FREE NEWSLETTER
I’VE LONG THOUGHT that my life has gotten better as I’ve grown older. At age 72, I can honestly say the past few years have been the best time of my life. I’ve never been this happy.
But I’m beginning to believe that my best years may soon be behind me. Maybe from here on things will trend in the other direction—because what makes me happy might be hard to hold on to as I age. Here are the top four things that make me happy:
1. My wife. When Rachel is away, taking care of her mother, I feel more vulnerable lying in bed alone. My buddy, Chuck, says life is easier when you have someone “in the barrel” with you, and he’s right. If you have a special person to share the good times with and to help you get through the worst, it can enhance the quality of your life. Experiences are better and less threatening with Rachel by my side.
I’m not saying you have to get married, but having a life partner can make traveling and everyday activities more enjoyable. You tend to be more active and have more friends when you have a companion.
Although I felt my life was fulfilling before I met Rachel, I now realize how much I was missing. We humans are social creatures. We need that personal bond to have a truly satisfying life. Sharing your days with someone is one of the world’s greatest gifts.
But I also know my relationship with Rachel is more fragile at our age. Eventually, one of us will be left behind. If it’s me, I know my happiness-meter will be trending in the wrong direction.
2. Good health. When I go to the doctor’s office, my doctor will sometimes ask, “How are you feeling?” Lately, I’ve been saying, “I never felt better.” At my age, I realize how lucky I am to still be able to do the things I want to do. Failing health can make everything more difficult. It can wear you down and make your days less enjoyable. I saw it firsthand, watching my mother age.
I’ve been lucky to have good health most of my life. I never had any serious chronic health conditions. Although I feel great, I do take medication and see two specialists for preventive care. I know maintaining good health will be more challenging as I age.
The questions I ask myself: When and how much will my health impact my quality of life going forward? Will I be as happy if I’m less mobile or more forgetful? Only time will tell.
3. Financial independence. Money is one of life’s biggest stressors. It’s a wonderful feeling not to worry about having enough money. It’s even better if you have the financial independence to do what you want to do when you want to do it.
Just imagine how great your life could be if you have financial independence, good health and a constant companion. That’s a powerful threesome that gives you the ability to live life to its fullest. That’s where I’m currently at in my life.
Unfortunately, when I first retired, I was like many folks, focusing on money and failing to grasp what would really make me happy in retirement. Money is important, but by itself it won’t make you happy.
After Rachel and I married, I found sharing my wealth with her gave me greater satisfaction than spending solely on myself. There’s something about sharing and donating money that brings joy. I know our good health won’t last and I know one day Rachel or I will be left alone, but at least I feel confident we won’t run out of money.
4. Good friends. I was 19 years old in 1971, when my best friend Jeremy told me he was moving to San Francisco. We’d been friends since the seventh grade. We grew closer in high school, when we participated on the cross-country and track teams. After Jeremy moved, my mother asked me, “Are you going to be okay?” At first, I didn’t know what she was talking about. She knew how close we were and was afraid I would be lonely with him gone.
My mother was right then, and she’s right now. I missed Jeremy when he moved away that year, and I’m missing him now, after he passed away in 2022. I miss the phone calls, lunches and all the fun things that friends do together.
I still have many friends, but so did my parents when they retired. I remember them having monthly get-togethers. Their house would be chock-full. But as they grew older, they slowly lost touch with their friends.
In my mother’s later years, she wanted to locate some of her long-lost friends. I didn’t tell her she’d probably outlived them. I took her to the last known address of a few friends. We talked to the current owner, neighbors and even an apartment manager, trying to locate them. The closest we came was when a neighbor thought one of my mother’s friends was in a rehabilitation facility. I know my mother would have been happier if she’d had more friends in her final years.
I realize, as I get older, it’ll be a struggle to maintain a strong social network. You tend to become less mobile, and that leads to fewer opportunities to make new friends.
I’m not saying I won’t be happy in my later years. I just don’t think I’ll be as happy as I am today. I believe these are truly my best years. I’m planning to savor every moment.
Dennis Friedman retired from Boeing Satellite Systems after a 30-year career in manufacturing. Born in Ohio, Dennis is a California transplant with a bachelor’s degree in history and an MBA. A self-described “humble investor,” he likes reading historical novels and about personal finance. Check out his earlier articles and follow him on Twitter @DMFrie.
Want to receive our weekly newsletter? Sign up now. How about our daily alert about the site's latest posts? Join the list.
Dennis, thanks for your prospectus. What if someone had told you 30 years ago, 20 years ago or even 10 that at age 72 you would be the the happiest. Would you have believed them? I’m a year behind you age wise I’m looking forward to many more happy busy years.
As a spiritual person I agree with you that we were created with companionship as a corner stone of our being.
You are certainly right we should prepare for the aging process….don’t age yourself faster than you have to.
Dennis, thank you for a great article. All four of your points resonated with me, but number 1 the most. I was 26 when my wife and I married. Thinking back, I can’t remember having any particular expectations about marriage. However after we married, I can remember thinking how full my life was and all of a sudden, anything seemed possible and within reach. She became my best friend. We both had careers in health care and had a wonderful family together. She passed away about one and a half years ago, when I was 72, 46 years of marriage. I still think about all the wonderful times we had which exceeded anything I could have wished for and now I am supported by the love and friendship of our children and their families. As SanLouisKid says, “Gratitude describes your four points.” Thank you for writing this.
I’m very sorry for your loss. What a lovely tribute to your wife and your life together. ❤️
I’d suggest that you modify or research your thinking and being as young as you feel. 72 is young. You said you feel great. I also suggest you take a 1hr walk everyday, if you’re able. It does wonders for me.
Everything you said you’re wise enough to recognize, and you’re self sufficient. Both positive aspects to looking forward, not backward.
For all the reasons you list I no longer say things like “can’t wait” for whatever it is that I just can’t wait for. Time is too precious to wish away, got to make the most of every day.
Please don’t be Debbie Downer. If you think that way you may very well end up that way. I know people who moved into life stage campuses and love it. Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville is one I’m interested in. It’s beautiful, you can start in your own home and move accordingly. There’s another close by that is next to the TPC in Ponte Vedra. With its own 9 hole golf course!!!! Everybody is in the same stage in life, looking for friends. My older friends who chose to stay at home we the ones who were lonely as they aged.
Not sure if ones only contacts are those in the same stage of life is such a good idea.
My wife and I will be moving into a CCRC on the SUNY-Purchase College campus when it opens in early December. In addition to having family nearby, we are looking forward to making new friends and becoming involved in the opportunities for intergenerational learning.
I moved to my CCRC Thursday. I spent over an hour this morning walking round the cottage loop while a bunch of small kids were trick-or-treating. A number of them were in the dining room for lunch.
The staff show up for events and are certainly not the same generation. At yesterday’s new resident mixer (which included old residents) I talked to five staff at different times.
Congrats on the move, Kathy! I know you’ve been planning for it for a long time. I hope it turns out to be a great next chapter for you.
I’m not sure the examples count as likely “friends.” Are the kids there visiting relatives? And the staff are essentially being paid by the residents. I’m sure they will try to accommodate your needs — and their jobs may depend on whether they do. But will they be “friends?”
Dick didn’t say “friends”, he said “contacts”.
Gratitude, which in one word describes your four good points, makes life much more enjoyable. I think most of us here on Humble Dollar feel that way to some degree. As a friend of mine said, ” Happiness is food on the table, a roof over your head, and a couple of bucks in your pocket. After that, everything is a bonus.”
” Happiness is food on the table, a roof over your head, and a couple of bucks in your pocket. After that, everything is a bonus.”
I love it!
I am 73…will be married for 50 years this June…and in increasingly better health, due to a concerted effort to lose weight and exercise. Progress is being made daily. (A1C is down to 5.7.)
At the gym this morning, a guy started chatting. He mentioned VFW and I told him I was a life member, but hadn’t been to a Post in years. He invited me to his Post in March and I accepted.
The one thing I am looking forward to in retirement is making new friends and doing pro-bono work for others. After 54 years in various aspect of finance and investing, including the last 15 years as a college professor teaching Financial & Retirement Planning to professionals, I have a lot to offer and contribute and I am anxious to find ways to do it.
Wife…check
Good health…working oil it…check
Finances in order …check
Good friends…my newest focus!
Whenever my fellow seniors say that they never felt better in their life. I ask them if they spent their 20’s in an iron lung.
It was funnier when Robert Klien said it.
That reality check aside, I’m always happy to hear that an older person feels great enough to say it. It is much better than the alternative.
I’m glad you’re feeling good! I’m feeling darn good myself.
You said everything so well, Dennis! For myself, I would add my faith community. Though I changed my denomination about five years ago, I’ve actively participated in my house of worship through most of my life (I’m your age). Even though Doug and I were quite new in our neighborhood and our church when he died three years ago, our new church friends and pastor rallied around me and got me through the rough days (and still do). And thank goodness that virtual communication now allows quick and easy contact with friends both old and new! Finding my childhood best friend after nearly 50 years apart has been a boon for both of us.
Thank you Dennis, I feel the same way but couldn’t express it as well as you. Especially about your mom. Mine is 92 and still living in her home. Though she has health issues she can still care for herself.
An excellent article with a valuable message. I love your phrase “ I’m planning to savor every moment.” Of course no one knows, but with that spirit of gratitude and appreciation going forward I suspect you and Rachel have many more happy days ahead. Best wishes.
Well Dennis, I will be 80 in two weeks. In six weeks Connie and I will be married 55 years.
All you say has an element of truth, but it’s not yet time to throw in the towel on future levels of happiness. All my friends are gone now, but I’ve made new friends in the last two years.
Can’t do much now about health, but we take each day at a time and as long as most activities are doable. I look around every day and see people much worse than we are and coping.
I also think about being alone, but I think more about the prospects of Connie being alone and how with mobility issues she will cope. If we dwell on all the possibilities, we can be sure our happiest days are past.
I’d rather focus on a 92 year old golfing buddy and his 87 year old wife who just shipped two cars to Florida for the winter because they are so active they NEED two cars. His wife regular travels to NYC on her own because none of her friends can keep up with her.
I wonder what they were thinking about at 72?
Earlier this year we went to meet with my in-laws’ estate attorney, with whom my father-in-law has been working for decades. He was a chipper, fit fellow who told us he’s 90, and that he has no intention of ever retiring—his wife passed some years back and he doesn’t see the point of sitting around his house. He also shared that one of his clients is in assisted living with Alzheimer’s and that he, the attorney, is keeping his client’s wife company, and they’ll marry when her husband dies.
We did wonder a bit what would happen to my in-laws’ estate planning if this guy ever dies, though it appears he doesn’t plan to. He explained that his “young” associate would take over. We met him, too. He’s “only” 57 (and not as fit-looking as his boss).
Anyway, this guy was a kick.
My golfing friend is like that too. He is like the energizer bunny. Last year he was trying to push a stuck golf cart and slipped, hit the cart and broke several ribs. He was back playing golf a few weeks later, but said he had to slow his swing a bit.