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“GOD, GRANT ME THE serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
No matter what our religious beliefs, we’re constantly bombarded with reasons to invoke the serenity prayer. There are so many things we can’t control: what our bosses decide, what acquaintances say behind our back, how stocks and interest rates perform. This lack of control can be a source of endless anxiety, while the opposite feeling—autonomy, financially and otherwise—can give a big boost to our happiness.
Many folks have told me that the world feels especially chaotic right now, given the conflicts in Ukraine and Israel, U.S. political polarization, stubbornly elevated inflation, rising interest rates and a lackluster stock market. I understand such handwringing, but I’m not inclined to join in. I’ve spent my entire life hearing that things have never been worse—and yet somehow they keep getting better.
Want to sleep at night and avoid panicky financial decisions? We need to make our peace with the world’s uncertainty. A lack of control is one of life’s constants and, indeed, it can get worse as we age. As the years sap our physical and mental capabilities, we may increasingly feel like we’re losing control, and any further threat to our independence—such as our family insisting that we stop driving or that we move into an assisted living facility—can trigger fierce resistance.
What to do? Here are five thoughts.
1. Control what we can. Faced with an uncertain world, this is the standard suggestion, and it has the added virtue of being good advice. If we want to be prudent managers of our own money, we should save diligently during our working years, spend judiciously once retired, limit our fixed living costs to perhaps 50% of our income, insure against major financial risks, plan our estate, hold down investment costs, manage our annual tax bill and diversify our portfolio broadly. All of these steps are largely or entirely within our control.
But when it comes to investing, perhaps the most important step is controlling our reaction to the financial markets’ ups and downs. A measured optimism about the world and the broad financial markets can be an investor’s best friend, allowing us to take the daily turmoil and the scary headlines in stride.
But even if we control what we can, there’s no guarantee of financial success, especially over the short term. Still, the steps mentioned above should stack the odds in our favor, making it likely we’ll grow wealthy over time, while easing much of our financial stress along the way.
2. Anticipate future needs. There’s the stuff we can control today—and then there’s the stuff we’ll want to control tomorrow. We should give serious thought to what those things might be. Should we buy or rent a larger place in a good school district because we anticipate having kids? Should we hold down our living costs now and start building up our taxable account, so we have the financial flexibility to change careers in our 50s?
Perhaps the most crucial example: Are we prepared for our later retirement years? Among other steps, that might mean clearing out the basement now, getting financial and health-care powers of attorney, buying a single-story home and getting on the list for a continuing care retirement community.
3. Avoid the illusion of control. Even as we tackle aspects of our financial life that we truly can control, we should be leery of actions that give us a feeling of control but will, if anything, likely end up hurting us. I’m talking about things like trading excessively, following the markets closely, and investing with active managers because we imagine they’ll save us from losses during plunging markets. Such steps can make us feel like we have more control over our destiny—but, like shaking the dice vigorously before we throw them, that sense of control is an illusion, and sometimes an expensive one.
4. Accept that we can’t control everything. There are many aspects of our life that are simply beyond our control, and we should try not to let them upset us. I realize this is good advice—that’s extraordinarily difficult to follow. It’s hard not to be bothered by aggressive drivers, plunging markets, uncooperative colleagues and gossipy neighbors, even if we can’t prevent such things. But as I see it, when we allow such things to bother us—or, to use a phrase I’m fond of, “rent space in our head”—all we do is compound our own misery.
5. Take solace in acting wisely. How can we limit the distress caused by both financial misfortune and the misbehavior of others? Even as we try mightily not to be bothered by things we can’t control, we should strive to always do the right thing, whether we’re dealing with our finances, our social circle, our colleagues or some other dimension of our life.
To be sure, just because we behave well doesn’t mean that things will work out well. But the knowledge that we’re endeavoring to do our best should bring us comfort, and most of the time it’ll work to our benefit.
Jonathan Clements is the founder and editor of HumbleDollar. Follow him on Twitter @ClementsMoney and on Facebook, and check out his earlier articles.
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I would add an addendum to the serenity prayer. As I get older, grant me the knowledge/wisdom to know my limits.
I retired early before covid to become a part time hobby artist (Hot Glass). Although I can still make make beautiful art pieces, the size & quantity is definitely on a downhill slide. Spending a full day in the hotshop, especially here in AZ, takes it out of you. Creations in the morning are larger and higher quality than those in the afternoon. Thankfully, our summer is finally over for 2023.
And I also have learned to do my financial planning in the morning while my cognitive skills are at their peak.
Thanks for the blog/articles/feedback. I thoroughly enjoy them.
The Serenity Prayer has been a constant source of comfort and a reminder, as you’ve noted, that most things, people and events in this world are outside of my control. But if I focus on the things I can control—my own physical, financial and spiritual health—it will bring me greater peace and serenity.
I have followed this site daily for years after your Journal columns disappeared but never responded. There have been many insightful articles but none that I have forwarded to my wife and two sons as I did with this. I also bookmarked it for myself as an occasional reminder, Powerful!
Thank you Jonathan for producing this article. The philosophers of long ago also showed people how to have a better mastery of life and you have touched on much of the curriculum.
I was browsing the DVD selection in my local library, searching for something of interest when I spied this 4 disc course on the Stoic way of perceiving life. WOW, such wisdom in that college level course!
In it, I learned we have 3 things that we have complete control over and by using them, we have to power to improve life.
I would also recommend this book authored by the same professor, Dr Pigliucci. https://www.amazon.com/Live-Like-Stoic-Exercises-Cultivating/dp/1846045967
Life is what me make it.
At one time I said the Serenity Prayer frequently. I’ve said it a few times recently, as I prepare to move, but basically I’ve accepted that at 76 most things are in the “I cannot change” category. Plenty of things I care about could do with changing, but I know I can’t change them. Long term travel taught me the value of planning well, but then letting go and being flexible if necessary.
Another good article full of wisdom.
I’m convinced that many people stress because of the unpredictability in their lives. Ideally we can accept that we will always be surrounded by volatility. My core rule is to never let your happiness be determined by the stock market or politics. Keep in touch with family and friends and expose yourself to nature to keep things in perspective.
We always hear that things are worse than ever. Here are some facts:
‘The rest of the world is worse off economically speaking.
The U.S. currently has the lowest inflation in the G7 as well (via CEA):
On an apples-to-apples basis, U.S. inflation was the lowest in the G7 in August.
So the U.S. economy has experienced higher growth and less inflation than the rest of the developed world.’
Great advice Jonathan. I had a discussion this morning with a good friend about how many unexpected things (personal, family, global, …) have happened to us in the past 5 years or so. It can be challenging to take solace in wise behavior, even, or especially, if things don’t work out as hoped.
I do not worry much about the markets although I have a substantial sum invested.
My biggest concerns are the health and well being of me and my family, our community, country and the world. I have some control of the first but no control over the latter three. I just turn those over to the Lord. He is the only one who can solve those problems.
When working overseas in the former Soviet Union in the early 90’s we were faced with difficult situations helping prepare the host country for NATO membership. We came up with four basic rules from I don’t know where.
Rule 1. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get worse.
Rule 2. The information is not entirely correct.
Rule 3. When they say it’s over, it’s not over.
Rule 4. They get tired, you don’t get tired.
Just because the situation is bad, you should always prepare mentally for it possibly getting worse. Don’t take bad information to heart and never get tired, the problems you have will go away before you do with the right attitude. In the end there is more good than bad, if you make it that way.
Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest and founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation, posits five promises of male initiation (see Adam’s Return, 2004, NY, The Crossroad Publishing Co.), all of which are relevant to investing:
–Life is hard,
–You are not important,
–Your life is not about you,
–You are not in control,
–You are going to die.
Your five thoughts reminded me of Rohr’s five promises. With both, accept them, work in the wisdom of your limitations, and be satisfied with your life and wealth. It’s something to pass to your sons and your daughters.
I have a “Circle of Concern vs Circle of Control” graphic hanging by my computer for easy reference. I’m not sure where I got it originally but found it at this Medium.com link online just now (you can see the graphic at the bottom of the post glimpse for nonmembers). https://medium.com/an-idea/circle-of-concern-vs-circle-of-control-e7cc15c644d3
It’s a snapshot of reactive vs proactive behavior, and reminds me to focus on things that are within my control and to try to curtail all the worry over things that aren’t. Not reading or tuning into every breaking news alert helps, too!
Laura,
Thank you for that excellent link!
Personally, I DO spend too much time and effort worrying about things over which I have zero control.
Great graphic!!
Excellent words of advice! I find that a small dose of skeptacism during times of elevated markets, combined with an equal dose of hope during rough times, goes a long way towards maintaining balance in understanding what we are able to control in our financial lives.
Wow, the Serenity Prayer! I don’t know if you know, but we say that at almost every AA meeting. It’s a big deal, thanks for opening with it. I definitely follow the markets too closely, but I don’t think I trade excessively, though others might disagree. My Dad was a big worrier. I see what is happening in the world, and I have a special place in my heart for Ukraine. But actually I see it as a clarifying moment in history. The “bad guys” are showing themselves in plain sight. The opportunity is there for a great victory for the free world if we stay united. Having said that, I hedge my risk with Lockheed Martin and Exxon in my portfolio.
Great article, as usual, sir! The last century began with the Dow at 66. It is now around 35,000. 120 years prior, there was no Social Security, no unemployment insurance, no automobile industry, no space industry, no welfare programs, etc.
The next 120 years saw two global wars, several war proxies like Korea, Viet Nam and more, a devastating global depression, the resignation of an American president, interest rates in the high teens, and so on.
Yet, the American stock markets are an incredible 60% of the world total now, and just one company is close to 3%! To me, I will continue to have perhaps 80% of my equities in The United States, and unless interest rates rise to at least 6% over the S & P %00 dividend yield, not go more than 6 years duration for my investment grade bonds.
I shall never approach Musk or Buffett or Gates, financially, but as long as I may continue to live as I am now, and no longer need to get up at 5 a.m. and toil in a hot in the summer and cold in the winter factory with high noise levels, I am happy. ( and the pay certainly didn’t make up for the poor conditions. The most I ever made was 57,000 bucks, working an average of 60 hours a week, traveling a bit, also.)
I wish I could share your optimism or at least lack of pessimism. I agree on all fronts except the political polarization or better dysfunction and the division it has created among us.
What is different from the past is more the world, than the United States. We are linked, intertwined like never before. We are not the big dog leader any longer. People who convince other people we don’t need to adjust to a global everything are risking our futures.
Many Americans don’t understand how dependent we are on foreign goods and services and how we are in competition with China around the world for things like natural resources.
We need a global. long-term consistent strategy and I don’t see that on the horizon. Instead of looking over our shoulder, we will be looking at the back of the other guys neck and huffing and puffing to keep up.
Never have I ever so much wished I was wrong.
Unfortunately we have political leaders who seem more intent on revenge or stifling the other party than getting anything done, such as addressing the concerns mentioned here. Seems they are also more concerned about getting re-elected
I agree. I don’t think we do very many things proactively in this country (be prepared for WWII, put social security on sound footing, etc.). We basically “react.” Let’s hope we’re able to react successfully in the future.
Those are 5 good thoughts. One of your opening statements – “I’ve spent my entire life hearing that things have never been worse—and yet somehow they keep getting better.” – made me think of something Warren Buffett wrote 13 years ago in his 2010 Chairman’s Letter. A bit of a long quote but I find myself frequently thinking of it when things seem turbulent and it reinforces your points, I think. And it is a good reminder of an underlying strength of our nation:
“Money will always flow toward opportunity, and there is an abundance of that in America. Commentators today often talk of ‘great uncertainty.’ But think back, for example, to December 6, 1941, October 18, 1987 and September 10, 2001. No matter how serene today may be, tomorrow is always uncertain.
Don’t let that reality spook you. Throughout my lifetime, politicians and pundits have constantly moaned about terrifying problems facing America. Yet our citizens now live an astonishing six times better than when I was born. The prophets of doom have overlooked the all-important factor that is certain: Human potential is far from exhausted, and the American system for unleashing that potential–a system that has worked wonders for over two centuries despite frequent interruptions for recessions and even a Civil War–remains alive and effective.”
Very well-spoken life advice. So many people stress over the uncontrollable. Even when things are going quite well for them, they search high and low for a problem to worry about.
I believe humans are hard-wired to worry. If we don’t have something big to worry about, we’ll often fret about something inconsequential.
Life is so good—if for no other reason than it could be so much worse. Still, being thankful is sometimes an intellectual activity, it’s hard to feel the emotion. When I’m feeling down, positive activity, like you suggest, can help me “get over it,” and avoid harmful activity. Thanks for today’s reminder, and the links to some good advice from the past. I’ve commented before that a soothing word is a great service.
Great article Jonathan, especially during these times. My father lived until age 95 and he had this incredible ability to only worry about what he could control. It was something I didn’t realize until later in life. When I was growing up, he would tell me how I didn’t have to work like he did growing up in the Depression. Later, as I was about 40 in my peak working years, he said I worked too hard and worried too much about things. I would tell him, “The devil is in the details.” I think he got a kick out of me knowing, years later, I’d have a different perspective on all the stress. In the words of Frank Costanza of Seinfeld, “SERENITY NOW!”
And Lloyd Braun responds…”Insanity later”!
I realized that with the turmoil in this current world, it’s a good idea toto review my allocations- I was a bit overweighted in stocks, and with the increased interest rates, took the opportunity to shift some of the money ( Not all!)to bonds and CDs