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A question for discussion. Is an eighteen year old an adult? Do you expect an 18 year old to pay their bills, to be on their own for college?
Several years ago on HD someone wrote in a comment that when their child reach age 18, they were done. They expected them out of the house and they were on their own. Another wrote that when their youngest child graduated high school, the were relocating south and leaving the child behind.
One blogger I read who retired at 33 bragged that when his 11 year old asked if he was going to pay for her college, he told her no.
Frankly, I don’t understand those points of view. In my view an 18-year old brain is not that of an adult. A child is the parents obligation until they are truly on their own, earning a living. Even then there are times when help is appropriate.
And no, I am not talking about the 25 year old lounging in the basement playing video games all day.
I am especially convinced that to the extent feasible parents have a responsibility to pay for college.
In a recent post on HD from 2017 Jonathan wrote “Can you afford to help your kids with college costs? It’s important to talk to your teenagers early on about how much financial assistance you can offer—and that’s doubly true if they’ll need to shoulder much or all of the cost.”
Wise advice indeed. Defining “afford” is critical. In my example of the 11 year old, the family takes three or four international trips a year.
Some families view college the same way they view housing, food, or healthcare while growing up—as part of supporting a child until they’re established.
Others argue college is the student’s responsibility because:
Is there any point in life when a child needs financial assistance that you feel comfortable/justified simply saying “not my problem?”
Yes, an 18 year old is an adult. Are they experienced and self sufficient, usually not. But maturity levels vary.
Should parents support their children? Of course. That is a privilege and obligation parents should gladly accept when having children.
The most important support starts with love and guidance. Financial support and knowledge sharing is especially important early on.
Different parents have different financial means. Some may not be able to financially support their young adult children, although they wish they could. Others have an ability and desire to send them to the finest schools. In both situations, it is to the benefit of the young adult children for the parents to help guide them in understanding the effort involved in earning money, how to decide how best to spend it, and the value of an education when that is needed to pursue future life paths, and understand that alternatives exist.
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This is how it worked out for our two children who both went to college.
We saved via 529s for both children for at least 15 years each. One set of their grandparents were also able to contribute a small amount each year that was saved in the 529s.
We were very upfront with our children, in advance and leading up to deciding what to do after high school, that we were saving towards the cost of college for them, but we would unlikely be able to pay for it all. And depending on what college they chose to go to, they may have to take out some Federal loans.
When looking at colleges, I pushed the idea of local state universities, being very good schools and a less expensive choice.
In the end, they both chose to go to a small, private college in another state.
We also continued to contribute while they were in college the same amount we had been contributing leading up to entering college.
We stopped supporting their educational pursuits after gaining their undergraduate degree.
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Our oldest child took what I think of as a traditional approach.
They participated in high school until the end.
Worked a summer job in advance of college and saved some for upcoming expenses.
Worked during college and during summer breaks.
Finished their 4 year undergraduate degree, with Federal loans, and some minor private educational loans.
Got out of college, got a job, lived on their own, and paid off their college and automotive loans in about 5 years.
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Our younger child was much more thoughtful and intentional in pursuing all of this.
While in high school, they took classes at the local community college (for free), and finished high school a semester early. The community college credits were able to be transferred to the college they attended. They worked full time the 6 months before going off to college, saving their earnings for college expenses.
That same child finished their college undergraduate degree in 3.5 years. They worked for 6 months after graduation, saving earned funds. After that 6 months, they continued on into Grad School for 2 years where they paid all of their expenses on their own (working while in Grad school), part of which were covered by their own Federal Graduate loans.
After graduating from Grad school they got their desired job, lived at home for about a year and a half, and paid off all of their college and automotive loans during that time. They then moved out into their own apartment.
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In the years since the above, both of our children have married and have had children of their own.
We are contributing to a 529 plan for each of our grandchildren, as are their parents.
Unfortunately, college is much more expensive now. But additional alternatives exist that may be taken.
As always, challenging choices will have to be made by these new parents (our children) and these future young adults (our grand children).
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In the end, I think it is beneficial for young adults to participate in all of these decisions, and to have some “skin in the game” financially so that they are not taking for granted what they are obtaining.
Nice comment, thank you.
One thing a disagree with is that an 18-year old is an adult. Society may declare that, but that is not the case especially when it comes to decision making.
It’s the emotion thing that can be a problem.
At 18, the brain is already capable of complex thinking, learning, and adult-level performance in many domains—it’s why societies treat 18 as the age of legal adulthood (voting, contracts, military service, etc.). But neurologically, it’s still in a transitional phase: more influenced by emotions/rewards and less by “top-down” control compared to later in life.
R Quinn, I don’t disagree with your reply on the analysis of the maturity of an 18 year. That is why I referred to them as a “young adult” and said:
“Are they experienced and self sufficient, usually not. But maturity levels vary.”