel is greatly appreciated!
Thanks for your thoughtful commentary this morning. I turn 74 later this year and am still navigating my transition to retirement after a long career that I loved and struggled to leave. I stay mimimally engaged in my field and have begun volunteering in a program that serves children. I think about not being treated as senior or old (what ever that might mean to those in our world) and being treated seriously by strangers especially when interacting with health care professionals. If I’m not out riding my bike or going to the gym, I wear polo shirts and other shirts with collars and nice pants. Small thing perhaps, but I do not want the 30 or 40 year-old health care specialist treating me like an old man! My two cents. Love your essays Richard.
You make a good point. When Connie recently became ill I feared given she is 85 she would be treated differently by the health care professionals. I told the doctor, she may be your 85 year old patient, but she is still my 25 year old bride. Fortunately, I didn’t detect any ageism.
Dick, thanks for sharing your honest thoughts. Great article. At age 80, I hope I possess your energetic mind, as well as the same agreeable nature.🙂
My oldometer won’t hit 65 for a few months, but I can sure relate to about every point in your article as I type this around 4am…….
Best wishes to you and your wife.