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We live in a hyper-partisan world, and I’m not just talking about politics and cultural issues. Even among financial questions, I’m constantly surprised by what turns out to be controversial.
There are the obvious choices that affect retirees, such as when to claim Social Security and whether to annuitize part of a nest egg. These decisions involve significant dollars, so maybe it’s no great surprise that folks get hot and bothered.
But it isn’t just fairly straightforward financial issues that get fiercely debated. I also see folks take partisan sides on questions that—while they have a financial angle—I also view as lifestyle choices. Consider:
All the back and forth on such topics can be entertaining. But let’s face it: On such issues, there’s no right or wrong, and things quickly get silly when folks take the moral high ground while belittling the choices of others. If you truly believe others are lesser mortals because they won’t climb on a plane to Europe or they’re aiming to age in place, maybe it’s time to stop judging others—and, instead, ask whether you’re looking to validate your own choices by bullying others into accepting your opinions.
I would add one to the list:
Should someone retire before they think they are financially ready? There seems to be many who criticize the choice to continue working OMY (one more year) because they judge that to be valuing money more than the “truly important” things in life.
And if you retired without being 100% confident that you had enough saved, they’d criticize you for that. It’s amazing how folks merrily impose their values on others,
I agree it’s silly to judge people on lifestyle choices. To each their own. More and more it seems like people have lost the ability to agree to disagree. I had a co worker who’s political views were totally opposite of mine. We would spend our breaks talking ,especially during election years. Not once did our conversations ever get heated. We listened to each other, never tried to change the others mind, but just gained an understanding of how each of us developed our beliefs. Sadly not enough of that anymore.
Very true. Also, positions are too often developed on false information. I know a women who posted an outright falsehood and then told me she didn’t have time to check facts.
Out there, it’s gotten to where so many folks are just dug in with their viewpoints, especially in the political and policy arenas. It’s refreshing to engage with those who do have open minds. One of many reasons reasons why what Jonathan and his team have created is valuable and special. And it’s on all of us to keep it going.
Not sure if this will make sense to everyone, but I’ve found that if provocative “line in the sand” statements are avoided, people seem to agree on things more than disagree.
“Maybe it’s time to stop judging others …,” is such good advice and worth remembering, as well as the ongoing effort to remain humble. At my church’s small women’s group, it’s tempting to “share” our latest good news, but when it’s talking about the latest trip or family get-together, it can be painful listening for those who don’t have those experiences. One of the best examples of humility that I regularly encounter at church is a retired couple who continue to work part-time and volunteer extensively. They also travel frequently, both to visit family and to cruise, but they only discuss their travels when asking someone to fill in for their absence at church or when they are specifically asked about their travel plans. Thanks, as always, Jonathan, for your thoughtful suggestions on being better citizens, not only of our local communities but of the global community that we share.
There are reasons for “old sayings…” One of which is “To teach their own.”
Another one, although less kind, is “Opinions are like a_holes. Everyone has one and many of them stink.”
I retired in January of this year. In March we visited The Villages, in FL. For hose who live in a cave, The Villages is the largest retirement community in the US, and perhaps the world. Look it up on You Tube. A truly unique place and lifestyle.
I loved it and would have relocated there in a heartbeat. My bride of 50 years however, was not as enamored with the place as I was. Result? We still live in NC on 6 wooded acres and she loves her home. Me? I would rather live in FL but not as a single man! Ha!
Senior Housing? I can understand the attractiveness of it for many. Even CCRCs, if you have that kind of money. My day considered in his late 70’s but when he found out that couples could be separated based on levels of care needed, he dismissed it. His younger brother and his wife however, in their early 80’s, moved into a CCRC in Richmond, VA in 2021 and they love it.
A sense of Purpose? Sure…and currently that purpose is to get out the vote and assure that our up coming elections are honest. I am currently volunteering in my county registering people to vote. When early voting starts, I will be a Pole Watcher for my party. (Thankfully here in NC we have voter ID laws to help with the elimination of illegal voters.)
After the elections, I plan to get trained to assist seniors with their taxes in the upcoming tax season and also provide pro-bono financial education where possible. After 35 years in financial services and 15 years teaching Financial and Retirement Planning, that is where I think I can contribute most.
Part Time Work? Thought about it then decided 54 years in the work force was enough. And since I planned, saved, and invested effectively for our retirement, it is simply not necessary. I do understand, however, the desire for daily interaction with others and the need for income by many.
Ah…Travel. Since January, we have visited the beach in NC, the beach in SC, Savannah, GA, the mountains in Northern GA, the mountains in Western NC, The Villages, FL, and the Tri-Cities area of TN. In October we plan to visit Western PA and Northern W. VA.
I had hoped to travel to Europe (Germany & Ireland) in June, for our 50th anniversary, but my bride didn’t want to travel out of the US, “and be part of the riots in Europe, because of their immigrant problems.” See wanted to begin visiting all 50 US States so that is our plan.
In 2025, I plan of attending a number of conventions, as a member of various groups. The NRA convention in Atlanta, the Rock Retirement Group in DFW, TX, The USCCA annual meeting in WI, The Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting in Omaha, and a few others. My wife will be ticking states off her list. Plus we will spend a month or two at a NC beach and revisiting The Villages.
Another fantastic, thought provoking article by Jonathan. Thank you sir!
What you have done here is expressed views I both can agree with and disagree with and that’s okay. You have also presented undertones that i strongly disagree with and that is okay as well.
Different opinions work and as you noted with your wife so does compromise.
I urge you not to forgo Europe based on what you see on TV. If that was what Europeans did nobody would come to the U.S. And there is plenty to see even if you want to avoid large cities.
Enjoy the 50, we finished that list last fall, but also 45 countries since I retired. It’s a big world to explore.
Sounds like you have plenty of 2025 travel mapped out. I’ve started doing that too, one international and two domestic. Things to look forward to even if changes become necessary.
I would offer that there seems to be far more of a tendency these days to judge seemingly everything and to share it with everyone, often with a negative take and harsh words. Here, on HD, I enjoy learning about others experiences and takes on various subjects. Always looking for another nugget of gold whether it puts a smile on my face or gives pause to think about something and possibly take action. Cheers!
This topic reminds me of living my life in communities that are growing from an influx of people from somewhere else. It’s common to hear the newcomers say, “That’s not the way we did it back home.” The implication is they did it better. Everyone has an opinion. I try to focus on “can be entertaining “—most of the time!
in my opinion, there are 3 stages of retirement, “go go” stage, “slow go” stage, and “no go” stage. depending on your physical and mental strength, you will fit into one of the stages i just listed. in “go go” stage, travel the world (but don’t eat too much strange foods 😉 ). in “no go” stage, move into a retirement community.
No reason to wait until no-go to move to a retirement community. In fact, that may be too late.
At my CCRC there are people still working, some part time but some full time, a slew of travel, people who still own or part-own second homes, and a great deal of volunteer activity both within the community and outside.
Deep down most of us are looking for the freedom to be ourselves—the freedom to pursue what we really want and not what someone else wants us to want.
Gee, I was just finishing a post on the benefits of travel.
If people would just follow these rules, all would be right with the world.😉
Kidding of course
📚Although I do believe travel and learning other cultures is so important it should be part of the high school curriculum.
Each to their own for sure even though their own may be hard to understand.
Seriously though, I don’t think a person will change just because they retire, they are the same person, same personality with the same likes and dislikes and want the same lifestyle that makes them comfortable.
Jonathan, thanks for the necessary, yet gentle, reminder. What you espouse is one of the reasons I’ve become a loyal HD reader and writer. I learn so much from the community, and it enriches my life. It reminds me to embrace the first part of the site’s title.
We are all different and we can learn from those differences. My biggest issue with some folks is that they never listen or consider an opinion different than theirs.
Thought provoking piece. I’m not an expert on this, but it does seem to me that as a society we’ve lost a degree of civility and manners that probably serves a useful function in society. While I’m generally a technology fan, I suspect one contributing factor has been the anonymity of the internet probably helped foster this loss of civility and manners during discourse. Now this unsavory trend has spilled over into other human interactions such as political discourse and the way we interact with one another. Even forums (such as HD) trying to achieve a more thoughtful and benevolent type of community can fall prey to it at times. I hope as a society this is just a phase we’re going through and the pendulum swings back pretty soon.
I agree. Civility is about having self respect, respect for others and not responding in kind to others who are rude. Jonathan is right. Continually pounding on your own theories and beliefs is a form of bullying and is disrespectful.
I’m aware that I have been advocating a move to a CCRC for those who can afford one. I apologize if it has come across as bullying. I am concerned about “solo agers”, and about surviving spouses, left to cope on their own, likely with fewer resources and possibly exhausted from caregiving.
Kathy, I for one appreciate the detailed info you provide. I’m sure many of us may consider a CCRC at some point, or have family or friends who are considering it. Knowledge is powerful.
I have looked up every definition I can find of bullying and I can’t recall anything on HD that comes close to meeting any definition.
Advocating an idea or strategy even repeatedly is not bullying especially when not directed at an individual.
Anyone who perceives it as such may be a tad sensitive given we generally remain anonymous.
If you fear you might be bullying, you probably aren’t. The folks I worry about are those who think their vociferous insistence is entirely justified and could never be considered bullying.
Kathy…I’m sure no one mistook your enthusiasm for CCRC living as bullying. Hope you will continue to. Enlighten us with your knowledge.
It never came across as bullying, Kathy, only as concern for “solo agers”, and about surviving spouses, left to cope on their own. Most people will need help later in life at some point and everyone should make plans if at all possible, for their later years.
Thanks to all of you!
I’m adding to the chorus of gratitude for your information, Kathy, about CCRCs as well as your travel tips. I had never heard of a CCRC until you shared about your move to one. In a similar vein about safe housing for “solo agers,” my sister and I just learned about “board and care” facilities that seem to be limited to California, where our brother lives. We are his only family and moving back East isn’t an option. Now that he can no longer live independently but doesn’t yet need a Skilled Nursing Facility, we hope this option may work for him with his limited income.
I wasn’t familiar with “board and care” in the US, but it looks like it does exist in NC, mostly combined with Assisted Living.
Very true! I bite my tongue and delete most of my replies before hitting the Post Comment button.
Me too.
Civility is one thing and we sure need more of it.
Not sure how you are using “pounding” but staying consistent with one’s theories and beliefs and stating them when appropriate in a civil manner is not in my view bullying or disrespectful. To do otherwise would be insincere.
What I wonder to myself is if there is a bit of thou protest too much or to put it another way, do those who object to a position ever think – gee I wish I had done that or why didn’t I think of that?
“…do those who object to a position every think – gee I wish I had done that or why didn’t I think of that?”
I doubt it. Most people who stake out a position on something, only dig their heels in further when presented with contrary ideas. 🙂
By “pounding” I meant constantly hectoring others who may have a different opinion..is it necessary to keep browbeating them with unending statistics and data to prove a point?
If a situation doesn’t include compromising your integrity, let it go. Being right often comes with too high a price.
Is “pounding” perhaps opening multiple threads to expound personal beliefs on a subject while making no effort to understand those who direct one to alternate material.
Then claiming that there’s a bit ” protest too much” on those who don’t agree?
I don’t recall seeing anything close to that on HD.
You are right, but I fear human nature says it’s not a phase.
I also fear it’s not a phase. But on an encouraging note, I recently heard an interview of one of two authors of a book called “the fourth turning”. I haven’t read the book yet, but if I heard correctly, the authors claim there’s a cycle to human societies that go through 4 phases, ultimately arriving back at the first phase. Basically, a psychological “cycle” between generations that moves in a predictable manner. I haven’t read the book so I don’t know if I buy the idea, but I certainly like the idea that we don’t endlessly continue the negative trend we’ve been in recently.
There are many analogies between hiking and life.
On the Appalachian Trail there is a saying “Hike your own hike” that roughly translates “you do your thing, and I’ll do mine” or “mind your own business”. It is often uttered less than politely when one hiker is criticizing another’s choice of gear, accomodations, company, schedule or custom or etiquette.
You get all kinds of people on the trail from high school kid, to retirees, recent college grads, entire families with young kids, military veterans with PTSD, the occasional homeless person just bumming around the shelters, boy scouts, and Cambodian Buddhist monks. The only thing that binds us together is that for some reason we’ve all chosen to hike up and down the same mountains, sleep in the same shelters/campsites, get water from the same streams, etc. In other words, we’re all very different but, for whatever reason we’ve chosen, literally, to hike the same path in life for a while.
People are all hiking their own hike, and that’s OK.
There is a “Thai Forest Tradition” where the Buddhist monks engage in a practice known as “tudong” (Thai; meaning “austere practice”) in which they wander on foot through the countryside, either on pilgrimage or in search of solitary retreat places in nature. They meditate, eat, and sleep in the forest.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the writer/reporter Nick Kristoff. He’s hiked with his family on the Pacific Crest Trail and seems to share your thoughts about hiking. Though he’s not shy about his political beliefs, he’s open to opposing views and often shares civil and generous opinions of those with whom he disagrees in his columns for the New York Times. He recently published a memoir called Chasing Hope. Despite the bad things he’s witnessed, he’s still hopeful. The book is a good read, as are the ones he’s written with his wife, Sheryl WuDann.
Something about hiking seems to inspire people to write, from the first through hiker in 1948 (Earl Shaffer, “Walking with Spring“) who was trying to hike off losses of buddies in WWII, to Paul Stutzman (“Hiking Through“) who was born Amish and hiked to figure out which way was up after his wife passed, to Jennifer Pharr Davis (“Becoming Odyssa“) who logged a couple “fastest known time” records, to my own hiking blog mostly pictures). You spend a lot of time thinking about what’s important and just enjoying life and asking youself “Now, why am I slogging up this hill in 80 degree weather…???”
There’s a lot of wisdom out there. One gem Stutzman gleaned from another hiker goes “If you can’t carry it on your back or in your heart, you don’t need it”.
Very nice pictures. I saw lots of familiar names and views from my backpacking experiences. The showers at Fontana Dam were amazing, and the shelters were first-class, too. Clingman’s Dome, Mt. Mitchell, and others are very memorable. I’ve always enjoyed paths through Rhododendron thickets.
I echo Ken – great photos!
George, I checked out some of the pics on your blog-very nice.
😊 Thank you’
The world would be a miserable place if everyone wanted the same things and pursued the same paths to grab those resources necessary to get them.
The real purpose in life is to achieve contentment in what you have and do. And you’re not a lesser person because you don’t have or aspire to have the same things.