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“YOU WILL ROTH!”
“But Dad, I’m only 10.”
“Evan, it is never too early to start saving. Besides, this gives you 70-plus years of compounding.”
“Yes, Dad, but didn’t you tell me last week that I need a job and earned income to contribute to a Roth?”
“We can arrange to get you a paycheck. I’ll get a friend or neighbor to hire you. What would you like to do?”
“I like to play soccer.”
“Evan, I meant what kind of job are you interested in? You know, engineers have among the best long-term employment prospects.”
“Dad, stop! Shouldn’t I be thinking about today’s soccer game?”
“The game is still an hour’s drive away, so we have lots more time to talk about starting your Roth account.”
“You already told my two teammates and me all about Roth accounts when you drove us to last week’s game. Remember, you held me in that headlock to make sure I was listening.”
“Okay, enough about Roths. Have you opened your health savings account yet?”
My 24-year-old son performed the above soliloquy at our family’s Thanksgiving dinner last year. The performance included animated theatrics to imitate me driving, lecturing seriously, and holding him in a headlock. The family was in hysterics.
Evan continued his tirade about my supposed transgression of providing too much parental guidance on financial issues. “You will become an engineer,” he declared. As he started to run low on material, my 29-year-old daughter, Megan, joined the fray.
“And remember, it’s not just about Roths, but also asset allocation. You should be 100% in stocks when you’re young,” she said, using a deeper voice to imitate me, while wagging her finger in a parental-like scolding manner.
“But Dad, I thought you always advised to first set aside six months of emergency expenses.”
“Megan, you’re only 15 and don’t have emergency expenses.”
“Yes, I do. I need more Taylor Swift merch.”
“Okay, but don’t lose sight of your tax rate in each investment bucket. Capital gains are only taxed at 15%, but your income-tax rate could jump to 24% or even 32% by the time you start RMDs,” she said, while pantomiming a bunch of buckets.
“Dad, aren’t I too young to worry about RMDs?”
“Megan, have I ever told you about the inheritance step-up in basis?”
I was roasted more than the turkey. They also left me no opening to rebut my alleged over-parenting. On the other hand, the fact that my Gen Z and millennial children could so ably parody their retired father with his own financial diatribe provided me with a deep-down feeling of “thanks-giving.”
In the end, the only response I could muster was to stay completely in-character: “I presume you all have made your annual Roth contributions and already captured much of this year’s strong stock-market bounce?”
They had not.
When I was 18 yoa I received a letter from one of the armed forces saying I’d been admitted to a college training program that, upon completion, awarded a commission as an Ensign. My Dad’s first comment was, “You know, they have a very good retirement.” He was right. It’s hilarious when you think about it now, but he was 60 at the time and that was foremost on his mind. After serving 4 years during WWII he got out like so many and used the GI Bill to get an education. Later, he would say he should have stayed in to get the retirement.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
I would expect you will soon hear about the kiddie tax bracket problem for non earned income from your grandchildren. Well done John. I get a lot of joy when decades later I hear similar words coming from our children during the holidays. Happy Thanksgiving.
Still struggling with the idea of ROTH conversions. With the incoming administration I fear they will start making us pay taxes on ROTH investments after all.
I don’t understand the down votes. Just look at Project 2025.
Great article! My kids accuse me of “preaching”. My favorite message is the Roth IRA and I deliver it often.
Indeed, our kids have had Roth’s from their very first tiny paychecks in their mid-teens when their marginal tax rate was zero. Roths by the young in their lowest tax-rate years may be the best tax-saving opportunity that the tax code provides us all.
Talk about Parenting Goals! Now I’ll consider myself a failure as a dad if my kids don’t do a similar skit! I’ve got work to do, but it’s a 6-hour drive to Grandma’s today!
Ben – Good luck on your drive.
In our house, everyone, but particularly Dad, is a target for good-natured parody. Holiday cheer, plus a few glasses of wine might have enhanced Thanksgiving’s especially well-done roasting.
To give you a sense; after our son-in-law’s first ever holiday dinner shared with his girlfriend and our new-to-him family, he said to our daughter, “Ahhh, now I understand where you are coming from….”
Hilarious and informative!
Hilarious, but I’m not going to let my children read this and risk my own roasting tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Well done, John. My kids could relate, although I admit I haven’t put in your degree of effort!
Andrew – I’d have to say that my kids were a tad unfair and laid it on me a bit too thick, but that is just from my viewpoint, not theirs…… Still, a fun dinner and roast at my expense.
🙂
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is an awesome article John. Wish I had written it.
I can’t claim that I tried as hard to educate my kids, but judging how they live their lives as adults, I’ll take some credit for setting a good example.
“You will become an engineer” reminded me of the time a friend told her daughters as summer vacation was beginning, “You will read for pleasure.” 🙂
I’m reminded of the time my ex turned to the kids on our way to the beach and said “we’re gonna have fun, dammit!”. They were old enough at the time to be in on the joke.
Nice article. The last time I got roasted like that, I was asked if I was actually present when the wheel or lever were invented.
Great article John. The real payback will be in 20 years when you observe them with their kids. Isn’t it amazing to realize they actually listen to some of what we say.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Reminds me of an old saying, “It’s amazing how much smarter my parents get the older I get!”
Terrific article. All I could do while reading it was smile.
Thanks
You may be the roasted main course this decade, but when the dessert comes a few decades from now there’ll be happy thanksgivings all around. Great job, John!