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WHEN I FOUND myself unexpectedly packaged off by the bank, I was initially very happy. I was planning to leave anyway because the stress was getting to me. When the bank gave me a severance check at age 59, I felt like I’d won the lottery.
Life was pretty good for a while, but then I was hit by a bad case of retirement shock. I lost my mojo, and had a constant feeling of being incredibly lost and vulnerable. My heart was no longer in the hobbies and activities that used to bring me joy. Playing golf, swimming and riding my bike all began to feel like chores.
Take it from me, there’s nothing more depressing than sitting alone at home all day, watching cable news while being bored out of your mind. If you think about it, when we retire, we lose a lot.
All at once, we lose our sense of purpose, our identity, our community, our structure and our routines. It’s important to find ways to replace these elements, or we could end up losing our minds—or worse.
I spent a long time pondering why I ended up suffering, while people like my mother are able to retire happily with no negative side effects. She was comfortable in retirement and didn’t miss her earlier, busier years.
After a lot of research and self-reflection, I came to realize that I was quite different from my mother. My retirement shock was related to my inability to satisfy some fundamental needs that I was born with, needs that must be fulfilled for me to lead a happy, healthy life.
Unlike my mother, I’m a growth-oriented retiree. I have a strong need for autonomy, variety and identity. Being labeled as “retired” isn’t going to do it for me. In fact, it irritates me.
I have a strong need to do things that are interesting and challenging, those activities that give me satisfaction and a sense of achievement. For instance, I’ve always had a strong need to help others. When I get an opportunity to do that, it makes me feel really good inside.
These needs never go away—not even in retirement. While I no longer want to be a banker, I realize that there were certain aspects of my work that I enjoyed and which gave me a sense of accomplishment. I lost that when I was forced to retire. Until I could discover alternative ways to satisfy these needs, I was stuck in retirement hell, and suffered from depression and anxiety.
Some retirees don’t hunger for work and settle for what happens. Others—the growth-oriented ones—try to numb their feelings by, say, eating or drinking too much. This behavior might bring temporary relief, but also longer-term problems. If you’re not careful, retirement shock will age you and extinguish the fire inside. You don’t want to end up like some retirees, sleepwalking through the best years of your life.
I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard from people about a family member or friend who wound up miserable after retiring. Many of them had enjoyed successful careers as doctors, teachers and senior executives.
They should’ve had a great retirement but didn’t—because they no longer had the strong sense of purpose they’d had when they were working. They no longer made a daily contribution that gave their life meaning and coherence. If you have a choice, why would you retire from doing something you love to do? That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.
Unfortunately, few financial advisors talk about this vital aspect of retirement planning. This can result in some clients leading purposeless, unproductive lives.
I will leave you with a suggestion to help you avoid this fate. Retirement is one of the biggest life transitions you’ll ever experience. It’s an individual process, and what works for your retired friends might not work for you.
Know your strongest needs—the things that really turn you on—and then find activities that will satisfy them on a regular basis. That’s the key to a happy, fulfilling retirement. It’s as simple as that. Too bad it took me so long to figure it out.
Mike Drak is a 38-year veteran of the financial services industry. He’s the co-author of Longevity Lifestyle by Design, Retirement Heaven or Hell and Victory Lap Retirement. Mike works with his wife, an investment advisor, to help clients design a fulfilling retirement. For more on Mike, head to BoomingEncore.com. Check out his earlier articles.
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I was forced into early retirement at age 56 and at first, was very unhappy about it. Was also recovering from an on the job injury a few years before so besides the mental anguish, there was also the physical pain. Hit a very low point & suffered from depression until one weekend where I hit rock bottom. There was no place to go, but up, and that’s exactly what happened. Decided at that moment that I had two choices here, either to wallow in misery or, do something about it.
Within a few months, got back into the work force part time in a new industry that was perfect for a retiree. This was over ten years ago and now at a different company where I still work today. Three days a week and I couldn’t be happier. Get out of the house and work with other retirees & we all enjoy our jobs. The extra income is indeed a nice perk but not needed for our daily lives since we’ve always lived under our means. Working part time because one wants to is a whole different world as the stress is no longer there.
So, have been able to go from rock bottom to a very happy & meaningful life. It was me who decided to make lemonade from lemons & still enjoying the ride years later!!!
Thank you for your time and that of those commenting on your article. I was unfortunately let go at the young age of 66 without having contemplated retirement. It was a shock. My immediate time was spent taking stock of where I was in life. I had to jump into Medicare for my wife and me, complicated by the fact I was actively contributing to an HSA at the time and was forced to unwind it to stay clear of IRS rules. I have not started SSN and do not intend to until the clock strikes 70. Now that I have a clear picture of my financial health I need to focus on what to do for the next 25 years (I am an optimist). The struggle begins in earnest but I do appreciate seeing others with similar issues and praise those of you that have set off in the sunset with a plan and direction.
Interesting how different people are. Ill health forced me to retire young from my very demanding and well paid career and luckily, by saving and investing over the years, my hubby and I are financially comfortable. I thought I would hate retirement