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AS FOLKS HURTLE toward retirement, they often wonder whether they’ve saved enough, debate when to claim Social Security and fret about how they’d pay for long-term care. Make no mistake: Such issues are hugely important.
But amid these financial musings, we should also spare a thought for four other questions:
How can I transform myself from a diligent saver to a happy spender? This sounds so easy, and yet many struggle with it, including Ken Begley and including me—and including those who amassed vast fortunes, as Marjorie Kondrack recently discussed.
To be sure, we don’t have to spend our money to get pleasure from it. Simply sitting on a pile of dollar bills can deliver happiness, thanks to the sense of financial security it offers. Similarly, giving away money, whether to loved ones or to charity, can also deliver ample happiness.
Still, I think every diligent saver should ponder whether there are ways to spend more on themselves that could improve their retirement years. I have no clever strategies to suggest that’ll help you go from avid saver to joyful spender. But I’ve found that practice helps.
My advice: Don’t start with a big purchase—a super-lavish vacation or a luxury car. That’ll likely make you uneasy, and there’s a risk you won’t get much pleasure from the money involved. Instead, try buying some smaller items, which often deliver disproportionately greater happiness per dollar spent. If you part with a little more money than usual and it enhances your life, perhaps your attitude will slowly shift and you’ll find yourself enjoying the fruits of your earlier thrift.
What will get me out of bed in the morning? I’m a big fan of daydreaming. Assisted by the internet, I muse about vacations I’d like to take, restaurants I want to try and musicians I’d like to see perform. Daydreaming costs nothing except time, and—I suspect—often delivers just as much pleasure as the real thing.
As you approach retirement, I’d encourage you to daydream about how you’ll use your time once you quit the workforce. Indeed, I think it’s worth creating a lengthy wish list. That wish list will no doubt include fun stuff, like trips you want to take and hobbies you might pursue.
But I’d also include a few items that have the potential to deliver eudaimonic happiness and that could put you in a state that psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi referred to as “flow,” where you become completely absorbed in what you’re doing and time just whizzes by. We’re talking about activities that you consider important, that you find challenging, that you’re passionate about, that you feel you’re good at—and which could provide your retirement with a sense of purpose.
That sense of purpose will make your retirement more fulfilling and help to compensate for the identity you lose when you leave fulltime work behind. I’ve seen folks mourn the end of their career, with that deflating sense that not only were their accomplishments modest, but also there’ll be no more chances to rectify that. To ease this “grief,” it’s helpful to have something to look forward to—another chance to do good work.
Who are the friends I’ll see regularly? During our working years, we often count our colleagues among our friends. Yet these friendships often peter out when we change jobs or shift into retirement. How will we make new friends? I wouldn’t leave this to chance encounters, and instead have a plan for how you’ll meet others.
And, no, don’t count on family to fill the friendship void. Our adult children often have busy lives, and don’t necessarily want to spend big chunks of their limited free time with Mom and Dad. Moreover, as Dennis Friedman has noted, we spend time with friends because we think we’ll enjoy it, whereas with family it’s not solely about enjoyment—there’s also a sense of obligation.
I’m no great fan of retirement communities, but I could imagine my attitude changing in the years ahead. Those who live in retirement communities seem to find it easier to make friends, so these communities might be a good choice for those who fear social isolation and struggle to meet others.
What will my future self think of the decisions I make today? This is always an important question to ask—but it’s especially important for newly minted retirees, because so much will change in the years ahead.
Our mobility may be sharply curtailed or we may find ourselves devoting large chunks of time to medical issues. The activities that appeal to us at age 65—travel, pickleball, caring for the grandkids—may hold scant appeal a dozen years later. Because so much is unknown and things can change so quickly, it’s hard to imagine who we’ll be just a decade down the road.
And yet, despite all the uncertainty, retirement tends to trigger “end-of-history illusion,” where we assume that our life’s constant change will finally come to an end. Will it? I wouldn’t count on it. Our time in retirement could be marked by major upheaval, and the initial choices we make might get quickly thrown out.
Rick Connor touched on this recently. In 2021, he and his wife Vicky sold their home in the Philadelphia suburbs and moved to a New Jersey beach community, imagining this would be their final stop. And yet they’re already wondering whether they might move again.
I, too, wonder whether the retirement plans that Elaine and I are making today might get torn up just a few years down the road. What to do? Make sure your home will be suitable for your older self. Think long and hard before making major financial commitments, such as a second home or an RV. Don’t rule out options that might seem unappealing today, such as a 55-plus community or a continuing care retirement community. I think flexibility is the key—especially when it comes to housing.
Jonathan Clements is the founder and editor of HumbleDollar. Follow him on Twitter @ClementsMoney and on Facebook, and check out his earlier articles.
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I retired from government service after 31 and getting hurt on the job. After a couple of years, got bored and found a part time gig in the rental car business, work a few days a week. Now it’s over ten years later and though with a different company, still working a few days a week and loving it. Nice to get out and be with other people who are retired also plus nice to work because I want to. Between a pension with a year COLA, social security & investments, living the same life we always did. Empty nesters who’ve always lived under our means and still do, lessons it seems our kids also learned.
Nice to choose to work now even though we don’t have to, puts a whole new spin on working. Best part is I get to choose when I stop again, the choice is mine & mine alone. But continue to keep on working now & happy with this choice.
I retired at the age of 60, that was seven years ago. My experience is that if you were living a full and rich life before retirement with many shared and a few independent hobbies with your spouse, with many different social circles centered around an activity (church, tennis teams, pickleball groups, blogging friends, hiking, fishing buddies, grown children) there is almost no retirement planning required. It’s just about having a rich life every year of your life, not trying to find one when you retire, that’s too late to start. Not too late in that it’s hopeless, it’s not, but too late because you missed out on a lot of fun during your working years you can’t get back. Because I had a very visible high powered job I did think I needed an off ramp approach with work that involved some limited consulting after retiring. I worked eight hours a week at that which kept me in my same business social groups and also paid 100% of our living expenses since we had only been spending about 25% or our income prior to retirement. After four or five years I ramped the work down to even less, maybe four or five hours a month, but it still requires some intense focus which I think is good for the brain. Plus I chair three boards as a nonpaid volunteer, a hospital, a college and a foundation. I loved my job but this retired life is twice as good!
Jonathan, your articles always hit on familiar topics being 62 myself and born in Philadelphia, I have often daydreamed about moving back and living there again. Would love living within walking distance of the art museums and restaurants. Instead I daydreamed myself into living abroad in a German university town, for real and lucky me.
My daydreams are consumed by mental accounting about retiring now or continuing my online, remote working that consumes my days. My husband is 72 and patiently watches as I sit at our kitchen table working all day. His retirement time is ticking by too. Should we give it all up and begin checking off that travel list? We haven’t been able to decide that yet. Life isn’t too bad as it is and perhaps this is actually the modern retirement.
Is there a compromise that could allow you to do both — work part-time and travel part-time?
My observation on this subject is to celebrate the joy of the mundane. My husband and I retired early (50s) and split our time between the UK where we live and Ireland in the Summer. We don’t do anything exciting but we have found that after extremely demanding and busy careers, we still adore our chosen slow pace of retirement. To be able to not set the alarm for 6 am, to linger over breakfast, indulge in our love of gardening and in my husband’s case, fishing; go for long walks, spend time with friends and family and help (considerable hands on help!) with the arrival of grandchildren has given us such immense contentment and joy and most especially the bond we have developed with our beloved grandchildren. There are many ways to be retired, I think the way to contentment and joy is to do what you enjoy and not what what others expect of you.
Jonathan, wonderful post. One of your best, then there have been many. However this one gave me pause to be really reflective. Thank you.
Moving to a big retirement community in Arizona was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I’m still working. Very easy to make friends, lots of different activities for my wife and myself. It’s like an adult playground.
Good article! I love telling the story of my Mom and Dad and their retirement. Dad was a mechanical engineer working on packaging machinery for Proctor & Gamble for his entire career. He thought he’d like to be a consultant after his retirement and had business cards printed and let all his contacts know he was available. While he waited for the phone to ring, he joined Mom on several bird-watching weekends and, within a few months, had tossed out all his neck-ties and business cards and embarked on an adventure of many years, traveling the country and abroad, to add another bird to his life list. The joke was that Mom and Dad were on their way to California to see the elusive Clapper Rail and, by the way, would it be OK to stop in to see the grandchildren. For them, the key was finding something they both enjoyed doing together.
Exactly 👍
“[A] state that psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi referred to as “flow,” where you become completely absorbed in what you’re doing and time just whizzes by. We’re talking about activities that you consider important, that you find challenging, that you’re passionate about, that you feel you’re good at[.]”
This describes our jobs as research scientists. This is precisely the problem with contemplating retirement. Our jobs rely on access to vast literature behind paywalls, colleagues who understand science, and large expensive laboratories, and in my case millions of $ of cutting edge technology. Retiring would mean loss of access to all of this.
Similar comment below https://humbledollar.com/2023/06/ask-before-quitting/#comment-2028318
Excellent article Jonathan. When I stopped working at my full-time job, my wife expressed her concern that I would lose connection with friends from work. She encouraged me to find ways to keep those connections. I have been able to keep some connection to several fires, although it was difficult during Covid. The key is to make the effort.
Turning 72 in 2 weeks and still working full time as a physician. Brain, hands and eyes work just fine and I was wrestling with the decision to retire or not. Love my work, love taking care of my patients, love being a doctor. Had a lot of guilt about giving it all up and not being there for my patients as they aged right along with me. Well all my angst got solved in a hurry when my group practice voted in age 72 mandatory retirement! I had to ask for a 6 month waiver to be able to work till the end of the year. So the decision was made for me and the question at present is: “What now”?
I opted to semi-retire last July (PA in family medicine) at 64. I too had a lot of guilt about leaving my patients and many were concerned that I was retiring full time. I work in the same office two days a week now and find that it keeps me connected to the patients that I have been seeing for many years. Many of my interactions with patients are like friendships. However, I love my five day weekends!
While I truly enjoy helping patients, I have disliked electronic medical records and health insurance bureaucracy/stupidity for some time. After two days of staring at a computer screen and making sure that I am using the right code and other non-clinical tasks, I have had enough.
My wife and I try and do some form of exercise five days a week plus enjoy traveling. We do not have any local kids or grandkids as they live in different states.
Would you be open to volunteering with Doctors Without Borders?
Based upon your comments above, Doc, I’d say keep working (at a new practice as an employee, or a traveling doc, etc.). I had a cousin who retired because he and his partners sold their firm (and he chose not to stay on with the buyer), and he was never the same. A lot of his life energy came from his work, and he never recovered from the loss of it.
I agree!
A lot of good points, and I think you should count on change. When I took early retirement over 20 years ago it was so I could travel. I did travel, a lot, right up until I was grounded in 2017 by rheumatoid arthritis and then because my meds suppressed my immune system. But now the RA is in remission and I’m off the meds, I’m still not feeling the urge to travel. It’s true my wish list is much, much shorter, but I’m still surprised to find that I’m writing articles for HumbleDollar instead of posting trip reports on Fodors.
I was fortunate that I kept some of my friends from work, but aside from all the practical reasons for moving to a CCRC, I do hope to find a community there. The move to the CCRC means I will finally need to start spending from my portfolio, and I still have to plan how to handle that. Sometimes procrastination gets you a surprisingly good outcome, but I don’t think that would work this time.
True. We bought an RV and sold it a year later. Just was not for us. Spending on a lavish vacation, maybe with your kids and their families, is good, even if only once. Spending money on others, such as giving home down payments to your kids, is gratifying. Once you have what you need in retirement, there really is not much to spend on for yourself. Your kids have a hard time thinking of gifts for you because there is nothing you do not have or need.
Plans will change and maybe you will want to move. We bought a bigger 2 story house, and will worry about physical health limitations if and when it happens. Why shortchange life now for something that may not happen in the future? If it happens, then do something about it.
A good sense of purpose is exercising more, now that retirement allows you more time. You meet people and a side benefit is you may stay healthy.
I’ve studied Krav Maga since retiring, and now joined a HIIT gym. Made friends with much younger people, from age 20 on up. Go at your own pace and do what you can.
Stay flexible because things will change. Take it all in stride.
Not having to work anymore is GREAT. I was an A personality ant work and thought I would not like retirement. The freedom is fantastic.
Just transfer that energy to other things, as mentioned in the article.
Thought provoking article! I am struggling in this chasm as well. Whether to retire or not – besides finance, are all these open ended unknowns worth the risk. I am doing an ROI calculation of continuing to work till you drop and do the best you can vs. retire and struggle to figure out SS, Medicare, keeping busy, social aspects, retirement community etc. etc. All this for a decade of good life and then eventually succumb to home-doctor office-hospital-home routine and god forbid relying on hired help :-(. Retirement sucks – my 2 cents.
I semi-retired 10 months ago, including selling the home of 22 years, moving to another state thereby swapping a 90-minute round trip commute 5 days each week for 1-2 hours of zoom calls weekly from high in the mountains. My biggest regret now is probably not doing this a few years sooner…
I’ll turn 63 in 2 weeks, and I have 7 older brothers, several in their mid-70’s who are in very poor health. My advice: enjoy whatever time you are blessed with now to the fullest, rather than worrying so much about how the last few years of your life will go, when your health will fade the fastest. You’ll have more than enough time to worry about that then…and fewer regrets as a result.
You appear to be overthinking it and all that stuff you mention is not all that difficult to figure out.
One constant I’ve noticed throughout the various stages of life is how hard it can be to look ahead and imagine what it might be like. I remember when our younger daughter was in high school, sitting out on our patio with my husband musing about what came next once we were empty nesters. Would we move, even away from our hometown? Remodel our house? It was really hard while in the current stage of life to imagine a completely different one with any precision. Parenting was so all-consuming for so many years.
I feel similarly about retirement. The road to my academic career began when I was 23, and I became a professor the year I turned 30. I just finished year 33 yesterday. I know that before too much longer (two years, maybe three), I will retire from it, but, along with my husband, my career has defined my adult life. It’s hard to look ahead and imagine life without it, even though I do have a growing list of hobbies, friends, and things I’d like to do. Then there’s the reality that what we imagine at 65 will be quite different at 75 and beyond—if we even make it there. And other “wild cards” like family health crises that may/will crop up—when, and what?
I wouldn’t say the future looks like a black hole because that’s too dark, but it’s kind of a blur from here.
Like you, I felt defined by a long career of teaching and administration in higher ed. Now retired, I’m finding opportunities for engagement and application — even in the rural community in which I live. Webinars, tutoring, and citizen science projects abound. If you are inclined, consider volunteering at a non-profit in retirement. Board work for a local museum involves me in grant writing, document review, and investment oversight. Your HumbleDollar background would all but guarantee you a seat on our Finance Committee!
The transition will come more naturally than you think. Within a month or two, you will be saying, how did I ever go to work every day. Where does the time go? I’m so busy. The same goes for 65 to 75 to 85 (hopefully).
I love the balance you describe between still being close to family but also having a social life of your own. Both are very important, I’d say.
Yes, “flexibility” is good advice. The changes that have happened in my life over the last 10 years were unanticipated 10 years earlier. I think about an event like Paul Decker’s sad story below and know that it could happen to my family. A flexible attitude can be assisted by flexible finances. I’m sympathetic to saving more rather than less, and not calling it quits too early.
Agree on all of your points above, especially re: saving more than less. But the “not calling it quits too early” advice may differ greatly, depending on the person.
My take: if A.) you really love your work & co-workers, and/or B.) failed to save sufficiently to-date relative to your go-forward needs & obligations to others, and/or C.) have only limited family & friends to spend your time with, and/or D.) your health is excellent and can be expected to serve you well for many, many more years to come (ie a great family medical history and lifestyle choices), then this too is probably excellent advice. If the above factors describe you, then you very well may want to err on the side of “working another year or two” (or more), until enough of these factors realign to change the calculus.
But especially if you already have adequate financial resources secured and/or only modest financial needs (saving aggressively over a long period of time will help in both regards, especially the propensity to spend more!), then also guard against calling it quits much later than is necessary.
Time, close personal relationships & your health are your 3 greatest resources IMO, and for too many years we tend to underappreciate this fact & may continue to trade all 3 away for more money, or the out of a fear of change.
Flexibility is indeed a critical adaptive trait, especially now!
I have been retired 13 years, I will be 80 in a few months and as I read this article, it dawned on me I have experienced it all and here I am still content in retirement with few regrets, but thinking about the future and still with the what ifs running through my mind.
I retired at age 67 and I used a phased retirement so the last year I began reducing hours in the office. Perhaps the phasing and my age helped with the transition, I don’t know.
I was shocked at the disconnect from coworkers who I mistakenly viewed as friends.
Many times when I read about retirement issues, I find myself wondering, why am I different? Why am I so fortunate? I am the first to admit having a stream of income in the form of a pension makes a big difference. I don’t know how I would cope living off investments, not well I suspect. I would be under constant stress. Still, my fixed pension value is eroding from inflation and investments are more important these days.
Retirement is more than about money as Jonathan and others point out, but adequate income and a stream of it is essential and to me that is the most important planning challenge and the one that takes a lifetime to achieve.
I get up in the morning with a routine, not planned, but sort of fallen into these days. I read HumbleDollar with my coffee, read papers on-line and check FB and Twitter, I read other sources currently Eric Hoffer. I walk, I take my wife on errands and shopping, etc.if necessary. Frankly, not doing anything at times is not depressing.
We see our children and grandchildren regularly, weekends are filled with sporting events and other family activities. Four children and 11 grandchildren live within an hour drive. I get calls asking a question or advice. One son has health insurance issues, another asked me to review his resume. On occasion we drive grandkids here and there.
We moved to a 55 plus community five years ago. It’s only five minutes from where we lived for 47 years. Nothing was interrupted in our lives, but unlike before I have made more friends and we all play golf twice a week and except for one, are 80 or older – one 91. Fact is I have more friends than ever before in my life. We are not moving again.
We have traveled the world and the country, but mobility issues are slowing us down. Nevertheless, my wife, now 84, is planning a family reunion in Italy for next year. Time will tell.
As I see it, retirement is no different than life, good and bad times, calm and crisis, boredom and excitement. If you view retirement as the beginning of the end, you may struggle. Life is just one big trip.
“…not doing anything at times is not depressing.” I call it thinking, my wife calls it not doing anything… (smile). But you’re right. I see a lot of people who apparently aren’t happy just “being with themselves.” Maybe that’s an ability too.
When I was 59, I decided to build a large workshop onto my house. My wife was very supportive and the plan was to stay put when retirement rolled around in a few years. It was my hobby to build and fix things and the shop would allow me to do that for ourselves, family, and friends. There were thoughts of a small side ‘business’ too which would keep me busy, help pay the bills, and meet some new people. That was the plan and it took me nearly 3 years to build (had to finish within time frame allowed by building permit).
In the fall of 2021, I moved my equipment in and started setting it up. This was what I was waiting for. Then in December of ’21, my wife suffered a severe stroke, spent 9 weeks in the hospital, and passed away. Now I find myself asking what’s the point. Where’s my sense of purpose?
I tell this story as a parallel to the main story because there was mention of sense of purpose. It can change very unexpectedly. There was mention of the possibility of things changing. It can and does.
I wish I could round up my story with advice on how to deal with the above questions but instead I’m still looking for the answers.
I thought of something else for you to try, Paul. Are you in a neighborhood /town with a lot of teens? Teaching shop and shop safety would be a boon to their future lives! I’m sure some adults would welcome the knowledge, too!
Paul, May your wife’s memory continue to comfort you and your circle of friends.
Your workshop sounds beautiful, our neighbor has the same vision, but is still working in banking, so no time yet for his dream.
I know you’d make many people happy with your talents if you stick to your plan. Our world could benefit from more fixers–too much is thrown away.
I’ve heard of a group called Rent-a-Husband– for handyman stuff, nothing naughty 🙂 Maybe this work would be a win-win for all!
Paul, I’m so sorry for your loss. My wife and I have several friends who lost their spouses suddenly, and way too young. It is brutal. Some have been able to move on in time, and some have not. I hope in time you can find peace and meaning.
We have several friends in that situation, too, talking early 60s. It definitely makes us appreciate what we have in each other and not take it for granted. My husband had a health scare last year that turned out to not be as serious as we feared, and given what has happened with some of our friends, I had to face the possibilities honestly. It also made us want to accelerate the fun things, like aspirational travel plans, because you just never know.
I’m so sorry to read this. This is always a risk if you’re married.
oh my god – this is really unfortunate. Thanks for sharing your story. Have you considered moving to a new country perhaps?
I’m so sorry for your loss and hope that in time you do find new purpose and even joy. It sounds like that’s what your dear wife would have wanted for you.
Thank you for writing. Your experience helps us understand how fortunate we are. I hope you find all your answers.
I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. Thanks for sharing your poignant story.