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Her life is slipping away as I compose this forum topic. Both her daughters, my daughters, have been camped at her bedside for the past 10 days as hospice provides comfort care until my ex-wife dies. No words of sympathy need be offered to me, she and I fell out of love a long time ago. Still, this is the person responsible for 11 beautiful family members that would not be in my life without her. She has my respect and compassion.
Everything changed for this robust 72 year old when a devastating stroke came out of nowhere. Brain surgery at 1am left her with a shaved head and a Frankenstein looking scar, complete with staples holding her together. Now she is in the bed at hospice, struggling for breath, mouth agape, snoring from the effects of sleep apnea.
Looking good was her 2nd highest priority topped only by her love for our children. She would be devastated if she knew people were seeing her like this. I appreciate what hospice is doing for her. But where is the dignity?
Once the decision was made for palliative care, wouldn’t the option of a more immediate end to the suffering be appropriate. If/when I’m in her shoes, my answer will be yes. I’d like for this option to be a part of my health care directive.
My daughters are devout Catholics and would not agree with my thinking. But I don’t see a lot of difference between abandoning medical treatment to allow death and taking a pill to let it happen sooner.
I would like to see laws to allow for this. What are your feelings on the subject?
I know my plans, if I am physically able – and that’s to head to Dignatas in Switzerland – one of the few places in this misguided world that allows a human being to pass as kindly and humanely as a pet dog or cat.
The few states here that allow death with dignity have rigid rules requiring multiple in-person visits ahead of time and nearing death: this is often impossible for many sick people who are not residents of that state and not able to repeatedly travel.
I support anyone who is against assisted dying for their own life. But detest the sanctimonious thinking of most US states and other countries who want to control and dictate how much suffering I must experience at the end of my life, based upon religions I don’t agree with.
Edit date 9/4
I have read with absolute respect all of the comments below. This subject is an incredibly personal issue. The replies regarding the effect that death has on the surviving family is an aspect that my question didn’t request. For example, I found the contrasting stories/opinions from Rick, Don, and Mike to be both thoughtful and enlightening. The end result of a death should be and can be the same no matter how one chooses to go. Growth and love for the family, and a celebration of the life of the lost loved one.
Thanks to all.
I am reading these comments while visiting a family member who has ALS and is in the hospital. His life is worth a lot. His will to live is strong. He is not giving up. God has a purpose for his life, even in the weakened state he is in. Yes, his long term prognosis is not good, but in the meantime we are all seeing so much Love in how his situation is playing out. God is still using him to bring Love and remind us all what is really important. It is an eternal kind of Work that is going on. I see this also in our Jonathan here and how I am still learning from him, even now. Chris
If that is his choice, fine. The problem is that others are denied the right to choose differently.