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Recently Connie and I got together with friends, two other couples who live in our 55+ community.
We are all among the most fortunate retirees. It costs a minimum of $26,000 a year just in taxes and HOA fees to live where we do.
One of us has a pension, one fellow ran his own businesses, went bankrupt once, but started another business many years ago sold it last year. The other man worked for a large company but saved diligently to enable them to move into our community.
All of us have two homes, one has three. We play golf twice a week and drive nice foreign cars. We have grandchildren to enjoy and the money to spend on them.
As we were talking about our good fortune, one of the women said she was embarrassed to say they planned for retirement so they didn’t need Social Security to live on.
We agreed we pretty much live in a bubble, but appreciate what we have. Sounds pretty good – perhaps what many people strive for in life and retirement. We couldn’t have done better if we used spreadsheets. 😁 However, I acknowledge that one friend explained how he tracks their spending-the couple that doesn’t need their Social Security.
But as Paul Harvey always noted “now for the rest of the story.”
The three couples, one in their 70s two in their 80s, have something else in common. They are all battling cancer. One person just had life-changing surgery that will end his golfing. Two of the ladies are under active treatment, the third in remission.
All the nice things, stuff we have accumulated, the lifestyle, all the planning, have faded in significance. None of us are going to Florida this winter as usual, rather we will be at weekly infusion center and doctors visits. Even with good Medicare coverage ancillary costs are rising, but because we are so fortunate, we can handle it.
Don’t misunderstand me. We remain grateful for every tangible thing we are privileged to have and especially the really important things in life, our families who are all close by.
But there is a lesson here too. No matter how diligent we may be, how careful and considered our planning, life includes something’s you just can’t control…but you can try to accept and manage during the rest of the journey.
I couldn’t agree more. Versus the alternative of having to work, budgeting closely….I’m glad it turned out good through 50 years of savings and investing.
I think this is a good place to share my comment about a bucket list. Ok, there are plenty of places that would be great to visit but I have zero regret if my life is over without crossing places off the list.
What is important is that with all that we have literally been blessed with to have an up to date estate plan and remember to leave funds to those who will benefit and that does especially include grandkids. Since I am a planner with a calculator in hand, I do have some idea what future costs might be that our families will face. Leaving inheritance will be something that will make their lives far better. Sure they may not spend as we do, but at least there will be a benefit. And for those that say, that is a lot of money.are you sure you want to do that? Imagine what a home will cost grandkids in 30 years or the cost of education. I’m glad to assist to make their lives better and we have used our funds for everything we ever cared to buy etc. You never saw a Uhaul behind a hearse. We can’t take our money with us.
Your last sentence is so critical. “Accept and manage” is the key, because even if you “beat” cancer, it leaves little gifties behind. My treatment gave me type 1 diabetes and neuropathy. My surgeries left scarred me inside and out. Yet all that serves as a constant reminder of how extraordinarily fortunate I am to have survived. So I accept, and I manage, and life is pretty great. Not exactly what I planned and hoped for, but pretty great nonetheless.
It’s much harder to do that with a loved one. I feel for you, Dick, and how you must feel about what Connie is going through. My wife is considerably more scarred by my fight than I am — it’s just that nobody can see it.
Very insightful comment. Thanks
After moving to my 55+ community, I realized that having good health is the most important asset for happy retirement. There are many examples like you described. I am at peace with the notion that last few years of our lives are going to be miserable. Meanwhile, enjoy the journey getting there.
i’m not quite that pessimistic. I still look forward to non miserable times. 😁
Don’t ever stop doing that. Hope matters.
I retired from Oncology at age 58. In my last few years of practice I noticed that more and more patients I was seeing were younger than me.
Bill Berstein’s famous line, “when you’ve won the game, stop playing”, as it pertains to investing, seems to be equally apt when considering when to retire. I can “sort of” understand those who work well past traditional retirement age, on the other hand, no one on their deathbed proclaimed that they wished they had spent more time at the office.
The Wall Street Journal recently published this poignant article with a similar theme:
https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/relationships/retirement-planning-lessons-alzheimers-0ccf8cb5?st=wDGD1S&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
Such stories are becoming more common. We have one couple in our community going through the same situation. Now the spouse, who was the care giver, has developed serious health issues. Scary.
Heartbreaking article. Losing two friends in their early 50s and watching another battle early onset dementia—that really drove home why I took early retirement. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Grab life while you can.
This is very sad. It makes me see how fortunate we have been retired 16 years, married 57 and only now facing real health challenges affecting our lives.
We also have long term care, modest amounts, but sufficient to cover at least half the cost mentioned in the article.
I made the group plan available when I was in charge of employee benefits at my former employer.
Thanks Michael. It’s helpful to hear the reality from someone that isn’t living it their dream retirement.
Thanks Dick. This article may change some people’s perspective of the carefree retirement life.
I retired at age 66. One of my goals was to play golf several times a week. I took lessons to sharpen my game. I had a series of nagging injuries that year that resulted in me playing far less golf than when I worked.
I have been blessed with pretty good health in my 15 years of retirement, but I am on a first name basis with many medical providers. That is the reality of life in our 80s, but I feel blessed.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I will be grateful if one person stops and thinks about the most important things.
Dick, I think you’ve achieved that and much more.
Thanks Dick for a really heartfelt and though-provoking piece.
As someone still working, hearing about situations you described certainly make you ponder how long one should keep working, how much money you should save up for retirement, how many sacrifices should be made.
Currently I have two parents in their late 70’s who are slowly but steadily seeing their health diminish, and a daughter who is studying nursing and currently completing training in an aged care facility. The particular location she is in has a lot of dementia patients.
All of this certainly reminds me that today’s good fortune is far from guaranteed.
All the very best to yourself, Connie and your friends battling their various challenges.
The older we get the more important carpe diem becomes.
Man plans, fates laugh and all that.
Stories like this are a large part of why I’ve always felt over-striving, at the expense of relationships, family, truly enjoyed downtime etc was always a risky bet. You have to live life on the way as we’re not all guaranteed to get there.
Though I also think we owe it to ourselves to be pragmatic. We should probably expect by our mid 80s to be facing serious health conditions. In fact to make it that far without having had to overcome such is probably still quite fortunate.
None of which diminishes the impact when these things do vest. So you have my best wishes there
Still quite fortunate indeed. I keep telling myself that because many friends and relatives were not so fortunate health wise or financially.
One of the fellows I mentioned in the post lost his daughter in law and son in law in the last nine months both in their fifties.
I’ve always said we are all one doctor visit from a life changing event.
Also one fall, one bad driver, one contaminated food item, etc. Life is more precarious than we think. It’s probably a good thing we don’t think about it.
Best wishes to the people coping with cancer.
How true. I missed the last step at home two months ago and hurt my ankle. It still hurts and the doctor says it will heal and I didn’t fracture anything. I’m thankful for that because I walk 5-7 miles a day and I can’t imagine not being able to go out and walk. As I said I’m very grateful it wasn’t worse.
We know that well too. A couple of years ago we were at a grandsons little league game. A 12 year old hit a line drive and the ball hit Connie in the eye.
Three hospitals and three surgeries, one with a top retinal surgeon in the Country later, still left her blind in the eye and not able to drive.
She is still being monitored after five years.
Oh my! As a veteran of two detachments and one macula hole repair, I can identify. This is so scary. I thankfully can still drive and so on, but because one pupil is permanently dilated the glare at nights can be challenging. Three doctor visits per year to make sure everything remains in place. The twists and turns of life. We all have a story.
How true that is. I for one would be very happy to pay for insurance and never collect a penny in benefits. That’s any type of insurance-although life insurance may be a stretch.
Life is ephemeral. Every few years I ask google to find out how many other folks who were born in 1946 are still living. Unsurprisingly, each time I check, the % is smaller. Every year, I get older and feel older. Even in my diminished state, I am mostly happy to still be around. One of my friends in Arizona, where we used to go in the Winter, is a couple of years older and often texts me to tell me which of his friends just passed away.
My spouse for what will soon be 57 years was recently moved into a memory care facility. Talk about hard things to do; that was one of the hardest.
Yet, we are biologically programmed to fight for life. Expressions of the cruelty and inevitability and seeming unfairness of our passages through life abound.
https://poets.org/poem/do-not-go-gentle-good-night
I can relate to what you wrote, Dick, being a cancer survivor. I know you are grateful and that will help getting through the hard time of Connie’s treatment. Things can change in a moment. We just try to take it a day at a time. If today is hard, hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hang in there. I continue to pray for you guys, and for Marjorie also. Chris
Mahatma Gandhi: “It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver”
I think your article is a good counterpoint to the one I posted today.
I do too. Chris
After a night out with friends, a nice meal out for just the two of us, or after a satisfying movie on Netflix, Chris will often smile and ask, “do we have a nice life”.
My usual answer; “we do today”.
Never take today for granted.
My usual comment is “I’m so lucky”.
One day at a time. I’m learning to keep my mind occupied so I don’t think too much.