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AS I MENTIONED IN an earlier article, I’ve been writing for HumbleDollar since 2017. Along the way, I set a personal goal of writing 100 articles, not counting the 36 shorter blog posts I’ve penned. This is my 99th article. I’m almost there.
It may not seem like a lofty goal to many people, but to me it’s been a challenge. After I wrote my first article, it took me a year to write another one. When I did, HumbleDollar’s editor said, “Welcome back.” I actually thought he wouldn’t remember me since it was such a long period between articles.
Sometimes, ideas come in bunches and sometimes they’re far between. What I find most difficult when writing about money is finding something to say that’s personal and has value to the reader, while not sounding too much like a broken record. One result: Many of my articles are about my life experiences.
The goal of writing 100 HumbleDollar articles is really about finding personal satisfaction. With each article’s publication, I have a sense of accomplishment. This feeling of being pleased and satisfied with myself after performing a meaningful task is sometimes hard to find in retirement. That’s one of the biggest things I miss about working. It’s probably why some people never fully retire.
Transitioning to retirement, however, has been relatively easy for me. I credit my relationship with my wife. Since we’re both retired, we spend a lot of time together. It’s important to have a solid relationship with your partner. We have one, especially when it comes to money.
I learned an important lesson many years ago about married couples and money: I had a coworker whose husband surprised her with a Mercedes-Benz for her birthday. She was so angry with him for spending so much money that it almost wrecked their marriage. She stopped talking to him and refused to drive the car. They were able to reconcile, but it took time.
Before I proposed to Rachel a few years ago, I thought about buying her a ring first. But I kept thinking about my coworker and that car, so I decided that it would be best if Rachel and I picked out the ring together. That way, she’d not only get something she liked, but also she would have some input on the cost of the ring. She wound up selecting a small, good-quality diamond at a reasonable price.
That’s the way our marriage has been when it comes to making many financial decisions, especially large expenditures. We treat each other not only as a spouse, but also as a business partner.
When we remodeled our house, we made sure each of us was involved in drawing up the contract. If there were any changes, we both were made aware of them before a decision was made. When Moe, our contractor, called me and thought it would be a good idea to add lighting underneath the kitchen cabinets, I consulted Rachel before giving him the go-ahead.
Surprisingly, we only had one major disagreement in remodeling our home. We have a two-and-a-half bathroom house. We decided to gut and remodel all of the bathrooms. We both agreed to have a walk-in shower in the master bathroom. In the other full-size bathroom, Rachel wanted another walk-in shower. I thought we should keep the same configuration, and simply replace the bathtub and the shower faucet.
My rationale: If we ever sell our house, having a bathtub in one of the bathrooms might make it easier to sell our three-bedroom house to a family with small children. There are also folks who like to wash their dogs in the bathtub. In addition, it might be wise to have that option available if we ever need a tub for ourselves. Rachel agreed.
I don’t always get my way. When we bought our Honda Civic, I wanted a few extras, like SiriusXM radio. She wanted a basic model with no options. Her reasoning: We’re going to eventually buy another vehicle that’s more luxurious for our longer trips. We should wait and get those options on our next car. We’re only going to use this car primarily for short errands around town. It made sense, so I agreed.
We also make each other aware of the details of our own individual investments, such as IRAs and 401(k). This way, we make sure our total allocation is in alignment with our risk tolerance and time horizon. More important, with both of us fully and openly engaged in our finances, it makes it easier for one of us to take over if the other becomes incapacitated or passes away. The key to our financial relationship can be summed up in two words: participation and compromise.
Dennis Friedman retired from Boeing Satellite Systems after a 30-year career in manufacturing. Born in Ohio, Dennis is a California transplant with a bachelor’s degree in history and an MBA. A self-described “humble investor,” he likes reading historical novels and about personal finance. Check out his earlier articles and follow him on Twitter @DMFrie.
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So funny I offered my wife a Mercedes and she refused.she said they cost too much to repair, she is right I looked it up ,10x what my Toyota costs to repair, I would never spend that kind of money as a surprise.
I would never buy a house with no tub, I need to soak, every so often. Every bathroom would have a tub if I had my way. I don’t see the reason for a shower only. I have a shower in a master and a tub in the main bath, if I redo the master a tub is going in.
Luxury Options for cars can be nice but expensive, I want cameras on the car, a rear view camera to back up safely, especially, to get the cameras I need a package costing 50% more some cars 100% more. If you have the money get the options you want. stay in the 5% with-drawl rate in accounts you will be ok. I look at a $40,000 car as a 2000 a year investment over 20 yrs. So I will splurge. My next car will be my last. We only drive 1000 miles a year now. Sirius I avoid. I don’t want to pay for radio, Cable bill is high enough.
The Money talks, me and wife never discuss. Great advise. I must change that, she will be clueless when I am gone. I have a safe portfolio in stock index funds. I have done well. She will blow it all investing in 3% CDs if she runs it all. She forgot she had an CD account, had to go through paperwork to get the money.
If you have the finances in order you will find something to do. it beats working .
BigH
” Dennis, been reading HD since around 2018 and you are one of my favorite contributors/writers. I certainly hope you increase your goal to 200+ articles!
“I had a coworker whose husband surprised her with a Mercedes-Benz for her birthday. She was so angry with him for spending so much money that it almost wrecked their marriage.”
Those darn “December to remember” lexus commercials….they’ve gotten quite a few spouses in hot water. lol
Math is not my strong suit, but it sounds like you’ve averaged about 16 articles a year for the past six years, more than one per month. Congrats on the milestone!
Congratulations, sounds like a great marriage.
Under cabinet lighting is definitely a must-have!
Loved your article, Dennis. You actually have a contractor named Moe, which is just too good. And kitchen cabinet underlighting is wonderful, isn’t it?
I have a suggestion for you the next time the article ideas dry up — interview the people around you. You’ll find some undiscovered treasures in their stories, specifically about their views on money. Start with Rachel. She might surprise you.
Dennis, thanks for a great article, and congratulations on the upcoming milestone. Your discussion of why and how you write mirrored my thoughts, but much more articulately. It’s great to read that you found someone special to spend your life and retirement with.
Congratulations on your finding each other–you hit the jackpot!
PS You were wise to seek input on her ring, as was my husband. He lucked out, (in many ways!) I picked a gorgeous oval trio that was on sale. It only leaves my finger when I roll meatballs!
“It only leaves my finger when I roll meatballs!”.
I was going to complain but then I realized that you were talking about food.
Thanks for making me laugh!
Dennis, in my opinion what you describe is how a marriage should work. It’s worked for us nearly 55 years.
I have learned the last two years that when it comes to remodeling, especially a kitchen, prolific use of “good idea,” “I agree,” “ okay with me” and “yes dear” is the best course. When we started each project I instructed the contractor to discuss the issues with my wife.
On a side note, for clarification, those of us who buy Mercedes and Jaguars often spend less on their vehicle than many Americans do on their pickup trucks even Jeeps.
All are ways to have the last word in a conversation Richard!
I agree, except for the “Yes, dear”. That phrase, accompanied by a patient, long-suffering look can get me in hot water quickly.
As well as “you look fine” 🙂
Dennis, I enjoy reading about your challenges and wins with your finances. You write honestly about your money, and apparently talk honestly with your wife. When I hear or read about couples who keep finances separate and secret, I suspect marriage trouble is either present or on the way. Is the 100th already written?
Dennis, congratulations on your upcoming milestone. I doubt I’ll ever match that achievement. I think about personal finance a lot, but it’s rare that I feel like I have something new or interesting to write about. Enjoy your articles.
More importantly, congratulations on on finding / practicing this open partnership with your spouse. I’m glad to say our money relationship is similar.
Michael, I think you’re currently doing a lot of traveling. I’d like to read about the bargains you’ve found, along with the spending you regret. Or, how about the pros and cons of life adrift, without a harbor to come home to?
Thanks, I’ll give that some thought.