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I was at our local annual civic parade and town carnival yesterday. One of those days we’d planned well in advance, arranging to take the grandkids and meet up with some thirty-something friends who also had young children in tow. It turned out to be a wonderful day. Vintage car rallies, a fairground, plenty of food stalls, live music, and costumed performers all doing their bit to keep the crowds entertained.
I’m a bit of a people-watcher at the best of times, and something about our little group caught my attention as the day unfolded. It struck me that the children and Suzie and I actually had the most in common. We were all just there. Present. Carefree.
Our thirty-something friends, lovely as they are, were carrying the weight of it all. Conversations drifted to work deadlines and projects, stretching money toward a new car, decorating the house, squeezing in quality time together as a couple. The invisible load that comes with that particular season of life. Meanwhile the kids were lost in the moment and, honestly, so were we.
I think of it like a mirrored funnel. As children we enter life wide end first, open, unburdened, and free from financial worry or responsibility. But as we grow, the funnel slowly narrows. Career, mortgage, children of your own, the endless juggle of money and time and obligation all squeeze in from every side.
But here’s what people don’t always see coming, and what that sunny afternoon reminded me of so clearly. If you’ve planned well and saved steadily along the way, the funnel opens back out the other side. Retirement doesn’t have to be a slow decline into worry. For Suzie and me it’s been the opposite, and we find ourselves standing at the wide end again, much like those children chasing each other between the food stalls without a care in the world.
If you’re somewhere in the narrow part of the funnel right now, I see you. It can be relentless. But the decisions you make in there determine what waits for you on the other side. Start early, save consistently, and keep going even when the squeeze feels tightest.
The best thing about the wide end of the funnel? You’ve earned it. Every year of steady saving, every pressure endured in the narrow part, leads somewhere. For Suzie and me, somewhere turned out to be a sunny afternoon at a carnival — a cotton candy, a grandchild on each arm, and nowhere else in the world we needed to be.
Your story mirrors mine to a certain extent especially feeling liberated from the daily grind. Of course, I have my mother to take care of but that’s a burden of love.
“As children we enter life wide end first”
For some reason this made me think about the ~ 5 deliveries I actively participated in during med school. As the women here can attest, especially on Mother’s Day, the entry into life is anything but wide end first !
That flaw in the metaphor crossed my mind. I had been wondering if anyone would call me out about it lol
Good and wise post.
Yesterday we took two of the grandchildren to an amusement park. As I sat in a ride with my 6-year grandson seated next to me and holding my hand as we waited for the ride to start, I thought that this is great, and this is why I like being retired. A perfect moment at the wide end of that mirrored funnel.
Nice picture, Mark. Sharon and I are beginning to experience more head-room as the funnel widens.
There truly is a bright light at the end of the funnel for those that do the right things on the way through.
Ahh…the lesser spotted Smith returns!
Great metaphor, Mark. Life in my CCRC is definitely the wide end, complete with safety net. Early retirement plus lots of travel was, too. I feel lucky. 🍀 (The four-leafed clover was my iPad’s idea, haven’t seen a real one in forever.)
I like to think I’ve had my share of Irish luck over the years — though the only four-leaf clover I ever seem to spot is the one someone’s trying to sell me on St Patrick’s Day.
I have a little box full of pressed 4-, 5-, 6-, and 7-leaf clovers that I used to find as a youth when told to get out of the house and go play (alone, because no friends living close by). Tip: if you find one, keep looking — they tend to grow in clusters.
Mark,
That’s a good way to put it. I have similar feelings all the time as I watch my adult kids and other similar families in that age group and wonder “how did WE ever manage to make it through those challenging times” and make it to “ the other side”?
I guess we did enough of the right things to be able to reach and enjoy a comfortable retirement…but man, it was hard to envision it at that time!
One thing I know for certain: I’d never want to re-enter the fray. It’s remarkable how much you decompress — and how your whole outlook shifts — once you retire.
Sorry for the late comment, but we’re on vacation with my wife’s siblings. Mark, your comment about not re-entering the fray is exactly how I feel. We’re fortunate that retirement has allowed us to exist on the open end of your funnel. I cannot imagine working now, considering how full our days are.
My original plan was to sell the business, take 18 months off and maybe pick up some low-key, stress-free work — but that idea didn’t last long once I realised how much I loved having complete control of my own time.
Enjoy your vacation! I’m on the Orihuela Costa in Spain at the moment… just back from two hours of padel in 90-degree heat!
Indeed. When I retired almost five years ago I wanted to keep my options open to work opportunities. Boy has that sentiment passed.
It’s been ten years for me. I had one part time job after retiring, as a clinical nursing instructor for three semesters (I got to be called “Professor” by my students 😂), but other than that, no paid employment. For a while, I was licensed in three adjoining states and kept my malpractice insurance but one by one, I’ve failed to renew. This month is my last chance to renew my NYS license and I’ve decided to let it go. Regarding enjoying each moment as it comes, I’ve cut back on the number of pictures I take while traveling – just a few with my travel companions if I have any. and some selfies so I can revisit a special place now and then. Life is good and the best pleasures don’t have to cost much, if anything.
And we have 1 friend who retired (involuntarily) 2 years ago who has been struggling in retirement. He just got a temporary job in his field and hopefully he will be better with that…but sure wouldn’t be for me!
I really like this, Mark. The “mirrored funnel” is a great way to describe the seasons of life. When we’re kids, life feels wide open because we don’t yet carry the weight of work, bills, mortgages, kids, and all the pressure that comes with building a life. Then, somewhere in adulthood, that funnel gets pretty narrow for a while.
But your carnival story shows the hopeful side of it. If you stay steady, plan well, and make good choices through those tight years, life can open back up again. There’s something beautiful about reaching a point where you can simply be present with your grandkids, enjoy the day, eat the cotton candy, and not feel pulled in ten different directions. That’s not just retirement — that’s the reward.
Jeff, I’m 100% enjoying this side of the funnel. As you say, it’s a reward worth aiming for.