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They say at 20 years of age you have the face that nature gave you. At 40, you have the face life gave you and at 60, you have the face you deserve. This is a variation on a quote attributed to both George Orwell, author and essayist, and Coco Chanel, fashion maven. If this is true, it means that our choices and attitudes leave an indelible mark on our character which ultimately surfaces in our physical appearance.
Each one of us has the responsibility for the kindness, warmth and openness that our faces communicate. I found no better example of this than while undergoing medical treatments. It is cold in the infusion room—and as Rosemary, the infusion nurse, bends over me to button up my sweater, I am touched by her tender and motherly gesture. Few can say why some faces seem beautiful as beauty is not only skin deep, it lies deep within our soul.
As for me, I once had the face of a capable, self reliant, ambitious, joyful young girl. I now see the face of a thoughtful woman who has known pleasures and sorrows, a patient caregiver, a possessor of a cheerful and grateful heart. And I’m reminded that a beautiful or handsome face and figure go just so far.
And so my question is, what is it about you that you would like people to see when they meet you:
Can you add any particular qualities and characteristics that have given you the face you deserve?
i just came back from a religious pilgrimage tour with a group of 55+ . Most people found me funny and some commented that “I am young at heart”. I do not care for what others perceived me (albeit physical appearance vs age or knowledge vs age). Physically, I feel great and I thank God that gave me the wisdom to make the right decision in regard to physical health.
I live in a +55 community in Florida and have considerable opportunity to observe people as they age (including myself). What I tend to notice is less the lines on their faces or their body type and more how they present themselves in their posture, their facial expressions/eye contact and even their choice of clothing. All of those things combined give me a glimpse into their personality and their vibrancy, which in my opinion is so much more important than any facial signs of aging. That being said, I must admit that at 64, I still judge my own face a bit more harshly and continue to seek out the “best” retinal serum, moisturizer, etc. My 34 year old daughter swears by Trader Joe’s brand, but what does she know about wrinkles at that age? 😉
Jan, very astute observations. The perception that we have of others is influenced by the whole package of physical appearance and the way they present/ carry themselves. And yes, my wife swears by the retinal serums that arrive at our home through mail order on a regular basis. they make her look younger than me!
What works better than any retinol cream is for me to look in the mirror after I’ve taken my contacts out. Now there’s the younger-looking me that I’m seeking!
To be honest, at my age I’m satisfied if they just see me.
Marjorie, I was going below as a new forum post but I found this previous one of yours and decided to respond with mine below. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. To add to your question, I think my kindness helps in the way people perceive me. Anyway,here is my post about mirrors…
As I get older I know my appearance is changing to that of an “old(er) person “.
I am gray (the hair that’s still present), I am balding on top and my facial skin is becoming “worn looking “.
I do what I can to maintain a neat appearance such as regular barber shop visits to keep trimmed and avoid that bushy eyebrows look and weird hair growth in other areas like ears. I shave daily and moisturize my skin with good quality products. I don’t use make up or any eye wrinkle creams (I wear contact lenses whenever I go out).
When I look at myself in the bathroom mirror I still see my younger self, albeit a bit aged and weathered. I don’t see an old man (I’m almost 68) although I know I’ve become one. Do others see me as an old man? I don’t need to show ID usually to get senior discounts. LOL.
How do you see yourself when you look in the mirror? I don’t mean health ailment wise, just appearance when looking in the mirror.
I recently shaved off the beard I’ve had since my hair started turning grey. I had grown it to round out my narrow face. My wife recently said the grey beard made me look old (at 67). When I was in high school my nickname was goose because of my long neck, and I hated it. Now? I’m glad I have it because despite being overweight I still only have one chin, while many men my age have two, three…
Most of the time, I still see myself. But often I’ll catch a glimpse of my father. I regret not using sunscreen when younger, but there’s not much to do about my damaged skin now.
When I first met my wife, I teased her to “smile, so people think we’re having a good time”. I’m now trying to recapture the habit of smiling, so that I look less like a grumpy old man of 63.
When I look in the mirror, I see a guy who has been on a very long trip, making lots of stops, starts and detours on the way. He is still enjoying it immensely, even though he knows the trip can be over at any minute. (Or as my golfer friends say “I know I am on the back nine of life – I just don’t know what hole.”)
I see my youthful self being slowly superseded by a guy who has more wrinkles, more gray (but still a full head of hair), fading eyesight, and things like skin cancer scars and a drooping eyelid. But I’m still happy with how I look – it is me. And of course, I have no alternative.
But I also know that people usually see past the physical attributes of a face, and react to a twinkle in one’s eye, an honest smile, positive energy and an approach that somehow tells them “I care about you.” I work at that. However you project it, I think those things are increasingly powerful and effective as one ages.
And I, in turn, react positively to people in whom I see the same things.
Martin, Your words, “it is me” are so on point. To illustrate, I offer another example: it’s like a man who wears a toupee. At first they might appear younger and more handsome, but on second glance, even though they seem well groomed, there is something “off” about their appearance—it’s just not them.
Thanks for your introspective comments.
Well, for what it’s worth, my face is more wrinkled on the left side than on the right. My kids tell me it’s because of all my driving in a warm, sunny climate over many years. I find it amusing when they tell me things like this, which they are wont to. They believe the sun coming through the driver’s window is the cause. I’m curious to know if any of you have experienced the same thing. 🙂
Patrick, I think if you asked a dermatologist you would find this is an absolute truism. Worse, skin cancer is more easily developed on that side of face from direct sun I had a nasty tumor—squamous carcinoma—on left side which required extensive treatment and reconstructive surgery. My doctor said it was a classic case.I see the difference in my appearance but others would have to look hard to notice.
Of course it is cumulative damage and, depending on your ethnic background, some people are more prone to skin damage from sun exposure than others.
I always wear those wrap around type sunglasses while outside, similar to those people wear after cataract surgery. You can find them in any drugstore. I always wear a sun hat if I’m outside for any length of time.
For whatever reason people notice that I am Positive minded about life, and I like to offer a smile. Hopefully it makes our world a little better.
My neighbor has a smile all the time. Has a great sense of humor and retired in his middle to late 50’s. He always has something fun going on in his world. I think God put him next door for a reason.
That is wonderful and it’s because Positivity is the essence of your being. And so good for well being, Thanks for your comments.
People who work in healthcare, like me, and other professions as well, practice a look that conveys attentive, compassionate interest in the folks they are serving. They hope to hide the feelings they may have such as horror at what they are seeing or being told, or about the personal problems that fill their own minds. I hope my face shows genuine concern, with no need to paste on a smile.
Which reminds me of the early days of dating and then courting my wife. I teased her to always wear a smile when she was with me, so that people thought she was having a good time!
you seem to have found just the right approach, Ed. Clinicians who are too glad handed overwhelm me and don’t seem genuine. And those who are abrupt, and curt indicate a lack of empathy. thank you for your steady and compassionate demeanor.
no need to tease your wife about smiling when on a date with you. I’m sure she had all she could do to suppress her joy.
My wife didn’t just smile, but laughed out loud when she heard your reply. I won’t try to interpret why!
🤗
This reminds me of the joke about the man who told his wife their house was haunted. “How do you know?” she asked. “Everytime I look in the mirror there’s an old man staring back at me.”
The morning after my first surgery removing the cataracts that had been developing for a decade, I was shocked to see in the mirror that I had aged 10 years. 😳
Bob, Age does catch up and we don’t see ourselves as others see us. But when I look at my husband I still see the handsome guy I married.
And the same with my wife of 57 years!
Yep, I thought my wife was having an affair with an old man….
You were mistaken, Dan. She found out he had a dour disposition, and couldn’t help her with her taxes.
I’d like people to see my kindness and positive outlook in the wrinkles around my eyes and mouth when I smile at random passersby on my neighborhood walks. Sometimes I’m far from smiling inside but the smile and occasional “Hello” makes me feel more like smiling inside too.
Linda, when the eyes crinkle, the smile is genuine. And others see your kindness and positivity too.
Marjorie I love the clever way you framed this post.
It’s been said that the difference between an introverted and an extraverted tax preparer was that an introverted one stares at his shoes, while an extraverted one stares at yours.
I just finished my first year as a volunteer with AARP’s tax preparation service. One of my duties was to review a client’s documents, ask and answer any questions so that our tax preparers (my other duty) could complete the tax return at a later time without the need to bother the client at home.
My objectives were to make the people smile while realizing that I knew what I was talking about. I wanted people to know I was approachable, experienced, and comfortable to be around.
Dan congratulations. Hoping you’ll enjoy your first year. A bonus…you learn a lot by preparing taxes too. One thing is for sure—if it’s your objective to check documents and make people smile, they got the right guy for the job.
Much like Chris, I engage with workers I encounter while out running errands or traveling. I hope they see in my face that I truly see them. I so often see people startle and then respond positively when I pause for a few seconds to thank them for what they do or ask how they are and then wait for an answer. It seems as though the workers that make our lives easier or better often feel invisible. As a frequent traveler, I especially appreciate the people who keep our airport bathrooms clean and I make sure they know that.
it only takes a few seconds to let others know we are interested in them and appreciate them. And Our facial expressions do convey what words alone don’t.
Thanks for your inspiring comments, Jan.
When I meet people I try to look them in the eye and have a big smile on my face. I hope they see that I am interested in them. I am a closet introvert, but am working on being more brave meeting people. Going to our local Y regularly helps. I have a hard time remembering names since I had chemo, but working on that too. I try to be kind and sincere. Chris
Who could ask for anything more,Chris. I’m sure your smiles are pleasantly received and returned.
Thanks for your comments.