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MY WIFE AND I PLANNED our retirement using several standard assumptions, including how long we might live. Dorothy was healthier than me, so we assumed I’d be the first to go. But on June 30, she died suddenly, and I was the one left to deal with the fallout—including the many pesky, practical details.
Those details were bureaucratic and technical, and it didn’t take long to complete them. Dealing with the funeral home, Social Security and various financial institutions was straightforward. Diligently maintaining our revokable living trust and beneficiary designations allowed our estate plan to work as we intended.
As I started looking at the apps on Dorothy’s cellphone, it was clear that—while her life had ended—her digital life had not. There were three issues I needed to address: the risk of identity theft, her continuing presence as an advertising target and unwanted subscriptions. This took more time than the practical details.
Social media platforms want customers to be “sticky,” so leaving can be difficult. Facebook offers a legacy program which allows a user’s page to remain while preventing any further changes. You can establish a legacy contact you designate to inform Facebook of your death. Alternatively, after your death, a family member or friend can submit proof of death to move the account to legacy status.
Google takes a different approach, allowing users to establish an “inactive account manager.” Once you establish the plan, Google will watch the account for activity. If the account has been inactive for a specified period, Google will try to reach your trusted contact. If your trusted contact doesn’t respond or Google finds no activity for two months, it’ll delete the account. Remind your heirs to take control of your account after your death and gather any information they want from, say, Google Contacts, Gmail and Google Photos before the account is deleted.
Many advertisers try to keep customers sticky by asking them to subscribe to their advertising, typically via email or text. I took the time to unsubscribe from advertisers so their messages stopped arriving. I had added Dorothy’s account to my email app so that any important messages wouldn’t be lost. Eliminating the advertisements was for my own sanity. Note that the “white label” unsubscribe functions are not always effective. Instead, search for the word “unsubscribe” in the message and use that link. When you respond to texts with “STOP,” the vendor should generate an automated confirmation. If necessary, you might report messages as spam.
Paid subscriptions—online and otherwise—can be difficult to track down. You can scour credit card and checking account statements to find them, but that’s tedious and might not be complete. While there are apps, such as Rocket Money, that say they will remove subscriptions, I suggest a more comprehensive approach.
Close any accounts—credit cards, bank accounts and so on—in the deceased’s name, which means any paid subscriptions can’t be renewed. If you’re the surviving spouse, also close all joint accounts, and open new ones in just your name.
I contacted the three credit bureaus to inform them of Dorothy’s death. I also placed a note in my credit file to explain why I closed our joint accounts. With any luck, this will eliminate any further use of the accounts and avoid any impact on my credit score.
Sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to share this valuable information.
When a person dies, the death should be reported to Social Security, regardless of whether any benefits are involved. I believe that most funeral homes report them to SSA as a routine part of their services. The SSA will put the person on the “Social Security Death Index”, which includes their SSN. If anyone tries to steal the deceased’s identity, lenders will check the SSDI and deny credit.
u r correct. because we were not married[see above] and had been together for 30 years, the local FD stepped in and ”smoothed over”, the concerns of the local officials. an autopsy was conducted because of her age, my relation
to deceased, etc. a check had been dep. into her acct. a few days before her passing, and it was removed within 2 buss. days of the call from the FD.
Thank you for this article.
It raises a very important point about preservation of digital content. Many of us keep important documents and family photos/videos in the cloud. How can m family access this after death, especially with two step verification?
i guess our banker was right when we met him 20 years ago.
”you 2 are amish with cell phones”. we were together 30 years
as partners. when she died in her sleep 5 years ago, i took the
death certificate to him and he closed her accounts we had at
that bank and as i sat with him, it took 10 minutes for him to call
her 4 other financial accts. and get them closed. her outstanding
balances totaled $22 k and were written off. i waited one year
and every time her phone rang, i explain what happened and gave
them the date her phone # would be disconnected. her online life
was hers and i had no contact with any potential accts. as to family,
the ease continued in that we had both been orphans for more than
10 years.
Closing the regular accounts is difficult enough, then as you note are all of the subscriptions and other stuff (everything has a password and ID now a days). The best solution I have found so far to make it easier for someone to handle my affairs is to put everything in my password manager account. In addition to passwords, one can put most any document, note, picture, etc. in their password manager account (at least mine allows this). So whatever account I have is noted in this account. I also add notes indicating where stuff is physically located, pfd’s of important documents, etc. A couple people have access to my password account (under specific conditions). Of course, if this account is ever hacked, my life is over 😉 But there is no perfect solution.
My sincere condolences, Mark. You are indeed courageous and generous to share your experience so soon after Dorothy’s death. Three years ago, I did many of the same tasks when I lost my husband. When I switched his emails to my account, I discovered Humble Dollar, which was truly a silver lining, as I now feel very connected to this online community. I had already asked Doug for a copy of our financial passwords so I could have access if ever necessary (like you, needed much sooner than anticipated). I have now shared these with my adult children, as well as an updated “cheat sheet” of my assets, i.e., all the financial “buckets.” I will be thinking of you, Mark, as you begin to make your way without Dorothy. Friends and faith helped me and I hope they do you, too.
Thank you, Let me add that while the password manager functions in browsers may be convenient for keeping that password list compared to paper, a separate, digitally secure app provides more security.
Thank you. Am printing this and putting into our Estate file. There’s stuff I should do now, too—like killing all the zombie subscriptions that clog my email. Maybe if I just unsubscribe to three a day…
Mark, thank you for this article and I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’ve done my best to outline for my wife the details of our financial life—assets, accounts, recurring bills, etc.—that she has always happily let me handle. Your article motivated me to take another look at them to make sure they’re up-to-date and in order.
Thank you, Andrew. Let me add that your wife needs to put together a similar list for you with the information only she knows, like where to find the dishwasher pods, when is the dog due for heartworm treatment. It is the things we do not think about that will trip up our heirs.
Mark, deepest condolences on your terrible loss.
Writing an article like this so soon after your tragedy is an act of great courage, and it will have immediate value in my family. My aunt is in hospice, and I doubt very much whether my uncle, my cousin and I would have thought to consider all these details about her very active digital life. Now we will.
So thank you for your generosity in this difficult time. I wish you peace.
Condolences. Sorry to read about your loss.
Mark, I’m very sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your difficult experiences in order to help others. Organizing our estates is a gift we give to those we leave behind.
Very sorry for the loss of your wife, Mark. None of us knows how much time we have left. I appreciate you sharing these valuable details during this difficult time. Your article is a good reminder for each of us to get our financial and social app house in order for those who would be left behind. I was the trustee for my mom who passed away on her 90’s and she had everything written out for me so well, that made my efforts so much easier (plus she didn’t own a smartphone so no social media apps to deal with).
Your article has made me think that I need to write down all the social account details and auto-renewing subscriptions, etc. that I have so that my wife or any of our kids will have the details on how to close things down. You know, they should make an app for that (probably do). Thank you again Mark, good article.
I’m sorry for your loss Mr. Eckman.
Everyone should seriously consider putting a credit freeze on with all the credit agencies. That can go a long way in preventing ID theft. And it’s very easy to lift the freeze as needed.
Re: “easy-to-lift credit freezes,” make sure to keep track of the PIN number(s) if you have one. For some reason, I have no record of a PIN number for any of my three credit bureau freezes (I think the accounts were set up by a third party after a hack), so have been unable to ever temporarily undo my credit freezes. This became a problem when I tried to switch from ATT to T Mobile and when I tried to apply for a new travel credit card a few years ago.
The bureaus will tell you to send major ID info through snail mail to P.O. boxes to prove your identity; I tried this when I wanted the new credit card and never got confirmation of receipt from two of the credit bureaus, and my third letter (stuffed with my personal info) was “returned to sender” months later.
I have a to-do note saying “figure out how to unfreeze/get my PINs” but haven’t had the stomach to resend my info out into the ether again, and that is still the instructions on each of the credit bureau sites.
Sorry for your loss. Your post demonstrates the value of good estate planning, and the need to be diligent when handling online affairs.
So sorry for your loss. Sad to think that we can dream and plan for retirement, but never know if we will get to share it the way we hope to. Reminds me to enjoy my time with my husband now (in addition to planning for tomorrow). Thank you for sharing the practical details.