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Other People’s Stuff

Marjorie Kondrack

MOST OF US HAVE TOO much stuff, and we’re apt to joke about it. But clutter, if allowed to spiral out of control, can turn into hoarding.

Hoarders are people who acquire an excessive number of items, some with little or no value, and yet they continue to add to their chaotic overflow. Unable to manage the clutter but unwilling to let any of it go, they become upset and anxious when others offer to help clear it up. The result is debilitating clutter.

It’s estimated that there are some 19 million people in the U.S. who are hoarders. The majority are age 55 and up. It’s hard to arrive at an accurate figure, however, because hoarders are secretive about their habits, usually live alone and don’t invite people into their homes.

The exact cause of hoarding is unknown. While hoarding can be triggered by a traumatic event, not everyone who experiences trauma becomes a hoarder. Family history can also be a factor. Initially, it was thought to be connected to OCD—obsessive-compulsive disorder. But recent studies reveal that it may be a disorder all its own, and possibly linked to a form of dementia.

I think that, as we age, we experience loss in many ways—diminished hearing, eyesight, loss of teeth, hair, mobility, cognitive abilities and so on. Maybe we react by trying to hold on to as much as we can for as long as we can.

Throughout history, there have been extreme hoarders. Perhaps the two most infamous examples are the Collyer brothers, Homer and Langley, of New York City. Born into a wealthy family, they were graduates of Columbia University. Homer was a lawyer, while Langley studied engineering and was a concert pianist. They lived in a four-story brownstone mansion in Manhattan. But they devolved into hermits and slowly withdrew from society, presumably because of family eccentricities.

Their collection of unbridled junk threatened to engulf the mansion, leading the Collyers to improvise what are known as goat paths—narrow aisles and tunnels—by which they navigated through the mountains of stuff. The brothers had a grim life and came to a gruesome end.

Langley became trapped in a goat path, buried under ceiling-high piles of papers, books, debris and garbage. Deprived of Langley’s help, his disabled brother Homer died of starvation surrounded by boxes and newspapers piled to the ceiling. Among the 120 tons of junk authorities removed from their home was the chassis of a Model T Ford, a horse’s jaw bone, an old X-ray machine, massive stacks of newspapers and several pianos.

Another pair of hoarders were the aunt and first cousin of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis—Edith Ewing Bouvier Beale and her daughter, Edith Bouvier Beale, known as Big Edie and Little Edie. The Beales were part of the elite upper class. But as circumstances caused their financial resources to decline, they became recluses in a 28-room dilapidated manse known as Grey Gardens in East Hampton, on New York’s Long Island.

The property was overrun with feral cats, raccoons, overgrown bushes and tangles of vines. The ramshackle house was filled with piles of empty cat food cans, animal and human waste, and assorted debris. The health authorities declared it unfit for human habitation, and they were preparing to evict the Beales.

The major newspapers and tabloids had a field day—sensationalizing the story because of the Beales’ direct link to Jacqueline Onassis. Shortly after, the Beale family paid to clean up the property, bringing it up to required standards, and provided the mother and daughter with a small stipend.

The Beales were happier hoarders—a more cheerful duo than the Collyers. Big Edie was a singer and Little Edie was a former glamorous socialite who also had theatrical leanings. A 1975 documentary called Grey Gardens, depicting the Beales and their way of life, met with success.

This was followed by an HBO television movie in 2009, also called Grey Gardens, starring Drew Barrymore as Little Edie and Jessica Lange as Big Edie. I preferred the documentary. The movie version was glamorized and sanitized, in usual Hollywood fashion, which made it a little more palatable.

There have been reality TV shows about hoarders and books galore on the subject of de-cluttering. Some contain tests for you to rate yourself on the hoarder scale. Do we all have a little of the hoarder in us? If you have a lot of stuff, but don’t yet see any noticeable signs of goat paths, maybe you still have your stuff under control.

Marjorie Kondrack loves music, dancing and the arts, and is a former amateur ice dancer accredited by the United States Figure Skating Association. In retirement, she worked for eight years as a tax preparer for the IRS’s VITA and TCE programs. Check out Marjorie’s earlier articles.

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Patient Cash
1 year ago

Marjorie,
Great article. We all collect “stuff” to fill the space we have. Some pack it more efficiently than others. I guess to reduce the amount of stuff, one can reduce the amount of space (although many just go an rent a storage locker).
I have a rule that if I have not touched / used it in 5 years and see not future use, then it is time to get rid of it. If an item still has value (to someone else), the there is Offerup, Craig’s List, FB Marketplace or just donate it to Goodwill.
Thanks. K

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Patient Cash

your rule about 5 years is more than reasonable and your suggestions for re-distribution of un-needed items are helpful.
People do rent storage facilities for a variety of reasons and I was surprised to learn that 40% of Americans use them. Sometimes hoarders have
more than a few, which can be expensive.

Thanks for your comments.

Stacey Miller
1 year ago

Netflix’s show, Hoarders, can be a fascinating (& sad) watch. Having close friends or family who care about the person’s progress adds to the show’s allure. Emotional traumas are a very common trigger to their hoarding behavior.

What is shocking is when a person relapses into hoarding behaviors after having so many people coach them and help clean their living space. Psychologists have an interesting field!

PS Garage sales and donating to thrifts or non profits are time-proven paths to culling possessions. Libraries accept most books to resell to earn funds for operational needs. I’m sure a mom & pop bookstore would be interested in “free inventory” too!

Using technology: Facebook Marketplace is a great selling tool to recoup some money. Buy Nothing Groups make things disappear easily!

Keep as much out of landfills as you can!

Thanks for your article on one of my favorite subjects!

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Stacey Miller

You are welcome, Stacy. Whether in large cities or small towns, hoarding task forces organize and provide public education about hoarding disorder, give out service agency information, offer trainings, and provide support to families.

As you noted, It is shocking how many relapse.
For some reason I think it’s because they don’t fully realize the full extent of their problem, don’t recognize the negative impact of hoarding on their lives or don’t believe they need treatment.

cognital behavioral therapy has been recognized as the main treatment for hoarding disorder.

Thank you for your input.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago

Note: Above should read Cognitive Behavioral Therapy—CBT

Curtis Ryan
1 year ago

My ex wife is a hoarder, it’s very difficult for her to make a decision to let something go, she’ll just procrastinate sometimes for years. Meanwhile, she keeps buying more, it’s the “thrill” of buying that she enjoys.

Her love of stuff eventually destroyed our marriage. I finally realized that she loved her possessions more than me and nothing I could say was going convince her to change. I walked out after 33 years taking nothing except for my clothes.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Curtis Ryan

Curtis..my heart sank when I read your second paragraph. I am so very sorry.
it is sad that it’s not unusual for hoarding problems to cause divorce or separation. I so hope your wife gets help and I wish you all the best. Sincerely, Marjorie

Paul Trayers
1 year ago

I appreciate all the input here. I also only buy w/a mantra of “if an item is brought into the home, an item from the home has to be removed. No exception”.

Consider costs of iphone1-iphone14 in 20 years?
They’re small computers, not phones and costly.
I now hear of a movement back to “dumb phones”.

Off my soapbox:
Adding to the learned free educational info here on HD theres a Watchfreebiographyflix app.out also.
Following notable lives from 1600s-to-today.
It’s seems in development, but works.

As well as free MIT courses if anyones interested.
Searching w/different browsers yields added intel.
Todays molecular studies are very very interesting.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Paul Trayers

we certainly have access to an unbelievable amount of information today, and all at our fingertips.
Thank you for input.

R Quinn
1 year ago

Just wanted to say how much appreciated it is that you diligently reply to comments on posts. That adds to the value of all comments.

Last edited 1 year ago by R Quinn
Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  R Quinn

Thank you, Dick. It’s still a great wonderment to me that people read the articles I write. I really am sincerely grateful. I love the comments and getting to know HD readers and authors and I’m so pleased to reply.

Jack Hannam
1 year ago
Reply to  R Quinn

I agree. The back and forth is helpful, often by clarifying or amplifying the initial message.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Jack Hannam

And I agree as well, Jack. It is an opportunity to clarify and add content.

Thank you for your comments.

Paula Karabelias
1 year ago

A friend of mine in her 80’s , a Mensa member and still sharp as a tack, had not thrown out anything for decades. She raised a terrific large family (now successful middle aged adults living a long distance from her) and she still had every school project and clothes, etc. from their childhood. She had not invited friends inside for a long time so we didn’t know how bad it had become. The house, basement and attic were all nearly impassable .

A few years ago her doctor called about an appointment and could not reach her because they were using a number she no longer used routinely . The doctor sent the police for a well being check. The result was an order from the town board of health to clean up her house. She paid a company $50,000 to do it. (it seemed like a lot of money to me ). She seems anxious at times about things that were thrown out and has asked me to shop with her to replace things. To me the hoarding problem seems linked to an anxiety disorder of some type .

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago

A very sad story Paula. It’s not unusual for hoarders to be highly intelligent people who think in complex ways. Cities across America have set up task forces to help landlords and relatives of people like your friend whose health can be endangered by their compulsive stockpiling.

neyugn
1 year ago

As we grow older, it’s sometime physically difficult to get up and toss that “sentimental” items in the trash can. At our family, my wife and I, we establish the following rule, “if an item is brought into the home, an item from the home has to be removed. No exception”. This will create an zero-sum gain of item.

Last edited 1 year ago by neyugn
Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  neyugn

I always say I’m going to follow your rule but seldom adhere to it.

Thanks for your comments.

Michael Crosby
1 year ago

I’m the opposite of hoarding. I’ve gotten rid of many things that I’ve had to repurchase. But I’m more than OK with it.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Michael Crosby

Me too, Michael. I remind myself that I’m fortunate enough to be in a position where I’m able to repurchase an item.
Thanks for reading

Winston Smith
1 year ago

Marjorie,

This is a very timely post for me. We are in the process of downsizing to a living space just a bit over 50% of the size of where we are now.

The amount of STUFF we have is now becoming apparent. Most was bought, used once, then “stored” away.

Getting ourselves into the “if we ever need it again we’ll buy it again” mindset is much harder for me than my spouse.

At least our Realtor®️ has given us the option of simply leaving what we don’t want and letting a junkman haul all that trash away.

Thanks again for another great post.

And, by the way, I think you really ARE a Genius!

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Winston Smith

Winston..your story sounds familiar. However, the few times I’ve gotten rid of an item and then needed it, doesn’t compare to the relief I feel when unburdening myself.

your realtor has given you a good option. A lot of companies, like “got junk”charge for hauling away un-needed items.

Thank you for your compliment. It’s nice to hear, even if undeserved.

Good luck with your downsizing.

mytimetotravel
1 year ago

Really sad situations. I saw one example when I was delivering for Meals on Wheels. The occupant sat in the hall rather than the living room, which was packed with boxes.

I am a hoarder in the sense that I keep things until they wear out (especially clothes!), but on the other hand I hate to shop, so I don’t acquire a lot of stuff in the first place.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  mytimetotravel

Hi Kathy…I think you’ve discovered the secret.
it’s not that we acquire too much, it’s that we buy too much.
So good of you to help out with meals on wheels.

OldITGuy
1 year ago

Very interesting and thought provoking post. Your article caused me to reflect on people I’ve known who are hoarders. I’ve known 3 people who I think fall into this category. In one extreme case, it eventually helped to destroy a marriage. But even in the other 2 cases it caused what I observed to be negative impacts to their lives in tangible ways. In the 3 cases I’ve known, they all seemed to excessively keep stuff “just in case they need it someday”. Seems like a human trait that, when managed well, can actually be prudent but when left unchecked goes awry like a cancer. I guess like so many other things in life, a little can be a good thing and excesses can be detrimental.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  OldITGuy

your comments are well noted. I found the Beale’s story fascinating. It shows how quickly the Rich can lose everything, and offered a subtle indictment of an aristocratic family that cast off its more eccentric members leaving them to rot in seclusion.
Thank you for reading.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago

with regard to your last sentence, someone gave me a refrigerator magnet that says…”too much of a good thing is wonderful.”

Olin
1 year ago

I have met the hoarder, and he is us.

Stacey Miller
1 year ago
Reply to  Olin

🙂

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Olin

Thanks, Olin, for reading and commenting.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago

To HD readers: If you are interested in watching the documentary of the Beales of Grey Gardens,
I found a free website: WatchDocumentaries.com—type Grey Gardens
in the search box. Thanks for reading.

Thomas Andrews
1 year ago

Marjorie, what a great resource – I’ve already found a couple other documentaries to watch in addition to “Grey Gardens”. Thank you!!

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Thomas Andrews

So happy I could share. “Free” makes It more enjoyable.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago

Added: the documentary film was selected by the Library of Congress to be entered in the National Film Registry as being culturally, historically or aesthetically significant”.

Edmund Marsh
1 year ago

Genius. Now you have another goal to anticipate. Re-retitirement.

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Edmund Marsh

Ed…I love to hear your commentary but was this meant for me? I know I’m not a genius.

Edmund Marsh
1 year ago

A mistake. But, you are a genius. My clutter is unorganized and boring, your writing is orderly and interesting!

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago
Reply to  Edmund Marsh

You are much too modest, Ed. But thank you anyway. Appreciate your comments.

Jonathan Clements
Admin
1 year ago

I think Ed meant to post his comment on John Yeigh’s article, which also appeared today:

https://humbledollar.com/2023/06/how-we-unretired/

Edmund Marsh
1 year ago

Thanks, Jonathan!

Marjorie Kondrack
1 year ago

Thanks, Jonathan. I suspected as much. Re-retirement is not on my horizon.☺️

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