FREE NEWSLETTER
Go to main Forum page »
A more realistic title would be “when”, not “if”. It doesn’t take much, especially if you’re over 65: a broken bone, a joint replacement, failing eyesight, a stroke or heart attack, dementia. If you have a partner, and rely on the partner for transport, the same problems apply.
My mother, born in 1906, spent over 90 years living in England without ever learning to drive. There are a few cities in the US where that’s possible – New York, Chicago, San Francisco, for instance – but in most of the country you need a car. There was a grocery store “near” the house I lived in before moving to a Continuing Care Retirement Community, but it would have been a three mile round trip to the other side of a major four lane road. No-one wants to do that, pushing a shopping cart and a cooler, during a North Carolina summer, with temps and humidity consistently in the nineties. Nothing else I might need was even that close.
Consider two of my friends. One, let’s call her C, is my next-door neighbor at the CCRC. After she had joint-replacement surgery she came back to the Skilled Nursing facility, and then to her apartment. Meals were delivered, and her on-site physical therapist took her down for treatments in a wheelchair. The CCRC also provides transport to off-site medical appointments.
Then there is my friend M, still aging in place. When she had joint-replacement surgery she constructed a massive spreadsheet to track all of the people coming to look after her, provide physical therapy, and take her to appointments. That’s a lot of effort, with plenty of opportunity for things to go wrong.
Which would you rather be?
(BTW, M is moving to a facility with Independent and Assisted Living in January.)
It’s a sensible point. But it largely tracks back to emotional attachment people develop to homes. I suspect there is a middle ground where people chose independent living but, before they lose capacity for driving etc, but in a location which already has lots of infrastructure.
The key is being prepared to relocate somewhere within a few blocks of a functional bus route. Which, may mean a different town/city and certainly a change of location for rural dwellers.
Either that or have a large taxi budget or last long enough unless true autonomous vehicles are safe enough to be licensed.
Several of my Meals on Wheels clients are unable to drive. They use a County-operated shared-ride, paratransit service with curbside pickup to get back and forth to doctor’s appointments and the like. Safeway offers grocery delivery, and they get one hot meal a day from us. I know these services are by no means universal, but many communities have them.
(Note: We live in a suburb that is by no means affluent.)
That is a reality that will eventually confront us who live in surburban areas with limited mass transit. I am 81 and still drive without any problems. Cataract surgery solved the night driving issue a few years ago.
My plan would be to move into a CCRC when/if that occurs. I have done my research on CCRCs and know what my options are, but I am much too active to do that now. That is an individual decision that everyone must make for themselves.
It’s interesting that you think you are too active for CCRC life. I suppose it depends on the facility, but I am a lot more active now than before I moved to mine. I don’t take advantage of half the things going on (actually much less), plus there’s a fully equipped gym at the end of my corridor.
I go to a local gym 2 or 3 times a week. The equipment in the CCRCs I visited, and I visited some with 1,000 residents, had very sparse gym equipment. Only one had an indoor pool. They do have a lot of activities, but they more in the realm of cards, board games, art, etc., none of which interests me.
One facility said they had chair yoga. I asked her if they offered regular yoga. She said if they had regular yoga, none of their residents could get up off the floor.
Since you do not know me, I do not think you can judge my situation.
IMO, whether to do CCRCs or not has a lot of variables, which will result in people making the best decisions for themselves, and one size does not fit all.
I didn’t judge you, I specifically said that it depends on the facility. I’m sorry you don’t have more options.
I just returned from visiting my MIL who lives in a CCRC in WV. On the continuum of CCRC’s, this facility might be at the opposite end of the spectrum from yours as far as location and services. She is 96, legally blind, and debilitated with arthritis. She is dependent on her son for doctor visits, grocery shopping, etc. She lived in another state when she gave up driving after damaging her car in a grocery store parking lot. My wife and I worked very hard to keep from retaining the car as her vision and reactions declined. We were the responsible party for providing her needs after that. Her doctor and other family members were not supportive of this change. Her son with special needs lived with her at that time. More complications.
So how would my wife and I respond as we age? We are in a small condo community in the suburbs. Our neighbors generally drive including those on the other side of our duplex who are in their 90’s. We have talked about the future but what kind of hand will we be dealt? Man plans and God laughs.
Persuading someone to stop driving is tough. I know my father should have stopped earlier. I hope I will stop in time…
I grew up in Queens, my husband in Brooklyn, so walking and subways (and bikes for neighborhood errands) were our means of transportation. I learned to drive at 16 and always enjoy it. Doug never enjoyed driving and avoided it as much as possible. For our retirement living, we actively sought a place where we could safely walk to the library, church, grocery store and restaurants. We were lucky enough to find such a place in my tiny Northeastern PA village. My house is barely a block from the grocery store. As a household of one, I can usually carry my groceries. For trips into The City (NYC – 90 miles away), there are people here who will drive me 7 miles to the train station for a small fee or I can walk to the express bus that operates for commuters. Long-term plan: probably move back to NYC to an apartment near my Brooklyn-based child. Brooklyn is definitely a walking place.
I would think NYC would be better without a car!
Our moms are both not driving now and family members take them to the grocery and Dr appts. My mom has access to a bus at her AL, but won’t take it, so she misses out on going to other places.
I have thought about this since I have vision issues and my drivers license is only good for daytime driving. Spouse does most of the driving now. Our children are close by and could help some if I was alone, but I wouldn’t want to burden them too much.
also wanted to mention we are fortunate to live in the time of Uber, grocery delivery and other things that can help. Chris
Yes, there are more options, but I’d prefer not to rely on Uber (or Lyft) and delivery. I’ve talked to some of my fellow residents who have stopped driving and they seem to be doing OK.
I am almost 68, and my wife is almost 67, hopefully we have at least 10+ more years of driving. I’m hoping we have fully self driving cars by then. 🤞
That was what I was hoping for in the 2010s when I couldn’t drive at night. Given the Tesla accidents I keep reading about, I’ve stopped hoping. I’d settle for a car that could parallel park itself.
I’m very good at that and have taught others- but I’m suspecting it’s not too big an issue for you where you live now, Kathy. (But let me know if you want a couple lessons 😀)
Thanks! Of course, since I learned to drive in England I used to be fine with it, but I am hopelessly out of practice. Ditto driving stick shift – last time my knees complained and the gear box complained.
My sister says she plans to buy a car with automatic shift for the same reasons whenever she decides to replace her now-25-year-old stick shift. At least it’s now considered an “antique” such that she doesn’t have to meet emission standards when she gets it inspected.
I vaguely remember a friend getting a new Ford car maybe 15 years ago that had a parallel park assist feature. I always assumed all Fords now had the system as an option.
It was featured on an episode of Amazing Race, probably in that time frame, and then I didn’t hear anything more. Checking online it looks like it may be an option on some upmarket vehicles.
I’m fortunate to live in a compact, walkable town where everything is accessible. The local pharmacy, grocer, and butcher all deliver, as do the larger retailers. There’s a public transport stop right outside my front door.
My mum never drove but managed to navigate the town independently well into her 80s. A local community charity operates a free, bookable minibus service with low-step access that takes residents from their doorstep to the shops. This works alongside Shop Mobility, which provides mobility scooters to help people get around during their shopping trips.
Yes, but you’re in Northern Ireland, right? Just as my mother was in England. It’s different over here.
Actually, it’s very possible here. I grew up in upstate NY. I walked or took my bike to school, shopped with my friend in stores along a shopping street, and visited the soda fountain at the nearby drug store for cokes and ice cream. There was also a supermarket to which my mother sent me much too often for last minute groceries. When my husband and I looked at houses in Wi 50 years ago, we sought to replicate that convenience— he’s from NYC, so also grew up walking everywhere.
We bought a house that is a 5 minute or less walk to a variety of shops — including Trader Joe’s, an independent pharmacy, bakery, restaurants, etc., and a minute walk in the opposite direction to a large park situated on a natural lake, The house that accommodated our children’s needs is also working very well for us as octogenarians. At present, we do our own shopping, but the Covid experience demonstrated we could order whatever we need or want and have it delivered to the door.
I do water aerobics at the University’s gym. That facility shares space with the rehab and PT operations. Many of those clients come by private cars —presumably driven by relatives and friends; a sizable number, however, are transported in specially equipped taxis and other vehicles. Transportation does not seem to be an issue. Medicare also pays for PT at home in some circumstances. Right now, our 89 year old neighbor across the street is getting that service in his home.
If necessary, we are willing to go directly into assisted living— one of the top CCRCs in the area offers that option, But for as long as possible, we intend to remain in our house. We genuinely do appreciate living in where we have easy contact with neighbors of various ages and interests.
I’m glad it has worked for you. My town has recently seen the development of condos in the heart of downtown, and they are walking distance to a regional library, a park, a cinema, cafes, bars and restaurants, but the downtown pharmacy recently closed, and the downtown grocery store closed years ago. Most people live in “PUDs” – Planned Urban Developments – with limited facilities. Unless you count golf courses.
Kathy, thanks for this soul searching post.
To begin, if and when I can no longer drive, I’ll get rid of the cars, saving a lot of money. I have no problem using that savings to pay for Uber or cabs. Sadly we have no bus service nearby. Many things can be delivered, and my outdoor maintenance is already provided.
You present another good argument for your CCRC. I have to say that things are working out well for C.
M is a good example of a person that waited too long to move. She can no longer make the move totally on her terms, as her current medical condition(s) are calling the shots.
Things are better for M than they may appear at first. She has been top of the list for her community for some time, but in her place I would have moved earlier.
My CCRC has a bus stop right outside, and a grocery store next door. My primary care doctor is on-site, and my dentist across the street. My car does spend a fair amount of time in the under-building garage, but I’m not ready to give it up yet.