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I’m going to be 74 next month, and I’m beginning to realize that the little things in life are starting to frighten me more. If I were younger, they probably never would have crossed my mind.
When I walk, I’m constantly scanning the ground for hazards. A raised sidewalk or uneven pavement could send me tumbling—and at my age, I’m not sure my bones would hold up to the fall.
Every night before I lie down, I used to stare at the smoke and carbon monoxide detector that hung nine feet up on our bedroom wall. I’d hope it wouldn’t malfunction in the middle of the night. I knew it was too risky for me to get on a ladder and fix it if it did. It was a relief when the handyman brought it down to a reachable height.
Those lights in our high-ceiling living room have also been on my mind lately, because I’m going to need help with them too when they go out. That’s another thing I could have done on my own when I was younger.
Oddly enough, the bigger things that might worry others don’t bother me as much anymore. When inflation surged to about 9% in June 2022, it didn’t rattle me like it did other folks. My wife and I still did the things we wanted to do.
Years of saving and investing have allowed us to build a nest egg strong enough to weather the storm. I suspect the same will be true even if the president doesn’t back off on tariffs.
If we were younger and trying to build our financial foundation, it would be a different story. Back then, I’d have been worried about the tariffs. But now? It’s the thought of climbing a ladder that gives me pause, especially after an elderly friend fell off one. He now walks with a slight limp.
At this stage in life, we don’t buy much, which is another reason the tariffs won’t affect us as much as they will affect other everyday Americans. In fact, we’re more focused on getting rid of things. My wife keeps telling me I have too many tools that I no longer need. My stepson will be glad to know he’ll have fewer boxes to sort through when we’re gone.
Traveling is now our biggest expense. Even that expenditure is declining as we grow older. Big-ticket items like automobiles are not on our radar. We don’t drive that much in retirement.
Still, I feel for the young couples just starting out. They say tariffs could raise the prices of strollers, cribs, and all the essentials you need when bringing a baby into the world. These days, most of those items are made in China.
Those same couples will have other major expenses to deal with—day care, college, starter home.
Getting older shifts your focus in unexpected ways. The world’s big problems may still matter, but it’s the little things—the smoke detector, the sidewalk crack, the ceiling lights—that take up more space in my mind now.
What little things have started to matter more to you with age?
Hey Dennis, for your recessed, high-ceiling light bulbs, when they’re ready to be replaced:
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Commercial-Electric-11-ft-Pole-Light-Bulb-Changer-Kit-with-Attachments-CE-600SDLB12/100354521
I’ve used one of these for years. Our back stairs have a recessed light in the ceiling. Even for a youngster it’s hard to reach. This gadget avoided the perils of using a ladder on stairs, though my new “Gorilla Ladder” makes that a lot safer.
David,
That won’t work for my lights. I have LED lights with covers that need to be removed to access the bulbs.
Let’s see…at 62. Ladders, changing bulbs in these new fangled LED lights using that stupid suction cup thingy, ugh! Anything delicate that requires throwing on readers and straining to see. Mouse print on expiration dates. Splitting wood is no longer a great way to “just get some exercise” lol. And finally stairs. My knees bark at me every step. Gotta look for a single level ranch sooner than later!
Stick with taking the stairs as long as you can to stay fit. Sure, eventually a one level home will fit the bill.
Get a stair glide installed. It’s a lot cheaper than paying a realtor a commission, and you don’t have to physically move.
Yikes, at 62? Wait til you reach 82. Single floor home will be even better.
That’s why we moved to a condo. The thing is we are on second floor and the elevator has been working off and on the last three days. Needs a new motherboard – which is coming from Germany.
Sounds like common sense to me. When I watch at “disaster” U-Tube videos, they typically start out with “small miss-judgements” that compound until tragedy strikes.
A somewhat related topic that I struggle with is focusing too much on little things now that I have time and many of the major issues are taken care of or I just don’t care about them. But one can spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on some small matter that, when working, one would have ignored or put off for some time. Spec of dirt on the car, time to spend a couple hours cleaning it… It is nice to have the time freedom and enjoy doing a task well, but if taken too far, they push out time for doing more consequential activities.
Dennis, I so get this. I am a very fit 70-year-old, but a longtime diabetic with increasingly bad neuropathy in my feet. If you put me on a level, clean, smooth surface, I can still walk 3 miles in 50 minutes, but if you put me on a uneven surface, I am immediately in peril. I cannot feel my feet well enough to climb a ladder safely; I have to walk with my eyes rather than my feet now, so stepping on a stray pine cone that I didn’t see can make me wobble and, occasionally, fall. This past year, I had to give up using the chain saw (a vital tool on a heavily wooded 1.5 acre lot) because I fell over backwards while I was cutting down a small tree and the saw was running. The idea of going up onto our very steep roof to blow the leaves off after autumn season is something that died a few years ago.
Like you, I worry about the little things now, and I’m trying to lose that habit as well. When you start worrying about the little things, it is because you have tied up most of the loose ends on the big things. We had three other couples over for dinner last night, ages 58-80. The question came up from one of the youngest, “Would you be willing to go back in time, to any point in your life, with no guarantee that you could change the path you followed?” The three oldest of us (69, 70, and 80) said “No way!” Three of the five youngest were willing to go back, but none further back than their late forties. Nobody wanted to 21 again,
My best advice for all of us aging is to celebrate what you can still do, and try to let go of what you can no longer do. But fight every step of the way.
My second best advice, if you are coupled and have a partner who has been traditionally been passive regarding the finances, is force them to get involved. After never having done so, my wife has been reviewing and paying all the bills for the past three years (I know she is doing a good job because she asks me about the occasional unnecessary purchase I have made on a credit card). We have identified and met with both someone who will do her taxes and someone who will assist her with the investment plan after I am gone.
My third best advice is to find a good handyman. We have a guy who can do anything I used to be able to do and more, and charges thirty bucks an hour.
Chas. E.
Your advice “Celebrate what you can still do, and try to let go of what you can no longer do” is right on. There are plenty who are unable to do want you can do. A sense of gratitude helps.
Chuck,
You give great advice, especially about finding a good handyman. We found one, and he has made our lives easier.
Another great article. I am 78 and my wife and I made the BIG decision to live in a CCRC, none of those little worries, and no bills to pay, except the monthly rent of course, and your smartphone bill. All the others are taken care of. Some people want to live in their home, but many others like us prefer the NO hassle solution. And further, it is like living on a Cruise ship, unlimited activities, Dinner every night, and so many friends to keep life interesting. Ours is run by the PMMA, Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America. It is important to get one run by a long time solid group, as you plan to live there 10 to 20 years or more. We are well taken care of.
My wife and I are both 73. We added our name to a waiting list for a CCRC. We are hopping that the waiting time is not too long. We have been in an active adult community for about 10 years (Sun City), but feel the need and desire to be somewhere that offers levels of care
William,
I’m glad you found a CCRC that makes your life not only easier but also more enjoyable. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to make, as we’ve been wrestling with it too.
Nice article Dennis. smr1082 observes that being more cautious and risk averse isn’t always good, and I suppose that’s right, but in this context I’d say it is good. My thought as I was reading the article was that your attentiveness to these little things probably makes it less likely that one of them with bite you. Stay safe, we want to keep reading you 🙂
Michael,
I know some folks might think that being cautious and risk-averse isn’t always a good thing—and I agree. But as you age, you have to be aware of your limitations and make wise decisions accordingly. That’s why, as smr1082 said, we should strive for a more balanced approach.
Dennis, thanks for a thoughtful and honest post. For a few days after my recent automobile accident in the UK I felt – I don’t have a better description – really old. It passed in a few days, but there is a thought in the back of my head that I may need to think things through a bit more if I attempt something that didn’t seem risky 20 years ago, but probably is now. In the end I think we need to be honest in our assessments, and use our best judgment. Last year i bought a high quality “Little Giant” ladder that feels safer than my old A-frame.
The “Little Giant” is great. Can be a little heavy to move but rock solid once in position. The 4’ version (which extends to about 8’) is periodically on sale at Costco and is all you need around the house. Anything bigger is too heavy and prob not something you want to climb. It’s not the fall that hurts. It’s the landing. :0
Rick,
You mentioned feeling old after the car rental accident. I felt something similar when I tried to reserve a rental car in Europe. One website listed an age restriction for older drivers — the maximum age was 75, and they reserved the right to charge an additional fee for drivers aged 70 to 74. I was 72 at the time.
Mr. Friedman, please keep making your thoughtful posts.
I will also be 74 next month and your article certainly resonates with me. I still own a ladder but my wife forbids using it. I always enjoy your contributions.
Billy,
You’re lucky to have a wife who looks after you and gives you good advice. Thanks for the kind words.
Dennis, I certainly don’t want to add to your worries, but when I read,”It was a relief when the handyman brought it down to a reachable height.”
Knowing what I know about smoke detectors, Im concerned about what you had the handyman do.
Per AI: Smoke detectors should be installed on the ceiling or high on the wall, near the ceiling. Ceiling-mounted detectors should be at least 4 inches away from walls or corners, while wall-mounted detectors should be within 12 inches of the ceiling.
Please consider contacting you fire department for their advice as to placement of the smoke detector.
David,
Thank you for your input. I believe the current placement of the smoke alarm is appropriate due to the layout of our bedroom, but I’ll seek a reliable second opinion.
You’re welcome. If the detectors have to back up out of reach two options are: To pay your handyman annually to change the batteries, or to hire an electrician to hardwire detectors. Hardwired detectors are good for 10 years, though should still be tested annually.
I have an autoimmune arthritic condition. At 71, some days I wake up feeling old and stiff and some days I wake up with minimal pain. Regardless, I just get moving, do my stretches and body weight exercises and take the dog for a walk. Then most mornings go play a couple hours of pickleball. That satisfies my physical and social needs. At least for a couple of hours I can feel like a kid again, even though I don’t move like one!
I don’t feel “old”. However, it seems my body isn’t in that same space. Exercising caution is prudent.
Things can change in an instant. An aunt lived in Chicago and even at the age of 90 she would go outside and walk to the store, as her mother also did when she was 90. Then one day as she was crossing the street a cyclist ignored the traffic light and ran into her at speed. He left the scene as she lay on the ground bleeding. Onlookers came to her aid and called an ambulance. She healed, but after that she spent the last years of her life in her home and never walked that neighborhood again.
I too understand the need for caution. I was fit, never felt my age and was generally unaware of it until I got a reminder as I looked in the bathroom mirror each morning. I usually have to pause if asked how old I am. I simply don’t track it.
Then my appearance changed completely with cancer treatments and seven quick succession hospital stays for surgeries and to deal with infection, etc. I dropped from 170 to 135 lbs. Very much skin and bones. Looking in that mirror became a shock.
Today my weight has rebounded but I no longer have the muscle mass. I don’t walk as straight as I did only a couple of few years ago and I don’t have the stamina. My movement is restricted by medical tubes, etc. It wasn’t so many months ago that I could effortlessly walk or bicycle for miles. Today I won’t tempt fate by getting on a bicycle. So, I use the stationary bike in the gym.
There’s an old expression “When you stop, you drop.” It has been overused. In fact, there are increasingly days when I do want to stop. That’s an altogether new experience. There were times when I was much younger and in it up to my eyeballs as we would say. I would be tempted to quit. This however is something different, far more visceral and permeating.
I do the same thing when I bike and walk, and I’m in my late 20s. Having an awareness of statistically significant risks is just being informed and prepared. Plenty of young people take dumb or pointless risks because they just don’t think about it, even though it could be potentially life ending. You’re wise to start aware.
Liam, I resembled that! I’m lucky to have survived my youth.
74 isn’t old, stop talking yourself into acting old. Don’t change your behavior. Don’t act your age, act like you are you and always have been.
When I visited the eye doctor last week, he said I was a delight to talk to and he couldn’t believe my age (81). He said his older patients were mostly grumpy, complained, slouched in his chair and carried a cane.
Fight the urge to act your age, don’t be what people expect. Ignore the number.
There are things we can’t do, but ignore it and have someone do them for you. And when you walk, stand straight and don’t shuffle. At least you won’t look old. Ignore the stereotype.
Totally agree with your entire post R Quinn. I’m 81 and now feeling a bit of a strain as my 82 yo wife is in the midst of a cancer diagnosis. I definitely need to take things up a notch at I’m driving to multiple dr. appts. every week, taking over household chores, cooking, shopping, etc. I force myself to straighten up, move quickly, and just act young as I need to right now. Just decided to meet with my primary care doc to have a quick check up of my health as a precaution.
Dick, I know some disagree but I like your approach. I’m almost 69 and it looks so old when I write it down but I feel 20 years younger. I’m in relatively good health and shape so maybe that accounts for it. I have younger folks in my life and I try to learn from them.
This is a short-sighted response. I’m glad you’re doing so well at 81, but that doesn’t mean that it’s reasonable to expect every 81 year old to be as healthy. Also, since moving to my retirement community I have discovered just how much damage an older person can do to themselves by falling. It is really quite alarming. Now that my rheumatoid arthritis is in remission I’m in pretty good shape for 77 – I’m dancing, doing tai chi and a weight circuit – but I am aware I need to stay on my feet. I am also not getting up on any step ladders, even a two-step one. Of course, now I don’t need to, I just write a maintenance request.
It’s not healthy we are talking about. Health issues even balance issues are a different matter with a possible impact on our physical abilities.
Seems to me at any age we need to be aware and careful of possible hazards.
Dick, I find the tone of your comment unnecessarily harsh. Thanks to cancer, over the past 12 months, I’ve gone from an extremely fit 61-year-old who bicycled 20 miles every morning to a broken down 62-year-old who navigates the world with great caution. As I walk, I scan the sidewalk for uneven spots and I keep a close eye on those approaching me, fearful they’ll barrel into me and send me flying. Like Dennis, I’m sanguine about tariffs and tumbling share prices, but concerned about how to handle mundane household chores without causing myself harm.
Mr. Clements, thank you for this response.
The comment was intended to be uplifting not harsh. Illness aside, the way we grow old has much to do with our outlook and attitude. It’s not hard to find examples of two people the same age with very different persona.
Illness of various kinds can make a difference. I see that with Connie who struggles every day, but absent those issues, I think my point of view is valid. Try not to look, feel or act old.
As i said, there are things we can’t do and probably shouldn’t. I ask for help when necessary
You know, this sounds a lot like the annoying people who claim a positive attitude will beat cancer. Someone with two hip replacements and a bad back is not going to be standing straight no matter how much they “feel” young. Not using a cane when you need one because you don’t want to look old leads to falls which may lead to surgery. (One of my neighbors needed shoulder replacement after a simple fall: his wife had been begging him to use a cane.)
“Stop talking yourself into acting old.” That’s uplifting? To me, it sounds more like a mother scolding a naughty child.
Dick, my first thought reading your comment was nice pep talk. Dennis is right regarding his awareness of the hazards that can truly be a game changer as we age. You’re spot on about attitude; we don’t need to act like old farts. My last year preparing taxes, I explained to each client that I was turning 70 and thought it a good time to hang it up. Their near universal reaction was that I did not act my age, and I should not retire. While I attribute my not acting my age to a lack of maturity, I appreciate that younger people seem to enjoy hanging out with me.