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IF YOU’VE READ MY articles, you know I don’t respond to readers’ comments very often. It’s not because I’m quiet or shy. Rather, it’s because I like to be thoughtful in my responses, rather than firing off a quick one- or two-sentence answer in the comments section.
That brings me to four comments that I’ve found myself pondering, often months or even years after the article appeared. Here’s my belated response to each.
Trading up. I wrote an article where I mentioned that we own a 2007 Honda Fit. One reader thought we should get a newer car, so we have the latest safety technology to protect us from aggressive drivers. “If not for yourself, get a newer car to protect your wife,” the commenter said.
When we start taking some cross-country road trips, we’d like to buy a newer car with the latest safety features. In fact, our current budget calls for us to purchase a new vehicle this year. But I don’t think that’s going to happen because the Honda Fit is running well, and we don’t drive it very much.
Indeed, last year, the car was driven just 545 miles. It’s well maintained and it’s only used for running errands, so we never take it very far from the house. Still, there will be a time when we’ll need another car, and one with the latest safety technology would be a good idea.
Maybe the biggest reason I’m putting off buying a newer car is because I’ve had two cars stolen. They were both found, but one had been set on fire and the other was missing most of its parts.
The more traumatic theft happened in the early 1970s, when I was 20 years old. I’d bought a Volkswagen Super Beetle and had it for just six months when it was stolen while I was busy attending college classes. For months afterward, I’d panic and my heart would start pounding if I didn’t immediately see my car in the parking lot.
I still haven’t completely gotten over the loss of the two stolen cars. Last year, I was at Lowe’s. I couldn’t find our Honda Civic, which is our other car. The first thing I thought was, “It’s been stolen.” I called my wife and told her what had happened. I got her all upset.
I wandered around the parking lot, pressing the emergency button on the remote. I finally saw the flashing lights and I could faintly hear my car’s horn in the distance. I can’t imagine how I would have reacted if it was a newer, more expensive car.
Home help. A reader, who saw one of my articles when it was posted on MarketWatch, wanted to know how much money we had. The short answer: We have enough. My wife and I both lived frugally before we got married. When we married and merged our finances, we became even more financially secure.
Still, we can’t ignore the fact that we’ve received some help along the way. We inherited our current home from my parents. My sister, who lives in Tennessee, didn’t want the house. She was more than happy to take other assets. It’s easy to settle an estate when you have two siblings who feel they already have enough.
The house we inherited in 2019 was appraised for $750,000. Today, Zillow’s estimate is $1.3 million. Inheriting the house made a big difference in our life. No, the current price doesn’t change our lifestyle because we have no intention of selling. Rather, I wish my parents were still alive, so they could see how much Rachel and I enjoy living in the home they bought in 1978 for $86,000.
Left alone. One gentleman commented on one of my articles that he’d lost his wife when he was 72 years old, my current age. I was lost for words when I read that comment because that’s one of my greatest fears.
My mother struggled with my father’s death. After he died, she put away all his photos and wanted all his clothes removed from the closet right away. She thought if she hid everything that reminded her of him, some of the pain might go away. That, of course, didn’t work.
When I started spending more time with my mother, she’d sometimes call me Sam, my father’s name. I took her to see a couple of therapists. One sold her his book, and mostly talked about himself. She even tried attending church again. But the only thing that really seemed to help her was what the reader said helped him—which is the support of family and friends.
Aging in place. Some readers question the viability of our plan to stay in our home for as long as we can. Some thought we should consider a continuing care retirement community.
As I mentioned in a previous article, I believe we have enough money to pay for the care we might need if we stay in our home. But as I watch what’s currently happening with my neighbor Sue, I’m also aware that aging in place might not be feasible.
Sue is 94 years old and lives alone. Her daughter comes over often to take her out to lunch, but Sue is pretty much on her own. One day, I saw her daughter drive off with some of Sue’s belongings. I haven’t seen Sue since.
I can see Sue’s living room from our bedroom window. At night, before I go to bed, I look out the window. I used to see her television and a light on. Sue likes to stay up late watching movies. The past three weeks, her house has been dark.
When I crawl into bed at night, Rachel asks me whether Sue is home. We’re both anxious for her return. From our bedroom window, we can see the threat that Sue’s currently fighting—and we know it could also await us.
Dennis Friedman retired from Boeing Satellite Systems after a 30-year career in manufacturing. Born in Ohio, Dennis is a California transplant with a bachelor’s degree in history and an MBA. A self-described “humble investor,” he likes reading historical novels and about personal finance. Check out his earlier articles and follow him on X @DMFrie.
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I understand the argument for renting a modern car for a long trip. But some of the safety features (cameras, blind spot protection, etc,) take a bit of getting used to. That happens when you use them every day in your regular life. How many times have I been confused by new controls and settings on a rental car in an airport parking lot? Too distracting. Buy a late model used car with the features you want and learn how to use and rely on them.
Folks…I noticed a number of typos in my post, and no way to edit it. Am I missing something, or is it indeed not possible to correct your posts?
Thanks!
If you hover your cursor over the lower right of your post, you should see a cog. Click on that and you should be able to edit.
Buying a Car
Having a car stolen is a traumatic event, for sure. Especially the Super Beatle. I am 1 year older than you currently, and I remember almost buying a Super Beatle in 1970, when I returned from Vietnam. I was going t buy the car in CA and drive home to NC. That plan fell through, but many, many years later, my daughter got her dream car, a VW Bug.
I retired in January 2024. In December, 2023, I purchased a new Hyundai Palisades Calligraphy. I paid cash for it ($53,K) because I had a 2021 version on a lease, and I decided I wanted to own a vehicle without payments, to be 100% debt free in retirement. In addition, the vehicle has every possible safety feature on it. I doubt you could wreck this car unless you did something stupid. We have driven it to TN, GA, SC, FL, VA…and it is wonderful on the road. It also has the best warranty on any make sold in the US.
Should you keep your older car? Well my wife has a 2006 Chrysler Sebring Convertible. She loves her car and doesn’t want a new car anytime soon. When it eventually dies, we will most likely buy another car, but a smaller one, like the KIA Soul, again with all the available safety features. We have owned KIAs & Hyundai’s in the past and loved them, including a 2016 Soul, which I gave to my son. My wife’s attitude about her Sebring is, “Its paid for, I like it, I don’t need a new car. Look how much I am saving you.”
I guess as long as she is happy with it, I ill be too.
Living Alone & Home Help & Aging in Place
I too inherited the family home with my sister. I took out a small mortgage and bought out her half. It wa a $200K home in 2010. In 2018, we sold the home and built a retirement home in which we planned to age in place, and provide a home for my step dad, so he could come out of assisted living. Unfortunately, he passed away 2 months before the home was completed. My sister and I inherited a sum from him and our hime is essentially paid off. (It was financed with a HECM for Purchase loan and the balance owed on it is the cash I used to buy the 2024 Palisades, $53,000.)
If my wife dies before I do, I will sell our current home, which was built for her, and my step father, and move to a 65+ community or CCRC, depending on my health. I do not need 6 acres and 3000 sq ft. I have already told her girl friends put a sticker with your name on the back of her stuff and you can have it when she is gone. (All the jewelry is going to our daughter. Ha!)
If I go first, my bride of 50 years will move close to our daughter, but try to maintain a separate residence. Financially, it will not be a problem, and she will be self supporting for her entire lifetime. I made sure of that. My stuff? Who cares. My son gets first crack at my guns, knives, watches, jewelry, etc and Good Will or the Salvation Army gets the rest!
This was a thought provoking article Dennis. Thanks a for sharing your thoughts on these important issues, and making us think about them.
I err on the side of buying new car – if you can easily afford it. A few years ago I purchased a new car, and my insurance premiums went down because of the safety features. That won’t happen for everyone, but it was nice surprise.
We back into our garage and the camera and warning beeps let us park at exactly the right place every time.
Dennis, I got a funny true story of losing a car. It happened when I went to a liquor store, got my purchasing done, came out and my car was GONE. The parking lot was small, about 10-12 cars spaces. I looked around, finally saw my orange Volvo across the street, which is a pretty busy commercial district street. It had rolled down a slight sloping parking lot, crossed the street and went to stop in the gas station across the road.
I had forgotten to set a parking break and left it in neutral [a 4 speed, manual Volvo of old] before rushing into the store. I felt so light headed with joy and relief. How lucky was that! I could have caused a tragic incident if someone had hit that Volvo of mine and got injured.
And I bet you felt the same when your Honda beeped back at you in the Lowe’s parking lot.
Isn’t the real take away to Sue’s experience that she was able to age in place to age 94? I find that very good. I’m an age in place advocate too. My husband and I have LTC insurance and can self fund even memory care, if necessary. Our children know we’ll accept institutional care, when that becomes necessary. But we see no advantage to giving up our independence early.
Dennis, thank you for another excellent article!
4 years ago we traded in our well running only car for a new one with all the – then – current safety features. Including the one I find most useful, the backup camera.
It makes a big difference to us when we leave from our buildings’s underground parking garage.
We put on much more mileage than you do. All our kids, and grandkids, live within a half hours drive from us.
Personally I think that backup-camera by itself was well worth the expense.
Obviously … your mileage may vary 🙂
The rear camera and the blind spot monitors are two safety features on our car that I find very useful. The collision protection is also much better.
I worry about finding good help when I age in place. Our country is facing a shortage of workers in many industries. To ensure that we have an adequate labor pool to support our aging population, we need to welcome immigrants to fill these positions. Apologies if this came off as political or selfish.
Regarding your interest in historical fiction, that’s one of my interests, too. Any faves you’d recommend? (Some of mine: Killer Angels, Space, Centennial).
You provide good insights on all four points. Your reference to car theft (and the occasional fear when your car is not where you expect to find it—this experience is too-familiar to me) calls to my mind a related experience:
At my own then-age of 72, on the last day of a three-week travel-by-train trip through Portugal, Spain, and Paris, I got mugged, in effect, on the rush-hour train out to Paris’s CDG airport. First time in my life, despite countless such trips over recent decades, to experience what can also be called “pick-pocketing.”
This year, for our first time ever, we traveled south of the Equator, to Santiago and down to Tierra del Fuego for a cruise. While in Santiago, both before and after our cruise, I was afraid to try their subway system.
Also, for the first time ever, all the cautions about pickpockets scared me out of relaxing and enjoying the Plaza de Armas, the fine central plaza in an older part of the beautiful city of Santiago.
At the time of that trip, I did not think to connect the 2023 Paris incident with the 2024 visit to Santiago. While in Chile, I did notice that the half-full moon did appear shaded on the wrong side, and that Orion pointed his bow and arrow in a visibly different direction than he does, here in Central Texas.
____________________
We are a bunch of generally prudent and thought-full people, gathered here under the aegis of Jonathan Clements. Hail, Fellows, well-met.
Regards,
(($; -)}™
Gozo
Might I suggest that the best defense against pickpockets is a money belt, worn under your clothes and not accessed in public? Also, on public transport I keep my day bag in front of me.
Yes, you may. It was a rare lapse in personal security. I may never ride public transport again. At least not when heading from the 19th arrondisement of Paris at rush hour.
In fact, I may never go to Paris again. Fortunately, my kid has moved from there, so no more family in the City of Lights.
Regards,
(($; -)}™
Gozo
While I do enjoy the comments section for the various articles, I understand your reason for not responding to each. If one comment in particular seems interesting, or if there is a common theme among them, perhaps a general reply from you would suffice. I do enjoy all your articles.
I, too, have a 2007 car (Camry Hybrid). It only has 70,000 miles, and the mechanics laugh when I suggest it’s time to replace it. However, I am beginning to feel that I really need the newer safety aids – back-up camera, lane warning, blind-spot detector, proximity alarms… I’d feel a lot safer, although I’d worry about the car reporting my driving habits to the manufacturer and potentially insurers.
Since I wrote the article you linked, I’m obviously in favor of CCRCs. Case in point, my neighbor here is having a knee replaced later this month. She’ll come back to skilled nursing and then rehab in her apartment. Nothing to organize. A friend still living on her own has a hip replacement planned. She needs to organize all that support herself. Also, while aging in place may work out while there are two of you, I worry about surviving spouses. At least in my area, you can’t decide on the spur of the moment that you need to move to a CCRC, mine has a long wait list.
I appreciate your follow-up. When there’s no response to comments the article feels a bit incomplete.
Good points all. When my wife lost sight in her eye we bought a new car with the driver assist items you mention. They help.
As a person nearing the 80s, the question about how to get care when you might need it is in my mind quite often these days. When I read of those who see assisted living or CCRC as the solution, I recall in the very near past some of my friends who were locked into their facility with no outside human contact for more than a year due to covid. We might think of covid as a Black Swan event, but it might be just a harbinger for the future.
When you enter such a facility, they might term it independent living, but when they lock the door and won’t let you out, or let you out but tell you you can’t return, you will realize that you have given up your independence……..
It’s true that you give up a fair amount of autonomy when you enter a CCRC, but that’s a very dramatic interpretation. I doubt they were physically locked in (it would be impossible at my facility), and presumably they could return when quarantine was lifted provided they didn’t stop their payments. I was immuno-compromised, so I spent two-plus years during Covid home alone, venturing out only to pick up food and library books and rarely seeing anyone in person. Was that better?
Dennis, I admire your articles, and especially your writing style. Reading articles like yours (and many other contributors) inspired me to start contributing. It seems that responding to comments is a big part of what makes HD a successful community. Don’t feel pressured to respond to all comments. But I bet many of us would enjoy an occasional response if you can.
Isn’t it better sometimes to wait for future developments and respond to circumstances? If robotaxis actually become available I think the household driving 545 miles a year might want to forgo car ownership. For sure, my wife and I would not need a second car. We are aging in place but will move when circumstances change. Her mother moved into a CCRC making a more or less irrevocable decision but now regrets the loss of flexibility, particularly since her children are all living nearly 100 miles away. As she moved through her eighties most of her friends in her “hometown” CCRC passed away and now she feels isolated. Our plan is to move when we are unable to independently care for our house, yard, and selves.
Or Uber (current alternative to robtaxis), it it’s available.
I am having the same dilemma over a new car. I have a 21 year old truck and a 14 year old Camry . both in good shape, but the Camry has a hybrid battery which could die any minute and is expensive to replace. I want to drive them into the ground, but is that really the smart thing?? Considering the cost of maintaining an old car?
I’ve said it here before, the greatest gift my parents gave me was to live out their days in an assisted living facility. My wife’s parents however were determined to age in place and have put her and her brother and sister though hell trying to find care for them and handle the mother’s many health issues and her father’s increasing frailty. Just saying.
my sister’s Prius C battery conked out. The dealership told her to call a company that will replace it in your driveway, rather than paying them ( much more ) to do so.She had it all done for a few thousand dollars. So I would check out what it will cost before you buy a new car
thanks! I will.
Dennis – I was on vacation when my last post ran on HD. I regretted not being able to respond to each comment.
Don’t buy a new car if you don’t need one. Rent one for the trip you describe. Yes, it will be expensive, but it will cost less than buying a new car.
I always enjoy your posts.
Well, Dennis, well thought out comments to which I can relate. We too are hoping to age in our 55+ condo community. We are ten years ahead of you age wise so who knows. But we are trying.
Dennis, you hit upon one of my hot buttons. I feel those of us who regularly write for HD have an obligation to reply to comments and to clarify, if not defend our positions as approriate.
We can’t reply to all comments, but it seems to me the discussion that results from an article is of great value to readers. I know many of the comments are helpful to me.
Thank you for your musings. You’re not alone with losing a car in the parking lot. I find it occurs when I’m the most tired or stressed. Try to park in the same location, ie left, right, or dead center.
My advice is to drive your cars into the ground. When you take your trip, rent a car. You’ll have all the safety features and the benefit of not putting big mileage on your own cars.
As for aging in place, it always sounds great in theory and I hope it works out for both of you. Of course we can all share our parental stories of aging and the varied results that range from an early death to an anguished slide into chronic everything-medical, with no quality of life. The latter is the end of the spectrum my dad is at. And now with his third trauma hospital/go to rehab cycle since Christmas currently occurring I’m grateful my mother had selected traditional Medicare and a solid supplement from one of the largest providers. The bills will again be huge, but likely nothing will need to be paid by my mom.