Lucretia Ryan

Comments

• I brought in Hospice when my mother was living with me. They are very kind and helpful. I understand that if you are on Hospice you're not supposed to be sent to the Hospital. However when the elderly get UTIs they act crazy so that wouldn't have prevented the assisted living facility from sending her by ambulance to the ER when she got a UTI. Within 30 minutes of getting IV antibiotics she was back to her normal. This is very common behavior for the elderly who get UTIs. When I brought her home the caregiver I hired had only my mother to take care of and was able to avoid her getting UTIs.

  Post: Close to Everything I Need

  Link to comment from June 20, 2026

• My mother actually wanted to go into assisted living because she realized her cognitive decline. I kept her out as long as possible by moving her to live near me, hiring people to come in and visiting her daily. I did this to make sure her money could last. When she was 89 I moved her into assisted living near me. I put cameras in her room and complained to the assisted living when she didn't get great care. I visited 3-4 times a week and was on the family council. She did get good care and she enjoyed the social aspect. However the business model of for profit assisted living is to keep increasing the points/care/monthly fee no matter what. I was constantly trying to offer other solutions instead of increasing the care/cost but to no avail. The executives at assisted living are measured on profitability. It was very stressful for me. She also got constant UTIs and assisted living sent her to the ER by ambulance whenever she got a UTI. She had nice activities until they moved her to the Memory care. Which was awful. Then covid hit and within a week I hired a caregive to live with us 24/7, bought her a hospital bed and moved her to live with me. Although it was more work for me it was less stressful because I knew how she was at all times. I didn't send her to the ER. She didn't get anymore UTIs. She died at home peaceful with me. My lesson learned is that I am going to live at home, near my son, with a live in care giver when I need it and bring in services that I need. I will have my son hire a care giver that will take me to social activities because that is important. My son will oversee my care. We have discussed this.

  Post: Close to Everything I Need

  Link to comment from June 20, 2026

• Jeff, Thanks for sharing. Your experience is definitely a cautionary tale. My parents didn't have a trust set up. I was able to sell my mother's house while she was alive before she became incapacitated. She needed the money from her house to pay for the assisted living which was over $10,000 a month the year she passed.

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from June 3, 2026

• A number of people have asked how to find a good estate attorney. If you live in NY or Conn I would recommend my estate attorney Anne Crane acrane@mclaughlinstern.com 203-313-4190. You really need an estate attorney that is for your state.

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from June 3, 2026

• I agree. Each state have very different estate laws.

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from June 1, 2026

• I have been talking to Vanguard and Fidelity about being a trustee. They offer these services. I also heard Charles Swarb offers trustee services but I haven't spoken to them. https://www.fidelity.com/bin-public/060_www_fidelity_com/documents/applications/solSum_trust.pdf

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from May 30, 2026

• I have both a living revocable trust and a will and a durable power of attorney plus a health proxy. Here is a good article that shows what each does and the differences. https://www.ironclad.law/power-of-attorney-revocable-trust

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from May 30, 2026

• This is a very good point. If you don’t “fund” your trust it’s not useful. The way I funded my revocable trust is changing the deed in my house to the name of the trust. I also changed the beneficiary’s to the name of the trust. But this is very individual on what is the best way. You need very specific instructions from your estate attorney. That is why I stress a good estate attorney is crucial

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from May 30, 2026

• Yes this is exactly the risk with just having transfer on death on the deed. If her condo was in a revocable living trust with an incapacity clause they wouldn’t have had to go to court. Thank you for sharing.

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from May 30, 2026

• The issue with transfer on death is there is no incapacity clause. So for the example I used in my article if the mother becomes incapacitated like dementia and the daughter needs to sell the house to pay for assisted living she cannot with a transfer on death. She has to go to court. A power of attorney document may work or may not depending how it’s written. So that is the risk on not having a revocable living trust and just a transfer on death. So people just need to make an educated decision on what works for them and understand the risks. Thanks for your comment

  Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented

  Link to comment from May 26, 2026