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WHEN I FOUND myself unexpectedly packaged off by the bank, I was initially very happy. I was planning to leave anyway because the stress was getting to me. When the bank gave me a severance check at age 59, I felt like I’d won the lottery.
Life was pretty good for a while, but then I was hit by a bad case of retirement shock. I lost my mojo, and had a constant feeling of being incredibly lost and vulnerable. My heart was no longer in the hobbies and activities that used to bring me joy. Playing golf, swimming and riding my bike all began to feel like chores.
Take it from me, there’s nothing more depressing than sitting alone at home all day, watching cable news while being bored out of your mind. If you think about it, when we retire, we lose a lot.
All at once, we lose our sense of purpose, our identity, our community, our structure and our routines. It’s important to find ways to replace these elements, or we could end up losing our minds—or worse.
I spent a long time pondering why I ended up suffering, while people like my mother are able to retire happily with no negative side effects. She was comfortable in retirement and didn’t miss her earlier, busier years.
After a lot of research and self-reflection, I came to realize that I was quite different from my mother. My retirement shock was related to my inability to satisfy some fundamental needs that I was born with, needs that must be fulfilled for me to lead a happy, healthy life.
Unlike my mother, I’m a growth-oriented retiree. I have a strong need for autonomy, variety and identity. Being labeled as “retired” isn’t going to do it for me. In fact, it irritates me.
I have a strong need to do things that are interesting and challenging, those activities that give me satisfaction and a sense of achievement. For instance, I’ve always had a strong need to help others. When I get an opportunity to do that, it makes me feel really good inside.
These needs never go away—not even in retirement. While I no longer want to be a banker, I realize that there were certain aspects of my work that I enjoyed and which gave me a sense of accomplishment. I lost that when I was forced to retire. Until I could discover alternative ways to satisfy these needs, I was stuck in retirement hell, and suffered from depression and anxiety.
Some retirees don’t hunger for work and settle for what happens. Others—the growth-oriented ones—try to numb their feelings by, say, eating or drinking too much. This behavior might bring temporary relief, but also longer-term problems. If you’re not careful, retirement shock will age you and extinguish the fire inside. You don’t want to end up like some retirees, sleepwalking through the best years of your life.
I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard from people about a family member or friend who wound up miserable after retiring. Many of them had enjoyed successful careers as doctors, teachers and senior executives.
They should’ve had a great retirement but didn’t—because they no longer had the strong sense of purpose they’d had when they were working. They no longer made a daily contribution that gave their life meaning and coherence. If you have a choice, why would you retire from doing something you love to do? That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.
Unfortunately, few financial advisors talk about this vital aspect of retirement planning. This can result in some clients leading purposeless, unproductive lives.
I will leave you with a suggestion to help you avoid this fate. Retirement is one of the biggest life transitions you’ll ever experience. It’s an individual process, and what works for your retired friends might not work for you.
Know your strongest needs—the things that really turn you on—and then find activities that will satisfy them on a regular basis. That’s the key to a happy, fulfilling retirement. It’s as simple as that. Too bad it took me so long to figure it out.
Mike Drak is a 38-year veteran of the financial services industry. He’s the co-author of Longevity Lifestyle by Design, Retirement Heaven or Hell and Victory Lap Retirement. Mike works with his wife, an investment advisor, to help clients design a fulfilling retirement. For more on Mike, head to BoomingEncore.com. Check out his earlier articles.
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I was forced into early retirement at age 56 and at first, was very unhappy about it. Was also recovering from an on the job injury a few years before so besides the mental anguish, there was also the physical pain. Hit a very low point & suffered from depression until one weekend where I hit rock bottom. There was no place to go, but up, and that’s exactly what happened. Decided at that moment that I had two choices here, either to wallow in misery or, do something about it.
Within a few months, got back into the work force part time in a new industry that was perfect for a retiree. This was over ten years ago and now at a different company where I still work today. Three days a week and I couldn’t be happier. Get out of the house and work with other retirees & we all enjoy our jobs. The extra income is indeed a nice perk but not needed for our daily lives since we’ve always lived under our means. Working part time because one wants to is a whole different world as the stress is no longer there.
So, have been able to go from rock bottom to a very happy & meaningful life. It was me who decided to make lemonade from lemons & still enjoying the ride years later!!!
Thank you for your time and that of those commenting on your article. I was unfortunately let go at the young age of 66 without having contemplated retirement. It was a shock. My immediate time was spent taking stock of where I was in life. I had to jump into Medicare for my wife and me, complicated by the fact I was actively contributing to an HSA at the time and was forced to unwind it to stay clear of IRS rules. I have not started SSN and do not intend to until the clock strikes 70. Now that I have a clear picture of my financial health I need to focus on what to do for the next 25 years (I am an optimist). The struggle begins in earnest but I do appreciate seeing others with similar issues and praise those of you that have set off in the sunset with a plan and direction.
Interesting how different people are. Ill health forced me to retire young from my very demanding and well paid career and luckily, by saving and investing over the years, my hubby and I are financially comfortable. I thought I would hate retirement, instead I have loved every minute of it as I now have the most, for me, precious commodity which is time. I can not only better manage my health condition, I can also do lots of things that interest me inc tai chi which has always fascinated me and I have had the time to get to know and look (not full time!) after our new grandchild. If retirement doesn’t suit you there appears to be plenty of jobs available but for me, wild horses wouldn’t drag me back to the corporate world.
Thank you Mike! Timing could not be better for me 🙂
Retirement should be viewed as a change in career field. Both requires conducting research to learn about what to expect. Both require extensive planning so that the transition goes smoothly. This will ensure that you will have a rewarding experience. Prior to retiring I sketched out what activities I wanted to do. It was like moving from one career to the next. What I enjoy about retirement is that I do what I want to do, not what I have to do.
Well said Michael retirement is a key life transition that needs to be planned for. There is nothing better than getting your freedom back is there. The big question is what are you going to do with that freedom now that you have it?
This article hit home for me, I have and continue to struggle with retirement because finding purpose has been elusive.
I suggest you download our free book “longevity Lifestyle By Design” and check out chapter 8. It’s the process I went through to find new purpose.
Here’s a quote from the movie, The Shawshank Redemption, “Get Busy Living, Or Get Busy Dying.”
In my first book “Victory Lap Retirement I wrote a whole section on that movie. It really resonated and opened my eyes to what I needed to do.
For those living near a National park, state park, wildlife refuge or wilderness area, opportunities abound to volunteer for physical work and camaraderie. Not for everyone but there’s plenty of opportunity in this country to get off the retirement couch.
I would love doing work like that. I love being in the woods and on the water and being around other people that feel the same way is just icing on the cake!
My own grandmother and my mother are interesting contrasts. My grandmother was ahead of her time: she was divorced in the 1940s with three young daughters to raise alone and went into the work force. She worked for a large construction firm and rose to great heights over her career, often traveling around the world on business. She retired at 65 (this was in the early 80s), used an inheritance to pay off her condo—and sat on her couch watching TV and feeding Hershey’s kisses to several small white dogs in succession until she died at 87.
My mother (her daughter) watched this and was horrified that her bright, engaged mother just retired from life at 65 and said “Not me.” She retired from her therapy practice at 70. The first thing she did was sign up for a grand jury, and she did that for a couple of years. She later added volunteering at the soup kitchen several times a week, working out at the Y, becoming an avid gardener, and hosting regular social gatherings (for example, a themed movie night once a month for a group of women friends, with food pairings to match the film). She also started leading book groups for senior citizens with a program called Agesong that helps them work through the emotional challenges of aging. Oh, and she’s also taken up freelance writing and has published several pieces since turning 80 (she’s 81 now).
COVID was especially hard on my mom because all of her outlets for being engaged were shut off to her, at least until she got vaccinated. So she learned to run her Agesong book group on Zoom. After she got her second vaccine, she decided she was rejoining the world because she doesn’t know how much time she has left.
I’m a couple of years from retirement myself, and I know I need to be more like my mom than my grandmother, much as I loved her.
I never knew some states allow you to volunteer for grand jury . It’s not allowed in my state but every time I read Humbledollar I learn something new.
Love the story about your mother DrLefty and like you I’m just like her. COVID was a test for growth oriented retirees. It made us realize that working at something interesting was far better than just puttering around the house and taking the dog out for another walk around the block. At some point even the dog became bored with that routine.
There was a funny commercial early in COVID where everyone in the house was taking the family dog for walks just so they could get out. By the end of the commercial, the dog was hiding from the family.
Mike, thanks for this article. I agree that retirement is an individual process and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another.
I retired at 65 and was ready. I’m lucky that it’s been as enjoyable as I expected. But I have acquaintances of the same age and in the same profession and when I told them I was going to retire they looked at me in bewilderment and asked “Why?”. That was almost six years ago and these same guys are still happily working. To each his own.
One thing I found helpful, and I was likewise lucky I could do this, is to stick my toe in the water before taling the full plunge. I started going in later and coming home earlier, taking most Fridays off, etc. I saw pretty quickly that I loved the extra time off and it only made me look forward to full retirement even more.
Transitioning slowly was a smart move Andrew. I think of retirement transition in terms of a deep sea diver rising to the surface. Come up too fast and you will suffer or worse die from the bends.
I’m like R Quinn. I retired on my terms at 67 in 2020 with a long list of ideas of what I would do next. I was more than ready to retire. The pandemic obviously impacted some, but not all of my retirement plans, but I/we were able to adjust. Also – I am one of those people in the category of “work to live, not live to work”. I think that makes a difference in how people deal with retirement. I hope you find your purpose in volunteerism, church, or society.
I’m having a lot of fun right now giving free retirement seminars. It’s my way of giving back and contributing. It’s doesn’t feel like work – it’s more fun than anything and makes me feel good.
Thank you for this article. I have been struggling mightily since I retired last January. My anxiety has gotten the best of me, and now going to therapy. I am excited that I took a seasonal job with the Pittsburgh Pirates that starts in April and goes thru to October.
I feel this will help. You are so right! The part of retirement you fail to make sure you are set, is what purpose and routine can I generate for myself every day and feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction
Marytmac you should download a free copy of our book I think it will help. I have a retired friend who is going for therapy as well so you are not alone. That seasonal job is going to help you for sure and April is not that far away. It will put structure, routine and purpose back in your life and will also satisfy your need to be around others.
“Until I could discover alternative ways to satisfy these needs, I was stuck in retirement hell, and suffered from depression and anxiety.”
Mike, you and I have a lot in common. It took me several years to accept retirement. I also like to help others, so I got involved with Habit for Humanity building homes for a while. Gave up the hobbies I enjoyed before retirement, but learned other new hobbies to replace the old ones. Now with four grandchildren, my outlook has changed.
Things will get better!
Olin a lot of retirees will struggle with this and yet not many people talk about it or are even aware of it. Whenever I tread about Habit for Humanity I think about president Jimmy Carter. He was happily working with them in his nineties which says a lot. I agree things will get better you just need to find your new “thing” or “things.”
Perhaps the keys are “unexpectedly” and age 59. I retired at age 67 on my own terms and had been thinking about retirement for a year or more.
I was lucky I guess and experienced no retirement shock. When someone contemplates if they are ready to retire, I tell them they will know. When circumstances take away that option, it can be a shock and perhaps a loss of some self esteem.
I believe it comes down to what kind of retiree you are. I need to have a good source of purpose and I find that in the work I do. I’m not sure I can ever retire. It doesn’t work for me nor gives me what I need to be happy.
I agree to some extent. But i find that purpose in ways that do not require actual work. I started a blog, write for HD and i help other retirees from where i worked for fifty years relative to employee benefit matters via FB groups.
I was so engaged in my work – 12 hour days, weekends, etc and had such a level of authority, freedom and recognition I thought i would crash when retired, but I didn’t. Instead a few weeks later we were off to Russia for three weeks and more or less filled in the gaps traveling since.
When you reach your 70s i suspect your view of things will change.
The supply of non-paid volunteer jobs is nearly unlimited, and they’re always looking for people. You too can be the president of the condo association, or chairman of the investment club. Go for it!
I agree Ormode there are a lot of ways to give back and help make this world a better place. You just have to find the right type of volunteer work for you.
For me, retirement at 64 was liberation from a job ill-suited for my education and experience. I stayed in it for four years, making what I had in my late 30s because it was the only position offered to me after 18 months without work. So now I had the opportunity to again pursue work as a writer, which I’ve done for HumbleDollar and on Medium. I make hardly any money, but it has been most satisfying to write again and on any subject.
Doing “bad” work is soul crushing and not healthy. Like you I find writing to be fun and satisfying. It gives me a chance to express myself and share what I have learned with others.
I too retired at 59. I thought I was well prepared for it, but I experienced the shock that you described. My perspective was different. I was fascinated that my world had been turned upside down. I enjoyed creating new routines and structure. Some things worked, others didn’t.
I have the time to do more of the things I always enjoyed. My responsibilities to others are easier when not squeezed into the busy schedule of a working person. Certainly, there are times when I’m not fully occupied. I remind myself how much I craved a little down time when I was working. Nothing is ever perfect, but I’m pretty content.
Good luck on your continuing journey.
Thank you M Plate. While I’m over my retirement shock I’m still struggling with finding proper balance in retirement. I’m close but not quite there!
Absolutely agree. For most of us, I would add a second purpose-driven element of raising children toward successful adulthood.
Raising our kids is a big source of purpose. It’s what motivated me to get out of bed and go to work every morning. But how do you replace that source of purpose when the kids are gone? Many people both men and women struggle with that.
I fully agree that alternatives like golf and pickleball just don’t compare to the challenges and engagement of a 30-40 year career and 25+ year block of parenting. Like you, I have yet to find retirement nirvana, but I’m getting closer.