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I COULD BE KIND TO my home and say it has rustic charm, but that would be pretentious. The truth is, it’s an old house, built in 1930 by my maternal grandparents. It sits on a remnant of the farm my family once owned. It’s a place I love, and where I’d like to grow old, and therein lies the challenge.
More than 20 years ago, my father and I extensively renovated the house inside and out. Within the house, every surface was replaced or refinished. My wife gets credit for a share of the painting. We gave it air conditioning to tame the hot, Georgia summers and a furnace to take some of the chill out of winter. The house is still old and drafty, however. Warmth from the wood heater in the fireplace, fed by trees that I cut on the property, draws the family near when nights are frigid.
Though the inside of the house is mostly neat, I can’t say the same for the surrounding property. The rambling yard is decidedly weedy, divided by haphazard beds of old-fashioned bulbs and flowering shrubs lovingly planted by my grandmother, supplemented by annual additions from my wife and me. On three sides, it’s difficult to tell where the yard ends and the surrounding small woodland begins.
Out back, the old smokehouse, which once held hams and bacon, is now home to a clutter of tools and is in obvious need of repair. The dilapidated barn is beyond repair, and is waiting to be put out of its misery.
Wildlife wanders about when Lottie the Labrador retriever is asleep on the porch. This year, on St. Patrick’s Day morning, after letting Lottie out of her kennel, a familiar sound rang out from near the vegetable garden. From our porch, my wife and I observed a wild turkey strut and gobble, until Lottie also spied him and ended the day’s birdwatching.
Since I must take responsibility for the somewhat disheveled landscape, I’ll also claim credit for the order within the productive garden. The vegetable beds are neat, with only a few weeds. The berry bushes are tidy and well mulched. This area within the deer-proof fence is my sanctuary, where for a brief time my mind is at ease, thinking only of soil-building and crop rotations, or calculating the days until I pick the season’s first ripe tomato.
If my words hold a hint of sentimentality, it’s because I can’t hide my feelings when I describe my home. Living within the old structures and roaming the grounds are old and cherished memories from summers spent with my grandparents, along with many more memories built while residing here with my wife and daughter.
The trouble is, old houses weren’t designed with old people in mind. Steps are hard to go up and dangerous to get down. Bathrooms can hold a boatload of hazards, from a layout that’s difficult to navigate to slippery surfaces waiting to encourage a fall. If doorways are too narrow, they can be barriers to walkers and wheelchairs when the time comes for a little mobility assistance. Even before that eventuality, replacing light bulbs and smoke alarm batteries might require a younger helping hand. For me, maintaining my rambling yard and warm fireplace will eventually be impossible.
As physical therapists, my wife and I are under no illusions about the effect of time on aging bodies. Since older patients make up a steady slice of my caseload, I’m frequently either helping them manage their current lifestyle challenges, or counseling them to prepare for those that are on the way. Like it or not, when it comes to living independently in our home environment, we are all on a downward trajectory.
Armed with that cheerful thought, what can my wife and I do to extend the time we’re able to live in the home we love? This has been a casual topic between us for a number of years, but is lately inching toward the preliminary planning stage. For starters, handrails added to the entry steps will increase safety when coming and going. Later, a wheelchair ramp may be a necessity. Fortunately, our house is just one level. But if there were stairs to a second story, a stair lift might have been needed to maintain accessibility to that part of the house.
In the bathroom, we’ll replace our present shower and tub combo with a shower that can accommodate a seat, and later a shower wheelchair, with plenty of grab bars for steady maneuvering. We already have a tall toilet, but strategically placing grab bars nearby will further ease the rise from sitting to standing.
Our house was built with wide doorways, so no modification is necessary if a wheelchair is needed. It’s also already well-lit, which helps older eyes find the safest path, and we can add lever-type door handles that are kind to arthritic hands. Eliminating all of our throw rugs is a safety practice we can employ to prevent falls.
The wood heater was a hand-me-down gift from a friendly, older stranger at the local hardware store. Unlike me, its function is unchanged after 20 years, with only a new blower motor needed to keep it going. I’ll replace it with a gas heater, and have a line run from the tank that currently supplies the furnace. Maybe I can pass along the current wood heater to another energetic homeowner.
I don’t yet have a clear solution for the gardens. But instead of expanding the vegetable and flower beds, I’ve begun reducing their size and hence their required maintenance. I’m also making plans for either repairing or demolishing the old outbuildings, while I’m still able. My wife encourages me to pay to have this done, but it’s painful to pry the dollars from my frugal fingers for a job I can still do myself.
The modifications needed to keep us in our home are still some years away—or maybe not. The future has a way of rushing in before we’re ready. But like 18th century Scottish poet Robert Burns’s “tim’rous beastie,” I’ve laid my best plans, and hope nothing turns me out of my house until I’m ready to leave.
Ed Marsh is a physical therapist who lives and works in a small community near Atlanta. He likes to spend time with his church, with his family and in his garden thinking about retirement. His favorite question to ask a young person is, “Are you saving for retirement?” Check out Ed’s earlier articles.
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Ed, on a reread this popped on my brains radar.
I’m not sure but I think some sort of carpentry finish work on one of these might be considered.
It’s contemporaneous, voids memories*, filled with unknown unknowns, but only you’d know them.
A lot of areas policies, guidelines, and regulatory issues no doubt, but maybe plausible.
https://www.businessinsider.com/elon-musk-tiny-home-prefab-boxabl-casita-50000-person-waitlist-2021-8
Good luck & Best wishes……
Familiar issue… Didn’t have the presence of mind when designing our home of the past 34 years to put any bedrooms on the main floor, so my dilemma is more costly as it will include a suite-type addition we’re currently designing. As the typical advice is to NOT incur debt in retirement, looking for input on the best way to finance the addition, estimating about $200K all-in with new furnishings included.
Sounds like you are planning to spend a lot of money in order to stay in a house some of which you eventually won’t be able to use or even access. Is that really a good idea?
Can you live in the suite and rent out the rest of the house? Why is it important to stay in place instead of downsizing, which would leave you with more money rather than in debt.
Having been associated with PT, OT, CSCS,(CertifiedStrengthConditioningSpecialist) thinking associates. Consulting a physiatrist incorporating proprioception in any daily exercise routine you might have planned for your journey has been helpful to many I know.
Your being in the field I know this is a newer insight but certainly worth exploring, it’s assisted me.
Best of luck to you & yours.
You are right. Keeping our balance tuned up as we age is important to stay independent.
Many things in life are counterintuitive. A common retiree plan is to move early into a “forever house,” typically a one level unit in anticipation of losing mobility later in life. However consider the folks who live longest with the most mobility – most are very active. The sheephearder who climbs the mountain daily well into his 80’s (if this guy actually exists or is just a news trope, I’m not sure). So at least in early retirement, that stairway may be a blessing in disguise. My previous home was a town house. I hated those stairways, but I must have accumulated thousands of steps, much to my grumbling benefit. We walk a fine line between enjoying the comforts of life while having those very comforts take away from our longevity. We pay in $ and possibly longevity by using powered “labor saving” devices, paying other to do labor on our behalf, etc.
I completely agree that staying fit–mentally and physically–are very important as one ages. But I also know, from personal experience with some of my family members, that the switch from ‘mobile’ to ‘mobility challenged’ can happen quickly.
I have a family member who went in for an x-ray on a sore knee and, within a week, was undergoing in-patient chemotherapy for bone cancer. Ultimately they had to have their leg amputated.
If you have to change homes because your current one isn’t easily accessible, I doubt you want to do it in the middle of a medical crisis.
Watching that very situation happen in my own family is why I’m happily living in a one-level home in an age-restricted community. I’m only 55, but I know life can change in the blink of an eye.
I think about that, also. My father just kept going and going until dementia stopped him. I think about his capacity for physical work when I feel tired.
Totally agreed on this. My wife and I left a 1600 sq.ft. house in Denver to get away from the congestion and wound up in a 2500 sq.ft. home with steps at 8700 ft. in the mountains. The winters are longer, there is no level ground to walk on a mountain side, but we’ve come to know just what you say. I may grumble at times, but there is a joy and a pleasure for my wife and I to have these fit bodies at 76. And if and when the time comes to make it easier, we’ll know and just move on to the next stage in life. There’s things in life money can’t buy such as fitness and then the acceptance when you no longer have that level of fitness.
This sounds like a great home with great memories. How lucky you are to have both. I learned from my parents. They bought a house built in the 1920s and ended up living there for my mother’s entire life. Dad always wanted to move but mom wouldn’t. It was two story so they converted a former entertainment room into a bedroom for mom. She was unable to walk so they put ramps in for a wheelchair. Dad was great about it but when mom died, he moved into a retirement apartment and never looked back. They had lived in their house for 49 years. Here’s what I learned: Buy a house you might live in a lot longer than you think and buy one that you can maintain for a very long period of time. My wife and I have lived in the house we had built 26 years ago and hopefully we’ll be good for another few years.
If I die first, I’m pretty sure that my wife will want a change. She’ll probably move the seven miles into our small town. I hope you get to stay in your house for many year more.
Thanks for this excellent post!
I think that many of us (myself included) live in some level of denial about these realities of aging.
A few years ago someone on the Bogleheads forums recommended a book with the very unappetizing title “What To Do When I Get Stupid” by a financial economics professor. It’s actually a great, quick read that makes one face the realities of not just bodily but cognitive decline head-on in what ends up being a refreshing way. The basic message is to simplify early and often, ending up with a safe, easy-to-manage investment portfolio that guarantees one’s essential needs are met while living in a paid-for dwelling that’s not only ADA compliant but located in such a way as to ensure that one has access to at least some friends, a grocery store, recreation and health care without having to own or be able to drive a car.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19393070-what-to-do-when-i-get-stupid
Thanks, Kevin. I remember Rick’s article, and while I haven’t read the book, I have to agree that is excellent advice.
Rick Connor wrote about the book back in November:
https://humbledollar.com/2022/11/when-i-get-stupid/
Hi Ed
Your post describes a beautiful place to live and grow. Let me add another perspective. I grew up in the countryside in a house built in 1913 and completely renovated by my father in the 1960’s. My parents grew a grove of magnificent trees, my mother tended a wonderful vegetable garden and my dad built a large machine shop for his boat and car renovations. It was their home, and they had no intention of leaving.
My dad, however, had post polio and they planned, as you do, for accessible living: one floor, ramps placement, etc. As expected, his mobility deteriorated and at age 80 he was confined to a power chair. My mom was his caregiver, living together on the farm, until at age 85 he contracted an undiagnosed UTI and died within a few weeks in a care facility.
This is where their planning stopped and what i urge you to consider. At age 80, my mother instantly became an exhausted, deeply bereaved widow living completely isolated in the country where caring and maintenance help is difficult to obtain. Depending on well water and septic is worrisome for a frail old person. My brother lives near by and was of great assistance, but he had his own home, job and wife to tend. But after several years of decline herself while vociferously resisting “moving to town”, she has finally moved to an assisted living facility. As we have struggled as a family to help her, I have often wondered: WHAT WAS MY FATHER THINKING LEAVING HIS 80 YEAR OLD WIFE ALONE IN THAT HOUSE?
As a consequence of this experience, my husband and I have set planning boundaries. When he reaches 75, we are committed to having the children either be the primary managers/care givers for the lake home or we will have to sell. We will have plans to move ourselves to a care community when he is 80. My observation is that it is preferable to do the final house cleanse with your spouse and start a new location together.
Congratulations on taking thought for the surviving spouse. I read too many posts about couples aging in place that don’t seem to consider the survivor. Singles like me don’t have that luxury…
Have you checked on the typical wait list for CCRCs in your area? In mine, you may well need to sign up for a two-bedroom at 70 if you want to move at 80, but a friend in Florida tells me his CCRC has a short waiting list. Since you usually need to be able to start in Independent Living waiting to 80 might turn out to be a problem.
Christine, have you been talking to my wife? Your concerns have been a topic of discussion, and have been part of the planning. My daughter loves the house as much as I do. I’ve pointed out to her the jobs that need doing and have given her a time frame when I expect I’ll need to turn them over to her. We’ll see how things unfold.
Hi Ed,
I have a solution for your vegetable garden conundrum. A book called All New Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew.
The author was an engineer by training and thought there must be a more efficient way to garden than planting long rows of vegetables with more space utilized for your mobility than growing vegetables. For all of us frugal Humble Dollar gardeners he also explains how you can save money on purchasing seeds.
His concepts include: 1) 4×4 raised beds- which as a PT I’m sure you are familiar with. The size and shape allow you to access the entire square of vegetables without stepping on the planted area, and you can build them as high as necessary to protect your back. The design also allows for turning over the soil in the spring with a pitchfork rather than using a heavy rototiller, 2) intensive spacing of the plants- you plant up to 16 beets/carrots, 4 bean plants in each square foot. Since you know where you planted each seed in a square if one doesn’t germinate you just replace it- no planting a bunch of seeds and then thinning out more plants than you keep, thus no wasting of seeds (which like everything else have increased dramatically in cost), 3) using trellises for growing beans, peas, cucumbers vertically, 4) weeding takes no time at all since when the plants mature the close spacing of the plants blocks the sun from the ground.
I have six 4×4 planters and my garden which produces enough two enthusiastic vegetable eaters, with some left over to still give away to the neighbors.
I suggest all the HD gardeners give the concept a try.
BTW, I also live in NH, near the seacoast, and all you southern gardeners might be interested to know that we are just beginning the planting season.
David, I’m sure you know you’re speaking my language. I returned to all raised beds this year, which I work by hand. I could take up a lot of space here talking about gardening, but I’ll limit it to telling you that my tomato and pepper plants are growing, and I’m just a short time away from serving peas and new potatoes.
Sounds like a lovely place to grow old. Good luck with your renovations. I hope they are not needed for many years to come.
Our move to a 55+ condo back in 2018 was necessary for all the reasons you mention. Our house was built in 1929. We lived there from 1975 to 2018 after leaving a house a few blocks away that as built in 1918.
Our 1929 house had two baths, but on the second floor, the washer and dryer were in the basement. The house was three stories.
In short, the inability to handle the stairs for my wife with back and vision problems made moving necessary. We – that is I -waited too long because I didn’t want to move. my wife’s mobility has declined since, but now we are all on one floor, no outside work, no large building maintenance projects and we are only 7/10 of a mile from our old home.
Contrary to what I and many people thought, we did not save money. The HOA fees have steadily increased and we are responsible for HVAC and hot water units. The building was built in 2011 so things are getting near replacement time.
Thanks for the well wishes, Dick. If we live long enough, we’ll probably have to move, but maybe not too far away.
One thing to look into is that lots of states have incentives to make energy improvements to your house. Here in NH, they haven’t been able to find enough people to take advantage of the program, so they are now paying for 75% of any energy saving improvements that you enact through the program (you have to have a specified contractor do an audit, make recommendations and then use that contractor, so you can’t do the improvements on your own, but the prices aren’t inflated, so it is a good deal)
We paid under the 50% program, with a max of $8000, so we paid $3500 (the audit fee was paid for me) and we save over $1000/year in fuel bills. Unfortunately, I didn’t know about the program when I moved in, so I did a bunch of improvements myself and so missed out on them paying for things. But, with the combined work, our fuel bills are half what the previous owner paid, and that even includes the increased energy prices.
I can’t recommend these programs highly enough. The electric companies typically run them and fund them with a handful of dollars on your electric bill each month.
Good info, Jon. You may have also noticed that the first link in the article offers suggestions for helping to pay for renovations for some people.