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WHEN I RETIRED, I thought a successful retirement was primarily about money—about making sure I had enough income to fund daily expenses for 30 or more years. But now that I’m in my 70s, my investments don’t seem quite so important to me.
Indeed, other things in my life strike me as just as crucial as my investment portfolio’s size. Some say retirement is like a three-legged stool. No, not the traditional three-legged stool of personal savings, Social Security and pension income. Instead, this new three-legged stool stresses the need for money, health and social relationships if you want to have a satisfying retirement.
I feel pretty good about the money part. Our fixed expenses are low enough that our Social Security benefits can easily cover them. But I’m not quite so sure about my health and relationships. They seem more elusive as I get older.
I’ve written about my health before. I’m concerned about being able to manage my own affairs in my later years. I was reminded of that again the other day.
I took my car in to get it serviced. I’ve been to the dealership before. This should have been an easy task. But it wasn’t. On my way there in the morning rush-hour traffic, I missed my exit. When I finally got to the dealer, I misplaced my keys and I left my phone in the car.
When a rookie baseball player makes an error in a major league game, they sometimes say the game is moving too fast for him. Maybe my life is starting to move too fast for me, and I’m having a hard time keeping up. I’m starting to make too many mistakes.
That’s why, a few years ago, I consolidated our financial holdings at two financial institutions. It makes it easier to manage our money. Eventually, I’ll consolidate our investment portfolio into a single target-date fund or two low-cost, broad-based index funds. That way, we’ll have fewer decisions to make in our later years. I also like the idea of having one credit card because we’d have just one account to monitor.
Meanwhile, I’m beginning to realize how important my friends are to my well-being. Our house during the holiday season was full of friends and visiting family members. But I couldn’t help but feel a little lonelier during that busy time. As I mentioned in a previous article, I recently lost a close childhood friend. It was sudden and unexpected. When I was told, I was rattled.
This isn’t the first time I lost a good friend. Leo, my camping and fishing buddy, passed away a few years ago. But this time, it felt different. I saw Jeremy’s death as a warning sign that my social network will get smaller as I get older.
I still have a wonderful group of friends. But some of my friends have a bigger impact on my life than others. Jeremy was one of them. He was the glue that held us five high school buddies together all these years. Now, we’ll have to step up if we’re going to continue to stay together.
I read in the newspaper that friends are important for a healthy life, that they’re just as important as having a healthy diet or getting a good night’s sleep. People with strong friendships have better mental and physical health.
For instance, research in Australia found over a 10-year period that, among older people who had many friends, their risk of dying was 22% less than those with fewer friends. By contrast, having a robust social network of children and relatives didn’t affect the survival rate.
Maybe the reason friends are so important to our well-being is because we tend to do things we enjoy with our friends, while many of the things we do with family might be out of a sense of obligation. It may also be that people with many friends have more access to medical care because they have more folks who can give them a ride to doctors’ appointments.
When we retire, we sometimes don’t stay in touch with our friends. We’re too busy spending time with our spouse and other family members. That could be a mistake. We should embrace the friends we have and seek even more, especially younger ones.
Potential friends are everywhere. They’re at the gym, book club, local charitable organization and on our travel adventures. If we truly want to have a healthy and satisfying retirement, we should spend less time looking at our investment portfolio—and more time with our friends.
Dennis Friedman retired from Boeing Satellite Systems after a 30-year career in manufacturing. Born in Ohio, Dennis is a California transplant with a bachelor’s degree in history and an MBA. A self-described “humble investor,” he likes reading historical novels and about personal finance. Check out his earlier articles and follow him on Twitter @DMFrie.
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Hello Dennis. You write great, practical articles on handling investments. A few years back, I remember you indicated that you were using Vanguard’s Personal Advisor Services to help with keeping investments and your portfolio on course. Are you still taking advantage and using this service? I’m curious.
Want a friend? Get a dog. Good for exercise too.
We’ve lived in the same town for over 30 years, since our kids were small. But we neglected our social lives for a long time, during those busy years of building careers and raising kids. Most of our connections involved the kids’ schools and activities. Well, when they left the nest, we didn’t really have friends here—and I’d also neglected relationships with my siblings, who live driving distance from us.
Over recent years, we’ve realized that this is a problem and are working on addressing it. We spend a lot of time with our siblings now. We re-engaged with our church on a deeper level and have made new friends and added purposeful involvement (my husband plays in the worship band, I’m on the teaching team for a women’s Bible study, and we co-lead a small group Bible study in our home for other couples our age). Maybe the most significant change we made was selling our single-family home where we’d lived for over 20 years and moving to a new condo community two miles away. We’ve made more friends with our neighbors in 3 1/2 years here than we did in over 20 in our old neighborhood.
With retirement a couple of years off, we talk a lot about whether we’ll stay in this town for the duration or move closer to our daughter, who lives near the ocean. The ability to reproduce our social connections is a huge factor in whether we stay or go. Not to mention the comfort of having all of my stuff figured out here—eye doctor, dentist, hair stylist, Pilates studio, etc., etc. Even the Mexican place where we eat lunch on the patio on Saturdays and know the staff by name and they don’t even bother with menus for us but just bring “the usual.”
Thanks Dennis. When I stopped working full time at 60, my wife was concerned that I would miss the friends and connections I had at work. At her urging I made efforts to keep up the important friendships, connections, and network. Consulting part-time helped. But friendships are like much of life, you get out of them what you put into it.
Your article really hit home. Financially we’re fine, SS, pension and an assortment of retirement accounts we are in the process of simplifying and consolidating. The other 2 legs of the stool are a little more problematic. At 68 I’ve recently developed some chronic pain issues I’m trying to get to the bottom of. My wife is still suffering the effects of an auto accident 4 years ago. The friends issue though is probably the most concerning. Never had a wide circle of friends, never kept in touch with high school or college friends. After moving several times and then traveling full-time for 5 years after retiring, we have friends around the country but really no one but family close by since we’ve settled down near our oldest son and his family. So far pickleball is our main social outlet. Looking to volunteer and hopefully make some friends. It does take time. My brother has had a monthly poker game with a revolving group of friends for over 40 years. He knew what I neglected. Lasting friendships take commitment and effort.
I don’t dispute the peer reviewed research confirming the many benefits of friendship. Yet, as an introvert who outwardly appears friendly but prefers a small social network, I wonder how this is controlled within studies. We live in a world where various kinds of diversity are increasingly acknowledged if not celebrated. The chasm between extroverts and introverts seems a last frontier of understanding.
Dennis, great article. One of the many factors for me and my husband staying put in the house I have lived in for 35+ years was the close friends that we have close by. My family has all moved away and my husband’s family is in Texas but it’s easy to reach them all with direct flights and Jonathan is a short train ride away. While I am only in my early 60s I have also tried to keep my financial life as simple as possible not just for the concern that it would be too burdensome to manage in later years but also for my husband should I predecease him and for the executors of my estate.
This is very important stuff, and every senior needs to be aware of it. At 67, I have no immediate family and my closest friends are far away, so since moving with my wife to a new area I’ve committed myself to building a local network.
I got elected to my HOA (nobody else ran). I can’t play soccer anymore, but I can still referee once or twice a week. I sing in a choir, just finished doing a play with a local theater group, and deliver on Friday mornings for Meals On Wheels. All of these have the potential to generate friendships over time. It takes work, but I believe it’s more than worthwhile — it’s vital to my longterm well-being.
Great article and comment. I think you’re right it does take work, and I know I for one could be much better about it than I am.
I can relate. I just turned 79. While I never had many friends, they are nearly all gone now. Several the result of affects of Vietnam.
I am able to stay in touch with scores of work friends via Facebook groups. One group I administer has 1200 members all retired from or working at my old employer.
It is depressing as the death notices pop up as it seems only yesterday we were working to getting while actually over 13 years ago.
The good news is after moving to a 55+ community I have made new friends and began new activities.
Don’t sell family short though. My children and grandchildren are the foundation of my wellbeing. Whether it’s having fun or just knowing they need my help, even advice from time to time is a gift.
I’m in my late 60’s and really don’t have any friends in my age group. A few weeks ago I mentioned losing my longtime best friend who was 65. Most people I interact with are much older. Will be moving to a 55+ later this year, so I’m hopeful friendships will expand.
A great article. It’s easy for me at this stage in life, 49, to put my own friendships last with so much going on with my family and work. A good reminder.