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MY RETIREMENT IN July 2020 came at a stressful time. I was recovering from knee replacement surgery and we were in the midst of the pandemic. Luckily, I had physical therapy goals to meet, and I’d already purchased a huge supply of reading material. TV, music and my laptop were also there to distract me. In addition, my wife had retired eight months before, so we had each other for company.
As the pandemic stretched on, we invited friends to visit. We met on our uncovered open-air porch. Summers in North Carolina can be hot and buggy affairs, but our porch features the afternoon shade of a big poplar tree, and we had several large fans. As summer progressed to fall and winter, we added a propane porch heater and a collection of electric blankets to the mix, so everyone could be as comfortable as possible.
All this was part of a conscious strategy. I make a big effort to stay connected with friends and family, and I don’t necessarily wait for someone to contact me. The fact is, social connections are crucial to a happy retirement. Loneliness has been described as an epidemic, and its health impact has been compared to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
I’m often the organizer of get-togethers because I enjoy them, plus many of my friends are still working, so for me it’s not a huge effort to send out a couple of emails to organize a small gathering. In fact, I’ve learned that there are ample opportunities for a vibrant social life.
For instance, I often reserve Thursday nights to play pool with a collection of friends who I mostly met during my time as a Boy Scout leader. We spend a few hours talking about kids, grandkids, activities, vacations and current events, while playing pool and consuming bar food and drink.
From my first engineering job in 1978, there are two former coworkers who I still occasionally meet for lunch. Meanwhile, in my final job, there was a core group of great guys. One of them once sent a meeting message with the subject line “LWTF.” We met a few days later, away from the office, and discovered that meant “lunch with the fellas.” We’ve amended that to an evening gathering we call “beer with the fellas.” I also see a few friends from my high school and college days.
When my wife and I were dating, we sometimes attended her church and sometimes mine. I chose to join her church, and was fortunate that her friends also became my friends. Several of these guys and I regularly meet for lunch. With their spouses, we also often get together as couples. The larger group typically gathers for a long beach weekend in the spring.
Soon, my youngest son and his family will move to our area, so opportunities to see the grandkids should increase. My oldest son and his wife recently returned from England to take a new assignment in Washington, D.C., which means they’re fairly close, too. I’m lucky that my sister and her husband have relocated to the Research Triangle Park area, so we’re able to see them regularly.
Living near my alma mater, North Carolina State University, allows me to attend classes at the university’s craft center. It’s difficult to register for classes as a member of the general public because they’re mostly reserved for students, but I’ve taken four woodworking classes so far, and am looking for more. I plan to use my new skills to make keepsake boxes for Christmas for all the grandchildren.
My wife, a retired elementary school counselor, is the volunteer coordinator of a reading program at her former school. I participated this year. We recently had an end-of-year gathering of all tutors and students. The students received joke books to honor their improved reading skills.
I don’t play a musical instrument, but I can play my CD player. I love listening to music, both recorded and live. I continue to see bands at venues both near and far. I often meet or go with friends to these shows, but I don’t hesitate to go solo if no one’s available.
Most of the activities I’ve described come with a price. Woodworking classes, evenings out with friends, visits to family and concerts all have a cost. But it’s a price I happily pay: These activities and social connections, I believe, are crucial for my emotional and mental health, and they’ll pay even bigger dividends later in retirement.
Jeff Bond moved to Raleigh in 1971 to attend North Carolina State University and never left. He retired in 2020 after 43 years in various engineering roles. Jeff’s the proud father of two sons and, in 2013, expanded his family with a new wife and two stepdaughters. Today, he’s “Grandpa” three times over. In retirement, Jeff works on home projects, volunteers, reads, gardens, and rides his bike or goes to the gym almost every day. Check out his previous articles.
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Thanks Jeff. Your words made me reflect on the power of staying in the same location for a long time. I was rooted in California for the first 42 years of my life and then followed the call to ministry to Georgia and for the last 18 years, North Carolina. While I have many strong friendships but almost all of them are long distance. As we prepare to move back to California to be near our first grandchild, I’m looking forward to being close to family and old friends, but also knowing that the 24 years we’ve been gone will have us starting over a bit with new in-person friendships. “Starting over” at this point in life isn’t as easy as it once was!
Don – good luck with the move. Your ministry connections will surely help open the door to numerous social interactions. But sometimes all it takes is a cup of coffee (or a beer) with a new next-door neighbor.
Jeff, Great thoughts. I started my retirement valuing my independence and embracing alone time. But I soon realized the importance of staying connected. Indeed, I am at a point where I am forcing myself to undertake more social commitments because I know it will be “healthy” in the long run.
Jeff – I was very social before I retired, so continuing my friendships came naturally. The one difference I had to consider is that many of my friends are still working. They don’t have the flexibility for lunch/dinner/drinks that you or I might have. Thanks for commenting.
Jeff,
Thanks for another great post!
One of the things I enjoy most about HD is reading about how others live their lives for fulfillment and joy.
Thanks, Winston. Perhaps you also have stories to share.
Jeff,
Thankfully I have no stories of hardship or problems to share.
I’ve been blessed to be married to same kind and loving woman for 44 years.
I’ve been blessed with great children who are a pleasure to be with.
I’ve been blessed with
multiple grandchildren who are a continuing source of Joy.
As far as I’m concerned the greatest feeling in the world is to be hugged by one of my grandchildren.
Great retirement lifestyle article Jeff. Whatever the cost for the activities that contribute to being connected to the people important to you is money well spent.
We’re in full agreement. Thanks, Dan.
Nice article, Jeff. Where one lives has a big impact on success in retirement. We still lived in a city neighborhood where we were somewhat newcomers when I retired. My work friends were still employed and my longtime friends didn’t live close enough for regular get togethers. After a year, I took a part time job for about 18 months. When we eventually found our permanent retirement home here in PA, everything changed for the better, starting with finding a very small but welcoming church. My new church friends, plus the friendly neighbors on our block really pulled me through when my husband died less than two years after our arrival. That support wouldn’t have happened in the previous neighborhood. Over these years, my social and volunteer circles have expanded, giving me new purpose and friends.
Linda, thanks for your thoughts. I’m very sorry for your loss, and am happy that you have social support in your new hometown.
Nice one, Jeff. I see a lot of similarities between your approach to staying connected and my own. I’m also fortunate to have a great set of friends from work that I get together with regularly in various combinations. In many cases, our wives have also become friends. My church is another big source of deep connections, as well as several college buddies who are still a huge part of my life. Finally, my closest friends are my wife, son and daughter.
Thanks, Ken. Sounds like we have some similar approaches to socialization.
Good article, Jeff. You have an active social life and your examples give a jumping off point for ideas of things people can try to be more social. I agree that the pandemic was a blessing in disguise as we got to know our neighbors being outdoors after the initial shutdown. Our grandchildren have friends to play with when they come over also, an added benefit. Chris
Thanks, Chris. Our grandkids also know our neighbor’s kids. We had a great Labor Day gathering here with family.
Jeff, it sounds like you’ve tuned in to a lifestyle that adds happiness to your life. It strikes me that you’ve also retained an important part of your pre-retirement life as you shifted into retirement. That seems significant to me.
Edmund – I’m fortunate to have friends from so many different groups of people.