I’m here right now (Jon and I are almost exactly the same age). I would change, “happy,” to, “content,” as I simply think that’s a more accurate description of the retiree’s I know in a similar life-stage. “Happiness,” when you hit your sixties seems so much more of an episodic thing, while contentment is an acceptance, when possible, of being, “happy enough.” 6 decades I think most would agree is enough that the fruits of a lifetime of work and decisions will have set a pretty firm trend line, like it or not.
For some, and I would include myself it this group, I can look back and see the trade offs made along the path to today, both intentional as well as the ones introduced by fate and/or chance. Could it/I have done better? Obviously, but equally obviously I could have done much, much worse. Hence the idea of, “contentment.” There’s a oft-quoted phrase, perhaps a misattribution, to the author Kurt Vonnegut, where’s he at a party at some rich guy’s house where he answers a question about contentment by saying he’s rich in that understands the concept of, “enough.” I remind myself of this often.
But to Jon’s initial question. Yes, “enough,” wealth to not have to worry, that’s important. I would definitely add, “purpose,” to what makes me content, understanding that it’s different for everyone, and can intersect with the other bullets like companionship and faith. Health is underappreciated, but again, in retirement, often the years of neglect are increasingly manifest in less desirable ways.
This very week, we are visiting Spouse’s family to try to get some things done for MIL who has dementia and we also saw Spouse’s brother with end stage ALS that I have written about here. Both situations could cause unhappiness, but I am seeing the “taking one day at a time” principle in action, and trying to make the best of things. Happiness is in simplicity like taking walks, visiting the grocery and laughing about being “bad influences” on each other in buying extra ice cream. There was even happiness last evening in seeing Spouse interact with their brother and his new tablet that helps him communicate. And seeing Spouse helping to turn him, and MIL, who is a retired nurse, helping sister in law taking vital signs for Brother when it was time to do so. Precious memories. Chris
Interesting topic. I think one’s lifelong attitude – “happy vs unhappy, glass half-full vs half empty” is a major attribute that drives how we live our lives. I also would substitute the word “contented” vs “happiest”. I find that “contented or happy” personalities tend to have a greater probability of experiencing the attributes that Jonathan has listed. The highway of life has many potholes and I find that a sense of humor provides needed shock absorbers and contentment provides the guardrails to keep us in our lane.
Thanks for an interesting topic. I’m not sure I notice the happy people as much as I notice the perpetually unhappy people. I know many people who are happy much of the time. But I’m really amazed at people who seemingly wake up each morning looking for someone to blame, or identify their grievance of the day. I don’t think I could live that way.
I too think it is innate. Someone can be burdened with ill health, meagre finances etc yet still take joy from everyday small things while conversely someone who has it all can befundamentally unhappy because they compare themselves to next person.
As I think about the “problem” of retirement I suspect I need to construct some form of happiness quilt where the individual patches that might wear away do not destroy the integrity of the whole. So what would that be – family, friendships, hobbies, travel, social contact, creativity, chores, volunteering or micro business/employment, whatever religious or spiritual/meditative flavour one might subscribe to. And probably reframing the crappy things – unexpected problems with a car, home emergencies, medical upsets as just part of the price of getting the privilege of older age, and thus being grateful for whatever we learn from them
Bbbobbins, I love what you wrote, especially the parts about the “problem” of retirement and your quilt analogy. Great things for me to muse today, thanks. Chris
About 5 years ago, after many years of studying happiness, I decided to make a list of all of the happy people I know. I’ve known probably 1000 people in my life. The list has about 20 people. Fun exercise, which I’d recommend.
It is possible that happiness is more based on attitude rather than qualities of life. At 78 virtually all of my friends seem to be pretty happy, while they are all dealing with various problems including having to be a caretaker for a spouse, health problems of their own, family problems etc. I think that if you are an adult and have adult perspectives, you must have learned how to keep your emotional balance during times when things are less than perfect, because that is more likely to be the reality with which you have to cope.
You’ve likely heard that happiness through life is U-shaped, with folks bottoming out in their 40s and then reported happiness climbing from there. I think a key reason is the one you cite: with age comes a better sense of perspective.
By and large, my experience is that as people age, they become more entrenched in their beliefs, attitudes, and habits. If those are amenable to making friends and being with people, and have no financial worries, happiness and satisfaction follow. If you’re a curmudgeon, you’re going to have a long road of misery. I’m a little younger than many here, but spend a lot of time with older people, and this has been my experience.
I think the answer is innately happy people. But I think your last bullet, activities that give them a sense of purpose, has a direct impact on self satisfaction. The activity can be anything, but if it fulfills a need, then it adds to the happiness quotient.
Jonathan, I think there is an innateness to being a happy person. My occupations brought me to know a lot of happy people who do not possess wealth or what I would consider substantial monthly income. I do believe being a happy person can play a part in achieving all of your bullet points.
Dan to your point: Our children were raised in an upper middle class town in NH. In high school my daughter went on a Rotary mission to help build a school in Honduras. She came back and told us she was amazed that even though the town they volunteered in was quite poor the children were extremely happy. It left a profound mark on her. Just one of the benefits of international travel.
Yes, I thought about the same issue: Correlation doesn’t mean causation. Maybe those who are happy garner more friends, enjoy more financial success, etc.
I’m here right now (Jon and I are almost exactly the same age). I would change, “happy,” to, “content,” as I simply think that’s a more accurate description of the retiree’s I know in a similar life-stage. “Happiness,” when you hit your sixties seems so much more of an episodic thing, while contentment is an acceptance, when possible, of being, “happy enough.” 6 decades I think most would agree is enough that the fruits of a lifetime of work and decisions will have set a pretty firm trend line, like it or not.
For some, and I would include myself it this group, I can look back and see the trade offs made along the path to today, both intentional as well as the ones introduced by fate and/or chance. Could it/I have done better? Obviously, but equally obviously I could have done much, much worse. Hence the idea of, “contentment.” There’s a oft-quoted phrase, perhaps a misattribution, to the author Kurt Vonnegut, where’s he at a party at some rich guy’s house where he answers a question about contentment by saying he’s rich in that understands the concept of, “enough.” I remind myself of this often.
But to Jon’s initial question. Yes, “enough,” wealth to not have to worry, that’s important. I would definitely add, “purpose,” to what makes me content, understanding that it’s different for everyone, and can intersect with the other bullets like companionship and faith. Health is underappreciated, but again, in retirement, often the years of neglect are increasingly manifest in less desirable ways.
I like the concept that “contentment is an acceptance of being happy enough”.
I agree with all of thee above and, is add that they are content
Adding to this very good list, I see many happy retirees share these attributes also:
Studies show people become happier as they get older. This is in addition to innately happy people.
This very week, we are visiting Spouse’s family to try to get some things done for MIL who has dementia and we also saw Spouse’s brother with end stage ALS that I have written about here. Both situations could cause unhappiness, but I am seeing the “taking one day at a time” principle in action, and trying to make the best of things. Happiness is in simplicity like taking walks, visiting the grocery and laughing about being “bad influences” on each other in buying extra ice cream. There was even happiness last evening in seeing Spouse interact with their brother and his new tablet that helps him communicate. And seeing Spouse helping to turn him, and MIL, who is a retired nurse, helping sister in law taking vital signs for Brother when it was time to do so. Precious memories. Chris
Interesting topic. I think one’s lifelong attitude – “happy vs unhappy, glass half-full vs half empty” is a major attribute that drives how we live our lives. I also would substitute the word “contented” vs “happiest”. I find that “contented or happy” personalities tend to have a greater probability of experiencing the attributes that Jonathan has listed. The highway of life has many potholes and I find that a sense of humor provides needed shock absorbers and contentment provides the guardrails to keep us in our lane.
Perfect summary of my beliefs. Contentment and humor are the key concepts.
Thanks for an interesting topic. I’m not sure I notice the happy people as much as I notice the perpetually unhappy people. I know many people who are happy much of the time. But I’m really amazed at people who seemingly wake up each morning looking for someone to blame, or identify their grievance of the day. I don’t think I could live that way.
I too think it is innate. Someone can be burdened with ill health, meagre finances etc yet still take joy from everyday small things while conversely someone who has it all can befundamentally unhappy because they compare themselves to next person.
As I think about the “problem” of retirement I suspect I need to construct some form of happiness quilt where the individual patches that might wear away do not destroy the integrity of the whole. So what would that be – family, friendships, hobbies, travel, social contact, creativity, chores, volunteering or micro business/employment, whatever religious or spiritual/meditative flavour one might subscribe to. And probably reframing the crappy things – unexpected problems with a car, home emergencies, medical upsets as just part of the price of getting the privilege of older age, and thus being grateful for whatever we learn from them
Bbbobbins, I love what you wrote, especially the parts about the “problem” of retirement and your quilt analogy. Great things for me to muse today, thanks. Chris
About 5 years ago, after many years of studying happiness, I decided to make a list of all of the happy people I know. I’ve known probably 1000 people in my life. The list has about 20 people. Fun exercise, which I’d recommend.
It is possible that happiness is more based on attitude rather than qualities of life. At 78 virtually all of my friends seem to be pretty happy, while they are all dealing with various problems including having to be a caretaker for a spouse, health problems of their own, family problems etc. I think that if you are an adult and have adult perspectives, you must have learned how to keep your emotional balance during times when things are less than perfect, because that is more likely to be the reality with which you have to cope.
You’ve likely heard that happiness through life is U-shaped, with folks bottoming out in their 40s and then reported happiness climbing from there. I think a key reason is the one you cite: with age comes a better sense of perspective.
By and large, my experience is that as people age, they become more entrenched in their beliefs, attitudes, and habits. If those are amenable to making friends and being with people, and have no financial worries, happiness and satisfaction follow. If you’re a curmudgeon, you’re going to have a long road of misery. I’m a little younger than many here, but spend a lot of time with older people, and this has been my experience.
I think the answer is innately happy people. But I think your last bullet, activities that give them a sense of purpose, has a direct impact on self satisfaction. The activity can be anything, but if it fulfills a need, then it adds to the happiness quotient.
Jonathan, I think there is an innateness to being a happy person. My occupations brought me to know a lot of happy people who do not possess wealth or what I would consider substantial monthly income. I do believe being a happy person can play a part in achieving all of your bullet points.
Dan to your point:
Our children were raised in an upper middle class town in NH. In high school my daughter went on a Rotary mission to help build a school in Honduras. She came back and told us she was amazed that even though the town they volunteered in was quite poor the children were extremely happy. It left a profound mark on her. Just one of the benefits of international travel.
My vote is innately happy which leads to: companionship, friendship, good health.
Yes, I thought about the same issue: Correlation doesn’t mean causation. Maybe those who are happy garner more friends, enjoy more financial success, etc.