FREE NEWSLETTER
Go to main Forum page »
I know I and many others mockingly complain in a joking manner about our grandkids costing us a “fortune” when they visit—but with no malice intended, did you actually consider these costs when crafting your retirement spending plan?
I certainly never thought about this; it didn’t even cross my mind. Maybe I’m being too generous, or perhaps I’ve had a run of bad luck. In recent months, my granddaughter dropped an iPad, requiring a replacement, and my grandson accidentally let a toy car slip from his hand while spinning around, resulting in a car-shaped hole in our TV.
Some costs we did consider beforehand: Christmas and birthday presents, for example, along with money we put into savings accounts for their future. Beyond that, I never thought through the scope of other expenses, and these, I’ve found, can build up over time.
My daughter works hard but struggles financially, and Suzie and I feel an obligation and need to “help out” with care costs. Recently we purchased a school uniform for our grandson and all his back-to-school essentials, plus a daycare uniform for our granddaughter. Although I don’t really understand this expense, we also pay a monthly subscription for games on his Xbox.
During the summer, our grandson stayed with us at our holiday home. Eating out involved an extra hungry mouth with hollow legs attached! Requests for money to visit the harbour shop with his friends soon mount up. We both enjoy playing golf together—that’s another extra cost. The thing is, we handed this out without a thought or any regrets; he’s my grandson. But it’s certainly not spending we detailed on any spreadsheet.
It’s natural that love for our family makes us blind to these costs—after all, what good is our wealth if we don’t use it to improve the lives of our nearest and dearest? But should we maybe make certain of our own financial firm footing? By doing so we can ensure our continued ability to help our family and, just as importantly, look out for our own needs.
I’m in the fortunate position that these unforeseen retirement costs are not an issue, but not everyone might have this luxury within their budget. More awareness of this emotional spending during retirement planning could help. We could then spend freely and joyfully on our grandchildren. And we could do so without the worry of compromising our own retirement security.
Neither of my grandparents had much money but one taught me to fish and the other taught me to ride horses. They both had huge summer gardens and I learned to eat and cook (with my grandmas) out of the garden. It was amazing. I wish my children would have had that! It’s still some of the most beautiful times of my life.
Grandchildren are the future. They deserve everything we can give them. Our nine get a lot from us, plus, we get much in return.
We help with everything. School tuition, clothes, spending money, meals out and, most importantly, we give our time, thoughts, examples to follow, philosophy, wise counsel, love, and respect.
Their ages are 27-16, five girls and four boys. They are so different from one another. We’re amazed.
We talk often, eat out, shop, and hang out in groups and one on one. They us call and text often.
I never had that with my grandparents when I was young. To this day, I’m not sure who was a fault.
We’re a blended family coming up on 40 years. We have no step children or step grandchildren.
Do everything can to keep everyone close to you for as long as you can. Every relationship is so special.
One simply can’t put “a price tag” on the joy given us bt our grandchildren.
And watching one of our children ‘parent’ leads me to believe that we did a pretty swell in raising them.
The title is funny: who did not tell you that grandchildren are expensive? Of course they are. That is obvious to anyone who has had children or, before retiring, grandchildren. Anyone who views spending on grandchildren in retirement as an unexpected or unplanned retirement expense either was not paying attention during their pre-retirement years or was not a good retirement planner.
I am so incredibly grateful for your illuminating insight. Until your comment, I was under the impression that the financial outlays for a broken iPad or a TV with a car-shaped hole were unexpected, apparently not. Also my deepest apologies, as I now realize I foolishly believed that some costs of love and spontaneous joy were not something you could simply detail on a spreadsheet. Your clarification that these are, in fact, entirely foreseeable expenses has been a humbling and eye-opening experience, and I’ll be sure to update my financial plan with this newfound clarity.
Play nice Mark. Those of us with experience get your point.
Oops, I’m bad. After two cups of coffee and being fully awake, it is a bit harsh! Sorry Gary, I shall drink coffee before replying next time. 😀☕
Yes, entirely out of character for you Mark. I’m sure all of us that so enjoy your posts forgive you!
😇🤐😇
With 6 Grands, we keep sending all kinds of gifts, and one is for a Great Grand. We are so fortunate to be able to enjoy our giving to the family. These grands are now starting to find their own jobs, as the age is 27 to 18, and the Great is 4, so nice to have a little one again. In preparing for Retirement, only two people were involved and we are blessed to have saved well for 50 years, and now get to enjoy the fruits of our labor.
We are fortunate to have a grandson who just turned a year old. He’s both a joy and a lot of work. I find myself doing small splurges (new toys and clothes) because I can. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m buying too much for him. Still trying to sort it all out!
Relationships are managed best with clear expectations. Start early. I arrived by plane to visit my first 2 ( of later 9) grandchildren. Their other grandparents were spenders. I’m a saver. The 2 year old asked ” are there presents in your bag”? “No”, I replied, ” You have to make your own toys”. So we found sticks, string, paper and metal paper clips, and made a trip to the dollar store for magnets. With our fishing poles and paper fish ( put the paper clip on your fish’s mouth) we cast off from the top of the basement stairs into the ocean below. We played fishing everyday I was there. Now aged 12, my grandson still spontaneously remembers this. I’m not your bank machine. I’m your Nana. The best thing I’ll ever give you is my time. ( and that’s true of being a Mom too!)
Thank you for posting this! As a parent who has parents that want to give big presents or cash I wish my children would have had a grandparent who did what you did! Time! Time is Money! There is nothing that Children & Grand Children need more than time.
This was really helpful to me! Though I give modest gifts of cash and toys/experiences, etc., and spend quite a lot on travel to see one set of grandchildren, I always feel inadequate compared to the extremely wealthy other grandparents who live near the grandchildren and purchase whatever their heart’s desire and then some. I need to get over it. Thank you, Barb.
Wouldn’t work for me. I enjoy spending on my grandkids, I also enjoy non monetary activities like kicking a ball with them.
While it isn’t an either or situation, you highlight the importance of non-monetary giving!
I’m not in favor of spoiling the children, but on the other hand, I’m sure they would be happy to receive a small trinket of little monetary value from Nana. Everyone likes a small present representing someone thinking of them.
That’s a far cry from a bank machine.
“The best thing I’ll ever give you is my time.” If that is entirely by choice, I disagree. You could also give things of lasting value.
Sorry to disagree with you, Dick, but my observation is that the things of lasting value, if you’re talking about objects/mementos/ jewelry, for the most part don’t mean much to children. Adult children /grandchildren is another story: My daughter cherishes and daily wears an inexpensive engraved locket that was a retirement gift to her great aunt. Like my daughter, Ethel Gunderson never had children of her own but devoted her life to teaching children K-2.
When we traveled we always brought some small gift back to the grandchildren. Wooden toys from Russia, stuffed dragons from Krakow, Christmas ornament from Germany, etc. They appreciated the gifts. Of course, it didn’t take long before they were on to something new, but the message was we were thinking of them. None of it was expensive.
The most valuable thing we give them is monthly payments to their 529 plans and they are not even aware of that.
Agreed, Linda. I truly do not remember any gift I ever received from my grandparents. What I cherish is the memories of the lessons my grandmother taught me (she was the co-founder of Head Start) and reading plays with her, tossing a softball with my grandfather, and sitting on the rug in front of their fireplace listening to ’60s folk music records.
Excellent point and worth considering. I’m less worried about not having enough money for grandkids, but rather not having enough grandkids for my money.
As much as one can I plan on having grandkids, but that will be mostly out of my control. One of my biggest financial goals (after securing a comfortable retirement) is leaving a financial legacy to the next generations.
Me too, but now having 11 grandchildren we are faced with the best way to do it.
We too spend a tremendous amount of money on our grandchildren (that we are truly BLESSED to have Dr. Lefty and others who do not yet have grandchildren). We knew about this spending before we retired as we were already paying for many of these things before we stopped working. Yes, we did factor some of these expenses into our retirement budget.
Just yesterday, my daughter forwarded us a note from the sleep-away camp that our two oldest Grandkids (ages 14 and 12) attend each summer, advising of “early bird benefits” for NEXT summer if deposits are sent in before September 15. How much, I asked my daughter. “$2,000 each… can you send the check before you leave for your Europe cruise on Monday, dad”?! LOL
This thread reminds me to get out my checkbook, envelopes and stamps to get that check in the mail!
Enjoy your cruise, it’ll give you time to recover from signing that check lol
I’ve become proficient at using Zelle for similar requests. 😎
When I was growing up we had minimal contact with grandparents, almost none with one set even though they lived close.
On Saturday in the summer one set would pick me up to go fishing at the Jersey shore. My grandmother made a sandwich for lunch, but if I wanted anything else like chips I had to buy it myself.
other than a modest gift for birthday and Christmas my grandparents never gave us anything.
“I know I and many others mockingly complain in a joking manner about our grandkids costing us a “fortune” when they visit”
Count your blessings. I am 67 years old and am still waiting for our first grandchild. With one child just turning 38 in August, and another turning 40 in October we are losing hope. Even if one does have a child if I live to 85 like both my parents I will not even live to see them graduate from college 😞
Thanks for pointing that out! I hadn’t really considered how the timing might have impacted the decision. I’ll definitely keep your advice in mind and include my son once he’s born when we try again. By the way, since my wife will also be graduating soon, I’ve been thinking of getting her something meaningful — maybe a custom stole as a graduation gift to make it special. Really appreciate you taking the time to explain everything!
I count the blessing every day. I have a goal of seeing at least one graduate college.
Same boat. We’re 65, daughters ages 36 and 31, and no grandchildren in sight, though there is a granddog and two grandcats. I do worry that if it ever happens, I’ll be too old to be very involved. My husband and I are both firstborns of young mothers, and our moms were still in their 40s when our first child was born. Big difference.
Connie was 66 and I was 62 when our first grandchild was born and then it was almost a new grandchild every or so till we reached 11.
We both did a great deal of child care for several years.
Oh yes, grandchildren can be expensive. But it is money I very willingly spend. One of my great sources of satisfaction is having the ability to do that.
We buy tickets to all their events and fund raisers, we help fund college savings and when we go out with a family, grandpa most often picks up the tab. We bought computers for college. I bought two grandsons a 3d printer because they showed very creative interests.
However, none of the 11 have ever asked for money or for us to buy them anything – with the exception of ordering a pizza for one at college.
I am criticized for my ideas on retirement income, but this is one of the reasons I hold those views. We spend more on grandchildren combined than we do on property taxes and utilities.
Our spending seems to be going that direction.
That’s one of the issues about retirement planning. It is difficult to budget for these types of things and they may be demands rather than requests.
We are fortunate that the grandchild is well provided for, but there are the children of other relatives who are not as well off.
Our greatest single care expense of this type has been for elderly parents. The precise amount is not insignificant. However, we saved more while working to handle such contingencies and our annual budgets allow for personal adjustments to accommodate these expenses. There are other things we could simply eliminate if necessary and that includes dining out and the “lily pad” in Michigan.
Our kids have never demanded but I can see that happening in some families.