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I’ve noticed retirement has transformed me into someone who conducts full-scale search operations for objects I was holding thirty seconds ago. Yesterday it was my glasses that decided to embark on an unauthorized adventure, taking my short-term memory along for the ride.
I’m not entirely sure when it started because that’s part of the problem. I needed to reset the boiler, squinted at the instructions, took off my glasses to see the tiny print better, and then—well, I set them down somewhere my brain deemed “a perfectly logical spot” before immediately erasing all records of this decision.
After a fruitless search I was saved by my wife Suzie suggesting I go back to the boiler room and check again—there they sat, perched atop the hot water furnace. And here’s what’s really annoying: I “remembered” putting them there. Crystal clear. But when I actually needed them? That particular file had been labeled “irrelevant” and tossed into my brain’s recycle bin.
With my glasses back where they belong I was treated to a 20:20 vision of my wife’s eye roll. But the question must be asked: why on earth does a brain that successfully managed deadlines, meetings, and complex projects for forty years suddenly decide that remembering where you put something five minutes ago is optional?
So here’s my theory: somewhere in the nine months I’ve been retired, my mind held a secret meeting and voted to make life more interesting. Because why simply place your glasses on a table and remember doing so when you could create a daily mystery that includes checking your shirt pocket, the top of your head, and yes, inexplicably, the refrigerator?
It gets better: without the rigid structure of working life keeping everything organized, my brain has decided freedom means treating object placement like an improvisational art form. One moment you’re focused on Task A, the next you’re thinking about lunch, and somewhere in that mental shift, your glasses have been casually abandoned in a location that made perfect sense at the time but now seems utterly baffling. It’s basically cognitive freelancing.
Perhaps the real lesson here is that in a world of restructured retirement days, the absent-minded moment isn’t a bug—it’s a feature. While my working self kept everything filed, scheduled, and retrievable, my retired brain is out here living its best chaotic life, treating “current location of essential items” as mere suggestions rather than critical information.
In the end, I found my spectacles in the boiler room, learned that my possessions now answer to no one, and discovered that walking through a door threshold randomly erases my short-term memory…Why am I in this room again?
Or you can buy cheap reading glasses in bulk and leave them all over the house as I do.
That’s certainly a possibility… though I’m not sure how well that would work for me, considering I can’t even locate my favorite t-shirt when it’s literally hanging in the closet. My wife has to point it out, usually between dramatic eye rolls, because apparently my eyes have developed selective blindness for anything on a hanger.😉
Here is a tip for finding lost stuff: Use a flashlight. Yes more light obviously helps, but the real benefit is that it focuses your attention and perception to only the area that is being illuminated. And sweeping the flashlight around in a methodical pattern assures that every area is being fully examined.
Now that’s an idea worth trying…just have to find the flashlight first 😉
Just ask your wife: is the flashlight in the dark part of the house where you can’t see, or the lighted part where you aren’t looking?
My wife would tell me it’s exactly where I left it, which is philosophically interesting because that location apparently exists in a dimension inaccessible to my perception.
Mark – please don’t tell me that before you retired you never walked into a room or looked into a closet and said to yourself “why did I come here?”. It’s not new, it’s just the latest incident. 🙂
I’ve always been absent-minded, but lately I’m convinced it’s gotten worse. Then again, maybe I just have more free time to notice all the things I’m forgetting😉
I began a response, but now I can’t remember what the article was about.
haha. Me too. When I told my doctor, he said it was normal. But I forgot what I complained about 🙂
When I asked my doctor about this, he said that the fact that I was asking the question meant that I didn’t have a problem.
My husband is Mark in this story, and I’m Suzie. He’s the one who puts things down…wherever…and I’m the one who sleuths out where to find it. It was the same when our kids were home. I was the one who found things. I used to joke that it must be a mom superpower.
Seriously, though, we’ve been having discussions recently about whether one or both of us would be clinically diagnosed with ADHD. What precipitated this was our growing conviction that our younger daughter has it and urgently needs to be treated for it through behavioral therapy and/or medication. We were told that ADHD is genetic, and our older daughter already has an ADHD diagnosis, so that led to “You’re the one that passed it on to them”—“Are you kidding me? It’s YOU.”
We both did some reading on the topic and came to the conclusion that both of us, in different ways, have markers of ADHD. He’s more the classic lose things/leave things type (phone in restaurants, more than once, sunglasses in movie theater, chargers or even underwear in hotel rooms), and I’m absentminded and not detail-oriented. I’d say both of us have developed workarounds to make our lives work with our brains. When I was teaching, students always praised me in course evaluations for being “well organized.” This amused me because I know the chaotic state of my brain. I just had very well developed compensatory strategies.
Obviously aging (both 65 now) exacerbates this, but the patterns have been in place for decades. I also think modern society, especially technology, has messed with human brains.
My sincere condolences if you have a “Mark” in your life, I don’t know how Suzie puts up with me sometimes 😂
I mean…I have my quirks, too!
Try meditation. Not a cure all but helps considerably.
Gee Mark, a nice piece and not one comment about sticking to financial topics. What’s your secret, I’m jealous. 😎
Maybe it’s not about finances, but it’s definitely about retirement and what it’s done to my memory. I’ve actually written a part 2 to go with this, but I’m not sure I’ll post it—don’t want to risk annoying the people who think I’m straying off-topic lol
I don’t think that’s retirement, unfortunately. I think it’s age. My memory didn’t suddenly get worse when I retired, but it’s definitely worse now. Sometimes I don’t remember to put my hearing aids in until I’m on the elevator and the pings don’t sound loud enough.
Mark, I’m a member of the same club.
My favorite quote on the subject is from Betty White, comedienne and actress, who lived to be 99 years old and was active till the end. She said an interviewer asked her, “Betty, how do you stay in such great shape? Do you have a personal trainer, or is it Pilates, or yoga, or…?” “Oh no, my dear,” Betty replied, “none of that. But I have a 2 story house and a terrible memory!”
That’s brilliant – I need to remember that. Well… I’ll try to remember that.
I miss her.
Me too. She had a terrific sense of humor.
OMG, this hits home….. Hard.
Chrissy; “Where’s the widget, Dan”
Me; Uh-oh, “I put it somewhere totally LOGICAL”. Yes, that’s the exact word I used, and I have no idea where LOGICAL is.
This is what you have to look forward to, Mark. The other day we left a restaurant. We were driving down the road, and I couldn’t find my glasses. Must have left them at the diner. I was in the process of turning around, when I suddenly realized that they were actually on my face.
That made me laugh. Reminds me of last week looking for my car keys, only to realize 20 seconds later I was literally twirling the fob around my finger by the little metal loop thingy.