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MY WIFE AND I TOOK a two-week trip to Ireland. We flew to Dublin and stayed at the Hotel Riu Plaza. If you’re ever on the run and need a hiding place, just ask for a room on floor 2C. They’ll never find you because of the strange floor plan. All things considered, the Riu Plaza is a fine hotel at a reasonable price, with a good buffet breakfast to start your day.
After touring Dublin for four days, we took a train to Galway for three days. It’s the largest city close to the Cliffs of Moher. Seeing those large sea cliffs, which reach a height of 702 feet, was one of the reasons we took the trip.
Ireland’s Cliffs of Moher
We decided to take a tour bus to the cliffs from Galway. Gary, our driver, greeted us, and asked where we’re from and whether we’re enjoying our stay. Then, in his Irish accent, he said, “I have two reserved seats for you, right behind me.” These seats gave us a great view of the countryside and the Burren as we made our way to the cliffs. The Burren is a limestone area known for its caves, rock formations and archeological sites. Rachel loves to take pictures. This was perfect.
But we didn’t request special seating. When we boarded the bus, it was nearly full. They must have saved these seats for us. But why? I think it’s because we’re elderly. Sitting in the other two reserved seats across from us were another older couple.
When we bought the tickets, we told them we’re over 65 to get the senior discount. If our age is the reason we got those seats, I wished they hadn’t done that. I don’t need any special treatment, especially getting on or off a bus. My wife and I were just as physically fit, if not more so, than others on the bus.
I don’t feel my age. In fact, I feel much younger than age 72. Sometimes, I have to pinch myself, because I can’t believe I’m this old. They say feeling younger than your age may be good for your health, and I believe that. That’s one reason I don’t plan on moving into a retirement community. It would make me feel older if I wasn’t regularly around younger folks.
On the way to the cliffs, we passed a small cemetery full of headstones. There were so many I couldn’t see how you could walk around the headstones without bumping into one. I told my wife that if I die while we’re traveling overseas, cremate me, put my ashes in an urn and take me home. She can spread my ashes anywhere but the ocean. I want a permanent place, like our backyard next to the rose bushes.
That cemetery made me think of my childhood friend, Jeremy, who passed away last year. He didn’t have a funeral. Instead, he requested his wife get all his friends together, and have one last dinner and drinks for him. He told her before he died that they could order all the food and drink they wanted, and to tell them it was on him.
A grave site in the Burren
While attending the dinner, I heard someone ask, “Who is paying for all this?” Another person said, “Jeremy, drink up.” I thought it was odd that a deceased person was picking up the tab. It just didn’t sound right. But that’s the way Jeremy wanted it. He was a generous person, alive or dead.
There were quite a few people attending the dinner. They were all eating and drinking like there was no tomorrow. His wife told me she was afraid that the word would get out and people would show up uninvited. She was concerned that a lot of his ex-coworkers might turn up. I could see how this could easily spiral out of control.
When I left, they were still going at it. I can’t imagine how much his wife spent on this get-together. But what probably unnerved her the most was not knowing how much it was going to cost, because of the unlimited food and drink, along with folks showing up uninvited. It’s like owning stocks in a brutal bear market, and not knowing where share prices are going to bottom out. It’s the unknown that can rattle you, especially when it comes to your money and health.
When I received the invitation to the “celebration of the life of Jeremy,” I initially thought it was a great idea. Should I have my wife do something like this for me when I’m gone? I love my friends. But I’m not about to get my wife involved in something she has little control over. She’ll have enough financial stress after my death, without dealing with a “celebration of the life of Dennis.”
Dennis Friedman retired from Boeing Satellite Systems after a 30-year career in manufacturing. Born in Ohio, Dennis is a California transplant with a bachelor’s degree in history and an MBA. A self-described “humble investor,” he likes reading historical novels and about personal finance. Check out his earlier articles and follow him on Twitter @DMFrie.
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Dennis, please kick back and enjoy the senior treatment when it comes your way: consider it a sign of respect or deference for all that you’ve contributed. I’m also a young 72-year-old and, yes, I do feel a little embarrassed when a younger person (rarely) offers me their seat (more likely to happen to women, but not always). In terms of the reserved seats, they didn’t know for sure how mobile you would be when they reserved them. About the after-death party, I like the idea below of sending out private invites. I think Jeremy’s party was probably a more general invitation. However, if it’s in place of an actual service, the cost of the party could be a better value for a similar price! I agree about not living in a retirement community. I have a teenage grandson with me and, frankly, I love the sound of the basketball in our driveway as he shoots hoops with his friends (some of my neighbors, not so much but maybe they should just move to a retirement community 😂). Thanks, as always.
Hey Dennis, the saying goes, “do your givin’ while you’re livin’ so you knowin’ where it’s goin’”. Do a celebration of life while you’re still alive I say.
Dennis, glad you had a good holiday in Ireland & hopefully it didn’t rain too much. If you ever decide to go back, be sure to visit Glendalough in Wicklow, if you haven’t already, you can do a one-day tour from Dublin arranged through your hotel or CIE tours, or you can elect to stay in Glendalough at the Glendalough hotel perhaps. St. Kevin’s bus from Stephen’s Green brings you right there from Dublin if you prefer not to rent a car as they drive on the left-hand side of the road over there. It’s a beautiful setting where you will be immersed in nature, I recommend staying just a few days there & following the trails. I could do that journey from Dublin everyday of every year & never get tired of it. Also, Kerry is worth visiting, perhaps stay in Killarney, visit Killarney National park, you can do the ‘Ring of Kerry’ as a one-day tour, that also can be arranged through a hotel in that area, that’s another tour well worth doing for spectacular scenery. There are also one-day tours of the Dingle peninsula.
Margaret, Thanks for the travel tips. I’ll keep them in mind on our next trip back to Ireland.
As I say too often these days to my fellow over-70s: “We all know we are on the back nine of life. We just don’t know what hole.”
So, keep playing, with as much ‘brio’ as you can muster. It is still the best option.
(Also, in golf, if someone concedes a putt to you, you can’t refuse. That’s the same with senior discounts. They can see whether you are fit or not. They are being kind. (And they are often also being efficient for themselves.) Accept the gift with appreciation, not resentment.)
I agree that it’s important to live with people who are younger — and also older. This summer our next door neighbors are a couple in their 30s with a toddler. It is fun to interact with them on a regular basis. I can’t imagine living with just “seniors”– too much focus on just one stage of life.
My husband and I were at the movies recently, and as they were fetching our popcorn, I noticed that on the register, they had rung up our tickets at “senior” prices. We hadn’t asked for senior prices, though I believe we qualify (we’re 63). Like your Galway bus experience, it felt a little weird to get this consideration when we hadn’t asked for it. We can pay full price for movie tickets.
It also made me realize how the circle of life is going for us. When we moved to our college town in 1991, we were in our early 30s. I was finishing up my Ph.D, and he was just starting law school. So for a few years, we were eligible for student tickets at the movies. We were actually pretty happy to finally pay the extra dollar that meant we were no longer students after some long years of study and finally gainfully employed. Now here we are in the same town getting senior prices! Doesn’t really seem that long ago.
I like your rose bush idea, Dennis. My wife is under instructions to illegally scatter my ashes at the most staggeringly beautiful place we have shared, Pistol River State Beach in southern Oregon, but given how much love and attention we devote to our roses — and the fact that we now live eight hours’ driving from Pistol River — she might well choose to plant me right between the yellow Julia Child and the pink Gertrude Jekyll, that I may fertilize both into eternity.
“That’s one reason I don’t plan on moving into a retirement community. It would make me feel older if I wasn’t regularly around younger folks.”
I’m about to move to a retirement community (CCRC) and I’ve already been spending time over there. It has had the opposite effect on me, as it reminds me that I’m younger than a lot of the residents.
At our church, there’s a “senior” Sunday school class, but the people in it are 15-20 years older than we are (we’re 63). We don’t attend it because we don’t really feel like we belong there. Coming out of church last Sunday, I saw a gentleman walking in for the next service, and my mind processed him as “older.” Then I thought to myself, “Well, YOU’re old.” (A birthday will do that to you.)
My friend’s husband died unexpectedly a few months ago . The way she handled the big blow out fancy party was by issuing private invitations to the funeral service and party for about 250 friends and family . That way others would not show up. The obituary was published later. The tab for the party must have been enormous but he was a very generous and kind person and he would have loved it. We miss him terribly .
That’s how I would handle it, too. I love the idea of dinner “on me” after I pass.