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I consider myself a pretty ordinary guy living a normal, down-to-earth life. If you ever had the misfortune to meet me, you’d quickly realize there are no airs and graces about me. With that mental image in mind, you might understand my surprise when a fellow retiree I play sport with came out with: “how the other half live” after I mentioned booking a short break at a nice coastal hotel for me and my wife Suzie later in January.
I laughed it off, saying it was hardly a big deal. But his response stopped me cold: “Come on, Mark! I’ve only known you for a year or so and you’ve been away three times and spent last summer at your vacation home. That’s not a normal retirement.”
It got me thinking about how differently people perceive the same thing, and whether I’d somehow lost touch with what counts as ordinary. We sat down at a table for our usual after-game coffee and chat. Although we’d been playing racket sports together for a year, I’d never asked him what his former job was. Turns out he was a chef who retired because he couldn’t hack the unsociable hours anymore, and when his employer went bankrupt, he didn’t want to start looking for another job at 66.
He owns his home outright and used a portion of his savings to buy a new, reasonably priced, reliable car. The rest he’s carefully managing to provide a simple but worry-free retirement. Vacations and short breaks aren’t really on the agenda. Over coffee he explained that he’s happy and grateful, free to do what he wants without worrying about money or work anymore. The budget doesn’t stretch to expensive luxuries, and that’s absolutely fine with him.
His words stayed with me long after we’d finished our coffee. Here was someone genuinely content with what he had, while I’d been taking my own good fortune completely for granted.
That coastal hotel break with Suzie? I’m obviously still going, and I’ll enjoy every minute of it. But that three-night break I booked on a whim, without thinking about the price, might be another person’s entire luxury budget for six months. I’ll do it with a bit more gratitude and a lot less assumption that what I have is just “normal.” Sometimes it takes an offhand comment from a friend to remind you how lucky you actually are. Perspective is everything. I’m grateful my friend gently recalibrated mine.
It seems that what’s really under discussion here is not the “other half,” but more like the other fifteen, ten, or five percent.
Good one Chris, that idiom should probably be updated.
As i was driving through a neighboring town this morning, I thought of this post.
Although i don’t like to admit it, we are clearly in the other half- or so it seems.
The town i mention is among the wealthiest in the state. The homes are huge on large pieces of property. They are valued at $2-5 million and above and typical property taxes are around $50,000 a year. It is common for an older mansion to be torn down and a new one replace it. In three instances I know of the next door house was torn down just to make are larger lawn for the buyer.
If some of us are the other half, what the heck are these people?
$50k property tax, yikes!
Good thing the recent bill passed by congress gives these “poor” people a 40K SALT deduction on their federal taxes. They really need a federal subsidy so they can afford to stay in their houses.
I was walking through an incredibly affluent neighborhood last week and spotted a house for sale, so I had to look it up. It’s listed for $4.25 million. The property taxes on this 8,000-square-foot mansion are only $5,125
Wow, the taxes on my $400k home are $6,000.
In NH we have no income, nor sales tax so property taxes are the main income for the town; and state for education. When we moved out of our previous 100+ year old house house the taxes were 9K per year on a house assed at 260K. Our new retirement house assessed at 350K and our taxes were just under 6K. Currently our house is assessed 650K, and we are paying just over 8K. The taxes on our old house are now over 14 K So in the past nine years we have saved tens of thousands of dollars in our new home just on taxes, but also energy bills. Electric for most of the year is less than $100 per month (we installed all LED lights when it was built), and we use 1/3 the amount of fuel while keeping the house 5 degrees warmer and cooler than the old house. All these savings were part of our plan to reduce our retirement housing costs.
I grew up in NH and stayed until 38, then moved south for my husband’s job. I miss tax free NH, and we travel to see friends and relatives every year. We thought about getting a summer place there but it so expensive to buy a home and they are mostly old places that need a ton of work. So we’ll continue to AirBnB it.
My condo is $14,000, but my house on the cape assessed as $700,000 is $2,700. Go figure.
Welcome to New Jersey!
It’s a small town with no businesses. It’s where Connie Francis lived when young.
Yeah, I’ve had that feeling myself. Recently I was on a coastal walk and had to cut through a very affluent area. Half expected someone’s private security to appear and ask if I had a permit to exist in their zip code.
The one half of the 1%.
But it was a smaller than average villa, Mark.
Yes we are very blessed.
My wife and I debate who grew up with less and I say I did because her father worked for a big oil company.
Now that we’re comfortable, her attitude is money is to be enjoyed because we may not be here tomorrow. Mine is to squirrel it away because you never know the big crash could be right around the corner.
She has helped me enjoy the moment.
Well…as long as it was a small villa and not very pretentious, I guess that’s okay lol
In a world of fake Rolex watches, leased luxury cars, and big houses mortgaged to the hilt, I’m most impressed with the guys’ absent airs and graces. Those are the ones who are sensitive and respectful towards others that have less.
Another fine effort, Mark.
I am well aware that my comfortable CCRC life isn’t an option for many people. On the other hand, I can afford it because I was careful with money for decades. Even the years I spent traveling I wasn’t often splurging. An occasional high end meal or an even rarer tour were about it. My last long trip in 2016 ended with five weeks in Japan. Not long after I got back I read a post (elsewhere) by someone planning to spend thousands a night for hotels in Japan. My total expenses (not counting flights in and out) came to $175/day…
I’m glad you got the reality check, Mark. You shouldn’t have the least guilt about your wonderful situation, but it is very much atypical. We consider ourselves financially fortunate, but a second home or a three-night getaway would never even cross our minds, and we know almost no one for whom they would. Our dream-trip-of-a-lifetime next month, to New Zealand for our 20th anniversary, will be our first real vacation in eight years. And we’ve only justified it to ourselves because the money is coming out of my side hustle as a consultant, not our retirement savings.
Most people don’t even have a chance to dream that. The Humble Dollar community is fantastic, but it is rarified air.
By any standard, I have led a blessed life, for which I am thankful. Prior to voluntary retirement, I never had a period of unemployment in my life. At 80, I’m still in good health, active, and very happily married for 57 years to my high school sweetheart. We still live in our first and only house of 54 years. In my early 20s I realized the importance of two simple pieces of advice: “Invest early and often” and “It’s time in the market, not timing the market”. I always found a way to invest 10% of my salary and reinvest all dividends and capital gains (except while putting four sons through college:). Most importantly, both my wife and I are very careful spenders, not tightwads, just careful.
I also realize that there are those who were far less fortunate than we were due to circumstances beyond their control. However, what I see far more often are those whose lives have been a series of very bad choices.
We share some parallels, though I’m younger. I also married my school sweetheart, and we’ve been together over forty years. Started saving early too. Where I’ve been remiss is with houses—I’ve owned two since getting married. Well, three if you count the vacation home!
I’m a casual reader of Humble Dollar and I really have enjoyed getting to “know” the various writers and commenters. Most seem to be enjoying comfortable retirements with occasional luxuries. I can’t quite get used to being retired and “comfortable” because I spent my whole life saving and being extremely frugal. I will become overly anxious about spending money “frivolously” (like a nail salon😊).I don’t question anyone else who spends money in ways that I wouldn’t. I’m overly sensitive to offending less fortunate people (like posting travel photos on social media). Today I’m obsessed with how much to spend on flights vs. ferry on an upcoming vacation. We’re talking a few hundred dollars, and I get seasick. Maybe I should go get a pedicure to calm my nerves.
Clare R,
Nice to see your post.
Regarding, “Today I’m obsessed with how much to spend on flights vs. ferry on an upcoming vacation.”
We are too. We just booked flights to the UK this fall. I became smitten with a Highland Games held in Pitlochry Scotland (my great grandmother-who I knew as a teenager-was a first generation immigrant from Aberdeen) in September two years ago. Family commitments have kept me from going since then, but this year it’s games on!
I can’t wait.
Go for the flights. Seriously. We never use ferries because my wife always gets seasick. Spend the extra few hundred dollars—there’s no point starting your vacation feeling unwell!
Haha, I would give the exact opposite guidance! We love ferries and hate flying. The stress levels at airports these days are off the charts, and I can’t tell you how many times we’ve both gotten sick from being sealed into aluminum tubes, crammed together with hundreds of strangers. We are ecstatically looking forward to an upcoming cruise while dreading the 24 hours of air travel required to get to it.
I hear you Mike. Ocean air, cruising the seas, off the beaten path.
If only we could avoid the airports before launching.
I love a ferry trip, but Suzie’s seasickness is on another level. We were walking on Brighton Pier this summer and had to cut it short because she felt ill—on a pier, of all places! 🙄
Now, I’m trying to find the nerve to book our flights to Australia to see family. I’m stalling on pulling the trigger, though; the prospect of 22 hours in the air is a lot to stomach.
I can relate. We just got back from Hawaii. We took a snorkeling trip, didn’t ever get more than a 1/4 mile offshore. I was the only one (I think) who got seasick. Had to skip the second dive because the bobbing in the water was too much! We have an 8 day Galápagos Islands cruise on a small catamaran in April. I’ll be loading up on the Dramamine!
That’s funny! It reminds me of a catamaran trip to the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. My wife spent the whole trip upchucking over the side of the boat but, with typical Aussie optimism, the captain told Suzie not to stop—it was attracting lots of interesting fish! 😂
I totally get Suzie’s problem! I feel woozy on a boat dock!
That pedicure will do it for sure, go for it🙂 Don’t deny yourself unnecessarily or you will regret it. Life is too short.
Mark,
Your post motivated me to find a US net worth calculator to determine what percentile we fall into. I found this one:
https://dqydj.com/net-worth-percentile-calculator/
Our results shocked me as I now have to consider myself rich. Why was this such a shock? It’s because we never felt rich as our combined income only reached more than 100K in over the last decade we worked.
My conclusion is that if you live well within your means and are a good saver by paying yourself first you too can become rich.
David, I first found one of those calculators a couple of years ago, expecting to be average or a bit above, and was absolutely stunned to find myself well up into the 80s.
And remember, these calculators are US-only. Check yourself on a world household wealth scale (I found one at https://chateurope.eu/en/calculate-your-position-on-the-world-wealth-scale/) and you’ll find yourself in the 99th percentile. It’s a jolt of perspective right between the eyes.
It’s strange how relatively “easy” you can reach a place of wealth without realising. Your last paragraph really rings true with me. I think that’s how most “normal” people end up in a comfortable place, a series of good choices compounding over time.
Sometimes I feel one is not always rewarded for trying to always do the right thing. Luckily it worked out in this instance.
Based on your numerous descriptions of your retirement lifestyle, you, like many HD contributors and commenters, are more affluent than the “average” or “normal” retiree. And there is nothing wrong with that because you worked hard and were successful.
Recognizing your good fortune in being an affluent retiree includes, as you have learned, that realizing that many other retirees do not share your level of affluence.
inconspicuous consumption may be a more tactful approach than conspicuous consumption that is advertised to friends and acquaintances who are happy, but less affluent, retirees.
Enjoy the trip to Spain.
Apart from travel, I really don’t go in for conspicuous consumption. I’m actually pretty tight-fisted when it comes to spending on myself, though spending on others is a different story entirely. And just to clarify—my three-day break isn’t quite Spain! It’s much more local than that. Twenty-three miles away, to be exact!
Sorry for mistake ing giving you credit for a get-away to Spain. Enjoy your more local get-away.
You, as well as other HD contributors and commenters, are like the people described in The Millionaire Next Door: affluent, but not flashy about flaunting their affluence.
What you perceive is very real. It is very easy to become out of touch. Connie is especially good at it. Sometimes I have to remind her to be careful with comments.
The other day we were at one son’s house with his in-laws and the discussion drifted to manicures. The in-law mother said she never gets one as they are expensive. Connie piped up and said, They are not that expensive, can’t you afford it? Not good.
Another time we were with friends and talked about tax rebates from our state. We weren’t eligible because of the income limit, but our friends apparently were. That didn’t stop Connie from repeatedly asking me in front of them why we didn’t receive our check. What was I going to say?
My golfing group plays on county courses, the least expensive way to play. I have suggested that once we play on one of the privately owned courses in the area. That would cost $160 or so compared to $45 for the county. Nobody has expressed interest so I have dropped the idea.
I don’t feel different from anyone else, we think we live quite normally. We don’t fly first class or stay in the premier hotel suite, but someone once called me wealthy and I was shocked.
Statistically for our age group we are above average, but it still doesn’t feel that way and we don’t live like the Joneses of flaunting fame.
Being financially above average can sneak up on you if you are not careful.
That’s Joneses
Yes, an unintentional bubble can form without noticing…thankfully my friends have no problem busting it. I actually think it gives them great pleasure doing so lol