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I’D PLANNED CAREFULLY. All I needed was to get from the Oslo airport to an Airbnb about eight miles away. It was 12 minutes by bus, the host firmly proclaimed.
I’d disembarked from a ship early that morning in Kirkenes, near the Russian border. I’d paid about $20 for a bus ride to the nearest airport, and then flown 850 miles to Oslo. Now, I was ready for the local bus and that 12-minute ride to the Airbnb. But I was also tired, and my two pieces of carry-on were dragging.
A taxi or an Uber would have been far easier, but I didn’t want to pay the extra $10. I’d determined that I was going to take the bus—I like public transportation—and so I would. But when the bus pulled up, it wouldn’t take my credit card and I had no Norwegian kroner.
I missed that first bus while traipsing back through the airport, and incurred a hefty fee to exchange dollars for kroner. Then, I waited for the next bus, which seemed as if it would never come. Finally, I paid $4 to ride the 12 minutes to a delightful suburban apartment—two hours later than planned.
I had stuck by my values when I should have changed. No harm came of it, except the blow to my self-image as a sensible, value-guided decision-maker.
The experience, which occurred this past spring, led me to reexamine my values. I’ve been fortunate to live well by sticking with four fundamentals: family, professional passion, planning and restraint. These basics still serve me well, for the most part. But I’ve been transformed as I recognize that, at age 81, I have only a few years left.
Family has always been my first priority. It led to a 59-year marriage. I lost my wife last fall. It also led to us providing for our daughter. In anticipation of our deaths, my wife and I had set up a charitable remainder unitrust (CRUT) for our daughter’s lifetime benefit. She appreciates the financial freedom that it gives her. Family values also made me decide that my next trip will be to visit relatives, who are dispersed across the U.S.
Meanwhile, professional passion—along with luck—led me to an academic career where I achieved a full professorship and various administrative positions. These allowed me to devote my career to helping students and staff. In retirement, my professional responsibilities morphed into leadership at my condominium development, then undergoing an $18 million renovation. I employed the skills I’d learned in my career in a new, somewhat more relaxed setting.
Planning has pervaded my life, both professionally and personally. I always detailed our trips in Excel and purchased tickets months in advance, at competitive prices and after much research. We wisely waited to have our daughter until we knew we were ready for a baby.
Still, my experience in Oslo wasn’t the first time I’ve been too rigid. Now that I no longer have the same physical capabilities, I need to bend to the unexpected—and be more graceful about it, unlike when I fumed on the bus platform in Oslo.
Most significantly, I’ve had to rethink my value of restraint. During my working years, restraint meant saving. I put large sums in investment accounts that I didn’t touch, leaving the money to grow through the magic of compounding.
Having retired at 78, I’m able to live on my retirement accounts’ required minimum distributions, with money to spare. It no longer makes sense to equate restraint with saving, but it’s a habit I find difficult to change.
My problem in Oslo arose partly because I didn’t want to pay an extra $10 for a taxi—on a $7,000 trip. That was foolishness, not restraint.
Similarly, but on a much larger scale, I’m struggling with switching from saving to spending those savings. For me, spending first meant helping our daughter. That accomplished, it now means deciding how to use my surplus income wisely.
I’ve written long lists of what I might buy: a fancy car, a second home, a boat, travel, art and so on. The only item on my list that I’ve accepted as worthwhile is more travel. I’ve stepped up from flying economy to premium economy, but my restraint still won’t let me book business class.
My updated version of restraint is holding onto enough money to ensure my care should I have a long illness, such as Parkinson’s, the disease that took my wife. I’m determined not to hold onto money for no good reason.
I’m looking actively for ways to give away money, both income and capital, that will make a difference. I’m interested in local and global causes. I pay close attention to debates on topics such as effective altruism—ways of doing good that are proven to work.
And perhaps I won’t be quite so silly the next time I embark on a trip. I’ll be willing to hail an Uber for convenience, rather than suffering while I wait for a bus.
James E. Mitchell is a professor emeritus of architectural engineering. He spent 32 years at Drexel University. Before that, Jim was a principal in the architecture firm Jordan-Mitchell, Inc., in Philadelphia. He’s currently the unpaid president of The Philadelphian Owners Association. Jim’s previous article was Two Decades to Yes.
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I’m sorry to laugh at your money saving technique but this was hilarious. I know I will NEVER come close to having as much money as you have (so you will have the last laugh) but this reminds me of something my parents would do.
When I was in my 20’s, a wise friend told me to “live it up” when I travel because I may never return to that destination in the future. When I travel, I might waste money but I never waste time. My itinerary is exactly what I want to accomplish in each location (with some buffer time built in). Next year I’m traveling to India. It will be my one and only trip to India. I have a hotel room booked that overlooks the Taj Mahal. It will be magnificent and expensive. I can’t wait!
I’m too busy working to take more than a couple trips each year. I make sure I enjoy every second of my trips.
I’m sorry you lost your dear wife. May her memory be eternal.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife.
I’ve also pursued an academic career. I’ve been a professor and administrator for 33 years and counting, starting year 34 in a couple of weeks. I’ll probably retire in 2-3 years at age 65-66.
Your story about Oslo reminded me of a trip to Portland, OR for a conference a few years back. I was determined to travel frugally, so I plotted out how to take the light rail from the airport, where to get off, and how to walk to the hotel from there.
The problem was that I’m directionally challenged. I got off at the right stop but made a wrong turn and wandered around downtown Portland for over an hour, dragging eight days worth of luggage, to boot. I wandered past Voodoo Donuts (which still had a long line at 8:30 p.m. on a Saturday night), through Skid Row, and finally over an overpass to the Moda Center, the arena where the Portland Trail Blazers play. Despite trying to figure out directions on my iPhone, I got more and more turned around. Thankfully, there was a taxi in front of the Moda Center, and I cried “uncle” and had it take me to my hotel. It was definitely a “penny wise, pound foolish” kind of experience, especially given that the university would have paid for my cab ride from the airport.
My sincere condolences on the loss of your wife, James. 59 years is a long time to be together, plus the end-of-life struggle with Parkinson’s. I share your fondness for using public transportation whenever possible. You get to see the people who actually live where you’re visiting. My grandson and I took a pre-dawn bus ride, including transfer to a second bus, from Keflavik to Reykjavik, then a rainy walk with our suitcases a few blocks to our hotel, so we got our bearings quickly. Most of my international travel, however, has been to China where my son lives. This year, after the first trip in four years, I have finally begun to consider business class, at least for the China-bound flight. The flight from my home in the northeast U.S. is always followed by a connecting flight or train to my son’s city, which is exhausting – it takes me several days after arrival to recover. Getting sleep while flying over the polar regions would help with the adjustment to the 12-hour time change, too. Coming home isn’t as bad because at least my own bed and a quiet week at home is at that end. Good luck with your travels, James. A lot of great travel ideas are found right here on HD, including your article.
I can empathize with most everything you said. It’s difficult sometimes not to fall into the “pennywise, pound foolish” trap. For those of us who only reached financial security after years of saving and careful planning, changing our behaviour when we finally reach our desired financial goal is hard to do. Of course a $10 taxi ride is not going to bankrupt you, but its the principle! Recognizing when we don’t have to watch every penny comes slowly, but hopefully comes soon enough that we can actually enjoy what we worked so hard to acquire.
Here’s an added bonus: If you’ve spent your life taking the bus, or the penny-pinching equivalent, climbing into an Uber can seem like a wonderful luxury. A gradually rising standard of living can be a source of happiness — but not for those who have taken taxis, flown first class and stayed in luxury hotels their entire life.
So interesting that you mention this, as I always wondered about the kids that grew up in families that booked cruises, stayed in luxury resorts, dined out a lot, went to concerts, etc.
When these kids are earning a living on their own, what will it take to satisfy them after they’ve already done so much, so early in life?
I’m grateful that I didn’t take my first luxury vacation until my 5th decade. Dining out was a treat, never a lifestyle.
I love that I still have room for my standard of living to rise without breaking the bank.
Well said, Jonathan.
James, congrats on where you’ve gotten so far, no doubt it was through hard work & perseverance, yes it can be dicey taking public transport overseas if one isn’t familiar with the route, one needs to allow for extra time. You say you are interested in helping people globally through charitable donations, here are some good Charities, they work to help the poorest of the poor in developing countries: Concern Worldwide, Goal, Oxfam, International Rescue Committee, Religious Sisters of Charity, Save the Children, Unicef.
I really enjoyed reading this. So sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. As a traveler I can relate to much of what you described including the detailed Excel travel plan, use of public transport and value-mindedness. My advice is to upgrade your travel and enjoy the benefits of what you have harvested from a live well lived.
Some of the best value we received on our trip to Greece this spring was the money spent for a car service upon arrival in Athens. When planning the trip I decided that after twelve hours of travel I didn’t want to have to think about train/taxi/Uber. I just wanted to get to our hotel. I think we paid $50 for a driver to be at the airport holding a sign with our name. As an added bonus we were able to converse with a local and get tips for areas to visit outside the typical tourist areas
I didn’t plan it, but the taxi rides to and from Iceland’s Blue Lagoon, though very expensive were, in the long run, worth it. The available bus service didn’t fit with our departing flight and I had already paid for our Blue Lagoon experience. The three hours there had a high hourly cost, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for Grandma and grandson:).
A $10 differential on a $7,000 trip caught my eye. Subtract the fee for currency exchange (not to mention exchange rate and likely leftover kroners) and it’s a wash.
This looks less like restraint and more like long-held habit and preference for mass transit (my preference as well.)
Moderation in all things, including restraint!
It took me hearing from a financial advisor, “Consider sitting in the front and not the back of the airplane” to begin moderating my frugality.
So sorry for your loss, and I wonder if your wife would have tipped the scales on getting a cab (only one fare for the two of you.) Many small ways that that one enormous loss makes everyday life a bit more difficult. Best of luck!
James I’m taking the train to Oslo from Stockholm next month so thanks for the heads up. I usually take trains and buses only if I am sure of the routes. But I definitely take Uber, Bolt and Grab if available and have their apps downloaded. I finally got my Schwab ATM card so I will access the station’s ATM and get the true exchange rate and get rebated the ATM fee from Schwab as not every country lets us utilize credit cards.
I have found Google maps (a company I otherwise avoid) to be reliable when it comes to public transport, aside from ferries. It will show you where to catch the bus or metro, how much to pay, and then you can follow the route to be ready to get off. T-Mobile gives me unlimited data in a number of foreign countries so this doesn’t cost me anything.
I agree about the use of an ATM card that doesn’t charge/rebates foreign conversion fees. Ditto for credit cards. I don’t remember having any issues with credit cards in the Scandinavian countries. Just avoid the Dynamic Currency Conversion scam. ETA: Seems I remembered correctly about credit cards having taken over from cash. See: https://community.ricksteves.com/travel-forum/sweden/money-in-scandinavia
Yes, I took Icelandic kronor with me and the cashiers were so used to credit cards in Iceland that a couple times they didn’t seem to know how to make change (tourist spots – not in the countryside).
You have taken care of family, you acknowledge the need for funds to cover a long-term illness. You have your priorities right.
THAT’S IT you have done it! Time to think about convenience and minimum stress for you.
Use a car service, fly first class, stay in nice places.
Who am I to talk, I go through the same struggles at near same age, but my advice is good. So let us know how it works out.
Well, that rang a bell, although I spent a night in Kirkenes before flying to Oslo and I believe my AirBnB was walking distance from the train station. I spent many years doing my trips at budget level – buses rather than taxis, B&Bs rather than hotels, sandwiches for lunch (but good restaurants for dinner). It was one reason I was able to travel so much. However, even though I actually prefer B&Bs my last trip I had to switch to hotels with elevators as my knees weren’t up to the stairs. My next trip I might even use taxis. I did fly business class a lot, but that was on frequent flyer miles from my AA credit card. It sounds like you can afford a little luxury, although I understand the problem with switching to spending.
I’m sorry to read about your wife and entirely understand your need to be prepared for possible ill health. It’s one reason for my move to a CCRC, so I wont need to worry about finding in-home care or a nursing home if the worst happens.
Jim, I’m very sorry to hear of your wife’s death from Parkinson’s. My wife had a family member who recently passed due to that disease. Thanks for sharing your thinking about the new way you are planning your future. A great strength of HD is the sharing spirit of the writers and readers who are willing to risk telling a personal story of their successes and failures. I’m sure I’ve learned something from yours.