AUTHOR: luvtoride44afe9eb1e on 5/12/2025 FIRST: Fran Moore on 5/12/2025 | RECENT: luvtoride44afe9eb1e on 5/14/2025
Comments
Doug,
Comprehensive list and many of these things hit close to home for me (68 and retired about 3 years).
I’ll add a couple things to the “positive” side that I’m doing and the challenging side that I’m trying to deal with:
Doing:
taking a college class (non matriculation basis) of a subject of my choosing on campus one day/ week
have been playing Pickleball (with my wife) several times a week during open play with like minded others at our gym or outdoor public courts
Reaching out to friends, both old and new for get togethers, lunch, concerts and travel
Being more aware and mindful of my health and following doctors recommendations for activities, medications and advice for more healthful living
Serving on volunteer boards both religious organizations and our condo association for our 2nd home
Challenges:
Dealing with frustrations due to relatively minor incidents with merchants, financial institutions, and bad customer service…cranky old man syndrome
Exercising patience with my grandkids. I’m blessed to have them nearby and spend a good deal of time with them but I can get upset by their behavior for minor things….they’re kids (ages 3-14). As my DW says, we’re too old to be parents of young children…she has more patience with them than I do 🤷🏻♂️
not making enough effort to stay in touch and show care for some family members and friends
sharing articles on retirement and aging with family and friends (I read a lot) and not realizing that most probably don’t care and may even resent these “helpful” reminders
Doug’s comment about giving thanks for the blessings he has is something I am constantly thinking about. Despite some of the challenges I listed, I do try my best to convey this appreciation of life to those around me.
We take a somewhat different approach to this, as I may have mentioned in other posts on this topic. We pay for our grandchildren’s summer camps directly to the camps they attend. This large expense would be difficult for our daughters and SILs to manage without our help. Our two oldest granddaughters (14 and 12) attend sleep away camp for 1/2 of the summer session as they have dance competitions early in the summer that prevents them from attending the full summer session.
Our younger daughter has a 7 and 3 year old and we pay for their day camps for the full summer session. Although the amounts are not equal we have never looked at it as needing to “Even it out” between our daughters. They are each benefiting from having this large childcare expense paid for by grandma and grandpa. In fact, the camps know that we pay the bills and they bill us or Debit our bank account directly for the payments.
I’m not sure how we will continue this once they “outgrow” summer camps (when college comes around) but I’m sure we will find other ways to help out with large expenditures (other than college tuition).
At the risk of being “stoned” here, we ( my wife and I) have no complaints with the cost or access to great providers for our healthcare.
We are both on Medicare (traditional) with a supplemental plan provided by my wife’s former employer at a reasonable monthly cost for both of us. Yes, we pay Medicare premiums plus IRMMA for this insurance but it is well worth it for the coverage we get. In addition, we are both members of the World Trade Center Health Program (having worked in lower Manhattan during and subsequent to 9/11) with certain of our conditions certified under that program, providing a 3rd insurance coverage for these conditions. Doctor visits (for which we have many) are a $15 co-pay. Prescription drugs (for which we have many) generally are free or less than $5 per 90 day supply. We worked for and paid into these programs for decades to receive these benefits at retirement. We have scarcely run into a provider that doesn’t gladly accept our insurance. I know that many are not as fortunate in their health insurance coverage (both while working and in retirement), but the system has worked well for us.
Gary, well said. Although I still read many of the posts, I stopped commenting or adding anything due to negative tone of comments directed toward some of my comments/opinions. I hope the site can continue as Jonathan had intended and shepherded it so well.
Bummer! Where would you have moved to? Would raising your family in a different location have turned out as well as staying (even with the extra $1,000,000 in your pocket)? Woulda coulda shoulda…who knows?
Kristine, I think it’s a combination of all 3 (luck, timing and not following the rules). In all these examples we all DID act, with some trepidation and good reasons for doing so.
In our case, we purchased a 2nd home, for vacation and family gatherings at the Jersey shore about 70 minutes away from our home, in 2017. The market was not great at the time for the condo we bought and we got it for a very good price, scraping together the 20% down payment and getting a mortgage at 3.625%. We’ve enjoyed it more and more each year with our growing family including our 4 grandkids who stay over almost every weekend during the summer. A unit across the hall from us (it’s a 2 bedroom vs. our 3 bedroom) just sold for almost twice the price we paid 8 years ago. Amazing! Not that we are looking to sell, but the equity we have in this condo is now at a level we never dreamed of and could serve us for unanticipated future needs if we ever needed to sell. Yes, we were lucky and the timing was good, but we acted when it was a bit uncomfortable to do so, and we’re glad we did.
What’s wrong with giving kids opportunities to participate in activities outside of going to school? Be it sports, theater, dance or other academic extracurricular clubs or activities these are useful and constructive learning experiences for youth. I have 2 granddaughters who participate in Dance involving, recitals, performances and national competitions away from the NY area where they live. These are significant expenses for their parents but ones they would not deny them. They fit the expenses related to dance class, costumes and competitions into their budgets. Although we don’t pay for these, we pay for other things that help them bridge the budget strain dance creates, like summer camp.
Our 6 year old grandson is a very good athlete and has settled on Ice Hockey as his primary sport pursuit. Yes, it’s expensive and time consuming and requires significant commitments of time and money by the parents. I was at his hockey game at an arena an hour from home at 7 am this morning to watch him and his team play. These are great experiences for the kids and helps develop many skills of playing. Team sport with coaches and new teammates as friends, other than classmates.
Yes,each family has to weigh the financial and time burdens vs. other priorities but if they they couldn’t afford it, they,would find other activities for their kids to participate in.
Comments
Doug, Comprehensive list and many of these things hit close to home for me (68 and retired about 3 years). I’ll add a couple things to the “positive” side that I’m doing and the challenging side that I’m trying to deal with: Doing:
- taking a college class (non matriculation basis) of a subject of my choosing on campus one day/ week
- have been playing Pickleball (with my wife) several times a week during open play with like minded others at our gym or outdoor public courts
- Reaching out to friends, both old and new for get togethers, lunch, concerts and travel
- Being more aware and mindful of my health and following doctors recommendations for activities, medications and advice for more healthful living
- Serving on volunteer boards both religious organizations and our condo association for our 2nd home
Challenges:- Dealing with frustrations due to relatively minor incidents with merchants, financial institutions, and bad customer service…cranky old man syndrome
- Exercising patience with my grandkids. I’m blessed to have them nearby and spend a good deal of time with them but I can get upset by their behavior for minor things….they’re kids (ages 3-14). As my DW says, we’re too old to be parents of young children…she has more patience with them than I do 🤷🏻♂️
- not making enough effort to stay in touch and show care for some family members and friends
- sharing articles on retirement and aging with family and friends (I read a lot) and not realizing that most probably don’t care and may even resent these “helpful” reminders
Doug’s comment about giving thanks for the blessings he has is something I am constantly thinking about. Despite some of the challenges I listed, I do try my best to convey this appreciation of life to those around me.Post: Getting Older
Link to comment from April 8, 2026
Yes, they are but at a time when we (most) are better able to afford them! lol
Post: Financial regrets about parenthood?
Link to comment from April 6, 2026
The “Nastiness comment” reminder is why I no longer contribute or comment to the site.
Post: Forum Rules
Link to comment from April 1, 2026
And comments like this are why I choose to no longer participate on this site. Read….occasionally but not contribute.
Post: If you have done well, be proud.
Link to comment from February 17, 2026
We take a somewhat different approach to this, as I may have mentioned in other posts on this topic. We pay for our grandchildren’s summer camps directly to the camps they attend. This large expense would be difficult for our daughters and SILs to manage without our help. Our two oldest granddaughters (14 and 12) attend sleep away camp for 1/2 of the summer session as they have dance competitions early in the summer that prevents them from attending the full summer session. Our younger daughter has a 7 and 3 year old and we pay for their day camps for the full summer session. Although the amounts are not equal we have never looked at it as needing to “Even it out” between our daughters. They are each benefiting from having this large childcare expense paid for by grandma and grandpa. In fact, the camps know that we pay the bills and they bill us or Debit our bank account directly for the payments. I’m not sure how we will continue this once they “outgrow” summer camps (when college comes around) but I’m sure we will find other ways to help out with large expenditures (other than college tuition).
Post: Helping Adult Children
Link to comment from February 10, 2026
At the risk of being “stoned” here, we ( my wife and I) have no complaints with the cost or access to great providers for our healthcare. We are both on Medicare (traditional) with a supplemental plan provided by my wife’s former employer at a reasonable monthly cost for both of us. Yes, we pay Medicare premiums plus IRMMA for this insurance but it is well worth it for the coverage we get. In addition, we are both members of the World Trade Center Health Program (having worked in lower Manhattan during and subsequent to 9/11) with certain of our conditions certified under that program, providing a 3rd insurance coverage for these conditions. Doctor visits (for which we have many) are a $15 co-pay. Prescription drugs (for which we have many) generally are free or less than $5 per 90 day supply. We worked for and paid into these programs for decades to receive these benefits at retirement. We have scarcely run into a provider that doesn’t gladly accept our insurance. I know that many are not as fortunate in their health insurance coverage (both while working and in retirement), but the system has worked well for us.
Post: Affordable is an interesting word – especially related to healthcare
Link to comment from December 17, 2025
Gary, well said. Although I still read many of the posts, I stopped commenting or adding anything due to negative tone of comments directed toward some of my comments/opinions. I hope the site can continue as Jonathan had intended and shepherded it so well.
Post: Not Just About the Money
Link to comment from November 20, 2025
Bummer! Where would you have moved to? Would raising your family in a different location have turned out as well as staying (even with the extra $1,000,000 in your pocket)? Woulda coulda shoulda…who knows?
Post: The Knock on the Door: Bad luck, Poor Timing.
Link to comment from October 22, 2025
Kristine, I think it’s a combination of all 3 (luck, timing and not following the rules). In all these examples we all DID act, with some trepidation and good reasons for doing so. In our case, we purchased a 2nd home, for vacation and family gatherings at the Jersey shore about 70 minutes away from our home, in 2017. The market was not great at the time for the condo we bought and we got it for a very good price, scraping together the 20% down payment and getting a mortgage at 3.625%. We’ve enjoyed it more and more each year with our growing family including our 4 grandkids who stay over almost every weekend during the summer. A unit across the hall from us (it’s a 2 bedroom vs. our 3 bedroom) just sold for almost twice the price we paid 8 years ago. Amazing! Not that we are looking to sell, but the equity we have in this condo is now at a level we never dreamed of and could serve us for unanticipated future needs if we ever needed to sell. Yes, we were lucky and the timing was good, but we acted when it was a bit uncomfortable to do so, and we’re glad we did.
Post: Luck, Timing and Not Following the Rules
Link to comment from October 20, 2025
What’s wrong with giving kids opportunities to participate in activities outside of going to school? Be it sports, theater, dance or other academic extracurricular clubs or activities these are useful and constructive learning experiences for youth. I have 2 granddaughters who participate in Dance involving, recitals, performances and national competitions away from the NY area where they live. These are significant expenses for their parents but ones they would not deny them. They fit the expenses related to dance class, costumes and competitions into their budgets. Although we don’t pay for these, we pay for other things that help them bridge the budget strain dance creates, like summer camp. Our 6 year old grandson is a very good athlete and has settled on Ice Hockey as his primary sport pursuit. Yes, it’s expensive and time consuming and requires significant commitments of time and money by the parents. I was at his hockey game at an arena an hour from home at 7 am this morning to watch him and his team play. These are great experiences for the kids and helps develop many skills of playing. Team sport with coaches and new teammates as friends, other than classmates. Yes,each family has to weigh the financial and time burdens vs. other priorities but if they they couldn’t afford it, they,would find other activities for their kids to participate in.
Post: Throw, hit or kick … it all add$ up
Link to comment from September 28, 2025