FREE NEWSLETTER
Go to main Forum page »
Last week, my family hosted my wife’s niece and family from California. The parents in this family are both in their 40s.
Prior to their visit, we resolved to ask them what plans they had made for their retirement. On their first evening with us, we were encouraged to learn they each had a pension, and were also saving additional money for retirement through their employer-sponsored plans. That was as far as the financial conversation got, except that they commented they “needed to think more about retirement.”
I didn’t have a chance to follow-up on the comment, but my wife found out the young couple knew they needed to learn more about personal finance and take action to put some plans in place. They just hadn’t yet pulled the trigger.
Yesterday, I sent them an email complimenting them on making a start and offered a few suggestions on moving forward. I added a few HumbleDollar links, including the Two-Minute Checkup.
I told them my wife and I are nosey about the finances of the people we care about, but to honest, I’m pretty curious about nearly everyone’s plans for retirement, and ready to offer suggestions if they are as lost as I was a few decades ago. I look for opportunities to bring up the topic.
What about you? Do you poke your nose into other people’s money life?
No, the only person I get involved with is my son, that I would call parental obligation, more a chore that has to be done.
No. I enjoy the topic but do not raise it.
I’m with you Mike. Some will bring up the subject with me, and I enjoy the conversations, though I don’t know how often they act on my input.
I have written before about our son still coming to me for financial advice on occasion. But I let him come to me. Spouse was not interested in our finances and left it all to me. They had no idea about anything. I had to start leaving the bills at their place after I paid them. I am making them do some of the online bill pay now. Our daughter is a CPA and knows more than I do. Chris
I tend to throw out feelers such as forwarding articles that I think may be appropriate for my children. I have written about being quite involved in my daughter’s finances since her divorce almost a decade ago. She shares all her finances including salary, bonuses, as well as an annual review of her financial situation in the months after the new year before she does her taxes.
My son and his wife, have a fairly high income as she is a Physician’s Associate (new professional designation) and makes a very good salary. I have not mentioned anything more than general outline of financial concepts. A few years ago I mentioned to my son that it would be important to obtain additional life insurance on her as, they have a significant mortgage, and their incomes are not balanced at all and she has type 1 diabetes. I believe he referenced something about doing that, but I’m not sure.
I told my children growing up that in all aspects of life you have to live with all of your life’s decisions, both good and bad.
Only when asked. However, we often leave personal finance books on end tables and nightstands. If I catch one of our adult children flipping through the pages of one, I don’t hesitate to initiate a conversation on money.
I think it depends on the situation. While we May mean to be helpful, or gain useful information, people sometimes feel uncomfortable discussing their finances, or judged because of their financial situation.
Casual conversations with friends may call for tactfulness and discretion.
No. Perhaps because I grew up in England. One did not talk about money.
If asked specifically for help I would start a discussion, but it hasn’t happened. I know that a couple of my widowed neighbors have financial advisors, but I have not asked what fees they are paying, although I have mentioned that I pay Vanguard about .10%.
I would if I thought it would help. In keeping with some of my other comments I have not found many people even remotely interested in discussing the topic. I think I’ll stick to politics, religion, and sex.
No
most of my close friends and relatives know I retired early and I did it by planning for it. I also let them know that I’m very happy to answer questions or offer advice on how I did it but I never provide unsolicited advice.
Like Kathy–mytimetotravel–comments above, I grew up among folks who didn’t talk about money. But some of that silence was because they didn’t know much about it beyond income and spending. Planning finances, especially for our lives decades from now, was a foreign concept.
Today, though, planning and investment are available to the masses. The index fund and the internet make retirement achievable. Yet, many people still don’t know it’s possible for them. You’re right, unsolicited advice may get tossed in the trash like those offers Greg Spears recently wrote about. But I’ve found that a sincere question asked at the right moment may open an opportunity to point someone in the right direction. Not every time, maybe not even most times. But I’m bothered by the thought of not offering information that changed my life.
I recently had a good conversation with a young man in his 20s that I care about. It had been on my mind to speak to him, and an opportunity arouse when he asked about my job. He volunteered he’s socking away 16% of his income from each paycheck, plus saving for a house. That was an uplifting conversation.
My kids seemed to pick up Dad’s financial savvy overall, which I learned by watching my father. However, I do not pry, but encourage them when they say they have a 401K, then I add something like and does the company have matching funds? This seems to work best. I do send them age appropriate articles from Humble Dollar that I think will guide them to a fulfilling retirement. They are now past 50 years old, so timing is good. For Grandchildren, I like to make sure they are saving once having a full time job, and also make sure they understand Compounding and inflation. The rest is up to them.
My kids are younger than yours, and for my youngest son’s family, it seems money is always tight. I’ve tried to have the kind of conversation you’ve had, also without prying – but it’s hard. I personally think they spend too much money on “stuff”, and sometimes need to say nothing instead of something that will be viewed as judgmental (even if it is).
The HumbleDollar offering is a favorite of mine, too.
Whenever I’ve offered unsolicited financial advice in the past, I’ve usually regretted it, so I completely refrain from doing it now. People are going to do what they are going to do.
I let people know that I’m interested in the topic. Then, I let them ask follow-up questions. They never do.
Asking these questions is one of my worst qualities around my kids. The rest of the world, my curiosity is tame but I can’t help being dad, wanting to help them not make my mistakes.
I never ask or bring up the subject, however, I’m often asked about planning and always offer to either help personally or make a referral to a professional. Most times those folks never take the next step.
I dont generally do the asking about friends/others finances, but some think I know a fair amount about it so occasionally I am asked about investments/retirement topics. I am not inclined to go into much detail other than some very general things. Recently though I had a friend tell me that they were very concerned about the stock market and the state of our country and they thought they were going to pull all their money out (tax deferred accounts included). In this case I was far more nosey than normal. I probably spent 30 minutes asking for more details of their situation and what they were thinking. I told them to seek professional advice but I even went so far as to tell them to call me to talk more before they did something rash.
I don’t get into details or ask specific questions, but I raise general issues to discuss. Indeed I am curious.
I know a couple who ran successful businesses for many years, but now retired they often mention not having money for this or that. They claim to live on SS.
Having a business you would think they took advantage of tax favored retirement plans, but no. I once mentioned investments in general. The response was, I don’t have time for any of that stuff.
I don’t jump into details with a stranger, but the closer we become, the more personal my questions tend to get. As an example, one of my closest friends mentioned that he had rolled his decent-sized retirement account over to some advisor-managed funds. I said nothing initially, but I was bothered by the situation I suspected he had gotten into. When the time was right, I broached the subject and found he hadn’t a clue about what he was invested in or what he was paying, and didn’t know how to find out. I had him pull up the funds and showed him that the fund and advisor fees totaled over 3%, and also showed him why that was significant. The end of the story is that we eventually sat down together while he made the phone call to move his money to Vanguard. He also uses their advisor services, which is best for him. I sleep better knowing that his money is in a better place.
I typically don’t ask folks detailed questions about their finances, but I do enjoy playing money detective, especially with those who give off an air of affluence. Folks drop clues about their finances all the time. I find it telling when purportedly wealthy acquaintances mention that their cars are leased, or they still have a mortgage, or their kids will be taking out loans for college, or they claimed Social Security at 62. These might be well-thought-out decisions. But my hunch is they’re signs of financial stress.
Jonathan, in a past article I wrote about not being able to keep up with my “big buck buddies”. One of those buddies died broke. I had lunch with another one last week; he now rents a 500 sq. ft. apartment and lives solely on social security, his only source of income. I paid for lunch.
I’ve pointed out these signs to my daughter–to help her learn to look past the glitter. As you say, it’s often camouflage for the truth.
In my former workplace of 38 years, I often engaged in conversations with folks about their finances. Most of my coworkers were in good shape but I found that many were very uninformed about their pension options and considerations. I gained a bit of a reputation among some as the “go-to guy” about pensions and other financial matters. A number of people shared detailed financial information with me, which of course I always kept confidential. Being a numbers guy, I always liked seeing that information, and I really enjoyed the feeling that I was helping people. A couple of my colleagues also had a strong interest in personal finance. I would share some of my personal info with them, as a peer.
I like the peer sharing. I have a younger cousin with whom I share much of my financial life, and maybe one day all of it, as he is the current contingent executor of our wills. I mentioned to him that he is the only person I talk to so openly. He says he’s had the opposite experience–he has several friends that he’s talked money with for years.