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AT A DINNER THAT I attended recently, someone pointed out that a high percentage of us were newly retired. That included me, as well as a couple who were just reaching age 60. After the dinner, the wife of the couple told me she was offended by being called retired. She’s writing fiction every day and her husband does some consulting work.
The work they’re doing pays, but it’s not by itself enough for them to live their comfortable, low-key, middle-class lives. They both worked in professional careers, were diligent savers and invested those savings intelligently. Now, they’re mostly living off their investments, with their earned income streams providing a minority—but still important—part of their income. But to the wife, that didn’t mean they were retired.
I couldn’t figure out what she thought retirement was, or why it would be offensive to be thought of as retired. I can’t say she’s wrong, though. Retirement is one of the strangest words in finance, in part because it’s notably vague. It has a couple of unusual characteristics.
First, people who aren’t financial professionals talk about retirement around the dinner table. They don’t talk about single premium immediate annuities or cross-currency interest rate swaps around the dinner table. My point: Retirement is real and important to people in a way that many financial terms are not.
Second, I know what retirement means, you know what retirement means and the guy down there at the end of the bar knows what retirement means. We just all think it means different things.
For many people, retirement seems to mean a planned, permanent, more or less voluntary leaving of their jobs. One obvious problem with this definition is that quitting a job takes two weeks. Many people who retire think they’re going to live another 30 years. That leaves 29 years and 50 weeks undefined.
Furthermore, many people work in retirement, so the idea that retirement always means you no longer work doesn’t fit the reality of many retired people. Some people even work in the same field they retired from. On the other hand, some retirees don’t work at all, because for them that’s the point.
If all this is true, what the heck is retirement?
It’s personal. And on a personal level, I’ve noticed three things about my retirement.
First, I thought the pace of change in my life would slow but I was wrong. Change happens to the world, to my kids, to my parents, to the dead battery in my car and the sink faucet that decides to leak. And to myself, including—sadly—my teeth. Some change is good, some is not, but it happens without seeking our approval and it certainly doesn’t care whether we think we’re retired.
Second, I’m surprisingly busy, to the point of being one of those people who can’t believe they ever had time to go to work. There are all kinds of chores and projects to do. These aren’t heroic deeds and songs will not be sung of them. Yet I seldom finish my day’s to-do list.
The third thing is that my retirement is, in many respects, unusual. Some particulars—such as my nearly complete lack of interest in traveling to distant vacation spots, no matter how pleasant or educational such places might be—are so different from those of other people I admire that I can start to think I’m doing it wrong. But the truth is that everyone’s retirement is different. The fact that yours doesn’t look like everyone else’s is not a bug, it’s a feature.
There is no blueprint for this. We have to think for ourselves, and decide for ourselves what to do and how to do it. Then we have to think about whether what we are doing is as satisfying as we’d hoped it would be and make adjustments—yes, change—as needed to better our lives.
We strove to improve our lives before retirement, and that process doesn’t stop in retirement. Why would we want it to?
Darker elements are also possible, though. Your job, and likely long hours and dedication to it, gave you a function. Now that function is gone and perhaps a bit of your identity with it. If you start checking off your bucket list items and that doesn’t work out as wonderfully as you thought, retirement can start to look depressing.
This is the hardest thing about retirement: matching what gives you satisfaction with what you’re doing and who you are at your core.
Some people are disturbingly shallow and selfish in retirement. But I suspect most of us oversteer in the other direction. I think some of us, after decades of delayed gratification or outright sacrifice, have an odd sense of guilt about doing things just for ourselves.
I’ve had to learn to give myself permission to do things for myself at least part of the time. If those things harm no one else and don’t harm me, and they give me nontrivial pleasure, then they’re good to do.
Of course, you can help others as well. Some people do volunteer work in retirement. I was raised to think work was stuff you did to get paid. If you didn’t get paid, whatever it was you were doing wasn’t work.
And yet pay and value are different things. I learned this while volunteering at a summer camp for kids with cancer. I taught the kids how to fly fish. There was a bluegill pond at the camp and almost all the kids caught fish, in many cases their first fish.
Some of these kids, even as young as 10 years old, were in the midst of fighting terminal cancer. And they knew it.
In doing this volunteer work, I discovered how pretty damn unimportant my problems were—and also something else about work.
No work I ever did for a dollar was as important as the happiness those kids experienced learning a physical skill and catching real fish, their bodies briefly escaping the pain and ravishment of cancer to rise in movement, careful and precise, turning by their own hand and action one small moment into fierce grace and joy, their eyes and faces fired with an astonishment of pleasure in themselves.
There are many fuels fit for burning down despair. Find them.
David Johnson retired in 2021 from editing hunting and fishing magazines. He spends his time fishing, reading, cooking, gardening, freelancing and hanging out with his family in Oregon.
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I would never tell someone I was offended by being called retired, but I wouldn’t like being so characterized. People don’t like labels when they don’t identify as such. Labels very often have a status associated with them, even if many are unconscious of them. The speaker may have thought people would be proud of the accomplishment of “retirement”, but one person’s status is another’s stereotype. The baggage the word ‘retirement’ has acquired over generations is substantial and complex, and that can’t be ignored.
Instead of saying “most of you are retired”, imagine the speaker had said “most of you no longer receive an employer paycheck”. Did the speaker want to communicate something beyond that? Probably not, but if so then it would be interesting to know what.
Love the idea of different definitions of retirement. In my case, I spent the first 30 years of my professional life as a CPA/corporate finance guy. I was good at it, well compensated for it, and liked it up till the last few years. Then a corporate takeover happened and age 51 I was out. I wanted to do something different.
Long story short, I went to Nursing school, became a RN, and worked in a hospital for the next 16 years. Loved it. It wasn’t easy, but I learned so much about people, courage, and the randomness of cruel fate that it was a tremendous growth experience for me.
I was asked once what I liked best about Nursing, and responed that it gave me an “opportunity to make the really big money and a chance to work with women half my age.” Truth is, for me, I “retired” when I left the corporate world.
Your musing on the word “retired/retirement” reminds me of an ongoing joke my husband tells. He retired from a state agency in 2016. He gets a pension. We get health coverage through his retirement program. He even had a big retirement party.
He cashed out some of his vacation time, took a 10-week sabbatical, and went to work in the private sector. This was not an accident. He had the job lined up before filing for retirement from the state. He’s still working at it, full-time. In other words—he changed jobs in 2016.
Some friends and relatives to this day don’t know that he still works and think he’s retired. And he is! He amuses himself by saying things like “I’m retired, but I have a very lucrative hobby.”
For me, retirement means you leave your primary career and don’t have to work if you don’t want to. You do it because you choose to.
One of the best pieces I’ve read on HD in a long time.
This article addresses the single biggest concern I have about retirement. It’s the same question about what to do with my free time now. My wife and I have been working nonstop since we kids. And for the last 30 years our current jobs have largely defined who we are and what we think about, even when not officially at work. So this article and the comments give me hope. Thank you.
Well observed, well written, and beautifully told, David. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this. I’ve engaged in several debates about what retirement is or is not.
One thing we seem to all agree on in this lengthy discussions is that whatever it is, we need a better descriptor. “Retirement” is a word that needs retiring!
Personally, I enjoy telling people I’m a time millionaire. 🙂
Great article.
“. . . being one of those people who can’t believe they ever had time to go to work . . .” was true for me until I thought about what I do in retirement. For example, I’m currently rebuilding a fence that came down in a windstorm. When I was working for a living I would have hired someone to do it. Now I’m doing it myself, for just the cost of materials – at my own pace and at times researching online to make sure I’m doing it right.
Also, good for you on your stewardship with the young cancer victims. An experience that helps them to momentarily forget their troubles is truly a precious gift.
Enjoyed your article, thank you.
For myself, as somewhere between “not working” and “retired” (boxes my physician’s practice offers up), I observe I am taking back the reins on how I spend my time and energy (to include money)…where I choose to direct it.
I was an A personality and worked hard, many times for long hours a day. My wife thought I would have difficulty retiring. Been retired since 2015 and LOVE it. Do not miss it at all. Love not having a schedule, not having to go to meetings and be away from home at distant meetings, and deal with people who spewed their divergent political opinions constantly ( I was in sales and had to tolerate their ramblings). I do what I want when I want, after almost 50 years of working, counting summer jobs as a teen. Like the author, we do not need to travel the world. We spend time with our kids and grandkids. I do not like golf or any slow ‘sport’ or hobby, which golf really is. I took up martial arts (Krav Maga and Muay Thai) a year after knee replacement caused by a college sport injury way back. The challenge of that replaced the challenge of making sales. This also provided an opportunity to interact and socialize with much younger people, rather than just those my own age. To future retirees, do what you want to do, not what others say you should do. To each his own.
David, very good approach regarding the meaning varies among who is retiring…and from what. I especially agree because even though I no longer work for a paycheck, I still do things for several non-profits and my church. I maintain my professional certification also because that provides me a continuing mental challenge and I use some of that expertise on the non-profit boards I support. Thanks for your efforts on this one.
David, thank you for a useful article, beautifully written.
I love this comment you made: “This is the hardest thing about retirement: matching what gives you satisfaction with what you’re doing and who you are at your core.”
I am wired to work and stay busy. I have been retired 12 years, and have managed to stay busy doing lots of volunteer work. I serve on the boards of 2 .associations, one which has 65k members. I also do some volunteer work at my church, but not as much as I would like to.
I think the most important thing in retirement, and if life anytime, is for your life to have a purpose, ideally a noble purpose. I think those who focus primarily on self indulgence in retirement will more likely be those who decline more quickly cognitively and physically
Thank you for taking the time to post such interesting comments, folks. Telling Humble Dollar readers it’s a good idea to think for yourselves may be a case of preaching to the choir, but it’s pleasing to see so many folks actively engaged in thinking about how to make retirement work for themselves and the variety of constructive ways that might happen.
Good question. I also have run into many people with the “classic” view of retirement = not working; if you are “working”, you are not “retired”. I am “retired” from my corporate W2 and consulting in my field part-time and enjoying it. So I can say I have my own business and am a consultant. I plan to say I am a Consultant until I hit the urn long after I have stopped “working”. You want an opinion (on any topic)? Your friendly Consultant will provide one. 🙂
David – excellent reminder that different strokes for different folks applies especially in retirement. Thanks for sharing this well written piece.
Happy fishing!
Very nice article.
I think the mistake many people make is overthinking retirement like everything in their life will change and even they will change. Both are very unlikely.
The stuff of life will still happen and if you didn’t enjoy travel before, you won’t after retirement and you wont suddenly become a golfer or fisherman.
I admire you for working in that camp. It takes a certain kind of person to handle that situation.
No doubt in my mind, David, that you will continue to enjoy a wonderful “retirement.” I’ve kept my nursing license active for the seven years since I quit daily employment, and only needed it for one brief paid stint. I recently became co-chair of a local nonprofit serving children. I think it will be fun and worthwhile. Thanks for your words.
Great article – hopefully a motivation for some of whom are sitting on the decision fence!
Really excellent article. At 59, and retired over a year, I’m struggling with structure in my day. Decided to take a seasonal job with the Pittsburgh Pirates as a greeter for ballgames. Now I feel a sense of relief! Lol
I retired this past June and may do something similar with the Washington Nationals. Not as many fans to greet as in 2019!
Great article. I work part time but enjoy calling myself retired.
I know various people on HD don’t like the FIRE folks, but I think part of the reason is that they have a different definition of retirement than others.
“There are many fuels fit for burning down despair. Find them ” .
Brilliant. Thank you for an excellent article.
Retirement for me will be no more schedules. Plain and simple. Sure, there will be planes to catch for fun travel. There will be appointments for whatever. But these will be few and far between compared to going out 5 days a week, regardless of the weather or mood. An d if there’s a person I don’t particularly like or get along with, I can walk the other way. I can’t wait!
And you will undoubtedly find plenty more that you DO like and with whom you will enjoy common interests, even just chatting over bagels and coffee!