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I RECENTLY READ AN article by Anna D. Banks, an executive coach and human behavior consultant, who talks about the importance of cultivating friendships in retirement. She discusses embracing new activities, volunteering, reconnecting with old friends, using technology, attending social events, and being open-minded about forming friendships with people from other backgrounds.
All this got me thinking about HumbleDollar.
The Breakfast Club is a coming-of-age movie from 1985—a movie, incidentally, that I haven’t seen. But I looked up the plot on Wikipedia, so I know it’s about five disparate high school kids stuck in detention and who eventually bond with one another. They come to understand that their various challenges are not so different.
Soon after I began making deliveries to taverns back in 1972, I realized that some faces were becoming familiar. I would see the same group of guys in some of the bars every week. Eventually, I came to know many by name.
Some guys drank alcohol. Those were usually the fellas coming off the third shift, typically 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. After all, it was five o’clock somewhere. But most of the guys were retirees drinking coffee, talking and just starting their day.
Sometimes in winter, when there was eight feet of snow plowed into a pile between my truck and the front door of the bar, the guys would come outside and form a beer brigade to help me out. It was a hoot and I was happy to buy them a round of drinks for their help.
I came to call these groups the breakfast clubs. After walking away from the beer business, I also noticed breakfast clubs at McDonald’s, local coffee shops and elsewhere. My friend Kenny, who I wrote about earlier, participated in breakfast clubs wherever he lived. I came to know some of his buddies at the 5 & Diner in Las Vegas. When he moved to Sarasota, Florida, Kenny joined another group at a local Starbucks.
Whether it’s co-workers, former co-workers, family or friends, belonging to such a group can do wonders for a happy and fulfilling retirement. Friends I made through my income-tax practice served as my breakfast club until I retired at age 70.
These days, I see old friends from work and from growing up. Chris and I are making new friends at the 55-plus community we recently moved into. My family is integral to my well-being.
And, of course, I also have HumbleDollar.
I’ve come to view this blog as a breakfast club, and you guys as a part of my social fabric. The late Toby Keith wrote a song called “I Love This Bar,” describing the myriad characters there. We have quite a variety of inhabitants here at HumbleDollar, too:
I love this blog.
I saw a meme that said we’re all unique—just like everybody else. We’re from different walks of life, but we’re all trying to help others, be happy and stay healthy—and not run out of money before we run out of time.
I don’t know how HumbleDollar started showing up in my email. Thinking it was spam from one of the many insurance companies I was appointed with, I just kept hitting the trash icon. I don’t remember exactly when I finally opened one. But I’m happy I did.
For 30 years, Dan Smith was a driver-salesman and local union representative, before building a successful income-tax practice in Toledo, Ohio. He retired in 2022. Dan has two beautiful daughters, two loving sons-in-law and seven grandchildren. He and Chris, the love of his life, have been together for two great decades and counting. Check out Dan’s earlier articles.
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Great story, Dan.
We have an unusual breakfast club. It started seven years ago with my friend in the very early stages of Parkinson’s. He was struggling a bit, retired, but still accepting substitute teaching assignments at his local high school.
I called his wife and told her I wanted to set up a weekly breakfast with Marty. She said it would be impossible because Marty never knew his schedule. I knew if it wasn’t on my calendar it wasn’t going to happen. I told her Marty could always cancel last minute and that be fine with me.
As it turned out Marty seldom cancelled. At first he would drive to meet me at our local deli. After he stopped driving, his wife dropped him off and I took him home. Eventually, only I drove.
As he declined, started inviting Marty’s retired friends. Then I invited mine. Then our friends invited theirs.
Marty and I would alternate paying for breakfast when it was just the two of us. As newcomers showed up, they always paid for all on their first visit. We kept a list of who paid when and assigned the next “host” each week.
Attendance ranged from 2 to 13 each week. Every newcomer came back, if for nothing else, to get even after their first big bill.
Sadly, we are in the rebuilding mode after Marty and others died or moved away. We just added 4 men to the breakfast. Some retired and some still working.
When I run into an old friend I haven’t seen for years, I always invite them for lunch as my guest. If I think they’re a good fit and can afford a big hit, I extend an invite to breakfast. I explain the rules about hosting on their first visit because we want them to join us every week.
We love the breakfasts where we solve the world’s problems every week in just 90 minutes. Often, we solve the same problem week after week because we can’t remember from the week before. We get to repeat our stories and jokes. We laugh and hopefully embellish each one.
We’ve run into a problem, however, I don’t know how to handle it. One of the younger members actually has a working memory, and he goes out of his way to tell us, especially me, that I was repeating my stories.
For now, I just shut up and let it pass figuring over time he’ll slow down like the rest of us.
Making new friends from older ones and keeping it up is tough for old men.
Several have become very, very good friends and now meet for lunch and sometimes dinner with their wives.
Please tell us how you’re doing it?
(Please excuse any typos. My brain is faster than my finger when tying on my “mini” phone)
On keeping the get togethers going. Our breakfast club, Lunch club actually, was started by a friend of mine. Not being a tech nerd, it got too much for him and I took over. I hope that when I’m no longer able to do it that a younger guy will step up.
On the annoying young guy with the functioning memory. We have an unwritten rule banning political bullsh*t. The first time someone started down that road I quickly steered the conversation away. The second time he did it I was more direct. Thankfully it hasn’t re-occurred, and he hasn’t held a grudge.
Thanks, Dan. Though I can’t show up for the HD Breakfast Club as a commenter every day, I sure do miss it when I don’t!
My dad was in a morning coffee club – another name for a breakfast club – when the new-fangled cell phones were all the rage. The aging men would come in one by one and announce their presence by unceremoniously plopping their prized (and big at the time) cell phones on the table when they arrived.
Dad was somewhat intimidated because he was the only one who did not have a cell phone.
He brought his garage door opener instead.
Love the door opener. I hang on to my phones for a very long time. Smart phones had been out for several years, I was still using my old flip with the qwerty keyboard. Some agents were having lunch with a guy from some insurance company. In good humor when he saw my old phone he asked if “it was like the first cell phone ever”. I told him to shut the eff up or I’d stab him with my antenna. Shortly after that I broke down and bought an iPhone 6.
FANTASTIC! I was listening to Toby sing that song while folding laundry this week. Perhaps your third act will be writing songs…
Beautiful article. Thank you!
I love this! I was flattered to find myself in one of your links.
Besides HD, for years I’ve been involved in a baseball fan site. I write a weekly column for it and am one of the moderators. A lot of us log on when our team is playing and “watch the game together” in what we’ve come to call our “virtual sports bar.” I’ve gotten to know some of these folks well and have met a number of them personally over the years, and they’ve become friends. My birthday was Thursday, and I got a lot of happy birthday texts and posts on the blog from those folks.
People say a lot of bad things about social media, but used well, it can be a really lovely form of connection—not replacing in-person interactions, but supplementing them.
Great post, Dan – in my profession, they refer to early morning coffee clubs as the daily gathering of the “Waffle House wise men”…
Ha, I love that Newsboy! A bunch of us retired beer truck drivers get together at the monthly council of the ElderBeerMen.
I really like your take on things and sense of humor! Amazing piece you put together. About a week ago I watched Toby’s video of I Love This Bar. It’s a great one and I remember what I was doing the first time I heard his song…I was remodeling my garage and had the radio on.
Another song in your old line of work that I like is by Billy Currington – People Are Crazy.
People Are Crazy hits home for sure Olin. Thanks for the compliment.
Great post Dan!
There is also at least one computer geek who is a daily reader of humble dollar.
Crap Winston, sorry I missed you.
Nice article Dan. I’ve had several breakfast clubs in PA and the Jersey Shore with former colleagues. It’s nice to have friend with common experiences to endlessly rehash the same work stories (!). I haven’t found one in the new location.
LOL Rick. Yep, same stories over and over. Sort of like choir practice.
Thanks Dan. That was a very pleasant read and a nice way to start the day. Plus it’s always a good idea to stop and appreciate the good things in one’s life.
Not a day goes by without my wife or I looking at each other and saying “we have a good life”.
Fun article! I don’t remember how I found HumbleDollar, maybe a link from Bogleheads (?), but it’s now part of my morning reading. I don’t have a breakfast club – I’m not a morning person – but I have been making some great new friends at my CCRC.
I normally read HD in the morning, but I prefer the evening when there have been more comments. That way I can read what all the kind HD people are saying.
Breakfast clubs aren’t just for mornings anymore. Anytime you meet up with the peeps at the CCRC qualifies…. and you can bring orange juice too.
Great story! My HD article on social engagement will be online in September.
Will look forward to it Jeff.
While rewriting the lyrics to the song I scoured through the writers bios in order to find words that rhymed. The hyperlinks to the various references I made to the other contributors makes this article even more special to me. Including them is a testament to the genius of the editor. Thanks for making me look good Jonathan.
Dan, I for one am glad you stopped deleting and started contributing! PS – see the movie.
I suppose I should add the movie to the que. Thanks Mike.
Dan, I love this article for a variety of reasons. Great job. I’m not in many breakfast clubs, but I regularly get together for lunch or dinner with friends from work, church, and elsewhere. I also count my son and daughter among my friends and often go out to eat with them-in my son’s case, every Thursday for lunch. Come to think of it, HumbleDollar is my breakfast club. It’s 5:45 AM as I post this.
Like you, I love this blog.
Yep, HD is a way better rabbit hole to crawl into than Facebook.