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I GOT MARRIED IN 1980 at age 22. After 29 years of marriage, my wife and I went through a contentious divorce in 2009 and 2010. We’d grown apart and, during our last few years of marriage, discussed parting ways.
I moved out of our marital home of 16 years into an apartment. It was strange to be living by myself again. I was 51 at the time.
While adjusting to my new reality, I quickly realized I knew little of our household finances. I was working four jobs to try and help pay down the debt that I’d accumulated when I decided to go back to school in 2003 to become a physician assistant.
Even though I had some vague sense of our debt, I didn’t know how bad our financial situation was. I trusted my wife with all of our finances. I’d grown apathetic after every money conversation turned into an argument. In retrospect, this should have been a warning sign.
Since I wasn’t sleeping well in the months following our separation, I developed a knack for forensic accounting. I quickly learned that my wife had been hiding accounts, credit cards and a post office box from me. In addition, she had forged my signature on checks associated with a maxed-out credit card that I never used.
I discovered that we had a combined debt of $200,000, not including our mortgage. I was embarrassed that I was so out of touch and let things get so out of control. The person in the mirror was to blame—me.
I was struggling both emotionally and financially, and I didn’t know where to turn for financial help. I didn’t have the money to hire someone. Even though I have two graduate degrees, I was never taught anything about personal finance in school or by my parents. This seems to be common in our society. Unfortunately, I also failed to teach my kids the basic principles of personal finance.
Still, my oldest son offered a great suggestion—that I read The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. The book cost less than $20, it’s a simple and practical read, and it changed my life forever. I finally had a plan to address my debt.
The principles that Ramsey has been teaching for more than three decades are common sense. They’re things that we should all be taught at an early age. But unfortunately, I wasn’t—and it appears neither were many Americans. Household debt by 2022’s fourth quarter totaled $16.9 trillion, equal to almost $129,000 per household.
Since I’m a task-oriented person, Ramsey’s seven baby steps worked well for me. There’s nothing sophisticated about these baby steps:
From 2009 to 2012, I paid off my part of the marital debt, which came to $75,000 after mediation. Both my attorney and the mediator were amazed at how much debt I’d paid off even before the mediation. I did it by working multiple jobs while living as inexpensively as possible. I also continued to give money to my daughter every month while she was in college, and to pay my attorney fees. I moved back into my house in the fall of 2010 and sold it in 2014.
I did my debt-free scream on the The Ramsey Show in 2012 to celebrate my debt freedom and to thank Ramsey in person for changing my life. Some people criticize Ramsey for making money on his debt freedom plan and the products that he sells. I disagree.
My total cost for his help in 2009 was less than $20. His podcasts are free. It seems that this criticism could be directed at any small business owner who took a simple idea and profited from it. But isn’t that part of the American dream?
My current wife of more than 10 years and I remain debt-free. She was raised with much more financial common sense than me. We continue to follow the same financial and investing principles that I started following in 2009. I don’t recall us ever arguing about money or bills. We don’t owe anybody any money, we can be generous with our giving and we travel around the world.
I debated for a long time whether or not to share my story. After much thought, I decided to write about my experience in the hope that it’ll give someone facing similar circumstances the chance for a better future. When I was 51, my net worth was a negative $400,000 between the mortgage and other debts. My situation felt so hopeless. Now, at 65, I’m no longer hopeless and haven’t felt that way in years.
Scott Martin is a semi-retired family medicine physician associate (previously known as a physician assistant) and has been practicing medicine for the past 18 years. His previous career was in academia doing research and teaching at the University of Georgia. He and his wife enjoy traveling and spending time with family. Check out Scott’s earlier articles.
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Dave Ramsey has provided incalculable service by making people aware of the evils of debt. I have no problem with him making an honest buck and capitalizing on his advice. However, one must be aware that his investment advice and pushing shady products are a blot on his reputation:
1) As mentioned by another poster, he sponsored a Time share exit company that has been indicted by the state of WA. DR stopped pushing this company but has not yet admitted his mistake. The scuttlebutt is that his sponsorship revenue was substantial.
2) DR has always promoted mutual funds which have higher expense ratios and front or back end loads. Jack Bogle and numerous fiduciary oriented financial experts have always advised to go with low cost index funds. “You don’t get what you pay for”.
Loved your story and I also “found” Dave Ramsey through my sister when we shared a house together over 20 yrs ago, both starting over. I created my own mess and she inherited the soon-to-be ex-husband’s. We made it through and today we both are living debt-free and financially sound.
A great story! It was like reading my bio because my story is so similar to yours but I didn’t have the courage to tell mine due to still carrying the shame from all I went through. I was the same age as you when my first marriage fell apart, married the same number of years with almost the same amount of indebtedness. But I was also going through an extensive recovery from a work related injury and facing long-term disability which added to the misery of my pain. I was totally blind-sided and overwhelmed by it all. And just like yours, it too ended in a fairy tale-like happy outcome.
I’ll share my Dave Ramsey story at another time for the sake of brevity—thanks again Scott.
Hi Rich, sorry about what you went through. I almost decided against sharing my story, but then I remembered how embarrassed and hopeless I felt 14 years ago. I would have welcomed learning from someone else who had gone through a similar experience that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Glad your story had a happy outcome.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is inspiring!
That’s an inspiring and truly humbling story. I’d like to read more articles like this one.
The important part of your story isn’t that you made mistakes early on. Its that you were courageous and attacked the problem with intensity. I hate the pain that must have been part of the journey but I celebrate the results you obtained. You should share your story, there are many who could benefit from it.
And he took responsibility for his (and his ex-wife’s) finances instead of claiming bankruptcy
That debt snowball concept is utterly beyond reason to me. The sensible thing to do would be to attack the debt carrying the highest interest rate first. So I wonder how long your financial got unnecessarily extended by by following good old Dave’s advice?
Actually, my debt got paid off quicker than I anticipated following the Ramsey plan. The “sensible thing to do” is to not carry debt to begin with. Now I could care less about any interest rates.
The psychological benefit of getting completely rid of one credit card’s debt oftentimes outweighs the marginal cost of continuing to pay the higher interest cards. And Ramsey’s advice to immediately tackle the next card is spot on.
To be honest, I don’t understand it when people say they were not taught personal finance. It should not take multiple degrees to understand you can not spend more than you make. Period. Your situation was obviously different, your wife stole your money. That being said, giving anyone complete control over your finances was a dumb thing to do. Sorry but that’s simply the truth
Here’s another truth: most of us don’t get every aspect of our lives right all the time. We stumble, we fall, and hopefully we get back up and learn a few lessons along the way. Maybe — maybe — a few of us are born knowing what do when it comes to personal finance, but a whole bunch of us benefit from a little education — from a parent, a mentor, a course in school, a book, even a website.
We’re all trying to get to the same place — a degree of financial stability and independence. We take different roads to get there, some rockier than others. Scott got there. Why diminish that?
Everyone should take RR’s advice about almost everything: Trust, but Verify.
Nice inspiring story. You’ve got quite a lot of discipline to dig yourself out of a pretty deep hole. I like quite a lot about Dave Ramsey’s approach to becoming debt free. But I was sorely disappointed that he did NOT do the required due diligence before he unequivocally endorsed that quick-fix timeshare scammer who bilked hundreds of Dave Ramsey’s listeners.
Congratulations on turning your financial life around. It was quite a bit of hard work on your part and I hope you can now focus on securing your retirement.
I often think about looking up the coworker who turned me on to Dave Ramsey to thank him. Both 100% changed my life.
2006 Age 22, $63K ($80k after interest) in debt, all student loans from a private university. First corporate job paid 45k. Read The Total Money Makeover, followed the Baby Steps… 2012 debt free except the house, 2023, now a net worth millionaire with my wife.
The Total Money Makeover is, in my opinion, the greatest personal finance book ever written. I’ve read 40 or so. It’s written for the 99% not the 1% so some dismiss it as too simple. It’s not, the principles works for the vast, vast majority, such as me and Scott 🙂
Congratulations Jeff! I have given away many copies of The Total Money Makeover to work colleagues and others over the years. Like the saying goes, “you can lead a horse to water…”
Live like no one else, so later you can live and give like no one else.
Scott, I’ll echo other readers and thank you for having the courage to share your story. I am sure it’s hard to share the details of one’s personal life. I am equally sure someone will benefit from having read your story.
How many people find themselves in a hole, whether through their own actions or the actions of others, and throw up their hands when faced with the immensity of their circumstance? Besides sharing your story, you deserve credit for having the courage to face a crushing reality and doing something about it. I fear too many resign themselves to a life of debt and financial instability when they find themselves in a similar hole. Your story gives hope.
I’m always intrigued by the moments that help change people’s lives. You mention the part played by Dave Ramsey’s book in helping you with a course change. It would be interesting to know what writers and books have similarly inspired HumbleDollar readers. For me, it was John Bogle’s Common Sense on Mutual Funds, as well as Jonathan Clements’s old WSJ column and Scott Burns’s personal finance column in the Dallas Morning News.
Thanks Charlie! I would say The Millionaire Next Door by Tom Stanley was also inspirational to me.
I should add that John Bogle inspired me in ways that transcend personal finance. A great man in the all the ways that truly count.
I idolize John Bogle for the fact that I discovered him in my thirties when I was just starting my investing journey, and for the, by now, BILLIONS of dollars that he has saved investors due to his educating us about how to invest smartly
Good work. While Ramsey makes good points, careful. Paying off mortgage should not be an automatic thing. That is a ‘good’ debt, depending on the rate. He also advocates too much stock exposure for older people, in my opinion. Index funds WERE the way to go, but with massively overvalued key stock in the S&P500, not so sure now.
I like Ramsey’s financial planning principles, but am also not sure about his investment advice. Recency bias is rampant in the newsletter, TV pundit, industry and these folks are simply extrapolating the returns of the past two decades into the future! I would recommend reading Bill Bernstein’s book, The Intelligent Asset Allocator and The Four Pillars of Investing, for more sage advice on how to plan and invest for retirement.
I have read everything Bernstein has published, including his history books and I second your advice. He also provides a valuable “for further reading” list in his books written by other notable experts. For someone who has not read Bernstein, start with the second edition of “The Four Pillars of Investing”. He heavily updated this book, included new info found in some of his works which followed the first edition from 20 years ago, and most valuable of all, in my opinion, was his discussion of how and why his views on investing have evolved since the first publication. Then, read Jonathan who shares most of the same fundamental ideas, but favors simplicity. Neither author tells you what to do per se, but rather lays out the pros and cons of where to strike a balance between owning stocks and owning short term bonds/cash. I take the advice of people more expert than I, like these two, and tailor it to fit my personal quirks.
You did a wonderful job turning your life around, Scott. Don’t blame yourself. False confidence and trust in a spouse makes the betrayal and eventual reality that much more shocking.
we all think others make foolish decisions or get unlucky. Never us, but we’re all subject to te same human condition. You proved your mettle and strength. Bravo!
Thank you Marjorie! As I have reflected on what I went through over the years, I have come to realize that it was the best thing that could have happened. Yes, it was extremely stressful and emotionally draining at the time and I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone. On the other hand, I would hate to be 65 and wallowing in hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
Thanks for sharing your story Scott. I have a degree in accounting, so I have never had issues with finances. However, I am a big fan of Dave Ramsay. His disciplined, no nonsense approach to debt and finance have saved many people. He has the roadmap for financial freedom, but it still takes hard work and commitment for people like you to make this work. Kudos to you for turning your finances around.
What a great story of financial success! Congratulations.
While most people beleive Dave Ramsey provides financial insight, most of his focus is behavioral modifcation.
Thanks for sharing and congratulations on digging out of a very deep hole. I agree that personal finance should be a required course in high school, although it certainly wasn’t in mine. However, I can’t imagine giving someone else, however beloved, control over my finances and paying no attention.
I have never read Ramsey, but I hear he has changed many people’s lives. I am surprised by the advice to pay off the smallest loan first. Surely it is more effective to start with the one with the highest interest rate.
I thought the same about paying off my debt. However, once I committed to the Ramsey plan, I found that paying off the smallest debt first was psychologically motivating for me. I didn’t care about interest rates because my goal was to pay them all off. I did transfer some of the debt to introductory zero interest credit cards, but in reality it didn’t make much difference since I was ” gazelle intense” per the Ramsey plan. Thanks for your comments!
I’m a big Dave Ramsey fan for debt elimination. I also believe in total debt elimination. Yes, you could probably keep a low interest mortgage and invest in the stock market but personally I just don’t like having a mortgage. My wife and I currently have zero debt. We track all of our expenses in Quicken and it’s available for either of us to review expenditures or run reports. Like you, we’ve never had one fight over money.
This is an excellent article with a sad beginning and happier ending. It partially recaps my history. Divorced, moved into an apartment, etc. At that point I also realized I had complete control of my life. My savings rate reached a high of 39% and was in the 30s the ten years I was a bachelor again. Then when I got remarried, we had a goal of saving 15% of our income. But that goal was actually the minimum we wanted to save. We managed to save more than that until we retired.
Also, like your wife, my wife is thrifty. Her mother worked at a bank and also told her she had to pay off her credit card every month. That was good training.
Again, great article. Sucess stories are always fun to read.
I would bet in most marriages one person manages the money and investments. The basics of investing remain the same; Save, Invest, Compound Profits
Thanks so much for sharing, Scott. I’m surely it was difficult to go public with the details of your debt and how it occurred, but it’s an inspirational story. A close family member is still in the recovery phase of a similar experience. And great advice about teaching our kids (and grandkids) to be financially savvy and aware of danger signs. 👍🏻
Thank you Linda. Hopefully, my story will help people like your family member. It won’t be easy, but it is so worth it once you get on the other side. I continue to listen to the Dave Ramsey podcasts almost every day. I still get a little emotional whenever I hear a debt free scream on his show.
Hi Scott,
Congratulations on becoming debt FREE. Your wife forging your signature is literally criminal.
I don’t know when David Ramsey’s book was written, but I do have one quibble with his plan in the current state of finance.
In the past few years many people were able to obtain mortgages for less than 5% (my wife and mine in the early 80s was 13.5%). My son and his wife (who is also a PA) purchased their first house in 2020 with an interest rate less than 4%. Since that time inflation has run rampant and the dollar is worth 18% less. Also house values in their town have skyrocketed. Luckily their combined income over that time has significantly exceeded inflation.
I have informed them that in their case, and I suspect in many others they would will receive a better return on their income by NOT paying off their mortgage early and instead using those additional funds to increase the percentage of their income into their investments.
I always find it amazing when married couples know nothing about their own household finances. This is a basic component of a marriage. Even Ramsey will tell you this!
I handle nearly 100% of the bill paying. We have a discussion every few weeks to gauge our progress. This builds two things: trust and wealth.
Good luck all you couples out there and have that meeting before the end of this week.
To your great credit, you made a tremendous effort to turn things around and to take a new financial path. Also a lot of courage telling your story.
When I hear stories like this (or see it first hand in my family), I just don’t understand how after decades a marriage can go south, especially with animosity between the parties I’ve seen it first hand. It’s quite sad.
I am equally amazed how any marriage can work at all if there is not total alignment between the parties when it comes to money matters. Some of the actions by your first wife are beyond my comprehension.
Thanks Dick.
Thanks for sharing your story, Scott. As you point out, there isn’t much risk to following Ramsey’s program, but the benefits can be life-changing.
The hardest part for many is sticking with the plan. Thanks.
Thanks for telling us about this Scott and glad you found Dave Ramsey and its great you are now in a good position. I stumbled across DR some months ago and have found it a fascinating insight into an aspect of American life (I live in the UK) but I have been horrified at the levels of debt and particularly struck by the amount of student debt that so many Americans carry. Watching DR brought back to me how well my parents and especially my Mother taught me and my siblings (a large Irish family) how to manage our money and of course what DR is teaching is what so many of our foreparents practiced, chief amongst them being the avoidance of debt and the importance of hard work and education. My mothers lessons served me well and luckily my husband and I were very similar and agreed on how our finances were used so we are in the fortunate position to have retired early and live very comfortably. One of DR’s lessons is also about being generous and again that resonated with me, my parents combined frugality with generosity. I would love to see DR’s lessons being taught more widely as its shameful that we are not equipping young people with the financial wisdom of the ages. I am now giving young people in my circle, The Richest Man in Babylon, a great little book.
Thanks for sharing Rita! It is interesting to learn your perspective. I too would recommend reading The Richest Man in Babylon. I found it to be very enlightening.
I like to point out to schools that any future donations they receive from graduates are probably not going to come from people living on social security only. It’s in their own best interest to equip students for their financial lives.
Scott, thanks for sharing. I have taught Dave Ramsey’s course several times. So much of what he says is the opposite of what society says. I love his saying – “Live like no one else, so in the future you can live like no one else.”
My wife and I quote that phrase frequently, especially “so you can live and give like no one else.”
Very good article about personal finance and what can happen when you gain some knowledge.